the muscles that hold me together
My body is tired.
And I am doing every thing that I can, to find strength today.
I'm physically and mentally exhausted... and each time I try to lay Rowan to rest on his own today, he sleeps soundly for about 5 minutes only to wake up with his arms shaking and his face scrunched. He looks like he has been abandoned and he doesn't know where I am.
I scurry to him quickly, rest him on my chest and pat his back so he falls back to sleep as quickly as possible. And each time, I feel how tired my body is.
My shoulders ache today.
My lower back feels crooked.
My neck feels like it's sticking forward like a bird.
My eye lids are heavy.
My mind is so tired.
I'm not complaining. I'm just documenting.
I took a picture of myself, with my eyes shut and a smile... to remind myself that as tired as I am... I am finding the most beautiful things in this tired.
I look at Rowan and see that he reaches for me now.
He cries for ME when I get up to go to the bathroom at night when he's awake. He knows my scent and he wants it to comfort him.
He looks at my mouth when I try to teach him how to say things like bird and duck... his eyes full of amazement that I can say it. He looks like he is telling me... I WANT to say it too, but for now I will study you. I will watch and absorb.
I smile at him and tell him 'good job' when he mimics back with sounds like "bob," which is his new "word." He babbles and has his own inflections and tones- that are the most beautiful sounds I've heard. He smiles with his whole face. He fills me with so much joy.
So when I am tired. I know that the beauty behind it is worth being tired for.
And I am doing every thing that I can, to find strength today.
I'm physically and mentally exhausted... and each time I try to lay Rowan to rest on his own today, he sleeps soundly for about 5 minutes only to wake up with his arms shaking and his face scrunched. He looks like he has been abandoned and he doesn't know where I am.
I scurry to him quickly, rest him on my chest and pat his back so he falls back to sleep as quickly as possible. And each time, I feel how tired my body is.
My shoulders ache today.
My lower back feels crooked.
My neck feels like it's sticking forward like a bird.
My eye lids are heavy.
My mind is so tired.
I'm not complaining. I'm just documenting.
I took a picture of myself, with my eyes shut and a smile... to remind myself that as tired as I am... I am finding the most beautiful things in this tired.
I look at Rowan and see that he reaches for me now.
He cries for ME when I get up to go to the bathroom at night when he's awake. He knows my scent and he wants it to comfort him.
He looks at my mouth when I try to teach him how to say things like bird and duck... his eyes full of amazement that I can say it. He looks like he is telling me... I WANT to say it too, but for now I will study you. I will watch and absorb.
I smile at him and tell him 'good job' when he mimics back with sounds like "bob," which is his new "word." He babbles and has his own inflections and tones- that are the most beautiful sounds I've heard. He smiles with his whole face. He fills me with so much joy.
So when I am tired. I know that the beauty behind it is worth being tired for.