Epic Fail
Fuck my life, said the emo kid.
I know, I know, I know.
I am much to much with life right now, there's too much happening. I can't manage it all, take it all in, even make sense of any of it. I wish it stopped there.
I can't help it, I just can't. Maybe Mrs. Deason is right, I play games with myself I can't win.
I get all these crazy ideas in my head, fantasies and then I let myself think. I think that hey, maybe i'm not so bad! Maybe this will be ok, maybe I am kinda ok!
But now I'm seeing things clear. I'm trying to be quiet and failing. I feel I'm better suited quiet. Now I can look at how I act, how I am, and know why nothing ever happens. Sometimes I wonder what my mom must have been smoking, or what mineral or vitamin I didn't get enough of as a child, or whatever happened to make me this way. Sometimes I get so bitterly ashamed. So so so ashamed. Maybe I should be.
And in spite of all my knowledge, I still long to hold someone and know that it's ok that I'm a fuck up. I want to know that it's ok and that it doesn't matter that I'm this way. All this fuck up wants is to be someone's fuck up, I think it's what most fuck ups would wish. At least this fuck up does.
But no one's situation became better upon revealing its defects. So, bitter musings aside, I'll work on that shutting up thing. Yeah.
I think it's best to pretend this isn't here.
I know, I know, I know.
I am much to much with life right now, there's too much happening. I can't manage it all, take it all in, even make sense of any of it. I wish it stopped there.
I can't help it, I just can't. Maybe Mrs. Deason is right, I play games with myself I can't win.
I get all these crazy ideas in my head, fantasies and then I let myself think. I think that hey, maybe i'm not so bad! Maybe this will be ok, maybe I am kinda ok!
But now I'm seeing things clear. I'm trying to be quiet and failing. I feel I'm better suited quiet. Now I can look at how I act, how I am, and know why nothing ever happens. Sometimes I wonder what my mom must have been smoking, or what mineral or vitamin I didn't get enough of as a child, or whatever happened to make me this way. Sometimes I get so bitterly ashamed. So so so ashamed. Maybe I should be.
And in spite of all my knowledge, I still long to hold someone and know that it's ok that I'm a fuck up. I want to know that it's ok and that it doesn't matter that I'm this way. All this fuck up wants is to be someone's fuck up, I think it's what most fuck ups would wish. At least this fuck up does.
But no one's situation became better upon revealing its defects. So, bitter musings aside, I'll work on that shutting up thing. Yeah.
I think it's best to pretend this isn't here.