Exasperated
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise- "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. - Ephesians 6:1-4
Today... I'm going to focus on the exasperate part of the passage. What does it mean by "fathers, do not exasperate your children"? I've always thought that it meant, fathers, don't over work your children or overly abuse them to make them very tired. But no, it doesn't really mean that at all. According to dictionary.com it means,
1.) to irritate or provoke to a high degree; annoy extremely
2.) to increase the intensity or violence of (disease, pain, feelings, etc.).
3.) To make very angry or impatient; annoy greatly.
and I feel that my dad has done just that to us (except the violence and pain part). I mean, sure, I know that my dad's not a christian, and I shouldn't expect a christian upbringing from him, but does that mean that it's still right for him to exasperate his children? Okay, so you might even say, "well yeah, he's asian right?" or even "that's the way that he shows his love and care for you", but, if he truly loves his children, why does he not even try to (no, not satisfy, that would be too much to ask) answer to his children's emotional and psychological needs of a positive and supportive father?
I know that we're very far from being the perfect children, but that still doesn't make it right for him to criticize us the way that he did. As a father, he has always neglected to see the good parts of his children. All he has for us are negative criticisms that made us feel as if we really are the worst of the worst and no matter what good we do, we will never be good enough. Where is that constructive criticism? No, according to him, constructive criticisms are lies. What a great way to build up your children's self-worth and confidence dad.
I tried to understand and see through his eyes why he does the things that he does (you know... the career vs. family thing). I even try to spend more time with him (and I did) by working along side of him. And in that, I came to understand something. You can only have one most important thing in your life, and that thing must come before all other things. If it's not God, then it must be either yourself or your family (career does not count here). Why doesn't career count? That's because there are also two reasons why you have a career. One, you need to feed your family. Second, for social status, self-satisfaction, self-interest, overall, to build up your own self worth. Connecting this back to the most important thing in my dad's life... what is it? Although my dad said that he's working to feed the family and to pay off bills, but we all know that he's more proud of his career status rather than his children.
In my family, I'm sure we all know that we're already pretty well off compare to most of the people. We already have more than we'll probably ever need (physically). We no longer lack anything or in desperate need for anything. Sure, there's the new house that we still need to pay off... but, since my dad is the company owner and his salary is a fixed amount every month... couldn't he at least spend more time interacting with his children? By spending a lil bit more time with his children doesn't mean that his salary will be less; he can still pay off his monthly bills, right? Then there's the case of the slacking workers, but can't he just fire the really bad ones and hire new and more obedient workers? Or hire a manager to watch over them even.
I know that I'm just complaining and I really must end this post soon since it's 1 am and I still am not done with my homework.
There's this tension in my house that has been building up within the last couple of weeks regarding my dad and Mark. Mark, like usual, is not doing well in school and spends most of his time in front of his computer playing games. Dad, like usual, lectures Mark about it and tells Mark to study more to get the good grades. It really has to do with my dad's usages of words and the comparisons that he made between his friends' A+ kids and us, the dumber kids. I tried to not take sides by telling Mark that he really needs to shape up on his report cards, and telling my dad that this is not the right way to encourage your kids to study harder. Mark complained to dad saying that dad never acknowledge Mark for the positive things that Mark has done before. Dad said that it would be a lie to Mark if he were to say something good to Mark. What does that mean?
So at the end of the lecture, dad said, "what's the use of having kids if they don't listen to you? I shouldn't have brought you guys to America, should've left you all in Taiwan. If you want, once you're an adult, you can all move out. I'm not expecting any of you to take care of me when I'm old, I'll depend on myself." This whole situation really exasperates me. First of all, this situation has nothing to do with me at all... so why is it that everytime he lectures, he has to include everyone into this lecture? I really can't live like this anymore. I've already have so much things piled up in my everyday life that I really don't want to have the time to go through this whole emotional damage. If he wants me to move out, that's fine with me. I really think that it's the best way to go. I mean, I've tried my best to support him physically by working with him even though I don't want to, but if he can't see that I'm doing this whole thing for him, and he's too stubborn to listen to his children's plead, then there's nothing left that I can do for this situation besides praying for God to change him.
I know I'm writing this in anger, and I know that he was saying all those things in anger. But, how can you change a stubborn man? The answer is that you can't. You don't have the power to... only God can.
So this is what I'm planning right now... when my uncle comes to help my dad out at the bakery around july or so, that's when I'm going to quit my job at the bakery (no matter what) and look for another job that has to do with teaching that can pay for my living expenses and tuition. If that job pays enough, then I will start looking for an apartment to move into.
Last thought before I leave... I feel as if my family is only building up on vanity for the other people to see... and on the inside, we're all broken and lost.
Today... I'm going to focus on the exasperate part of the passage. What does it mean by "fathers, do not exasperate your children"? I've always thought that it meant, fathers, don't over work your children or overly abuse them to make them very tired. But no, it doesn't really mean that at all. According to dictionary.com it means,
1.) to irritate or provoke to a high degree; annoy extremely
2.) to increase the intensity or violence of (disease, pain, feelings, etc.).
3.) To make very angry or impatient; annoy greatly.
and I feel that my dad has done just that to us (except the violence and pain part). I mean, sure, I know that my dad's not a christian, and I shouldn't expect a christian upbringing from him, but does that mean that it's still right for him to exasperate his children? Okay, so you might even say, "well yeah, he's asian right?" or even "that's the way that he shows his love and care for you", but, if he truly loves his children, why does he not even try to (no, not satisfy, that would be too much to ask) answer to his children's emotional and psychological needs of a positive and supportive father?
I know that we're very far from being the perfect children, but that still doesn't make it right for him to criticize us the way that he did. As a father, he has always neglected to see the good parts of his children. All he has for us are negative criticisms that made us feel as if we really are the worst of the worst and no matter what good we do, we will never be good enough. Where is that constructive criticism? No, according to him, constructive criticisms are lies. What a great way to build up your children's self-worth and confidence dad.
I tried to understand and see through his eyes why he does the things that he does (you know... the career vs. family thing). I even try to spend more time with him (and I did) by working along side of him. And in that, I came to understand something. You can only have one most important thing in your life, and that thing must come before all other things. If it's not God, then it must be either yourself or your family (career does not count here). Why doesn't career count? That's because there are also two reasons why you have a career. One, you need to feed your family. Second, for social status, self-satisfaction, self-interest, overall, to build up your own self worth. Connecting this back to the most important thing in my dad's life... what is it? Although my dad said that he's working to feed the family and to pay off bills, but we all know that he's more proud of his career status rather than his children.
In my family, I'm sure we all know that we're already pretty well off compare to most of the people. We already have more than we'll probably ever need (physically). We no longer lack anything or in desperate need for anything. Sure, there's the new house that we still need to pay off... but, since my dad is the company owner and his salary is a fixed amount every month... couldn't he at least spend more time interacting with his children? By spending a lil bit more time with his children doesn't mean that his salary will be less; he can still pay off his monthly bills, right? Then there's the case of the slacking workers, but can't he just fire the really bad ones and hire new and more obedient workers? Or hire a manager to watch over them even.
I know that I'm just complaining and I really must end this post soon since it's 1 am and I still am not done with my homework.
There's this tension in my house that has been building up within the last couple of weeks regarding my dad and Mark. Mark, like usual, is not doing well in school and spends most of his time in front of his computer playing games. Dad, like usual, lectures Mark about it and tells Mark to study more to get the good grades. It really has to do with my dad's usages of words and the comparisons that he made between his friends' A+ kids and us, the dumber kids. I tried to not take sides by telling Mark that he really needs to shape up on his report cards, and telling my dad that this is not the right way to encourage your kids to study harder. Mark complained to dad saying that dad never acknowledge Mark for the positive things that Mark has done before. Dad said that it would be a lie to Mark if he were to say something good to Mark. What does that mean?
So at the end of the lecture, dad said, "what's the use of having kids if they don't listen to you? I shouldn't have brought you guys to America, should've left you all in Taiwan. If you want, once you're an adult, you can all move out. I'm not expecting any of you to take care of me when I'm old, I'll depend on myself." This whole situation really exasperates me. First of all, this situation has nothing to do with me at all... so why is it that everytime he lectures, he has to include everyone into this lecture? I really can't live like this anymore. I've already have so much things piled up in my everyday life that I really don't want to have the time to go through this whole emotional damage. If he wants me to move out, that's fine with me. I really think that it's the best way to go. I mean, I've tried my best to support him physically by working with him even though I don't want to, but if he can't see that I'm doing this whole thing for him, and he's too stubborn to listen to his children's plead, then there's nothing left that I can do for this situation besides praying for God to change him.
I know I'm writing this in anger, and I know that he was saying all those things in anger. But, how can you change a stubborn man? The answer is that you can't. You don't have the power to... only God can.
So this is what I'm planning right now... when my uncle comes to help my dad out at the bakery around july or so, that's when I'm going to quit my job at the bakery (no matter what) and look for another job that has to do with teaching that can pay for my living expenses and tuition. If that job pays enough, then I will start looking for an apartment to move into.
Last thought before I leave... I feel as if my family is only building up on vanity for the other people to see... and on the inside, we're all broken and lost.