*I say hella good*
Whats up ppl...im really missing my own damn computer so I can be on and update my shit more..eventually maybe. Anyways right now were just chillin hes playing xbox a game I have no interest in, the weathers crappy so we didnt go to Cumberland Fest. Maybe tomorrow..yeah..can you believe it im gonna hang out with jesse on a saturday, maybe because I nagged him so much, or maybe because his parents are having a partty who knows its also been 9months for us tomorrow..can you believe that? fuckin 9 months!!?! we dont believe it. but thats prolly because we've had our up's and downs as most relationships do. He is now my longest relationship ever & by far the best. -MyBeStfRiEnd-. But anyways this week I havent really been up to much, workin like usual, Hung out with Katie on Tuesday to watch Real World - best episode ever, we bawled our eyes out for like 20 minutes because Dannys mom dies..so depressing and next weeks supposed to be emotional to so you know i gotta watch it.Wed I worked and Went and Saw Wedding Crashers for the 2nd time this time with Jesse..and it is still madd funny. We had a long talk that night too about everything it really opened my mind to realize I need to be happier and less negative and just smile for once, I need to get over the fact that my mother just abandoned me and Ill prolly never see my siblings again. I need to be thankful my once deadbeat dad took me in and has kept a roof over my head for the last 3 yrs..yes 3? can you believe that. I've been walking around with this depression for 3 fuckin years goin boohoo me not knowing what to do next although I;ve gotten over most of it and I moved on from the lowest part of my life, I had nothing else and I figured why dont I just feel bad for myself but I realized that, that gets me know where and its annoying to other ppl because I just bring them down with me and no one knows what to say to me anymore because im just the same everytime. Once upon a time I was a happy person. Once upon a time I had a smile on my face 90% of the time I loved life & I didnt wish I would just die every day. Once upon a time I didn't care about anything else in the world except having fun,being with my friends & loving life. And I want that back. I wanna know what it actually feels like to really actually truly smile & to not care about stupid fuckers like Dan Warren. I just want all my friendships back with ppl I want to love my bf entirely and not be scared of him leavin me like everyone else.. I wanna make him happy for once and stop focusing on just making happy. I can be happy I know it. I just need to figure out how.