Freedom Fries
Due to a series of events that have occurred whilst living in Ireland, I have decided that I simply do not like the French. I guess that I've always had a strong dislike for them as a people, but my recent frustrations began about five months ago. I attended a dinner at a French restaurant in Williamsburg with David, Bonners, and Ginger. David being David decided it best to dress in traditional French garb (it's all about the aesthetics), which really made him look like Waldo more so than anything else. Upon considering David's apparel, I began to think more about the French and their relation to the aforementioned Waldo comparison. Waldo, the perpetually lost adventurer, had one main purpose: traveling around the world to places where he would blend in with whatever culture that he entered. In reality, Waldo's whole reason for being was not to remain out of the public eye, but for people to voraciously seek him out, rousing intense personal excitement in the hunter when finally spotting him. His life is a contradiction, much like the 'life' of France. The French seem intent on defining themselves as existing on another plane of existence than the rest of the world, when in reality hold the same ideals and aspirations as those "beneath" them. Take, for instance, the recent skirmish in Iraq. The French went out of their way to demonize the U.S. for their inevitable actions, labeling us greedy capitalists in search of new oil supplies. But lo and behold, once the U.S. forces had nearly accomplished their 'goal,' the French immediatly offer their support to the U.S. so as to put themselves in the running for the building contracts that ensue after any war. Somehow the greedy capitalist notion failed to resurface.
Since arriving in Ireland, I have had many run-ins with the French, each time being more disturbing than the last. One French guy mocked me to his friends in French when I asked him where Grafton Street was. This bitch at a party shot me a dirty look for asking what part of France she hails from. This other bitch sitting next to her rolled her eyes at me when this nice guy passed me a spliff. Another threatened to kill my friend for rubbing his fuck buddy's shoulders. This same asshole proceeded to kick me when I left the party and threatened to burn me with his cigarette if I did not tell him where the evil masseuse was hiding. Granted, one French guy at the party got me high, and berated his own people for their intolerance of outsiders and general bitchy attitude. Most recently, I stayed at a hostel this past weekend while traveling with friends. Being a hostel, we shared the tiny room with three bunk beds with two Frenchies and a Spanish girl. I slept on the top bunk, one of the Frenchies slept on the bottom. Five in the morning rolls around and I have to pee, so I hop down, do my business, and then return to sleep. Before I fall asleep, I start hearing this creaking noise beneath me....a rather fast paced creaking noise. Initially, I figured that I had woken him up when I went to the bathroom, and this was my punishment for doing so. Eventually, I began hearing muffled groans along with the creaking noises, cementing the actions beneath me as those of the masturbatory genre. According to a friend of mine who was sleeping parallel to him, this guy first began humping the bed, getting his cock nice and hard, and then flipped over to pump away with his hand. This lasted about an hour, preventing either of us from sleeping for the duration of his sexual endeavor. I caught a glimpse of him the next morning as he and his friend left the room. He was a typical Frenchie, wearing a collared shirt with an unbuttoned vest, and *cringe* a beret tilted to one side. I do not like the French. Perhaps my having completed "Tropic of Cancer" a few weeks prior has fueled my frustration, but I doubt it. Miller seemed to like the French, despite the fact that he portrayed most of them as psychotic. but whatever. I know I should not be so prejudiced, but god damn, when you've met 10 French people and only 1 wasn't an asshole.....
Oh, and to all those out there that love the lead actor from "28 days later," he's an Irish fella and I ran into him at a pub a week or so ago. Didn't speak to him, but literally ran into him as I was carrying drinks to friends. Yeah, he's really, really, REALLY hot in person, but unfortunately he's rather short...ruined it all for me.
I'm coming home this Saturday...yay! I can't wait to see everyone. I'm going to be spending Saturday smoking weed and having sex with Jamie, eventually making it out to see Freddy vs. Jason! I'm a loser, I know, but fuck all because I love horror. bitch! but I would like to see people on Sunday if at all possible. I am important, so clear the calendars. love to everyone.
Since arriving in Ireland, I have had many run-ins with the French, each time being more disturbing than the last. One French guy mocked me to his friends in French when I asked him where Grafton Street was. This bitch at a party shot me a dirty look for asking what part of France she hails from. This other bitch sitting next to her rolled her eyes at me when this nice guy passed me a spliff. Another threatened to kill my friend for rubbing his fuck buddy's shoulders. This same asshole proceeded to kick me when I left the party and threatened to burn me with his cigarette if I did not tell him where the evil masseuse was hiding. Granted, one French guy at the party got me high, and berated his own people for their intolerance of outsiders and general bitchy attitude. Most recently, I stayed at a hostel this past weekend while traveling with friends. Being a hostel, we shared the tiny room with three bunk beds with two Frenchies and a Spanish girl. I slept on the top bunk, one of the Frenchies slept on the bottom. Five in the morning rolls around and I have to pee, so I hop down, do my business, and then return to sleep. Before I fall asleep, I start hearing this creaking noise beneath me....a rather fast paced creaking noise. Initially, I figured that I had woken him up when I went to the bathroom, and this was my punishment for doing so. Eventually, I began hearing muffled groans along with the creaking noises, cementing the actions beneath me as those of the masturbatory genre. According to a friend of mine who was sleeping parallel to him, this guy first began humping the bed, getting his cock nice and hard, and then flipped over to pump away with his hand. This lasted about an hour, preventing either of us from sleeping for the duration of his sexual endeavor. I caught a glimpse of him the next morning as he and his friend left the room. He was a typical Frenchie, wearing a collared shirt with an unbuttoned vest, and *cringe* a beret tilted to one side. I do not like the French. Perhaps my having completed "Tropic of Cancer" a few weeks prior has fueled my frustration, but I doubt it. Miller seemed to like the French, despite the fact that he portrayed most of them as psychotic. but whatever. I know I should not be so prejudiced, but god damn, when you've met 10 French people and only 1 wasn't an asshole.....
Oh, and to all those out there that love the lead actor from "28 days later," he's an Irish fella and I ran into him at a pub a week or so ago. Didn't speak to him, but literally ran into him as I was carrying drinks to friends. Yeah, he's really, really, REALLY hot in person, but unfortunately he's rather short...ruined it all for me.
I'm coming home this Saturday...yay! I can't wait to see everyone. I'm going to be spending Saturday smoking weed and having sex with Jamie, eventually making it out to see Freddy vs. Jason! I'm a loser, I know, but fuck all because I love horror. bitch! but I would like to see people on Sunday if at all possible. I am important, so clear the calendars. love to everyone.