welcome to the cruel world
i have made a decision. i am entirely too lazy to check my email, write to everyone and then then try to update my journal. that is exactly what I try to do everytime i am on the internet, and then end up getting too bored and leave to go spend my precious time with the people i know and love rather than a monitor and keyboard, but since this is my flesh and blood to some of you at home i hope you want to read it becaue i certainly want to share these thoughts with you.
found my new favorite album. recognised a song, strangely, i thought at first that it should have been someone else singing it, a more familiar voice at that, but then realised that it was his song first. i still like it better when you sing it, i can still hear your beauitiful voice behind his, singing to me and the tears roll. but sometimes, sometimes, i just have to walk away.
i have so many different lives, and i have a feeling they are about to blend. i want to be with jamie this summer, it doesn't matter where, but its a struggle to decide. he will do whatever it takes, but i'm afraid the states may kill his soul, either that or strengthen it. and the poor paleness of the boy, i think he may burn to a crisp, but i have never wanted to show someone my home more badly. if i took him on a trip, i would have to know how to do everything, i mean i know i can do most things, but when i actually HAVE to do them, it could be a little skechy. can i really clean a fish or stear a canoe? i dunno. would people be nice to him, would he be homesick, will we fight? i doubt it, whatever happens (including being lost in the woods), i am confident things would be much much worse if we were 3000 miles apart.
i experienced the pain of a fight that has been fought for thousands of years over the religious beliefs of real people still today forst hand. i have never wanted to show whats written on my neck so bad. but it still wouldnt be helpful, the death of thousands and the intental starvation of ten people in 1981 did not have an effect enough to change one womans view to simply shower her power and control. but this weekend i saw what suffering looked like. its hard to believe my people did the same thing, to an even larger number of people for a longer time. but then to hear the other side was gutting as well. one mans account, of course its not his fault, he was never told anything different, niether was i. its not my fault that my ancestors were responsible for the death of thses people. it is my responsibltity to respect them today and to ensure my children do as well, to say in the very least. i would like to know how it will all end.
i always write books when updating, but in fairness, i never in a million years would have thought my life would be like this. i feel the need to share it with everyone, anyone who cares even a little. i have been continuoulsy changing from highschool (and before of course) but at a faster pace lately. and will continue to. my life is never boring and i wont allow it to be. i will keep growing and adapting. i always seem to find people who will forever leave affects on me, i am such a sap. and the best part is that when i was in highschool i was still young (still am now), but i think there was an innocence about me that i will never have back, but i think there was also a maliciousness about me too, something that i haven't seen in ages and hope i never will again.
i encountered the most beautiful woman alive in belfast. i thought she was sinead at first, but she was even better looking. our eyes spoke for a moment as we passed, i think i saw her soul. maybe ill see it again someday. i hope i see it again some day.
by the way, hapy birthday mucha, so sorry to have missed it. happy drinking, ill have to have one for you too. and thanks for the first comment ever to me about belfast. you were right, it is amazing although i wouldnt mind never going back there. too much pain.
found my new favorite album. recognised a song, strangely, i thought at first that it should have been someone else singing it, a more familiar voice at that, but then realised that it was his song first. i still like it better when you sing it, i can still hear your beauitiful voice behind his, singing to me and the tears roll. but sometimes, sometimes, i just have to walk away.
i have so many different lives, and i have a feeling they are about to blend. i want to be with jamie this summer, it doesn't matter where, but its a struggle to decide. he will do whatever it takes, but i'm afraid the states may kill his soul, either that or strengthen it. and the poor paleness of the boy, i think he may burn to a crisp, but i have never wanted to show someone my home more badly. if i took him on a trip, i would have to know how to do everything, i mean i know i can do most things, but when i actually HAVE to do them, it could be a little skechy. can i really clean a fish or stear a canoe? i dunno. would people be nice to him, would he be homesick, will we fight? i doubt it, whatever happens (including being lost in the woods), i am confident things would be much much worse if we were 3000 miles apart.
i experienced the pain of a fight that has been fought for thousands of years over the religious beliefs of real people still today forst hand. i have never wanted to show whats written on my neck so bad. but it still wouldnt be helpful, the death of thousands and the intental starvation of ten people in 1981 did not have an effect enough to change one womans view to simply shower her power and control. but this weekend i saw what suffering looked like. its hard to believe my people did the same thing, to an even larger number of people for a longer time. but then to hear the other side was gutting as well. one mans account, of course its not his fault, he was never told anything different, niether was i. its not my fault that my ancestors were responsible for the death of thses people. it is my responsibltity to respect them today and to ensure my children do as well, to say in the very least. i would like to know how it will all end.
i always write books when updating, but in fairness, i never in a million years would have thought my life would be like this. i feel the need to share it with everyone, anyone who cares even a little. i have been continuoulsy changing from highschool (and before of course) but at a faster pace lately. and will continue to. my life is never boring and i wont allow it to be. i will keep growing and adapting. i always seem to find people who will forever leave affects on me, i am such a sap. and the best part is that when i was in highschool i was still young (still am now), but i think there was an innocence about me that i will never have back, but i think there was also a maliciousness about me too, something that i haven't seen in ages and hope i never will again.
i encountered the most beautiful woman alive in belfast. i thought she was sinead at first, but she was even better looking. our eyes spoke for a moment as we passed, i think i saw her soul. maybe ill see it again someday. i hope i see it again some day.
by the way, hapy birthday mucha, so sorry to have missed it. happy drinking, ill have to have one for you too. and thanks for the first comment ever to me about belfast. you were right, it is amazing although i wouldnt mind never going back there. too much pain.