USELESS longest post ever
Thats
what my writing in this is, absolutely useless, i dont care though. it
makes me feel better somedays. I miss my friends, but at the same time
life seems so much easier being a hermit. the only people i ever have
to see are clane, doug, occasionally joe and geramie. it amkes life
nice , not that i dont love everyone else. Danielle still hates me i
suppose and thats okay, i care not. I have much more concerns to deal
with. i am not working and i need money, but really i hate people and i
dont want to see them. i have been ubber depresssed(yes guys i used a
word like ubber) lately. I am starting to wonder as i look back in my
post, was that really me? i feel more and more like myself everyday now
that i am around no one. its not healthy and at the same time,
unbelievable enlightening. ouch, fuck me, i just hit my knuckles on the
desk and now i am sad =( okay i am over it and back to my ranting. so i
feel more and more like myself every day, i feel like i am evolving. I
placed all of my poetry on the computer, in the hopes of sharing it
with people and what not, Jon's sister whom i have never met,
encouraged me to get back to my passions and it feels nice. Thank you.
how wonderful it is to feel supported by someone you dont even know. i
mean that, it wasnt sarcastic. I have also started writing a book. its
about me, all about me actually. its about all the shit that i have
been through, how i felt going through it. i dont know why i am writing
it, maybe in the event that it does go somewhere, it will help someone.
it has already helped me understand me a little better. thats all thats
important. i have some news that i am not sure if i want to share or
not, it seems strange to talk about. FIRST THINGS FIRST, before the
news i am reluctant to share......
JON FUCKING CALL ME OR EMAIL ME BASTARD!!!!!!!!! seriously i have missed you so much, you were one of the few people that made it okay to just fucking be however the hell i felt like being. i am sorry east coast didnt work out, but i am glad you are here and i want you to come have some sicko fun with me. *sighs* i am even willing to help you mangle dolls, despite my better judgement. i emailed you with all of my new info....phone number, address EVERYTHING and what do i get from you...nada...zip...nothign! i want to laugh at each other again.
SO LIKE I SAID BEFORE CALL ME! dont make me post my number for everyone to see for you to get the point, i even hooked you up with my soul...i mean cell number, do you know how precious that is?
well now that all of that is out in the air, my news i hate sharing........i met James Dean. not that real james dean, but thats what we will call him mind you, because he does james dean things. how do i know this person does Bond/Dean things? why i read his whole fucking journal hehe. i met him on a game, and he is quite sneaky, many times i under estimated the sneakiness, but thats okay, keeps one on their toes. anyway, i have become stalker like about the whole ordeal. now not crazy madly in love, scary gonna kill stalker, not even invasion of privacy stalker, but its cool. he speeks leet which is a downgrade(mainly because i cant) plays EQ, resuces homeless people , stands up for women's rights, has crazy dreams, pretends to be james dean, is a super ninja, ends up with hookers handguns, meets a girlfriend over an inmate collect three way call(he wasnt the inmate), AND has issues with oranges. now you tell me thats not intriguing? he also leaves close(sorta) to my home state. i know all sorts of things know, and i feel like a crazy for knowing it, but i think its more like a vicarious expierence. i am so bland and boring these days, nothing like i use to be, and all of this stuff is happening to him, and i just have to know more. i talk to him in eq and ohter places mind you, so its not THAT weird. o or does that make it weirder. well i dont know his name or any of that good stuff, and i may not ask for it might ruin the fun of this all. we have lots in common too. our birthday is really close together as well, i think. regardless i am probably loosing it and i am a psycho, but maybe not. we will have to see what he thinks of it all, if he votes psycho then i wont be anymore, but for now this is the best game ever! its all in good fun though, so i am leaning toward not crazy, which scares me even more.
i think i will post some of my poetry soon, i have this urge for everyone to understand the real me and get to know me. not for approval, i just feel like i tricked you all or something. i mean i do like those things and i do have fun with you, but i feel like i have misrepresented myself.
It sounds like Cameron has a steady boyfriend, i am happy for him if this is true. i went to the bank with Joe and Guillermo was there, but i didnt get to say hello, Gui was busy. i havent seen cameron in years or anyone else for that matter. i was starting to miss Jeff the other day. we had so much fun, he use to do my makeup and we would cuddle on the couch and watch scary movies, OMG i just remembered one night when cameron was with us while he and jeff were sorta dating, scary werewolf movie night, like seriously howd we all fit on that couch? *sigh* then i remember what a big prick he turned out to be. i am leaning more toward people of my own faction these days i.e. Jon and Clane and mystery guy from the internet. I do miss being a fag hag though. I still go to mike's house(vince's friend). he is enough gay for us all. he is so sweet though, we get to sleep over after he makes us cocktails all night and we play board games. omfg i am feel so old after making that statement. whats wrong with me. why*wails* can i just be a 21 year old. i am cursed with always having grown up far beyond my years. thats probably why mike, who is 40, is like my best friend. i miss all of my friends from home as well. i miss my soul mate Erin more than ever. She has been calling to me, i think she needs me. it makes me feel like shit. i know alot of people make think its weird that my soulmate is a woman and that i am no longer bisexual and have never been a lesbian, but its true. we just have some kind of connection that will never be lost or explained.
i think i am done here, i feel so much better after just ranting a lil while. ranting about nothing seems to have been cleansing. you all can thank mystery guy for this hella long entry. he made me think, i like that. i am sooo out. merry part blessed be and spread love.
JON FUCKING CALL ME OR EMAIL ME BASTARD!!!!!!!!! seriously i have missed you so much, you were one of the few people that made it okay to just fucking be however the hell i felt like being. i am sorry east coast didnt work out, but i am glad you are here and i want you to come have some sicko fun with me. *sighs* i am even willing to help you mangle dolls, despite my better judgement. i emailed you with all of my new info....phone number, address EVERYTHING and what do i get from you...nada...zip...nothign! i want to laugh at each other again.
SO LIKE I SAID BEFORE CALL ME! dont make me post my number for everyone to see for you to get the point, i even hooked you up with my soul...i mean cell number, do you know how precious that is?
well now that all of that is out in the air, my news i hate sharing........i met James Dean. not that real james dean, but thats what we will call him mind you, because he does james dean things. how do i know this person does Bond/Dean things? why i read his whole fucking journal hehe. i met him on a game, and he is quite sneaky, many times i under estimated the sneakiness, but thats okay, keeps one on their toes. anyway, i have become stalker like about the whole ordeal. now not crazy madly in love, scary gonna kill stalker, not even invasion of privacy stalker, but its cool. he speeks leet which is a downgrade(mainly because i cant) plays EQ, resuces homeless people , stands up for women's rights, has crazy dreams, pretends to be james dean, is a super ninja, ends up with hookers handguns, meets a girlfriend over an inmate collect three way call(he wasnt the inmate), AND has issues with oranges. now you tell me thats not intriguing? he also leaves close(sorta) to my home state. i know all sorts of things know, and i feel like a crazy for knowing it, but i think its more like a vicarious expierence. i am so bland and boring these days, nothing like i use to be, and all of this stuff is happening to him, and i just have to know more. i talk to him in eq and ohter places mind you, so its not THAT weird. o or does that make it weirder. well i dont know his name or any of that good stuff, and i may not ask for it might ruin the fun of this all. we have lots in common too. our birthday is really close together as well, i think. regardless i am probably loosing it and i am a psycho, but maybe not. we will have to see what he thinks of it all, if he votes psycho then i wont be anymore, but for now this is the best game ever! its all in good fun though, so i am leaning toward not crazy, which scares me even more.
i think i will post some of my poetry soon, i have this urge for everyone to understand the real me and get to know me. not for approval, i just feel like i tricked you all or something. i mean i do like those things and i do have fun with you, but i feel like i have misrepresented myself.
It sounds like Cameron has a steady boyfriend, i am happy for him if this is true. i went to the bank with Joe and Guillermo was there, but i didnt get to say hello, Gui was busy. i havent seen cameron in years or anyone else for that matter. i was starting to miss Jeff the other day. we had so much fun, he use to do my makeup and we would cuddle on the couch and watch scary movies, OMG i just remembered one night when cameron was with us while he and jeff were sorta dating, scary werewolf movie night, like seriously howd we all fit on that couch? *sigh* then i remember what a big prick he turned out to be. i am leaning more toward people of my own faction these days i.e. Jon and Clane and mystery guy from the internet. I do miss being a fag hag though. I still go to mike's house(vince's friend). he is enough gay for us all. he is so sweet though, we get to sleep over after he makes us cocktails all night and we play board games. omfg i am feel so old after making that statement. whats wrong with me. why*wails* can i just be a 21 year old. i am cursed with always having grown up far beyond my years. thats probably why mike, who is 40, is like my best friend. i miss all of my friends from home as well. i miss my soul mate Erin more than ever. She has been calling to me, i think she needs me. it makes me feel like shit. i know alot of people make think its weird that my soulmate is a woman and that i am no longer bisexual and have never been a lesbian, but its true. we just have some kind of connection that will never be lost or explained.
i think i am done here, i feel so much better after just ranting a lil while. ranting about nothing seems to have been cleansing. you all can thank mystery guy for this hella long entry. he made me think, i like that. i am sooo out. merry part blessed be and spread love.