Saying Goodbye
Title: Saying Goodbye
Author: ireach4thestars
Character/Pairing: Ten, Shireen, mention of 10/Rose pairing
Rating: G
Spoilers: Series through ”Doomsday"
Beta: Thank you very much to naughtybunny23 for being such a wonderful beta.
Summary: The Doctor tries to continue his journeys without Rose, thought he finds it difficult. After his first trip without her, he meets someone else dealing with the loss of Rose. This is set after Rose and the Doctor are initially parted, before meeting on the beach at the end of "Doomsday".
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. They belong to the BBC.
The Doctor was pleased with himself, very pleased. He had stopped yet another threat to Earth and this time no one had to die. It hadn’t been too difficult, though it had involved running, weed killer, an ax and a sonic screwdriver. Just a normal day in his life.
The only thing missing was Rose. Her laughter as they faced danger. Her blonde hair shining in the sunlight or glowing in the light of stars and moon. Her smile, which always lifted his mood, no matter how he felt.
He wriggled his fingers. He missed that, too, the feel of her hand in hers, their fingers linking together. It became so natural to feel that and now it was gone. She was gone.
Not dead, no, but to the rest of this world she was. He wondered where she was now. He had seen Pete grab her and disappear with the teleport. She was alive in the parallel world - alive and trapped, separated from him forever. He tried to console himself with the fact that she had Mickey and her mum and a version of her father. It helped a little, knowing she wasn’t alone but now it meant he was. He had always known she couldn’t have forever with him, but they could have had a lifetime together at least. He wondered if she thought of him as often as he thought of her, which seemed to be every minute.
He sighed with frustration. There had to be a way to reach her, somehow, just to see how she is. To say goodbye properly. He had been searching for a way but then there had been the “foliage attempting to eat people” fiasco that reminded him of the musical “Little Shop of Horrors.” Except for the singing. And this time it had been trees.
He turned when he thought he heard something behind him and in the process collided with someone walking in the opposite direction.
The Doctor moved quickly, grabbing whoever it was to steady both of them. The whole incident took less than a second and though he managed to stop the person from falling, the person dropped what they had been holding.
He saw it was a young woman, who was now glaring in irritation at him.
“Watch it,” she told him, green eyes showing fire. She started to pick up everything that had fallen.
“I was distracted,” he explained, bending down to help. There were some flowers and a few pictures protectively wrapped in plastic. Picking one up, he stopped short. The girl was in this picture along with another person. Rose. A younger version of her, since her hair was long but it was definitely her. It was how she looked when his former self had met her.
“Yeah, I noticed,” she muttered, then reached out her hand for the picture. He couldn’t bring himself to give it back to her though, seeing the smile on Rose’s face. A moment captured in time, but one that he didn’t want to end. He felt her absence even more now. “Oi, my picture,” she insisted.
He finally looked up at her. This woman looked the same as she did in the picture, with brown hair, though now she had pink streaks in it. “How did you know Rose?”
The woman looked surprised and wary at the same time. “We were best mates for years. Until she went missing. Gone traveling she said, and though we were friends, she was…” She trailed off. “Why should I tell you this?”
“I knew her,” he answered, throat growing tight.
The woman’s expression softened. “You heard, right?” The Doctor gave her a confused look and a part of him was hopeful. Was Rose really here? “About her being declared dead,” the woman clarified and the Doctor felt a sharp pain in both his hearts. Just a brief moment of hope destroyed. “I keep thinking maybe she’s out there somewhere,” the woman continued.
“There wasn’t a body.”
“I know,” the Doctor answered. “What you mean about thinking of her out there. I knew she was missing…”
“They declared her dead,” she interrupted, voice harsh and angry again, though it didn’t seem directed at him.
Almost instantly, the Doctor realized who she was, though he had never seen her before. “Are you Shireen?”
Instantly, she looked suspicious again.
“Rose mentioned you,” he explained. “Often.” So many of her stories had started with ‘Me and Shireen…’ that the Doctor felt like he already knew this other woman.
“Wait…are you…are you him?” Shireen asked.
“Him?” the Doctor repeated, wondering what she meant.
“Him,” she repeated. “Rose never gave me a name. She just said she traveled with a doctor, saving the world and traveling. Are you him?”
The Doctor nodded. He was certain Shireen had no idea just how often the world had been saved by her friend. How far they had traveled. How much he cared for Rose and how deeply he missed her.
“Oh my-“ Shireen stopped herself, covering her mouth. “I suppose I should watch what I say before entering a cemetery. I just…I wondered about you.
The man that took her away from here to travel all over.”
The Doctor was more focused on the first part of what she said. “Cemetery?”
She nodded. “They put Jackie’s name on with Pete’s and Rose has a marker, too. No bodies, but with Pete there, they felt they should have Jackie’s name. Then I insisted Rose have something, though it’s nothing fancy. I couldn’t let her name just stay on a list. She deserved a marker, too.”
“She deserves that and even more,” the Doctor agreed.
“Do you want to come?” Shireen offered after a moment.
The Doctor wanted to say no. He wanted to say that Rose was alive in a parallel world. That Jackie and Mickey were there along with Pete from the other world. That if Rose could have held on just a bit longer or that if the lever had held, that she would be here, she would have stayed in this world. Instead of saying any of that, he mutely nodded.
“It’s not far. They just put them in,” she explained. “That’s why I’ve got these,” she motioned to the steaks in her hair. “Pink for Rose. Well, I suppose it should have been red for a rose, but pink suited her more. And I was going to put out one of these pictures.” She indicated the stack she was carrying. “I thought I could decide when I got there.”
Shireen fell silent as she approached the gate, the Doctor behind her. He felt sick going here but he had come this far and needed to go the rest of the way. Shireen led the Doctor down one path then another before she stopped in front of a gravestone, bending down to place a bouquet on the ground in front of it. The Doctor stopped about a dozen feet behind her but could easily read Pete’s and Jackie’s names.
Then, his gaze went to the marker beside theirs. It was smaller, but he could still read Rose Marion Tyler , followed by her date of birth and the date of the battle when she was thought to have died.
He walked closer and stopped just feet away from it.
“She was so young. Too young to die.” Shireen’s voice was beside him and she laid down the second bouquet of flowers she was holding. The Doctor just nodded.
They both were silent until Shireen spoke again. “She talked about you. She loved traveling with you. Probably would have gone anywhere with you. Once she started travelling, we couldn’t talk long, but it was always ‘the Doctor this’ and ‘the Doctor that’ and ‘me and the Doctor.’ I asked her once if she fancied you. She got all flustered so I knew she did. But I think it might have been more than fancying you.” She paused and looked at him. “Did you know?”
“I thought as much,” he admitted, still looking at the grave marker.
Shireen was looking at him closely now, studying him. After a moment, she gasped. “You felt the same way. Did she know?”
The Doctor sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up in different directions. “I never told her. Maybe I should have, but I didn’t. But…she knew. Even if I didn’t say it. She knew.” He hoped she did at least. He had come close to saying it more than once. What if he had? Would things have been different?
“I’m sure she did,” Shireen assured him. She took the picture he had seen before and placed it at the base of the tombstone, two smiling faces among monuments to the dead.
They stared at the picture of the two teenage girls and then Shireen asked, “Who are you traveling with now?”
“No one,” he answered.
He could sense her hesitation as she clearly debated on what to say next. After a minute, she spoke. “I could come with you,” she offered, but even as she said the words, he shook his head. It was too soon. Much too soon since he lost Rose. He couldn’t even imagine it. “I wouldn’t be trying to take her place,” Shireen insisted.
“No one ever could,” the Doctor answered. He knew Rose was not dead, but she was lost from this world anyway. This was almost fitting, her name on a tombstone among monuments to the dead.
Shireen sighed but seemed to understand. She had been curious about these travels with the Doctor and wanted to know what had pulled Rose away. Like Rose, Shireen wanted more than what she had now. However, it was too soon since Rose’s death and she could understand his reluctance. She looked at the photos she had brought and handed one to the Doctor. “Here.”
The Doctor pulled his gaze away from the cold, hard stone and looked at her as he took the offered picture. One of just Rose, looking happy, a smile on her face that clearly showed in her eyes, the way he always remembered her.
“I thought you’d like one to hold onto.”
The Doctor nodded, staring at the picture. At Rose. Seeing her, it felt like she was so close, yet so far at the same time. “Thank you,” he finally said.
“You’re welcome. I know it’s only a picture, but it’s better than nothing.” The Doctor carefully slid the picture into his jacket pocket, his mind a jumble. There was no way to get to Rose, yet could there be some way for him to at least talk to her, to just see her once more? The TARDIS was not strong enough alone but there was energy in space coming from stars and other sources.
An idea came to him. If he was brilliant, which he was, he could do it. He looked over at Shireen with a smile. “You’re brilliant. I can see why you and Rose are friends.”
“What?” she looked confused, not just by his praise but by talking about Rose in the present tense.
“I have to go,” he answered. “But you just gave me an idea.” He turned and started to run down the path and out of the cemetery, racing to the TARDIS. His hearts were beating rapidly.
It wouldn’t be the same, that was sure, but if he could just see her again, just talk to her maybe he would be okay. He knew that to say that final goodbye would hurt, but Rose was his Rose, his companion, his plus one and so much more.
Either way, it had to be better than a cold rock with her name on it. Rose was much more alive than that, more colourful, warmer.
He inserted the key into the lock and pushed open the door, rushing through and straight to the console. The engines wheezed as he started her up, the time rotor beginning to slide up and down. He pulled over a monitor and began scanning for stars close to nova, his fingers flying over a few switches to lock onto a target and move the ship into the vortex. He could use that energy.
Pulling the picture from his pocket, he looked at her smiling image, feeling the pain in his chest, the pain he had felt since he had lost Rose. “Rose…” he whispered. He would find her. He would be able to see her, to talk to her and while that wasn’t enough, it was better than nothing.
Author: ireach4thestars
Character/Pairing: Ten, Shireen, mention of 10/Rose pairing
Rating: G
Spoilers: Series through ”Doomsday"
Beta: Thank you very much to naughtybunny23 for being such a wonderful beta.
Summary: The Doctor tries to continue his journeys without Rose, thought he finds it difficult. After his first trip without her, he meets someone else dealing with the loss of Rose. This is set after Rose and the Doctor are initially parted, before meeting on the beach at the end of "Doomsday".
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. They belong to the BBC.
The Doctor was pleased with himself, very pleased. He had stopped yet another threat to Earth and this time no one had to die. It hadn’t been too difficult, though it had involved running, weed killer, an ax and a sonic screwdriver. Just a normal day in his life.
The only thing missing was Rose. Her laughter as they faced danger. Her blonde hair shining in the sunlight or glowing in the light of stars and moon. Her smile, which always lifted his mood, no matter how he felt.
He wriggled his fingers. He missed that, too, the feel of her hand in hers, their fingers linking together. It became so natural to feel that and now it was gone. She was gone.
Not dead, no, but to the rest of this world she was. He wondered where she was now. He had seen Pete grab her and disappear with the teleport. She was alive in the parallel world - alive and trapped, separated from him forever. He tried to console himself with the fact that she had Mickey and her mum and a version of her father. It helped a little, knowing she wasn’t alone but now it meant he was. He had always known she couldn’t have forever with him, but they could have had a lifetime together at least. He wondered if she thought of him as often as he thought of her, which seemed to be every minute.
He sighed with frustration. There had to be a way to reach her, somehow, just to see how she is. To say goodbye properly. He had been searching for a way but then there had been the “foliage attempting to eat people” fiasco that reminded him of the musical “Little Shop of Horrors.” Except for the singing. And this time it had been trees.
He turned when he thought he heard something behind him and in the process collided with someone walking in the opposite direction.
The Doctor moved quickly, grabbing whoever it was to steady both of them. The whole incident took less than a second and though he managed to stop the person from falling, the person dropped what they had been holding.
He saw it was a young woman, who was now glaring in irritation at him.
“Watch it,” she told him, green eyes showing fire. She started to pick up everything that had fallen.
“I was distracted,” he explained, bending down to help. There were some flowers and a few pictures protectively wrapped in plastic. Picking one up, he stopped short. The girl was in this picture along with another person. Rose. A younger version of her, since her hair was long but it was definitely her. It was how she looked when his former self had met her.
“Yeah, I noticed,” she muttered, then reached out her hand for the picture. He couldn’t bring himself to give it back to her though, seeing the smile on Rose’s face. A moment captured in time, but one that he didn’t want to end. He felt her absence even more now. “Oi, my picture,” she insisted.
He finally looked up at her. This woman looked the same as she did in the picture, with brown hair, though now she had pink streaks in it. “How did you know Rose?”
The woman looked surprised and wary at the same time. “We were best mates for years. Until she went missing. Gone traveling she said, and though we were friends, she was…” She trailed off. “Why should I tell you this?”
“I knew her,” he answered, throat growing tight.
The woman’s expression softened. “You heard, right?” The Doctor gave her a confused look and a part of him was hopeful. Was Rose really here? “About her being declared dead,” the woman clarified and the Doctor felt a sharp pain in both his hearts. Just a brief moment of hope destroyed. “I keep thinking maybe she’s out there somewhere,” the woman continued.
“There wasn’t a body.”
“I know,” the Doctor answered. “What you mean about thinking of her out there. I knew she was missing…”
“They declared her dead,” she interrupted, voice harsh and angry again, though it didn’t seem directed at him.
Almost instantly, the Doctor realized who she was, though he had never seen her before. “Are you Shireen?”
Instantly, she looked suspicious again.
“Rose mentioned you,” he explained. “Often.” So many of her stories had started with ‘Me and Shireen…’ that the Doctor felt like he already knew this other woman.
“Wait…are you…are you him?” Shireen asked.
“Him?” the Doctor repeated, wondering what she meant.
“Him,” she repeated. “Rose never gave me a name. She just said she traveled with a doctor, saving the world and traveling. Are you him?”
The Doctor nodded. He was certain Shireen had no idea just how often the world had been saved by her friend. How far they had traveled. How much he cared for Rose and how deeply he missed her.
“Oh my-“ Shireen stopped herself, covering her mouth. “I suppose I should watch what I say before entering a cemetery. I just…I wondered about you.
The man that took her away from here to travel all over.”
The Doctor was more focused on the first part of what she said. “Cemetery?”
She nodded. “They put Jackie’s name on with Pete’s and Rose has a marker, too. No bodies, but with Pete there, they felt they should have Jackie’s name. Then I insisted Rose have something, though it’s nothing fancy. I couldn’t let her name just stay on a list. She deserved a marker, too.”
“She deserves that and even more,” the Doctor agreed.
“Do you want to come?” Shireen offered after a moment.
The Doctor wanted to say no. He wanted to say that Rose was alive in a parallel world. That Jackie and Mickey were there along with Pete from the other world. That if Rose could have held on just a bit longer or that if the lever had held, that she would be here, she would have stayed in this world. Instead of saying any of that, he mutely nodded.
“It’s not far. They just put them in,” she explained. “That’s why I’ve got these,” she motioned to the steaks in her hair. “Pink for Rose. Well, I suppose it should have been red for a rose, but pink suited her more. And I was going to put out one of these pictures.” She indicated the stack she was carrying. “I thought I could decide when I got there.”
Shireen fell silent as she approached the gate, the Doctor behind her. He felt sick going here but he had come this far and needed to go the rest of the way. Shireen led the Doctor down one path then another before she stopped in front of a gravestone, bending down to place a bouquet on the ground in front of it. The Doctor stopped about a dozen feet behind her but could easily read Pete’s and Jackie’s names.
Then, his gaze went to the marker beside theirs. It was smaller, but he could still read Rose Marion Tyler , followed by her date of birth and the date of the battle when she was thought to have died.
He walked closer and stopped just feet away from it.
“She was so young. Too young to die.” Shireen’s voice was beside him and she laid down the second bouquet of flowers she was holding. The Doctor just nodded.
They both were silent until Shireen spoke again. “She talked about you. She loved traveling with you. Probably would have gone anywhere with you. Once she started travelling, we couldn’t talk long, but it was always ‘the Doctor this’ and ‘the Doctor that’ and ‘me and the Doctor.’ I asked her once if she fancied you. She got all flustered so I knew she did. But I think it might have been more than fancying you.” She paused and looked at him. “Did you know?”
“I thought as much,” he admitted, still looking at the grave marker.
Shireen was looking at him closely now, studying him. After a moment, she gasped. “You felt the same way. Did she know?”
The Doctor sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up in different directions. “I never told her. Maybe I should have, but I didn’t. But…she knew. Even if I didn’t say it. She knew.” He hoped she did at least. He had come close to saying it more than once. What if he had? Would things have been different?
“I’m sure she did,” Shireen assured him. She took the picture he had seen before and placed it at the base of the tombstone, two smiling faces among monuments to the dead.
They stared at the picture of the two teenage girls and then Shireen asked, “Who are you traveling with now?”
“No one,” he answered.
He could sense her hesitation as she clearly debated on what to say next. After a minute, she spoke. “I could come with you,” she offered, but even as she said the words, he shook his head. It was too soon. Much too soon since he lost Rose. He couldn’t even imagine it. “I wouldn’t be trying to take her place,” Shireen insisted.
“No one ever could,” the Doctor answered. He knew Rose was not dead, but she was lost from this world anyway. This was almost fitting, her name on a tombstone among monuments to the dead.
Shireen sighed but seemed to understand. She had been curious about these travels with the Doctor and wanted to know what had pulled Rose away. Like Rose, Shireen wanted more than what she had now. However, it was too soon since Rose’s death and she could understand his reluctance. She looked at the photos she had brought and handed one to the Doctor. “Here.”
The Doctor pulled his gaze away from the cold, hard stone and looked at her as he took the offered picture. One of just Rose, looking happy, a smile on her face that clearly showed in her eyes, the way he always remembered her.
“I thought you’d like one to hold onto.”
The Doctor nodded, staring at the picture. At Rose. Seeing her, it felt like she was so close, yet so far at the same time. “Thank you,” he finally said.
“You’re welcome. I know it’s only a picture, but it’s better than nothing.” The Doctor carefully slid the picture into his jacket pocket, his mind a jumble. There was no way to get to Rose, yet could there be some way for him to at least talk to her, to just see her once more? The TARDIS was not strong enough alone but there was energy in space coming from stars and other sources.
An idea came to him. If he was brilliant, which he was, he could do it. He looked over at Shireen with a smile. “You’re brilliant. I can see why you and Rose are friends.”
“What?” she looked confused, not just by his praise but by talking about Rose in the present tense.
“I have to go,” he answered. “But you just gave me an idea.” He turned and started to run down the path and out of the cemetery, racing to the TARDIS. His hearts were beating rapidly.
It wouldn’t be the same, that was sure, but if he could just see her again, just talk to her maybe he would be okay. He knew that to say that final goodbye would hurt, but Rose was his Rose, his companion, his plus one and so much more.
Either way, it had to be better than a cold rock with her name on it. Rose was much more alive than that, more colourful, warmer.
He inserted the key into the lock and pushed open the door, rushing through and straight to the console. The engines wheezed as he started her up, the time rotor beginning to slide up and down. He pulled over a monitor and began scanning for stars close to nova, his fingers flying over a few switches to lock onto a target and move the ship into the vortex. He could use that energy.
Pulling the picture from his pocket, he looked at her smiling image, feeling the pain in his chest, the pain he had felt since he had lost Rose. “Rose…” he whispered. He would find her. He would be able to see her, to talk to her and while that wasn’t enough, it was better than nothing.