Walking With A Ghost (7/7)
Title: Walking With A Ghost (7/7)
Author: Irisayame
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13 for the first 6 chapters, NC-17 for the last.
Length: ~ 24000+
Spoiler: Uh, none really, but let's say season 1?
Summary: When Rachel dies, she returns as a ghost. She doesn't know what to do, let alone what's keeping her on earth, until she discovers that Quinn alone can see her. Will Quinn help her, or will the cheerleader let their lifelong animosity get between them?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything I may refer to, and of course, I don't own Glee
A/N: I wrote this for the Glee Femslash Big Bang. It took longer than it should have. It's big AU and I know it, and I can be a sucker for cliches, to warn you, but I hope you like it anyway :) read, enjoy, and I'm REALLY curious what you think about this (I've been kind of obsessing over it for a long time) so please, pretty please, review?
A/N 2: Lyrics are from Death and All of His Friends by Coldplay and Ghost by Laura Marling.
***
~ And in the end, we lie awake
And dream of making our escape ~
Quinn cried, and cried, but it brought no relief. The tears spurred on nothing but more tears. Her mother comforted her, but didn’t know what in Quinn was spurring on the tears, so all she could really do was hug Quinn. Quinn was glad to have even that.
She fell asleep, still crying, her pillow wet with tears.
Rachel sat on Quinn’s bedside, looking at the uneasily sleeping girl. After the cemetery, she’d gone to the Haunted House, as she called it now in her mind, to wait and then wait some more. But of course, she ended up where she always did. By Quinn’s side.
She knew nothing was going to happen. She knew she was tied down to earth. She knew what was tying her down, too. It was the girl she was looking at right that moment.
Her ticket away from here was the reason she was now bound to stay. Her fate was to love Quinn every moment of forever, never being able to do anything about it.
Even if they’d both been alive it was an impossible relationship, let alone now, with so much more than just clashing personalities between them.
Quinn made her feel alive, ironically enough. The girl made her feel more human than ghost, and that was wrong. Blonde hair moved, and Quinn was now lying on her back, mouth slightly opened and snoring lightly.
Rachel couldn’t hold back an adoring smile. If Beth was going to look anything like her mother, the girl was going to be a real heartbreaker some day.
A deep sigh left her lips, and she leaned closer to Quinn, studying her features in the pale moonlight that was stroking her face. Rachel never thought that the cliche “So close, yet so far away” would every apply to her this directly.
She leaned in closer, studying a few freckles, before closing her eyes. She could feel Quinn’s breath on her face. Opening her eyes, Quinn was closer than she’d ever been, closer than she should have been. Close enough to do the thing she’d wanted to do for days, days that felt like forever already.
She leaned in and kissed Quinn, closing her lips over Quinn’s upper lip. She repeated the movement again and again, loving how her mind seemed to imagine the feeling of Quinn’s lips so well.
The lips started moving beneath hers, a soft, crooning moan escaping from the girl beneath her, and suddenly a hand was fisted itself in her hair and another pair of lips were deepening the kiss.
Rachel shot back while Quinn whispered a soft: “Yes, Rachel” before officially waking up and stared into a wide-eyed Rachel, still leaning over her a little.
“Rachel?!”
“Yes it’s me! Who else did you think it was, if you whispered “Yes, Rachel!” before waking up!”
“I thought I was dreaming!”
“You dream about me kissing you?!”
She spotted Quinn’s blush in the moonlight.
“It’s more likely than you actually kissing me, don’t you think?!” She sneered in a nasty voice.
Rachel’s look softened.
“We shouldn’t be fighting. Do you realize that this means that we’re in love with each other?”
Quinn dropped her hands and looked away.
“Yes, it does, Quinn! You can see that, can’t you? It’s the only I’d be able to do all this,” Rachel said, cupping Quinn’s face with her hand and turning it toward her.
“It’s ridiculous, Rachel,” Quinn said. “That’s the most improbable thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Alright, how would you explain this, then?”
“I’m sorry, Rachel, but isn’t it obvious that I really don’t want to have this conversation with you?!”
“Well, I think we should.”
“Of course you do. But what’s there to say? Now we have all these feelings involved that shouldn’t be. You’re dead. I’m alive. End of story.”
“Don’t you think we should talk about this?” Rachel said, her thumbs drawing circles on Quinn’s shoulders. Quinn suppressed a shudder, uttering a sigh.
“I really don’t.”
“I can’t force you to talk to me, Quinn,” Rachel told the blonde. “I am well aware of that. I will not pressure you any further, since it would be a waste of time. However, I cannot be held responsible for my following actions, not after longing like mine.”
Rachel was closing the gap between them again, just whispering: “You’ll have to be the one who says stop.”
“I don’t think I can do that,” Quinn whispered back.
Rachel pressed her body to Quinn’s, lying down on top of the girl, tangling one hand in Quinn’s hair. Quinn enjoyed the sensation of Rachel’s noisy breaths against her face before closing the distance and pressing her lips against Rachel’s.
Her hands snaked around to Rachel’s back, pressing the girl painfully tight against her, deepening the kiss.
Quinn’s hands were everywhere at once, trying to get all of Rachel now that she could. One hand squeezed her hip while another stroked her back, and it seemed like Quinn had grown 4 more hands at once, because she felt someone tug at her hair and cup her shoulder blade as well.
Quinn asked for permission, nipping desperately at Rachel’s lips, and Rachel opened her mouth to find Quinn’s tongue roughly entering it.
She released a moan and let her tongue explore Quinn’s mouth thoroughly as well. Quinn was clutching the fabric of her shirt, before releasing it and letting a hand slip beneath it. Rachel shuddered at the feel of the warm hand on her skin and started tugging on Quinn’s nightgown.
Quinn pulled away, gasping for breath, and lifted her hips and arms so Rachel had the opportunity to rid Quinn of her nightgown. The streak of moonlight made Quinn’s skin paler than ever, and Rachel let her hands roam over the creamy skin. Quinn pulled Rachel’s shirt over the smaller girl’s head.
Clothes were shed, one after the other, and within seconds it was Rachel kissing Quinn’s neck while skin was touching nothing but more skin.
“Rachel,” Quinn gasped. “What’s the next step?”
A single, hesitant hand was trailing down her sides, and Quinn knew it’s destination.
“Are you sure, Quinn?”
“Yes, please, just do something!”
Rachel rested her hand on Quinn’s lower abdomen.
“I’m nervous. I’ve never even done this with a guy. Let alone...”
Her eyes trailed upwards to meet Quinn’s. Quinn swallowed thickly. There was more in play here than her need to get off.
“I’ve never done this with a girl either, you know. I’m nervous too. But you’re doing a really good job so far.”
The hand on her abdomen gave a slight tremble and Rachel smiled.
“Thank you.”
Rachel bended lower to kiss the blond girl again, lips slowly moving against each other. Quinn could feel her desire pooling below, begging her to take care of it. Rachel’s hand slowly started moving lower, meeting with curls at first, and then with moist heat.
The girl pushed a finger inside, and Quinn released a moan. Growing more confident, Rachel pulled back and pushed in again, a little more forceful this time.
Setting a rhythm, she set her sight on the writhing girl beneath her, her skin shining with a thin sheen of sweat and her hair splayed across her pillow.
Rachel let her free hand travel up to flit across a nipple, and Quinn’s hips bucked violently. Quietly hoping it was the right call to make, she pulled out and re-entered with 2 fingers.
Studying Quinn’s facial expressions, Rachel concluded it was the right call. The world was quiet outside of Quinn’s soft gasps and moans, and the sound of Rachel’s hand setting their pace.
Rachel suddenly felt Quinn’s walls clamming around her fingers, almost trapping them there, and Quinn came forcefully with Rachel inside her, closing her eyes tightly and shuddering from head to toe.
Rachel’s hand slowed down while Quinn was riding out her orgasm, and then pulled out so she could collapse next to Quinn.
Her eyes were searching Quinn’s face, seeking any kind of emotion or approval, anything really. There still were questions she wanted to ask, but when she opened her mouth Quinn put her finger to her lips in a motion to silence her, before sealing them with her own.
Soft lips traced the column of Rachel’s throat, traveling to her heaving chest. A nipple disappeared into Quinn’s mouth, and Rachel’s hips bucked. One hand fisted itself into blonde locks.
“Is this real life?” She heard herself whisper, shattering the silence, with her voice as a hammer.
In reply, Quinn traveled back up so she could lock her gaze with Rachel’s, and the shorter girl felt a hand on the inside of her thigh, slowly traveling up. Rachel had read up on sex, preparing for this moment, and knew that she wasn’t in the right state of mind yet.
Her heart was fluttering with excitement, want, need and joy, but also filled with nerves and quietly sneaking doubts.
When the hand had almost wandered a path to it’s destination, Rachel took it with her own to still it.
“I’m sorry, but if we’re going through with this, you must say it aloud. I need to hear you say it.”
Quinn didn’t pretend that she didn’t know what Rachel meant. She knew the silence was a little bit suffocating for Rachel, but saying felt like a large step to take, even though the truth was already out.
She tucked in her bottom lip between her teeth, hazel eyes locking with Rachel’s nervous browns. Quinn pulled her hand back from between Rachel’s legs to place it next to Rachel’s shoulder, so she was hovering over Rachel steadily now.
“Rachel,” she said in a strong whisper, “I don’t really need to say it, I think. As you said yourself, this all kind of speaks for itself. But,” she quickly said before Rachel could interrupt, “I know it matters to you. So hereby, I’ll take this opportunity to declare my love to you,” she said with grin. “I love you. I’ll say it a thousand times if it helps. I love, love, love you.”
Rachel’s smile beamed up at her, and her grin widened in return.
“Thank goodness,” the girl beneath her said softly. “Since I love you too - quite obviously, I guess - and neither of us is drunk, the most important requirements for losing my virginity are fulfilled. So I’m ready now, you can go ahead.”
But Quinn seemed too busy looking at Rachel to actually return her hand to it’s former position. So Rachel took matters in her own hand, kissed the girl passionately while guiding one hand back to it’s previous destination.
As Quinn responded to her kisses, she wasted no more time and led her hand to Rachel’s core, cupping it for a split second before sliding smoothly inside. Rachel moaned beneath her breath while Quinn set out to explore the girl at a slow pace. Too slow for Rachel.
“Quinn, please...” she breathed.
The girl locked eyes with her one final time, searching for permission she already had. Rachel nodded, and Quinn entered the girl with one slender finger.
A slight frown now was on Rachel’s face, but the discomfort wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it would be.
“You alright?”
“Fine,” Rachel whispered. “Not too rough though. Just... go easy on me.”
Quinn gave a nod and started moving inside Rachel, who quickly felt any discomfort subsiding and pleasure overtaking. When Quinn entered with 2, the discomfort was there again, but the stretching didn’t necessarily feel bad.
Whatever discomfort she did feel was being heavily overruled by the sensations coursing through her body.
Quinn lost her pace, focusing on Rachel’s pleasure, and started moving her hand more quickly, eager to bring the other girl to her climax.
She payed close attention to Rachel’s features to know when she was hurting Rachel, but the girl seemed to only find it pleasurable, and started bucking her hips wildly, pulling Quinn down for a kiss.
As tongs met in a sloppy kiss, Rachel felt herself standing on the edge, and tumbling over it when Quinn’s thumb touched her clit. Her moans were swallowed by Quinn’s mouth still on hers, and she still saw gold stars when Quinn pulled out.
Quinn went to lie down on her side, propping herself up on one elbow.
“Are you still fine?”
“Yes,” Rachel said certainly. “And you?”
“Me too. Just tired.”
“Then you should sleep,” Rachel said. There was a lull in the conversation, before she added:
“I really do love you, though.”
“I love you too, Rach,” Quinn smiled.
“Now, sleep.”
Quinn went to lie down on her side, facing the wall. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to sleep again.
But when Rachel spooned her and held her close, she felt the comfort and safety warming her from the inside out, and was overtaken by the easiest, most pleasurable sleep she’d ever known.
~ Lover, please, do not
Fall to your knees, it’s not
Like I believe in everlasting love ~
Quinn was still feeling perfectly blissful when waking up. She didn’t move, didn’t open her eyes, taking deep breaths and slowly coming back to the world. When she turned and found no Rachel beside her, her eyes opened and met with familiar brown orbs.
Rachel was sitting on her bedside, clothed, and had that look on her face that meant she was crying without tears.
“Rachel? Are you alright?” She asked cautiously, sitting up.
Rachel sniffled, but kept her gaze.
“What’s going on, babe? Are you regretting--” the thought was too awful to finish it.
“No, no, I’m not regretting anything that passed last night. Last night was great. It was more perfect than I could have ever imagined, and I have imagined it quite a couple of times. You did nothing wrong. Here, put your nightgown on.”
She handed Quinn the shed clothing and Quinn hesitantly eyed Rachel before putting it back on.
“Why are we putting on our clothes again?”
“It makes this easier.”
“Makes what easier?” Quinn said. She was getting kind of tired of Rachel not telling her what was going on.
“Saying goodbye.”
There was a lull in the conversation and Quinn took a deep breath.
“You’re leaving?”
“I... I’m moving on. I have no choice, Quinn. It feels like the string that tied me to earth is now cut, and that the afterlife is pulling at me now. I can’t stay for very much longer, I can feel it.”
“So, you’re stuck on earth, we have sex, and you move on?!” She knew that this wasn’t Rachel’s fault, but it was somewhere to place the blame. Someone to vent at.
“I think I wasn’t supposed to go until we fell in love, and now that we have consummated our love last night, I have fulfilled my purpose.”
“Your purpose was to stand me up after sex?” Hurt was piercing her voice, tears brimming her eyes.
“That was never my intention. I never wanted to hurt you, Quinn. But I’m afraid that’s what I ended up doing anyway.”
A tear spilled, and Rachel wiped it away with her thumb, cradling Quinn’s face.
“You can’t go now, Rach,” Quinn said in a choked voice. “You can’t leave now! This is what we’ve been waiting for. We found love. We found each other. And if we were meant to be like you said, then we’re supposed to be together for a long time. Like, forever!”
“I’ll wait for you.”
Rachel put her arms around Quinn and let the other girl sob, while she kept on muttering:
“You’re right, you’re right. We’ll be together. I promise. I’ll wait for you.”
Quinn felt Rachel pulling away, and clung to her tighter.
“Quinn, it’s time. I can’t-”
“You can’t go! I won’t let you leave!”
Gently she released her shirt from Quinn’s grip, cupped her chin and lifted the other girl’s face to meet her eyes.
“You have to let me go.”
Quinn charged forward to attack Rachel’s lips with desperate kisses, to seal their unwilling goodbye. Rachel kissed back eagerly, equally desperate, but pulled away again to look up.
“I love you,” Quinn said.
“I love you too.”
“Please wait for me. Please, please, please.”
“I will, of course I will. Don’t forget about me, either.”
“Like I could do that,” Quinn sniffled with a tiny laugh, before attacking Rachel’s mouth again.
Rachel replied, but pulled away after too little time.
“Quinn...”
“Rachel--”
“I have to go now.”
“I know.”
“Goodbye, Quinn.”
“Bye, Rachel,” Quinn said, kissing the girl softly for a last time. The form she was holding disappeared underneath her. She heard a whisper that said: “I’ll wait for you, Quinn.” and suddenly her hands were clutching nothing but air.
Quinn fell back on her bed and sobbed.
Quinn knew for a fact that she’d spent her entire life in Lima, and that there were a thousand memories for her there, but somehow only the ones of her 10 days with Rachel seemed to stick.
She saw the girl everywhere she went, inside her car, sitting on her bedside, lounging against the piano during Glee clutching sheet music.
It was easy to give in to her fantasies of living a life with Rachel, having the girl by her side with everything she did. And nothing was as painful as the thought that she’d only ever have that: fantasies.
Rachel had promised to wait for her, and Quinn was sure that after she died, she’d find a way to be with Rachel. Before she’d never really believed in afterlife. Now it was the only thing she clung to.
Whenever she saw a ghost, she learned to ignore it. She didn’t need any more reminders than she already had.
The more she thought about it - and her entire days were spent with thinking about it - the more she realised, that she really couldn’t wait to die.
She didn’t see it as a depression or being suicidal, she just saw it as the only way to be with Rachel. And the more she thought about it, the more she realised that not being with Rachel was not a real option anymore. She didn’t have the strength for it.
Quinn Fabray chose death in her senior year, one year after she’d met the ghost that changed her life, stating that she had nothing more to live for, and her life was awaiting in death. Not that anyone understood what that was supposed to mean.
And Quinn knew that whatever the cost, it was worth it, because she saw Rachel waiting in the lights.
Author: Irisayame
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: PG-13 for the first 6 chapters, NC-17 for the last.
Length: ~ 24000+
Spoiler: Uh, none really, but let's say season 1?
Summary: When Rachel dies, she returns as a ghost. She doesn't know what to do, let alone what's keeping her on earth, until she discovers that Quinn alone can see her. Will Quinn help her, or will the cheerleader let their lifelong animosity get between them?
Disclaimer: Don't own anything I may refer to, and of course, I don't own Glee
A/N: I wrote this for the Glee Femslash Big Bang. It took longer than it should have. It's big AU and I know it, and I can be a sucker for cliches, to warn you, but I hope you like it anyway :) read, enjoy, and I'm REALLY curious what you think about this (I've been kind of obsessing over it for a long time) so please, pretty please, review?
A/N 2: Lyrics are from Death and All of His Friends by Coldplay and Ghost by Laura Marling.
***
~ And in the end, we lie awake
And dream of making our escape ~
Quinn cried, and cried, but it brought no relief. The tears spurred on nothing but more tears. Her mother comforted her, but didn’t know what in Quinn was spurring on the tears, so all she could really do was hug Quinn. Quinn was glad to have even that.
She fell asleep, still crying, her pillow wet with tears.
Rachel sat on Quinn’s bedside, looking at the uneasily sleeping girl. After the cemetery, she’d gone to the Haunted House, as she called it now in her mind, to wait and then wait some more. But of course, she ended up where she always did. By Quinn’s side.
She knew nothing was going to happen. She knew she was tied down to earth. She knew what was tying her down, too. It was the girl she was looking at right that moment.
Her ticket away from here was the reason she was now bound to stay. Her fate was to love Quinn every moment of forever, never being able to do anything about it.
Even if they’d both been alive it was an impossible relationship, let alone now, with so much more than just clashing personalities between them.
Quinn made her feel alive, ironically enough. The girl made her feel more human than ghost, and that was wrong. Blonde hair moved, and Quinn was now lying on her back, mouth slightly opened and snoring lightly.
Rachel couldn’t hold back an adoring smile. If Beth was going to look anything like her mother, the girl was going to be a real heartbreaker some day.
A deep sigh left her lips, and she leaned closer to Quinn, studying her features in the pale moonlight that was stroking her face. Rachel never thought that the cliche “So close, yet so far away” would every apply to her this directly.
She leaned in closer, studying a few freckles, before closing her eyes. She could feel Quinn’s breath on her face. Opening her eyes, Quinn was closer than she’d ever been, closer than she should have been. Close enough to do the thing she’d wanted to do for days, days that felt like forever already.
She leaned in and kissed Quinn, closing her lips over Quinn’s upper lip. She repeated the movement again and again, loving how her mind seemed to imagine the feeling of Quinn’s lips so well.
The lips started moving beneath hers, a soft, crooning moan escaping from the girl beneath her, and suddenly a hand was fisted itself in her hair and another pair of lips were deepening the kiss.
Rachel shot back while Quinn whispered a soft: “Yes, Rachel” before officially waking up and stared into a wide-eyed Rachel, still leaning over her a little.
“Rachel?!”
“Yes it’s me! Who else did you think it was, if you whispered “Yes, Rachel!” before waking up!”
“I thought I was dreaming!”
“You dream about me kissing you?!”
She spotted Quinn’s blush in the moonlight.
“It’s more likely than you actually kissing me, don’t you think?!” She sneered in a nasty voice.
Rachel’s look softened.
“We shouldn’t be fighting. Do you realize that this means that we’re in love with each other?”
Quinn dropped her hands and looked away.
“Yes, it does, Quinn! You can see that, can’t you? It’s the only I’d be able to do all this,” Rachel said, cupping Quinn’s face with her hand and turning it toward her.
“It’s ridiculous, Rachel,” Quinn said. “That’s the most improbable thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Alright, how would you explain this, then?”
“I’m sorry, Rachel, but isn’t it obvious that I really don’t want to have this conversation with you?!”
“Well, I think we should.”
“Of course you do. But what’s there to say? Now we have all these feelings involved that shouldn’t be. You’re dead. I’m alive. End of story.”
“Don’t you think we should talk about this?” Rachel said, her thumbs drawing circles on Quinn’s shoulders. Quinn suppressed a shudder, uttering a sigh.
“I really don’t.”
“I can’t force you to talk to me, Quinn,” Rachel told the blonde. “I am well aware of that. I will not pressure you any further, since it would be a waste of time. However, I cannot be held responsible for my following actions, not after longing like mine.”
Rachel was closing the gap between them again, just whispering: “You’ll have to be the one who says stop.”
“I don’t think I can do that,” Quinn whispered back.
Rachel pressed her body to Quinn’s, lying down on top of the girl, tangling one hand in Quinn’s hair. Quinn enjoyed the sensation of Rachel’s noisy breaths against her face before closing the distance and pressing her lips against Rachel’s.
Her hands snaked around to Rachel’s back, pressing the girl painfully tight against her, deepening the kiss.
Quinn’s hands were everywhere at once, trying to get all of Rachel now that she could. One hand squeezed her hip while another stroked her back, and it seemed like Quinn had grown 4 more hands at once, because she felt someone tug at her hair and cup her shoulder blade as well.
Quinn asked for permission, nipping desperately at Rachel’s lips, and Rachel opened her mouth to find Quinn’s tongue roughly entering it.
She released a moan and let her tongue explore Quinn’s mouth thoroughly as well. Quinn was clutching the fabric of her shirt, before releasing it and letting a hand slip beneath it. Rachel shuddered at the feel of the warm hand on her skin and started tugging on Quinn’s nightgown.
Quinn pulled away, gasping for breath, and lifted her hips and arms so Rachel had the opportunity to rid Quinn of her nightgown. The streak of moonlight made Quinn’s skin paler than ever, and Rachel let her hands roam over the creamy skin. Quinn pulled Rachel’s shirt over the smaller girl’s head.
Clothes were shed, one after the other, and within seconds it was Rachel kissing Quinn’s neck while skin was touching nothing but more skin.
“Rachel,” Quinn gasped. “What’s the next step?”
A single, hesitant hand was trailing down her sides, and Quinn knew it’s destination.
“Are you sure, Quinn?”
“Yes, please, just do something!”
Rachel rested her hand on Quinn’s lower abdomen.
“I’m nervous. I’ve never even done this with a guy. Let alone...”
Her eyes trailed upwards to meet Quinn’s. Quinn swallowed thickly. There was more in play here than her need to get off.
“I’ve never done this with a girl either, you know. I’m nervous too. But you’re doing a really good job so far.”
The hand on her abdomen gave a slight tremble and Rachel smiled.
“Thank you.”
Rachel bended lower to kiss the blond girl again, lips slowly moving against each other. Quinn could feel her desire pooling below, begging her to take care of it. Rachel’s hand slowly started moving lower, meeting with curls at first, and then with moist heat.
The girl pushed a finger inside, and Quinn released a moan. Growing more confident, Rachel pulled back and pushed in again, a little more forceful this time.
Setting a rhythm, she set her sight on the writhing girl beneath her, her skin shining with a thin sheen of sweat and her hair splayed across her pillow.
Rachel let her free hand travel up to flit across a nipple, and Quinn’s hips bucked violently. Quietly hoping it was the right call to make, she pulled out and re-entered with 2 fingers.
Studying Quinn’s facial expressions, Rachel concluded it was the right call. The world was quiet outside of Quinn’s soft gasps and moans, and the sound of Rachel’s hand setting their pace.
Rachel suddenly felt Quinn’s walls clamming around her fingers, almost trapping them there, and Quinn came forcefully with Rachel inside her, closing her eyes tightly and shuddering from head to toe.
Rachel’s hand slowed down while Quinn was riding out her orgasm, and then pulled out so she could collapse next to Quinn.
Her eyes were searching Quinn’s face, seeking any kind of emotion or approval, anything really. There still were questions she wanted to ask, but when she opened her mouth Quinn put her finger to her lips in a motion to silence her, before sealing them with her own.
Soft lips traced the column of Rachel’s throat, traveling to her heaving chest. A nipple disappeared into Quinn’s mouth, and Rachel’s hips bucked. One hand fisted itself into blonde locks.
“Is this real life?” She heard herself whisper, shattering the silence, with her voice as a hammer.
In reply, Quinn traveled back up so she could lock her gaze with Rachel’s, and the shorter girl felt a hand on the inside of her thigh, slowly traveling up. Rachel had read up on sex, preparing for this moment, and knew that she wasn’t in the right state of mind yet.
Her heart was fluttering with excitement, want, need and joy, but also filled with nerves and quietly sneaking doubts.
When the hand had almost wandered a path to it’s destination, Rachel took it with her own to still it.
“I’m sorry, but if we’re going through with this, you must say it aloud. I need to hear you say it.”
Quinn didn’t pretend that she didn’t know what Rachel meant. She knew the silence was a little bit suffocating for Rachel, but saying felt like a large step to take, even though the truth was already out.
She tucked in her bottom lip between her teeth, hazel eyes locking with Rachel’s nervous browns. Quinn pulled her hand back from between Rachel’s legs to place it next to Rachel’s shoulder, so she was hovering over Rachel steadily now.
“Rachel,” she said in a strong whisper, “I don’t really need to say it, I think. As you said yourself, this all kind of speaks for itself. But,” she quickly said before Rachel could interrupt, “I know it matters to you. So hereby, I’ll take this opportunity to declare my love to you,” she said with grin. “I love you. I’ll say it a thousand times if it helps. I love, love, love you.”
Rachel’s smile beamed up at her, and her grin widened in return.
“Thank goodness,” the girl beneath her said softly. “Since I love you too - quite obviously, I guess - and neither of us is drunk, the most important requirements for losing my virginity are fulfilled. So I’m ready now, you can go ahead.”
But Quinn seemed too busy looking at Rachel to actually return her hand to it’s former position. So Rachel took matters in her own hand, kissed the girl passionately while guiding one hand back to it’s previous destination.
As Quinn responded to her kisses, she wasted no more time and led her hand to Rachel’s core, cupping it for a split second before sliding smoothly inside. Rachel moaned beneath her breath while Quinn set out to explore the girl at a slow pace. Too slow for Rachel.
“Quinn, please...” she breathed.
The girl locked eyes with her one final time, searching for permission she already had. Rachel nodded, and Quinn entered the girl with one slender finger.
A slight frown now was on Rachel’s face, but the discomfort wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it would be.
“You alright?”
“Fine,” Rachel whispered. “Not too rough though. Just... go easy on me.”
Quinn gave a nod and started moving inside Rachel, who quickly felt any discomfort subsiding and pleasure overtaking. When Quinn entered with 2, the discomfort was there again, but the stretching didn’t necessarily feel bad.
Whatever discomfort she did feel was being heavily overruled by the sensations coursing through her body.
Quinn lost her pace, focusing on Rachel’s pleasure, and started moving her hand more quickly, eager to bring the other girl to her climax.
She payed close attention to Rachel’s features to know when she was hurting Rachel, but the girl seemed to only find it pleasurable, and started bucking her hips wildly, pulling Quinn down for a kiss.
As tongs met in a sloppy kiss, Rachel felt herself standing on the edge, and tumbling over it when Quinn’s thumb touched her clit. Her moans were swallowed by Quinn’s mouth still on hers, and she still saw gold stars when Quinn pulled out.
Quinn went to lie down on her side, propping herself up on one elbow.
“Are you still fine?”
“Yes,” Rachel said certainly. “And you?”
“Me too. Just tired.”
“Then you should sleep,” Rachel said. There was a lull in the conversation, before she added:
“I really do love you, though.”
“I love you too, Rach,” Quinn smiled.
“Now, sleep.”
Quinn went to lie down on her side, facing the wall. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to sleep again.
But when Rachel spooned her and held her close, she felt the comfort and safety warming her from the inside out, and was overtaken by the easiest, most pleasurable sleep she’d ever known.
~ Lover, please, do not
Fall to your knees, it’s not
Like I believe in everlasting love ~
Quinn was still feeling perfectly blissful when waking up. She didn’t move, didn’t open her eyes, taking deep breaths and slowly coming back to the world. When she turned and found no Rachel beside her, her eyes opened and met with familiar brown orbs.
Rachel was sitting on her bedside, clothed, and had that look on her face that meant she was crying without tears.
“Rachel? Are you alright?” She asked cautiously, sitting up.
Rachel sniffled, but kept her gaze.
“What’s going on, babe? Are you regretting--” the thought was too awful to finish it.
“No, no, I’m not regretting anything that passed last night. Last night was great. It was more perfect than I could have ever imagined, and I have imagined it quite a couple of times. You did nothing wrong. Here, put your nightgown on.”
She handed Quinn the shed clothing and Quinn hesitantly eyed Rachel before putting it back on.
“Why are we putting on our clothes again?”
“It makes this easier.”
“Makes what easier?” Quinn said. She was getting kind of tired of Rachel not telling her what was going on.
“Saying goodbye.”
There was a lull in the conversation and Quinn took a deep breath.
“You’re leaving?”
“I... I’m moving on. I have no choice, Quinn. It feels like the string that tied me to earth is now cut, and that the afterlife is pulling at me now. I can’t stay for very much longer, I can feel it.”
“So, you’re stuck on earth, we have sex, and you move on?!” She knew that this wasn’t Rachel’s fault, but it was somewhere to place the blame. Someone to vent at.
“I think I wasn’t supposed to go until we fell in love, and now that we have consummated our love last night, I have fulfilled my purpose.”
“Your purpose was to stand me up after sex?” Hurt was piercing her voice, tears brimming her eyes.
“That was never my intention. I never wanted to hurt you, Quinn. But I’m afraid that’s what I ended up doing anyway.”
A tear spilled, and Rachel wiped it away with her thumb, cradling Quinn’s face.
“You can’t go now, Rach,” Quinn said in a choked voice. “You can’t leave now! This is what we’ve been waiting for. We found love. We found each other. And if we were meant to be like you said, then we’re supposed to be together for a long time. Like, forever!”
“I’ll wait for you.”
Rachel put her arms around Quinn and let the other girl sob, while she kept on muttering:
“You’re right, you’re right. We’ll be together. I promise. I’ll wait for you.”
Quinn felt Rachel pulling away, and clung to her tighter.
“Quinn, it’s time. I can’t-”
“You can’t go! I won’t let you leave!”
Gently she released her shirt from Quinn’s grip, cupped her chin and lifted the other girl’s face to meet her eyes.
“You have to let me go.”
Quinn charged forward to attack Rachel’s lips with desperate kisses, to seal their unwilling goodbye. Rachel kissed back eagerly, equally desperate, but pulled away again to look up.
“I love you,” Quinn said.
“I love you too.”
“Please wait for me. Please, please, please.”
“I will, of course I will. Don’t forget about me, either.”
“Like I could do that,” Quinn sniffled with a tiny laugh, before attacking Rachel’s mouth again.
Rachel replied, but pulled away after too little time.
“Quinn...”
“Rachel--”
“I have to go now.”
“I know.”
“Goodbye, Quinn.”
“Bye, Rachel,” Quinn said, kissing the girl softly for a last time. The form she was holding disappeared underneath her. She heard a whisper that said: “I’ll wait for you, Quinn.” and suddenly her hands were clutching nothing but air.
Quinn fell back on her bed and sobbed.
Quinn knew for a fact that she’d spent her entire life in Lima, and that there were a thousand memories for her there, but somehow only the ones of her 10 days with Rachel seemed to stick.
She saw the girl everywhere she went, inside her car, sitting on her bedside, lounging against the piano during Glee clutching sheet music.
It was easy to give in to her fantasies of living a life with Rachel, having the girl by her side with everything she did. And nothing was as painful as the thought that she’d only ever have that: fantasies.
Rachel had promised to wait for her, and Quinn was sure that after she died, she’d find a way to be with Rachel. Before she’d never really believed in afterlife. Now it was the only thing she clung to.
Whenever she saw a ghost, she learned to ignore it. She didn’t need any more reminders than she already had.
The more she thought about it - and her entire days were spent with thinking about it - the more she realised, that she really couldn’t wait to die.
She didn’t see it as a depression or being suicidal, she just saw it as the only way to be with Rachel. And the more she thought about it, the more she realised that not being with Rachel was not a real option anymore. She didn’t have the strength for it.
Quinn Fabray chose death in her senior year, one year after she’d met the ghost that changed her life, stating that she had nothing more to live for, and her life was awaiting in death. Not that anyone understood what that was supposed to mean.
And Quinn knew that whatever the cost, it was worth it, because she saw Rachel waiting in the lights.