[TM] 160 - What song best describes your life?
[private]
I got Ronnie on the stereo again...that’s how I know I’m in trouble.
Ronnie James Dio...he’s the head of the Unholy Trio: Danzig, Sabbath, and U2, along with anything they’ve ever recorded. You heard me, U2...I love ‘em, and that’s why they’re a danger sign. It’s my own pathetic attempt to bring myself out of a funk. No..more than a funk. It’s one of those ‘rough patches.’
I hate rough patches. I fucking hate them.
It’s the times when all the good stuff goes to complete and total shit...when there’s nothing left to look to anymore. Nothing to bring me up, and no desire to get up and out of it. It’s like a vampire, drains away all the life until there’s nothing but a giant sucking void.
Jim can’t read this...but he’ll know. He’ll show up at Addie’s door and ask if he can crash with her for a day or two. He’ll get me the day or two off duty that I’ll need...clear it with Shep and Heightmeyer and keep it on the down low for my benefit.
The music sometimes helps...pull out the tunes, crank ‘em loud, and hopefully the sound will blot out the pain for a little while. Sometimes there’s a little light...dull flashes of red pain and dim yellow hope when Jim’s around. Those are the ones I follow back into the light...when I’m Michael again, and not this leaden mass of rage and grief and agony.
That’s right...this kind of depression *hurts.* When even the people you love aren’t enough to lift the blackness. When even the things that bring you joy don’t stop the night from killing little pieces of your soul.
If I have to talk to someone today, I’m gonna kill ‘em. Or me.
I hate being well...knowing what’s happening to me. It was easier when I was still sick, when I really *would* lash out and hurt someone, or myself and not know the reason. When I though that this was me, it was easier.
Knowing what’s happening...that I can’t do anything to stop it...that all I can do is survive it is the worst thing imaginable. There’s no sweet futility or despair to cling to...there’s knowing that it’ll end, and that I’ll have to do this again: get through another clawed and hammering night alone.
But I will get through it. And Jim’ll be there...Jim and Addie.
And Heira.
I think when Ronnie’s done, I’ll put in U2.
[/private]
* * * * *
When there's lightning - it always bring me down
Cause it's free and I see that it's me
Who's lost and never found
I cry for magic - I feel it dancing in the light
But it was cold - I lost my hold
To the shadows of the night
There's no sign of the morning coming
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
Do your demons - do they ever let you go
When you've tried - do they hide -deep inside
Is it someone that you know
You're a picture - just an image caught in time
We're a lie - you and I
We're words without a rhyme
There's no sign of the morning coming
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
When there's lightning - it always brings me down
Cause it's free and I see that it's me
Who's lost and never found
Feel the magic -feel it dancing in the air
But it's fear - and you'll hear
It calling you beware
There's no sign of the morning coming
There's no sight of the day
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
Muse: Michael Riley
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 424 (w/o lyrics)
I got Ronnie on the stereo again...that’s how I know I’m in trouble.
Ronnie James Dio...he’s the head of the Unholy Trio: Danzig, Sabbath, and U2, along with anything they’ve ever recorded. You heard me, U2...I love ‘em, and that’s why they’re a danger sign. It’s my own pathetic attempt to bring myself out of a funk. No..more than a funk. It’s one of those ‘rough patches.’
I hate rough patches. I fucking hate them.
It’s the times when all the good stuff goes to complete and total shit...when there’s nothing left to look to anymore. Nothing to bring me up, and no desire to get up and out of it. It’s like a vampire, drains away all the life until there’s nothing but a giant sucking void.
Jim can’t read this...but he’ll know. He’ll show up at Addie’s door and ask if he can crash with her for a day or two. He’ll get me the day or two off duty that I’ll need...clear it with Shep and Heightmeyer and keep it on the down low for my benefit.
The music sometimes helps...pull out the tunes, crank ‘em loud, and hopefully the sound will blot out the pain for a little while. Sometimes there’s a little light...dull flashes of red pain and dim yellow hope when Jim’s around. Those are the ones I follow back into the light...when I’m Michael again, and not this leaden mass of rage and grief and agony.
That’s right...this kind of depression *hurts.* When even the people you love aren’t enough to lift the blackness. When even the things that bring you joy don’t stop the night from killing little pieces of your soul.
If I have to talk to someone today, I’m gonna kill ‘em. Or me.
I hate being well...knowing what’s happening to me. It was easier when I was still sick, when I really *would* lash out and hurt someone, or myself and not know the reason. When I though that this was me, it was easier.
Knowing what’s happening...that I can’t do anything to stop it...that all I can do is survive it is the worst thing imaginable. There’s no sweet futility or despair to cling to...there’s knowing that it’ll end, and that I’ll have to do this again: get through another clawed and hammering night alone.
But I will get through it. And Jim’ll be there...Jim and Addie.
And Heira.
I think when Ronnie’s done, I’ll put in U2.
[/private]
* * * * *
When there's lightning - it always bring me down
Cause it's free and I see that it's me
Who's lost and never found
I cry for magic - I feel it dancing in the light
But it was cold - I lost my hold
To the shadows of the night
There's no sign of the morning coming
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
Do your demons - do they ever let you go
When you've tried - do they hide -deep inside
Is it someone that you know
You're a picture - just an image caught in time
We're a lie - you and I
We're words without a rhyme
There's no sign of the morning coming
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
When there's lightning - it always brings me down
Cause it's free and I see that it's me
Who's lost and never found
Feel the magic -feel it dancing in the air
But it's fear - and you'll hear
It calling you beware
There's no sign of the morning coming
There's no sight of the day
You've been left on your own
Like a Rainbow in the Dark
Muse: Michael Riley
Fandom: Stargate ATLANTIS
Words: 424 (w/o lyrics)