Trips into the guest room
Well, ive decided that instead of being beutiful and poetic i will just tell you directly what is going on with me, everything that has happened and a synapysis of who i know because i dont feel most of you are getting it from my joural as it is. Also im doing this becuase its probally much better than a quiz. Oh yeah everything is in there home comming and what not. And honestly i dont expect anyone to read it all youll probaly skim it to find your name and read what i said then comment. I dont blame you, althou i would apreaciate it if you at least read bits and parts of it until you had it all done and then commented. I really think its going to be my olny entry in a while. And i deeply apoligeze to anyone i forgot.and i mean that.
Im jim am a kid whos 15 and think's hes a looser, im probally not a looser i just think that because i have low self esteem but then again mabey i really am and all the people i think are my friends talk shit about me behind my back, sometimes i really wonder but ill never know so go ask them and they can tell you behind my back if im a looser or not. I think i have sweet style and that is a plus about me. I like coffe and music.
Im very confused now and alwyas i dont know who i like more than other people and i wish i could talk to everyone but i cant. I hate talking online aim or whatever it just pisses me off. I love death cab for cutie more than anything before, thats the one thing im not confused about if i could live by following them around i would. Their words are beuatiful and i seem to automaticly like anyone who likes them as well. If im randomly singing "I put on my over coat and walked into winter.." and you came up and finshed the line (".. My teeth chatterd rythems and they were grouped in twos and threes") then i would love you forever. Jon alwyas hums the rythem part when i randomly sing that song. I love singing by jon becuase of that.
I am goning to a concert tommorw(or today depending on when this gets posted it might have even been yesterday) Its my first ever probally becuase i am a looser any way because it is my first im looking foward to it. I really really would like to see death cab for cutie pay on the 15 of this month. If someone would go with me i would love you even more then if you finshed my random songs. Ive also determened i say love to much when i probally dont mean it but then again what is lanuage any way? You really can make love mean whatever you wnat and im shure some people are outraged that i can feel so much about so little but ive seen the word so much and got accoustmed to it so it has bacically lost all meaning.
"their reption thins and fades their meaning"
I didnt want to make this entry all about DCFC but thast a good quote and im sad that i dont cry to many of thier songs any more jsut becuase i have heard them all so much before and i dont have to think about the words. I wish i could cry more.
I like art. I like roger because he shares that with me, i like roger becasue of everything he does and he drives me, and because when im with him i really feel like the main charter in the perks of being a wallflower And hes very intersing to talk to. Plus hes wirder than me and thats alwyas cool, he can see my inspiration like when i see words on the back of a paper and want to use them to make some statement. I think he gets that. The homecomming game was pretty good, i spent most of it with roger and we went to big boys after and talked about weid stuff. It was fun. I didnt have a good time at homecomming, i could have gone to a fisher spooner concert with roger and i kindof wish i did but i think that if i went people would have told me homecomming was sweet and i would have regretted going. For some reason i wanted to kiss roz there, i should have known that wouldnt happen. She is beuatiful and i know she doesnt think so but i have alwyas thought so. I barely saw her and i did slow dance with her which was entertaning but she left me for allie like in the middle. I don think roz likes me much. But i like her, in the more than friends way. She is cool at times but i hate when she is all over other guys rite infront of me, its not a good feeling. Its also not cool how she treats me some times. I tried to cheer her up one day and she jsut hated me for it. I think shes probaly over it by now but it wanst fun then. I even wrote a song about her if you do buy our cd youll see it, track four "A song for roslyn"(if thast spelled rite) I really didnt care thou becuse my night was already pretty bad. Also i asked Amanda pender do dance but she rejected me for anthony but some how that didnt make me feel bad. I think that becasue ive been where she is i can understand how she feels and that it would have been a drag to waste the dance on me. Amanda pender is this person i really used to like a long time ago, like when i first realized she existed. She has this incrdible long blonde hair and the oddest sense of style. Its cool. Lets see more about homecomming, Dinner before was really really fun. Me and jon got there early,(im alwyas on time), And chilled drinkin water and livia and her posse got there shortly after. Bean, Fink, Lawrence and livia and some girl from northern were there with me and jon and we had fun. Skot made all kinds of devices for launching various things into the air and bean and fink had spitball wars. Livia colored and noone cared. Bean is really a cool guy. He came out to my dad after and talked to him for a little while. I took drivers ed with bean over the summer, it was fun we had a fat ass teacher and would alwyas make fun of everything he did becuase he was an ass to us. Im glad bean was in my class because other wise i woudnt have had fun and i wouldnt have meat him. He told us about the papertowls at the big boy. Livia is a really cool person in the sense that we share so many interst. We both like reading similar stuff and we both drink coffe (althou you could argue hers is mostly milk) and we both love the big boy. For a few days not to long ago i thought i liked her as more than a friend but i dont think i do any more were jsut a lot alike but i dont know. Skot and fink i dont know well enought to put in here but the bathroom at the big boy was really fun with "We have over four state of the art locations." and my personal favorite, beans "We reuse our towles here in our faiclities." Stacey is a nice person i never had the chance to meat last year very well and i still dont see a lot of her its dissapointing. I would have liked to have a dance with her but i didnt, i think she had a date.
Have you ever thought about death? i do some times usualy when im trying to sleep. If i do thou i never get to sleep with in a half hour of that. Im scared shitless of death, like when i actually try to comprehend it, it jsut freeks me out. The good thing thou is when i do think about death it puts everything in perspective. When i do die i dont want to jsut be dead and no one cares, thers just a really nice car sitting in my drivay of my beach house. I could never live knowing when i die thers going to be a really nice guitar or whatever. Anyways kelly is a really sweet person because she seems like shes alwyas there for me. She has a lot of brilliant ideas but is really soft spoken. She looks out for people and i hope that people look out for her because it would be bad if they didnt. I like how she says were going to play in the leaves which i dont do much. I like how stephanine peterman alwyas seems to talk to me. She gets fustraited at times but alwyas manages to over see whatever and ends up talking to me. She is weird in the sence taht her logic probally is a little different than many other peoples but i think that its cool that she thinks whatever she wants and doesnt care if its not what other people think.
Two people told me that i clean up nicely(at the dance). Im not shure waht i think about that remark because it is a compliment but in order for you to look good 'cleaned up' you would have to look worse normally and i think i didnt look excpetionally better than i normally did. One of these people was nicole muster shes a girl whos very tall and pretty, she has longish blackish hair that is handosomly delicious. I used to like her at the begenning of this school year, i thought, we talked a lot and hung out it was fun, i miss those times already. She talks ghetto and i dont mind, i adopt her words and she, mine. I think i moved to fast. The other was danilea (probally spelled wrong). She is a freshman and short but its sweet cause she is one of my favorite freshmen. She reminds me a lot of when i was a freshman, the things she says and the way she reacts to stuff all reminds me of how i used to be. Its almost humuorous. Max is another freshamn i know i saw him and he went crazy, hes really short and is jewish. I like his clothes.
My escort to the dance was jon. He is a cool cookie, me and him are in a band together and he is a marvelous guitar player. Hes one of my favorite people because of the way he is how much he trust me and the music we listen to. We will probally make really good music, i hope. I know another kid named john. His last name is pray, he plays guitar too. I like how that john alwyas wants to hang out with me. Even when he didnt live here he would call whenever he was in town. That made me happy weve gont to the mall a lot and he is my perfect balance between compliant and rebilous. He does what you say to an extent, like anyone i guess, but his extent is perfectly placed.
Not everyone went to the dance, another one of my favorite people, lauren fenn, didnt. Shes too cool for dances apparently but thast good because i wish i wouldnt have gone. She also writes poetry but hers is much better than mine. She got published a few times i think and if you look at one of her books youll be amazed because her handwritting is so aswem. She has a really good sense of style and alwyas seems to know what to do. She is going out with neil at the moment. Neil is this bad ass guy whos in one of my classes. He has dreadlocks and is pretty good looking. He listens to good music has a real personality and talks to me so hes all good in my book. I dont know what im going to do next semester when i dont have that class with him any more.
Some people i knew since middle school and thast it. Thats rare thou because most people that went to my middle school didnt goto my high school so i barely talk to any of them. Two people i do talk to are aliya and blake. I like aliya becasue she danced with me at HC. I love how aliya has alwyas been there for me in the past when i needed help and she knows exactly what im trying to say when i dont. Blake can be a pain in the ass, A lot of the time but he has his moemnts when hes back. But to quote steph "hes a fag from way back."
I got an e.e. cummings book from the libary today. I read some of his stuff before and was looking at some senior's livejoural info and they had him in there and it was another amazing poem that i loved so i decided to beg my mom for the libary and she aggred. I wish i could be more like a few of those seniors but i konw i cant because i cant drive and im jsut not cool enough. Id say not tall enought but i just realized that the seniors info i was reading is shorter than me. I jsut finshed reading a few books one of them was the perks of being a wallflower. I like that book a lot. Out of all the juniors my favorite by far is Scott Niwenski (spelling error sorry) hes the coolest. I love the way he thinks and can explain things hes a master with words and doestn know it. His hair kicks ass too. He has a girlfriend whos also a junior and theyre really cute toegeher. Im kind of jealous acutally because i really think i want soemthing liek that where she waits on him and he waits on her and then they kiss. Rachel is in my sixth hour, she wasnt at the beggening of the year but she transfered in. We talk now all the time, she listens to good music too and i see her around a lot more now. Its weird how you can alwyas know somone exist but not see them until you know who they really are? I was introduced to julie last year but we didnt talk much or antyhing and now she im's me and stuff and i feel special because i dont really konw her. She wanted me to save her a dance so of course i did and i think it made her happy and i know i enjoyed it. Kat is a person i know, I like her but she is really hardcore into a lot of bad things i dont think are the best. She still is a good person thou, I have to say that i dont think i would be what i am rite now if it wasnt for her. Honestly shes the one who introduced me to death cab for cutie and they mean everything. Olny recently have i been able to not associate DCFC with kat.
Wow ive typed a lot and i hope you konw me better and i hope you know what i think of people better. Again, im sorry if i forgot you i tried to include everyone i know would read this because well they would get mad fast. I think i included people that wouldnt but i didnt get everyone. If you honestly read all of this wow you have no life but look at me i typed it all.
Now, "its gotten late and i want to be alone" im all typed out so im going to post it now i think.
Love Alwyas,
Jim
Im jim am a kid whos 15 and think's hes a looser, im probally not a looser i just think that because i have low self esteem but then again mabey i really am and all the people i think are my friends talk shit about me behind my back, sometimes i really wonder but ill never know so go ask them and they can tell you behind my back if im a looser or not. I think i have sweet style and that is a plus about me. I like coffe and music.
Im very confused now and alwyas i dont know who i like more than other people and i wish i could talk to everyone but i cant. I hate talking online aim or whatever it just pisses me off. I love death cab for cutie more than anything before, thats the one thing im not confused about if i could live by following them around i would. Their words are beuatiful and i seem to automaticly like anyone who likes them as well. If im randomly singing "I put on my over coat and walked into winter.." and you came up and finshed the line (".. My teeth chatterd rythems and they were grouped in twos and threes") then i would love you forever. Jon alwyas hums the rythem part when i randomly sing that song. I love singing by jon becuase of that.
I am goning to a concert tommorw(or today depending on when this gets posted it might have even been yesterday) Its my first ever probally becuase i am a looser any way because it is my first im looking foward to it. I really really would like to see death cab for cutie pay on the 15 of this month. If someone would go with me i would love you even more then if you finshed my random songs. Ive also determened i say love to much when i probally dont mean it but then again what is lanuage any way? You really can make love mean whatever you wnat and im shure some people are outraged that i can feel so much about so little but ive seen the word so much and got accoustmed to it so it has bacically lost all meaning.
"their reption thins and fades their meaning"
I didnt want to make this entry all about DCFC but thast a good quote and im sad that i dont cry to many of thier songs any more jsut becuase i have heard them all so much before and i dont have to think about the words. I wish i could cry more.
I like art. I like roger because he shares that with me, i like roger becasue of everything he does and he drives me, and because when im with him i really feel like the main charter in the perks of being a wallflower And hes very intersing to talk to. Plus hes wirder than me and thats alwyas cool, he can see my inspiration like when i see words on the back of a paper and want to use them to make some statement. I think he gets that. The homecomming game was pretty good, i spent most of it with roger and we went to big boys after and talked about weid stuff. It was fun. I didnt have a good time at homecomming, i could have gone to a fisher spooner concert with roger and i kindof wish i did but i think that if i went people would have told me homecomming was sweet and i would have regretted going. For some reason i wanted to kiss roz there, i should have known that wouldnt happen. She is beuatiful and i know she doesnt think so but i have alwyas thought so. I barely saw her and i did slow dance with her which was entertaning but she left me for allie like in the middle. I don think roz likes me much. But i like her, in the more than friends way. She is cool at times but i hate when she is all over other guys rite infront of me, its not a good feeling. Its also not cool how she treats me some times. I tried to cheer her up one day and she jsut hated me for it. I think shes probaly over it by now but it wanst fun then. I even wrote a song about her if you do buy our cd youll see it, track four "A song for roslyn"(if thast spelled rite) I really didnt care thou becuse my night was already pretty bad. Also i asked Amanda pender do dance but she rejected me for anthony but some how that didnt make me feel bad. I think that becasue ive been where she is i can understand how she feels and that it would have been a drag to waste the dance on me. Amanda pender is this person i really used to like a long time ago, like when i first realized she existed. She has this incrdible long blonde hair and the oddest sense of style. Its cool. Lets see more about homecomming, Dinner before was really really fun. Me and jon got there early,(im alwyas on time), And chilled drinkin water and livia and her posse got there shortly after. Bean, Fink, Lawrence and livia and some girl from northern were there with me and jon and we had fun. Skot made all kinds of devices for launching various things into the air and bean and fink had spitball wars. Livia colored and noone cared. Bean is really a cool guy. He came out to my dad after and talked to him for a little while. I took drivers ed with bean over the summer, it was fun we had a fat ass teacher and would alwyas make fun of everything he did becuase he was an ass to us. Im glad bean was in my class because other wise i woudnt have had fun and i wouldnt have meat him. He told us about the papertowls at the big boy. Livia is a really cool person in the sense that we share so many interst. We both like reading similar stuff and we both drink coffe (althou you could argue hers is mostly milk) and we both love the big boy. For a few days not to long ago i thought i liked her as more than a friend but i dont think i do any more were jsut a lot alike but i dont know. Skot and fink i dont know well enought to put in here but the bathroom at the big boy was really fun with "We have over four state of the art locations." and my personal favorite, beans "We reuse our towles here in our faiclities." Stacey is a nice person i never had the chance to meat last year very well and i still dont see a lot of her its dissapointing. I would have liked to have a dance with her but i didnt, i think she had a date.
Have you ever thought about death? i do some times usualy when im trying to sleep. If i do thou i never get to sleep with in a half hour of that. Im scared shitless of death, like when i actually try to comprehend it, it jsut freeks me out. The good thing thou is when i do think about death it puts everything in perspective. When i do die i dont want to jsut be dead and no one cares, thers just a really nice car sitting in my drivay of my beach house. I could never live knowing when i die thers going to be a really nice guitar or whatever. Anyways kelly is a really sweet person because she seems like shes alwyas there for me. She has a lot of brilliant ideas but is really soft spoken. She looks out for people and i hope that people look out for her because it would be bad if they didnt. I like how she says were going to play in the leaves which i dont do much. I like how stephanine peterman alwyas seems to talk to me. She gets fustraited at times but alwyas manages to over see whatever and ends up talking to me. She is weird in the sence taht her logic probally is a little different than many other peoples but i think that its cool that she thinks whatever she wants and doesnt care if its not what other people think.
Two people told me that i clean up nicely(at the dance). Im not shure waht i think about that remark because it is a compliment but in order for you to look good 'cleaned up' you would have to look worse normally and i think i didnt look excpetionally better than i normally did. One of these people was nicole muster shes a girl whos very tall and pretty, she has longish blackish hair that is handosomly delicious. I used to like her at the begenning of this school year, i thought, we talked a lot and hung out it was fun, i miss those times already. She talks ghetto and i dont mind, i adopt her words and she, mine. I think i moved to fast. The other was danilea (probally spelled wrong). She is a freshman and short but its sweet cause she is one of my favorite freshmen. She reminds me a lot of when i was a freshman, the things she says and the way she reacts to stuff all reminds me of how i used to be. Its almost humuorous. Max is another freshamn i know i saw him and he went crazy, hes really short and is jewish. I like his clothes.
My escort to the dance was jon. He is a cool cookie, me and him are in a band together and he is a marvelous guitar player. Hes one of my favorite people because of the way he is how much he trust me and the music we listen to. We will probally make really good music, i hope. I know another kid named john. His last name is pray, he plays guitar too. I like how that john alwyas wants to hang out with me. Even when he didnt live here he would call whenever he was in town. That made me happy weve gont to the mall a lot and he is my perfect balance between compliant and rebilous. He does what you say to an extent, like anyone i guess, but his extent is perfectly placed.
Not everyone went to the dance, another one of my favorite people, lauren fenn, didnt. Shes too cool for dances apparently but thast good because i wish i wouldnt have gone. She also writes poetry but hers is much better than mine. She got published a few times i think and if you look at one of her books youll be amazed because her handwritting is so aswem. She has a really good sense of style and alwyas seems to know what to do. She is going out with neil at the moment. Neil is this bad ass guy whos in one of my classes. He has dreadlocks and is pretty good looking. He listens to good music has a real personality and talks to me so hes all good in my book. I dont know what im going to do next semester when i dont have that class with him any more.
Some people i knew since middle school and thast it. Thats rare thou because most people that went to my middle school didnt goto my high school so i barely talk to any of them. Two people i do talk to are aliya and blake. I like aliya becasue she danced with me at HC. I love how aliya has alwyas been there for me in the past when i needed help and she knows exactly what im trying to say when i dont. Blake can be a pain in the ass, A lot of the time but he has his moemnts when hes back. But to quote steph "hes a fag from way back."
I got an e.e. cummings book from the libary today. I read some of his stuff before and was looking at some senior's livejoural info and they had him in there and it was another amazing poem that i loved so i decided to beg my mom for the libary and she aggred. I wish i could be more like a few of those seniors but i konw i cant because i cant drive and im jsut not cool enough. Id say not tall enought but i just realized that the seniors info i was reading is shorter than me. I jsut finshed reading a few books one of them was the perks of being a wallflower. I like that book a lot. Out of all the juniors my favorite by far is Scott Niwenski (spelling error sorry) hes the coolest. I love the way he thinks and can explain things hes a master with words and doestn know it. His hair kicks ass too. He has a girlfriend whos also a junior and theyre really cute toegeher. Im kind of jealous acutally because i really think i want soemthing liek that where she waits on him and he waits on her and then they kiss. Rachel is in my sixth hour, she wasnt at the beggening of the year but she transfered in. We talk now all the time, she listens to good music too and i see her around a lot more now. Its weird how you can alwyas know somone exist but not see them until you know who they really are? I was introduced to julie last year but we didnt talk much or antyhing and now she im's me and stuff and i feel special because i dont really konw her. She wanted me to save her a dance so of course i did and i think it made her happy and i know i enjoyed it. Kat is a person i know, I like her but she is really hardcore into a lot of bad things i dont think are the best. She still is a good person thou, I have to say that i dont think i would be what i am rite now if it wasnt for her. Honestly shes the one who introduced me to death cab for cutie and they mean everything. Olny recently have i been able to not associate DCFC with kat.
Wow ive typed a lot and i hope you konw me better and i hope you know what i think of people better. Again, im sorry if i forgot you i tried to include everyone i know would read this because well they would get mad fast. I think i included people that wouldnt but i didnt get everyone. If you honestly read all of this wow you have no life but look at me i typed it all.
Now, "its gotten late and i want to be alone" im all typed out so im going to post it now i think.
Love Alwyas,
Jim