(no subject)
Waiting nervously for my father to wake up so I can argue discuss with him my college degree choice. There will be yelling, accusations I don't know what I'm doing and of course the declaration I don't know what I want to do with my life. Which is, actually, my idea - double majoring gives me options to fall back on that one does not, and I cannot in good conscience get a degree and go to law school as I originally intended. Not for him. I'm tired of living for other people. The joy on his face when I caved in was beautiful, and for a moment I thought I'd done the right thing. But I just don't have it in me to derail my life to make one old man happier.
God, forgive me, for I am selfish and for once, I want to what I want to do. It's going to hurt him, and he's going to hate it, but everything does at this point. All I want is to do something I love before bowing to others becomes everything I am. I need to have control over my own life. I'm suffocating.
I can't wait for this to be done. Fallout be what it may, at least I'll have been honest.
God, forgive me, for I am selfish and for once, I want to what I want to do. It's going to hurt him, and he's going to hate it, but everything does at this point. All I want is to do something I love before bowing to others becomes everything I am. I need to have control over my own life. I'm suffocating.
I can't wait for this to be done. Fallout be what it may, at least I'll have been honest.