A (Really Long) Song Of Ice and Fire
I’ve been working my way through George R.R. Martin’s A Song Of Ice and Fire book series (a.k.a. the Game of Thrones books) and, as I said in my earlier reviews of the first two books, the world-building is great, but the actual narrative construction is pretty poor.
Basically, the books go like this: mediocre… mediocre… mediocre… AMAZING MOMENT… mediocre… mediocre.
Jon
Awww, Jon has discovered that sex is fun! :D!
Jon and Ygritte are kind of adorable, even though (like 90% of the couples in this series,) there are some consent issues there.
I remain skeptical that Jon is intelligent/sophisticated enough to pull off this whole double agent thing (this just in: JON IS DUMB LIKE A PUPPY), but I must admit that hanging out with the wildlings is MUCH more interesting that hanging out with the Night’s Watch.
Everyone goes on about how Martin likes to kill his characters. I call bullshit on this, because if the series had realistic deaths, Samwell would have been killed by the whitewalkers. Basically: if Martin doesn’t like a character, s/he’s toast; if he likes them (or if they’re a Stark child), they could fall on their sword and somehow still survive. :/ Don’t get me wrong, I like Sam, but his miraculous escape was LAME.
Daenerys
I basically only started reading the books in order to find out what would happen with Dany and the dragons (ooh, great band name) and then her storyline in Book 2 turned out to be a whole lot of NOTHING. Sure, there were some nice sequences that will look pretty on screen, but what the hell did she actually achieve? NOTHING. Ugh.
However, her storyline in Book 3 is back to being nonstop-awesome. There was some random lesbianism and, of course, there was that time Jorah suggested he become Dany’s husband - husband #1, that is, because Jorah thinks she should have MULTIPLE HUSBANDS. Ser Jorah: totally cool with bigamy!
The introduction of the Unsullied was an awesome piece of world-building. I literally sat and read with my jaw hanging open. And then Dany and her dragons destroyed the slavers’ city. A-mazing.
Theon
Theon is… my favourite? When did this happen? /o\
Answer: this happened when Theon rocked up to the Iron Islands and started macking on a random girl, who turned out to be his SISTER. And, even after this revelation, he was STILL really hot for her. Incest! \o/ Theon/Asha = OTP.
Genuinely, Theon taking Winterfell was the real sucker punch of Book 2 for me. And killing the two boys at the Mill and pretending they were Bran and Rickon was really fucked up. Theon is such a tool, but I actually really empathize with his plight.
Renly
I wasn’t feeling Renly in the TV series. He seemed like just another random character introduced because He Will Be Important Later. And I would have taken pretty boys kissing/fucking over… manscaping. :|
BUT. In the book, he’s cheery and beautiful and courteous, and I started getting major heart-eyes over him. How marvellously fucked-up that he married his boyfriend’s sister! Does she know? Is she okay with it? Do they have an affable ménage a trois? So many fun questions that I was keen to know the answer to!
AND THEN HE DIED. Sigh. His death was at least genuinely shocking and game-changing.
Tyrion
Whoa.
Whoa.
SANSA JUST MARRIED TYRION. My mind is actually blown.
At first, I liked book!Tyrion more than TV!Tyrion, because he was more thoughtful and serious (and less whorish), but as time has worn on, I’ve come to miss Peter Dinklage’s smirky charm.
Plus, Tyrion/Shae, which was adorable on screen, grew really tedious in Book 2. Like… Tyrion goes on and on about how much he loves her, but he doesn’t really know her at all and all they ever do is have sex. I think Tyrion should have enough self-awareness is realize that this is nothing close to love. :|
Still, I predicted Tyrion would die in Book 2 and he didn’t, which I am very thankful for. I’m just ready for him to get an interesting storyline (and get away from his horrible, horrible family :/).
Davos
I do not care about Davos even a tiny little bit.
Bran
Unpopular opinion: I do not like Bran. I know, I know, he’s supposed to be the hero of the whole series, but… meh.
He really is the worst warg ever. USE YOUR POWER, BRAN.
Robb
Oh, Robb. He had sex with a girl and then felt so guilty that he married her, fucking up all his alliances in the process. Oh, Robb. Emo, emo Robb.
Plus, he married a girl that Grey Wind doesn’t like. Danger, danger, danger!
Arya
I cannot believe it’s been a book and half and Arya STILL hasn’t found her way back to her family. Laaaame.
I enjoyed the Valyrian Magician Assassin dude, but most of Arya’s journey has felt a little pointless and picar-esque. I am starting to ‘ship Arya/Gendry, though.
Basically, the books go like this: mediocre… mediocre… mediocre… AMAZING MOMENT… mediocre… mediocre.
Jon
Awww, Jon has discovered that sex is fun! :D!
Jon and Ygritte are kind of adorable, even though (like 90% of the couples in this series,) there are some consent issues there.
I remain skeptical that Jon is intelligent/sophisticated enough to pull off this whole double agent thing (this just in: JON IS DUMB LIKE A PUPPY), but I must admit that hanging out with the wildlings is MUCH more interesting that hanging out with the Night’s Watch.
Everyone goes on about how Martin likes to kill his characters. I call bullshit on this, because if the series had realistic deaths, Samwell would have been killed by the whitewalkers. Basically: if Martin doesn’t like a character, s/he’s toast; if he likes them (or if they’re a Stark child), they could fall on their sword and somehow still survive. :/ Don’t get me wrong, I like Sam, but his miraculous escape was LAME.
Daenerys
I basically only started reading the books in order to find out what would happen with Dany and the dragons (ooh, great band name) and then her storyline in Book 2 turned out to be a whole lot of NOTHING. Sure, there were some nice sequences that will look pretty on screen, but what the hell did she actually achieve? NOTHING. Ugh.
However, her storyline in Book 3 is back to being nonstop-awesome. There was some random lesbianism and, of course, there was that time Jorah suggested he become Dany’s husband - husband #1, that is, because Jorah thinks she should have MULTIPLE HUSBANDS. Ser Jorah: totally cool with bigamy!
The introduction of the Unsullied was an awesome piece of world-building. I literally sat and read with my jaw hanging open. And then Dany and her dragons destroyed the slavers’ city. A-mazing.
Theon
Theon is… my favourite? When did this happen? /o\
Answer: this happened when Theon rocked up to the Iron Islands and started macking on a random girl, who turned out to be his SISTER. And, even after this revelation, he was STILL really hot for her. Incest! \o/ Theon/Asha = OTP.
Genuinely, Theon taking Winterfell was the real sucker punch of Book 2 for me. And killing the two boys at the Mill and pretending they were Bran and Rickon was really fucked up. Theon is such a tool, but I actually really empathize with his plight.
Renly
I wasn’t feeling Renly in the TV series. He seemed like just another random character introduced because He Will Be Important Later. And I would have taken pretty boys kissing/fucking over… manscaping. :|
BUT. In the book, he’s cheery and beautiful and courteous, and I started getting major heart-eyes over him. How marvellously fucked-up that he married his boyfriend’s sister! Does she know? Is she okay with it? Do they have an affable ménage a trois? So many fun questions that I was keen to know the answer to!
AND THEN HE DIED. Sigh. His death was at least genuinely shocking and game-changing.
Tyrion
Whoa.
Whoa.
SANSA JUST MARRIED TYRION. My mind is actually blown.
At first, I liked book!Tyrion more than TV!Tyrion, because he was more thoughtful and serious (and less whorish), but as time has worn on, I’ve come to miss Peter Dinklage’s smirky charm.
Plus, Tyrion/Shae, which was adorable on screen, grew really tedious in Book 2. Like… Tyrion goes on and on about how much he loves her, but he doesn’t really know her at all and all they ever do is have sex. I think Tyrion should have enough self-awareness is realize that this is nothing close to love. :|
Still, I predicted Tyrion would die in Book 2 and he didn’t, which I am very thankful for. I’m just ready for him to get an interesting storyline (and get away from his horrible, horrible family :/).
Davos
I do not care about Davos even a tiny little bit.
Bran
Unpopular opinion: I do not like Bran. I know, I know, he’s supposed to be the hero of the whole series, but… meh.
He really is the worst warg ever. USE YOUR POWER, BRAN.
Robb
Oh, Robb. He had sex with a girl and then felt so guilty that he married her, fucking up all his alliances in the process. Oh, Robb. Emo, emo Robb.
Plus, he married a girl that Grey Wind doesn’t like. Danger, danger, danger!
Arya
I cannot believe it’s been a book and half and Arya STILL hasn’t found her way back to her family. Laaaame.
I enjoyed the Valyrian Magician Assassin dude, but most of Arya’s journey has felt a little pointless and picar-esque. I am starting to ‘ship Arya/Gendry, though.