(no subject)
Fuck dude, I've been so mentally fucked up lately. Life hasn't been going too bad at all, but inside, things are crazy. Last friday, I got the tattoo, then went home, and that was it for the night. Saturday, I had to do a shit load of rearranging the furniture. Then I was supposed to do like, four things that night with different friends, but none of the plans went through. Sunday, lol.. jesus christ. Sunday was a weird day. It was great, yet it was miserable at the same time. My best friend came over, and we watched a little bit of a movie, and then we did a little drum playing. I was trying to teach her your "basic beat", but I was so out of it, so I did a real shitty job at teaching. However, she picked it up pretty fuckin quick and had the beat going for a while! When she decided to take a break, I sat on the drum stool and jammed to about 40 seconds of a song, which was the first time I had played in over a month, so I sucked. That was kind of embarrassing. But oh well. Anyway, long story short, we ended up FUCKING her mom's car up majorly when we took some metal OFF of the passenger-side door when we hit a fire hydrant. The next few hours were, like I said, miserable. But after she decided it was time to face the consequences, we went to her house and informed her parents of the damaged car. To be honest, I was scared for her to go home and tell her parents alone, so I didn't leave. I stayed over there for as long as I was able to. Things cheered up quite a bit though later that night. She and I ended up doing some of her homework, then we chatted about 'whatever' kind of stuff while we ate, and after that, I layed down and closed my eyes as my friend read to me only a few of her many deep, heartfelt poems. She's an amazing writer. I can FEEL the words that she wrote as she reads them. Never before have I been able to be filled with the emotion that the poem was written with. She's amazing. Okay, well, those have been my days lately. Like I said, nothing bad, but for some reason, in my head, I'm falling into a confusion that makes me feel like I'm spinning into a lost oblivion. Sometimes I have to wonder how much I really mean to people. Ya know? Sometimes I wonder how much of a 'friend' my 'friends' are. So badly, I just want to go home. The problem is, what's home? Where's home? I AM home. Why do I feel so lost? It has been too long since someone has loved me. I need someone to care for me, someone to hold me, someone to WANT me around. I don't mean to sound like I want sympathy. I just miss meaning a lot to someone. I miss having the feeling of being loved. Well anyway, I know this isn't a typical post by me. But, I'm not in my typical state of mind. I'm going to go, I need to think about things.