Wavering Life
So yeah a lot of shit has happend. i have recently started talking to guys that i used to be really close to but have come to mean nothing more to me than some old acquaintances. Sure I miss their company yet now I find myself in the predicament of the nostalgia for the past. I miss they way that they used to make me laugh or the way that i got the chills from the touch of their hand or their strong suffocating embrace. but there are some issues that they have in their lives both have another "distraction" that causes them to re-think their position of ...... I dunno. But yeah I just think wit one of them I am just a chicken shit but I really dont wanna worry about boys AGAIN!!!!!!! So I will talk about how peeps at my work are dropping like damn flies. First it was some of the bartenders then one or two of the servers and now we lost a hostess and a busser. Which I have to say is a lil sad cus i liked the atmosphere of the old crew i dont know how these new people are going to vibe with the rest of us. All I know is that they do need to get rid of Leslie and Tanya cus those two bad apples is whats going to rip everyone apart since they have both slept witr half of the staff. But anyhoo volleyball is pretty fun I think that I might have a good chance of making the team but I guess we will see on August 9. the other things that have been happening are lil to overbearing i feel that i am lost in my own thoughts sometimes and these guys that i am now bringing back into my life somehow bring the fun and laughter into my everyday breathes. I wish that i could find a person that i feel whole with but at the same time i dont think that i want to find it at such a young age i see the drama that my other friends are going through and i just dont think that I would be able to put up with all the horseshit. If things are meant to work out wit me and whoever then i feel that it will but I am just scared that i might loose myself in the process of trying to find the other half of me. Sure my friends are here but at the same time they can only hold my hand so far before i have to let go and ultimately fall again. All the masks I wear fool those around me but at the same time i feel that if I stop wearing them i will have nothing left but the saddness and loneliness that keep me awake and ironically looking forward to the next day. But strength is all i have to exhibit now and i have to wear it with an unfaultering balance. The test will not be if i can do it but how long it will last before the fragile thread that i am hanging on by snaps.