Major Update of "sorts"
AUG 3, 2004 10:00 P.M.
I crawled out of bed at 4:30 having given up on sleep. I had to be at an orientation for Union Pacific at 0730. Let me tell you what a waste of time that was. Regardless of the amount of money, they kept using words like “We pay you very well, so we will own you and your time belongs to us.” And on and on like that. That was the first clue that this wasn’t for me. As they explained how the “schedule” works I had my Bull Shit detectors working full time, but I didn't detect any such scare tatics. After about 3 hours of this I knew it wasn’t for me. Here's how it works: "If" your shift is 8 hours you get an 8 hour "rest" (drive time counts toward the 8) then you are subject to being called out again immediately. Same if you work a 12 hour shift. Thing is you might not get your 8 hour rest at home, it could be anywhere...and I mean anywhere. Not being home 3-6 days a week and NEVER seeing my Son’s, giving up Masonry and my Grove all for a paycheck, which is what this would have all amounted to. There are other things in the world besides money. When they gave us a break I asked them to withdraw my application. I left and came home to sleep.
I slept for a while and my dreams were filled with images and repeats of the day I did my ritual in the mountains. The closest I’ve been to the otherworld since I left it, was that ritual. I wish I could say I have vivid memories of the entire experience, but I don’t. I let myself go, I became one with the land and the forest around me and it seems almost dreamlike now. Anyway, I digress, The rest of the evening I re-started the job searching and praying that something will happen soon. We can’t pay the rent this month and that really worries me. I MUST TAKE CARE OF MY BOY. To top it all off my newest heir, is taking his sweet time getting into this world.That lays some stress on me too.
Aug 4, 2004 11:29 P.M.
Mostly an uneventful day. Woke early to answer a phone call interview for a security position at Hill Air Force Base, sounds promising. The lady who interviewed me stated that she was impressed with my "EXTENSIVE (her stress not mine)experience in law enforcement" and told me I can pass on to the second phase of the interview process, and that they’ll contact me in a week or two. Still worried about how I’m going to pay the rent. I guess I better find some temp work or something this week. This really sucks.
Took Maria to the doctor, he says “any day now.” All I could think to myself was “no F'ing kidding?” So still we wait.
Did a little work on an idea I’ve been playing around with in my head, for a business. Sat down and wrote out some outlines of a business plan, so much of this “dream” is riding on school, I’ve got to get my butt in gear in that arena.
Been reading a book called “Ego and Archetype” by Edward F. Edinger, he was a pupil of Carl Jung. Really good so far, and filled with good information. I am Jung! It's really scary. Aside from his political leanings I really follow his mind.
Also been reading the Bhagavadgita for the 5th time (yes, I've been mind busy!)So in closing here's my inspirational thought for the day:
“O mighty among men, he is fit to attain immortality who is serene and not afflicted by these sensations, but is the same in pleasure and pain. There is no existence for the unreal and the real can never be no-existent. The Seers of Truth know the nature and final ends of both. Know that to be indestructible by which the all this is pervaded. No one is ever able to destroy the immutable. These bodies are perishable; but the dwellers in these bodies are eternal, indestructible and impenetrable. Therefore fight, O descendent of Bharata! He who considers this Self as a slayer or he who thinks that this self is slain, neither of these knows Truth. For IT does not slay, nor is IT slain. This self is never born, nor does IT die, nor after once having been does IT go into non-being. This self is unborn, eternal, changeless, ancient.” From the Bhagavadgita.
Side Note: Anyone that might happen to have a book of alchemy symbols email me, I have a question about a symbol mentioned in something I'm reading.
Blessings to all my friends!
I crawled out of bed at 4:30 having given up on sleep. I had to be at an orientation for Union Pacific at 0730. Let me tell you what a waste of time that was. Regardless of the amount of money, they kept using words like “We pay you very well, so we will own you and your time belongs to us.” And on and on like that. That was the first clue that this wasn’t for me. As they explained how the “schedule” works I had my Bull Shit detectors working full time, but I didn't detect any such scare tatics. After about 3 hours of this I knew it wasn’t for me. Here's how it works: "If" your shift is 8 hours you get an 8 hour "rest" (drive time counts toward the 8) then you are subject to being called out again immediately. Same if you work a 12 hour shift. Thing is you might not get your 8 hour rest at home, it could be anywhere...and I mean anywhere. Not being home 3-6 days a week and NEVER seeing my Son’s, giving up Masonry and my Grove all for a paycheck, which is what this would have all amounted to. There are other things in the world besides money. When they gave us a break I asked them to withdraw my application. I left and came home to sleep.
I slept for a while and my dreams were filled with images and repeats of the day I did my ritual in the mountains. The closest I’ve been to the otherworld since I left it, was that ritual. I wish I could say I have vivid memories of the entire experience, but I don’t. I let myself go, I became one with the land and the forest around me and it seems almost dreamlike now. Anyway, I digress, The rest of the evening I re-started the job searching and praying that something will happen soon. We can’t pay the rent this month and that really worries me. I MUST TAKE CARE OF MY BOY. To top it all off my newest heir, is taking his sweet time getting into this world.That lays some stress on me too.
Aug 4, 2004 11:29 P.M.
Mostly an uneventful day. Woke early to answer a phone call interview for a security position at Hill Air Force Base, sounds promising. The lady who interviewed me stated that she was impressed with my "EXTENSIVE (her stress not mine)experience in law enforcement" and told me I can pass on to the second phase of the interview process, and that they’ll contact me in a week or two. Still worried about how I’m going to pay the rent. I guess I better find some temp work or something this week. This really sucks.
Took Maria to the doctor, he says “any day now.” All I could think to myself was “no F'ing kidding?” So still we wait.
Did a little work on an idea I’ve been playing around with in my head, for a business. Sat down and wrote out some outlines of a business plan, so much of this “dream” is riding on school, I’ve got to get my butt in gear in that arena.
Been reading a book called “Ego and Archetype” by Edward F. Edinger, he was a pupil of Carl Jung. Really good so far, and filled with good information. I am Jung! It's really scary. Aside from his political leanings I really follow his mind.
Also been reading the Bhagavadgita for the 5th time (yes, I've been mind busy!)So in closing here's my inspirational thought for the day:
“O mighty among men, he is fit to attain immortality who is serene and not afflicted by these sensations, but is the same in pleasure and pain. There is no existence for the unreal and the real can never be no-existent. The Seers of Truth know the nature and final ends of both. Know that to be indestructible by which the all this is pervaded. No one is ever able to destroy the immutable. These bodies are perishable; but the dwellers in these bodies are eternal, indestructible and impenetrable. Therefore fight, O descendent of Bharata! He who considers this Self as a slayer or he who thinks that this self is slain, neither of these knows Truth. For IT does not slay, nor is IT slain. This self is never born, nor does IT die, nor after once having been does IT go into non-being. This self is unborn, eternal, changeless, ancient.” From the Bhagavadgita.
Side Note: Anyone that might happen to have a book of alchemy symbols email me, I have a question about a symbol mentioned in something I'm reading.
Blessings to all my friends!