(no subject)
I am waiting. Time is dripping on my forehead with a steady, unwavering rhythm. I have developed rings under my eyes. I look in the mirror now and I see them quite clearly. They have been there for a while now. I don't want to talk to people. I did tonight on the telephone. They always ask me what i'm doing. I just tell them im working and playing and I leave it at that. I am so wired on shit now that i’ll probably never get to sleep. I hate having to maintain. I am no good at it. We will never know the feeling of napalm and that makes me sad. I am losing my human values. The can that holds my humanity has been shot full of holes. Two years ago, I was different. Every waking moment is such a dehumanizing evperience. I will not struggle to keep it. I choose not to resist the draining. And in this draining, a new animal will be born. Rational thought is just so ridiculous to me now. I hear them talk and I cannot understand. I used to feel bad that I did not fit in because I thought that it was a failing on my part. Now I understand that no one is wrong, including me. Drinking beer and sticking a screwdriver in someones head are the same thing. One is worse then the other. If they can go fly a kite, then i can dismemeber children and throw the amputated limbs on peoples fron lawns. This is what I understand. This is true. People would argue that this activity is against the law, therefore wrong. I cannont respect that. A law book is just a bung of words that someone wrote down. I could write one of my own that if I wanted to. It's my word against theirs. Knowing this makes life a lot easier for me. I can go with flow. I dont respect the law and people that live under it. Cops are men and woman with guns. That why I stay aways from them, not because they have laws on there side. I think it would be fun to change the law every week but not to tell anybody. People would be getting shot for doing laundry, arrested for eating. It sure would put some excitement into things around here. Some mother fuckers would try to bust the sun for coming up in the morning.