okay... wow... there's so much to say in a confession thing like this... where do i start... i hate my life, i hate everything about it, and everything i hate is my own fault, i analyze everything everyone says, to turn it into something completely the opposite of what they were trying to say... i randomly convince myself people are looking at me or talking about me, im always nervous and self concious, around anyone, i just want people to like me, people who are sort of my friends, im the worst around, because i want them to be my real friends so i try and act the way they want me to, but i really should just be myself... because if they dont like me for who i really am then they wouldn't be my REAL friends... another thing is, i get frusterated over the stupidest things, to the point where i cry. like when the computer is really slow, and someone was trying to send me something in an important conversation, or if my computer freezes in the middle of an important conversation i get so frusterated to the point of banging on the computer, and crying. I'm overly sensitive, and i dont show my emotions, i never cry infront of people, and i never let them know that they hurt my feelings. i just take the first chance i can get to get away from them and the i brake down. I take everything the wrong way, and i hold grudges. I always remember times when people hurt me, even if they didn't mean to, and i feel like i can't trust them. i also always remember times where i acted weird towards people and i think they will like hate me forever because of it, like right now im remembering something and it is frusterating me that i did this thing i did, i dont know why i did it either, it was just the moment, and it was so pointless. and i act like people are going to remember it forever, and think im weird because i did it, but the reality is everyone's too busy worrying about what everyone is thinking of them, to think about anyone elce. Another thing is, i have a constant feeling of like parranoia. like i always get nervous when my parents are in my room and i'm not, like they're gunna go through my things, but really i dont have anything to hide from them. and i always feel depressed, when there's nothing to be depressed over, my life could be perfect, i could have everything i ever wanted but i'll still feel depressed. i'm always trying to please everyone, so i never ask for something when i need it, because i dont want them to think im needy, i want them to think i'm easy, i never ask to go places, because i dont want to make them drive me... i never ask for anything because i just want them to like me. see, now you realise that everything i hate about my life is my fault, but i cant change it, no matter how hard i try to be different i never will be, its just a waste of time.
Re: um...
anonymous
February 28 2004, 08:29:55 UTC
it seems like u gotta relax, and just spend a day thinking about your self, once you do that, try a week, o god im sonding like dr.phil, or one of those radio advice people, but seriously, just try spending as long as you can thinking about doing what you want, pleasing yourself
*my fears* people breaking into my house* getting kidnapped* spiders! ahhh* losing friends* breaking up with my boyfriend* there's others i just cant think of them*
Re: um...
anonymous
February 28 2004, 11:00:33 UTC
you sound like me.. dont worry i started to relax about thing a little a few weeks ago, and its taking time but things are getting a little better... i hope they get better for you too.
sometimes I feel the same way, but you need to relax. I know it can be hard but when you do things forget about how people will judge you for it, just have a good time and people will respect you for being yourself. and for the few who do say something to you who judge you, fuck them. they probably wish they could have as much fun as you'd be having. So do whatever makes you happy don't try to please everyone else, people will come to you for what you really are, and thats where true friends come from. And I think I know who this is, if this is her oyu are a great person, don't ever doubt that. <3 Judie
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*my fears*
people breaking into my house*
getting kidnapped*
spiders! ahhh*
losing friends*
breaking up with my boyfriend*
there's others i just cant think of them*
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Reply
<3
Judie
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