-<>-
This is a 2 part entry, what has been going on and why this morning sucks.
Part 1)
I just got back from a family reunion in Colorado. I thought it was great, Alysn went along and she was, understandably, overwhelmed. I met LOT of family I have never seen. Almost everyone from my dad's side was there; from my grandparents and my grandmothers sisters on down. It was crazy. I hadn't seen my cousins on that side for the better part of a decade and they all looked a lot different. Of course basic personalities stay the same. There was a rift between me and my cousins Kurtis who is nearly 2 years older than me was the only one of my cousins that was out of High School. Kurtis lives a lot closer to the rest of my cousins so he had a relationship built up that overcame the age gap, it was still apparent that he didn't really fit in with the cousins who were still in High School. I had that same gap but mine was magnified by the time since I last saw any of them and Alysn's presence. The status of alysn's and my relationship is strange. One one side she is my girlfriend of 4 years; on the other hand we are defiantly going to get married after college. So what are we? My relatives treat her like family; she was in all the family photos at the reunion. But the only commitment she has is my word that we'll get married; I don't think that is good enough for her. To sum this up: Colorado was hot, the reunion was great, and an issue surfaced.
Part 2)
I am excited about the prospect of getting married. I have known for a long while that Alysn and I would get married. We have talked about it and agreed to wait until after college, specifically right after graduation before graduate school. Lately, Alysn has been reading the posts of some of her friends that are, married and happy or having children and happy. She really wants that; of course I do too but not right now. Last night I was stupid and left something out that I shouldn't have. Alysn woke up this morning and was reminded about her blissfully happy friends. Then she found what I shouldn't have left out. I think she saw my shortcomings and compared them to the bliss of her friends. She left me a short note and left to clear her head before I woke up. So now here I am. Sitting in boxers wondering what she is feeing. Wishing I was better for her.
Part 1)
I just got back from a family reunion in Colorado. I thought it was great, Alysn went along and she was, understandably, overwhelmed. I met LOT of family I have never seen. Almost everyone from my dad's side was there; from my grandparents and my grandmothers sisters on down. It was crazy. I hadn't seen my cousins on that side for the better part of a decade and they all looked a lot different. Of course basic personalities stay the same. There was a rift between me and my cousins Kurtis who is nearly 2 years older than me was the only one of my cousins that was out of High School. Kurtis lives a lot closer to the rest of my cousins so he had a relationship built up that overcame the age gap, it was still apparent that he didn't really fit in with the cousins who were still in High School. I had that same gap but mine was magnified by the time since I last saw any of them and Alysn's presence. The status of alysn's and my relationship is strange. One one side she is my girlfriend of 4 years; on the other hand we are defiantly going to get married after college. So what are we? My relatives treat her like family; she was in all the family photos at the reunion. But the only commitment she has is my word that we'll get married; I don't think that is good enough for her. To sum this up: Colorado was hot, the reunion was great, and an issue surfaced.
Part 2)
I am excited about the prospect of getting married. I have known for a long while that Alysn and I would get married. We have talked about it and agreed to wait until after college, specifically right after graduation before graduate school. Lately, Alysn has been reading the posts of some of her friends that are, married and happy or having children and happy. She really wants that; of course I do too but not right now. Last night I was stupid and left something out that I shouldn't have. Alysn woke up this morning and was reminded about her blissfully happy friends. Then she found what I shouldn't have left out. I think she saw my shortcomings and compared them to the bliss of her friends. She left me a short note and left to clear her head before I woke up. So now here I am. Sitting in boxers wondering what she is feeing. Wishing I was better for her.