No you don't know what it's like.....Welcome to my life
I haven't updated in awhlie. Well I am back at the Mount...kinda wishing I was home. Why do I always feel the same way at the beginning of each semester? This isn't me! I'm still talking to the counselor at school and we are taking it one day at a time. Thats all I can do for now.
I am student teaching in the 5th grade this semester. I will admit it is a little intimidating but I think I will manage. The school isn't that far away which is always a plus. We have to be in by 8 and school lets out at 2:55.
So I've already been home the first weekend back. And it was pretty good. Got to go to Kyle's first birthday and hang out with my managers (I know how sad...). I just miss the concept of always being home. I don't want to be in college anymore. And I was thinking of going to CSI for my last two semesters but I can't bring myself to do it. Plus I would miss everyone here at the Mount. I will once again be living here this summer and taking more summer classes. I feel like I won't be able to pick up my GPA. But I need to do that in order to remain in the Education Department. That is one of my worst fears....not graduating from the Mount with an Education degree. I don't know what I would do.
I had a really long talk the other night with one of my good friends. She has really helped in keeping me sane. I definately have not been acting like myself but I don't want to unload my problems on anyone else. There is a certain situation that I am talking about but will not go into great detail with. I just feel ashamed of myself and am not proud of what happened. And it's not like I can just come right out and talk about it. All I want to feel is happiness again. Not this person who pretends to be happy on the outside and is really hurting inside. There are times when all I want to do is cry my eyes out. It's just a strong emotion that comes over me and I wish I knew what the source was. I think I know some of the reasons but I think there are a lot more than I want to let on.
Then theres thinking of next semester. Where do I want to live? Do I want a single my last year here? Part of me does because I feel like I bring my roommates down. I feel like they are extra cautious around me and don't know what to say. I wish things were different. And I know they are joking around about a room change...but I am constantly thinking that might be in their best intrest. I know at least one of you is reading this now. I just don't know how to talk about this with the two of you. Most likely I will not move out because I love living with you guys. I don't know how I would get through some of my days without you. I know I am a pain in the ass but you guys seriously are the ones who make me get up in the morning and go to class.
I am student teaching in the 5th grade this semester. I will admit it is a little intimidating but I think I will manage. The school isn't that far away which is always a plus. We have to be in by 8 and school lets out at 2:55.
So I've already been home the first weekend back. And it was pretty good. Got to go to Kyle's first birthday and hang out with my managers (I know how sad...). I just miss the concept of always being home. I don't want to be in college anymore. And I was thinking of going to CSI for my last two semesters but I can't bring myself to do it. Plus I would miss everyone here at the Mount. I will once again be living here this summer and taking more summer classes. I feel like I won't be able to pick up my GPA. But I need to do that in order to remain in the Education Department. That is one of my worst fears....not graduating from the Mount with an Education degree. I don't know what I would do.
I had a really long talk the other night with one of my good friends. She has really helped in keeping me sane. I definately have not been acting like myself but I don't want to unload my problems on anyone else. There is a certain situation that I am talking about but will not go into great detail with. I just feel ashamed of myself and am not proud of what happened. And it's not like I can just come right out and talk about it. All I want to feel is happiness again. Not this person who pretends to be happy on the outside and is really hurting inside. There are times when all I want to do is cry my eyes out. It's just a strong emotion that comes over me and I wish I knew what the source was. I think I know some of the reasons but I think there are a lot more than I want to let on.
Then theres thinking of next semester. Where do I want to live? Do I want a single my last year here? Part of me does because I feel like I bring my roommates down. I feel like they are extra cautious around me and don't know what to say. I wish things were different. And I know they are joking around about a room change...but I am constantly thinking that might be in their best intrest. I know at least one of you is reading this now. I just don't know how to talk about this with the two of you. Most likely I will not move out because I love living with you guys. I don't know how I would get through some of my days without you. I know I am a pain in the ass but you guys seriously are the ones who make me get up in the morning and go to class.