another year
christmas break is almost over. which kinda sucks, but I'm tired of sitting around my apartment watching CSI (I've watched about 70 hours in the past two weeks), so it's kinda good. I've commandeered Matt's computer to actually check my email, which I haven't done all break, and to my nonsurprise I didn't have anything good.
so another year has gone by. and I've been thinking a lot, although not about resolutions, which I swear I'm not going to make this year. that's right, folks, I resolve to not make a single damn new year's resolution. they always just make me feel like a failure, and I don't even want to stop biting my fingernails anyway. but I've been thinking about changes I've made in the past couple of years, and not all of them are good ones.
for instance, somehow in the past few years I've become petrified of people. petrified to the point of not wanting to order pizza over the phone, or not being able to hold a conversation with a co-worker. I don't know when that started, but it's weird and I don't like it. I also tend to think bad things about myself. well, not bad things like I'm a serial killer or anything, but I just always feel like I'm on the outside and I don't quite fit in. which I guess is somewhat true. I was in a niche for a long time, but then I left, and now I guess I'm just trying to find a new one.
but there are good things, too. I did go back to school, which makes me an ex-dropout instead of a dropout. I moved out on my own, which I sometimes love and sometimes hate. I made several new friends, one of which I really really enjoy talking to and wish I got to more often. so I guess it's been a good year after all. I guess I just feel like I'm stuck, like things are never going to change.
so another year has gone by. and I've been thinking a lot, although not about resolutions, which I swear I'm not going to make this year. that's right, folks, I resolve to not make a single damn new year's resolution. they always just make me feel like a failure, and I don't even want to stop biting my fingernails anyway. but I've been thinking about changes I've made in the past couple of years, and not all of them are good ones.
for instance, somehow in the past few years I've become petrified of people. petrified to the point of not wanting to order pizza over the phone, or not being able to hold a conversation with a co-worker. I don't know when that started, but it's weird and I don't like it. I also tend to think bad things about myself. well, not bad things like I'm a serial killer or anything, but I just always feel like I'm on the outside and I don't quite fit in. which I guess is somewhat true. I was in a niche for a long time, but then I left, and now I guess I'm just trying to find a new one.
but there are good things, too. I did go back to school, which makes me an ex-dropout instead of a dropout. I moved out on my own, which I sometimes love and sometimes hate. I made several new friends, one of which I really really enjoy talking to and wish I got to more often. so I guess it's been a good year after all. I guess I just feel like I'm stuck, like things are never going to change.