Changes
It's an interesting feeling, providing shelter and succor to thine enemy. But I guess enemy is a relative term.
History:
Kat and I are not meant for each other. It's taken a long time for me to think about it and not get deeply depressed. Fact of the matter: we are compatible 99.9% spot on. But that .1%, well, thats not something that can be comprimised on. She's free spirited, a wanderer in the truest sense. I've done my wandering. I've had to reset my schools, friends, environemnt, thats out of my system. So here's where the titans collide. Probably around May to the very latest June, she will leave. To Oregon or thereabouts with Joel.
Fast forward to about right after XMas:
Joel has crashed here on his way to hands on training with wild animals in FL. Shit happens and that falls through, and he's crashing here for a bit. I'm not entirely sure why, but am long past caring to ask. He's a nice guy. I like him alot. We have hella lot in common. And he treats Kat awesomely. But for the past week all she's done is cuddle with him on the couch. I've felt like a third goddamn wheel for a week now in my own house. But who can I be mad at? Kat? While yeah, she's going to see him everyday for I'm sure quite awhile, they connect on levels that her and I don't. Joel? I can't blame him any more then I can blame her. Fate? Shit, i've been blaming fate for alot of things before this.
So I guess it boils down to the fact that i am tired of the emotional rollercoaster. I don't want to look over from the computer and see them and get angry. No, angry isn't the word to describe it. I can't think of a word for it. I can only describe: a fury so fundamental that it would burn the world were I not to bottle it up. And that frightens and depresses me. When you strip away my humor, my emotions, my humanity, is this what I am? A blast furnace of blinding, seething fury?
So it's come to this. I've fallen out of love with Kat. I've tried to somewhat dissassciate from her, but the bitterness keeps showing itself. So this way I don't hurt because I'm not in love with her anymore. Yeah I still love her, but I don't want to fly into a murderous rampage every 5 minutes now. Or cry until I can't cry anymore and THEN fly into a murderous rampage.
When he goes, will I fall back in love with her? Hard to say. I think I can, but I guess only time will tell.
Mark Collie - In Time
I can hear what you're thinking,
All your doubts and fears,
And if you look in my eyes, in time you'll find,
The reason I'm here.
And in time all things shall pass away,
In time, you may come back someday.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.
You know your days are numbered,
Count them one by one,
Like notches in the handle of an outlaw's gun.
You can outrun the devil, if you try,
But you'll never outrun the hands of time.
In time there surely, come a day
In time all things shall pass away,
In time you may come back some say.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.
Godsmack - Voodoo
Candles raise my desire
Why I'm so far away
No more meaning to my life
No more reason to stay
Freezing feeling, Breathe in--Breathe in
I'm coming back again
I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins
Never did I wanna be here again
And I don't remember why I came
Hazing clouds rain on my head
Empty thoughts fill my ears
Find my shade by the moon light
Why my thoughts aren't so clear
Demons dreaming
Breathe in--Breathe in
I'm coming back again
VooDoo, I'm not the one
who's so far away
I can hear what you're thinking.
History:
Kat and I are not meant for each other. It's taken a long time for me to think about it and not get deeply depressed. Fact of the matter: we are compatible 99.9% spot on. But that .1%, well, thats not something that can be comprimised on. She's free spirited, a wanderer in the truest sense. I've done my wandering. I've had to reset my schools, friends, environemnt, thats out of my system. So here's where the titans collide. Probably around May to the very latest June, she will leave. To Oregon or thereabouts with Joel.
Fast forward to about right after XMas:
Joel has crashed here on his way to hands on training with wild animals in FL. Shit happens and that falls through, and he's crashing here for a bit. I'm not entirely sure why, but am long past caring to ask. He's a nice guy. I like him alot. We have hella lot in common. And he treats Kat awesomely. But for the past week all she's done is cuddle with him on the couch. I've felt like a third goddamn wheel for a week now in my own house. But who can I be mad at? Kat? While yeah, she's going to see him everyday for I'm sure quite awhile, they connect on levels that her and I don't. Joel? I can't blame him any more then I can blame her. Fate? Shit, i've been blaming fate for alot of things before this.
So I guess it boils down to the fact that i am tired of the emotional rollercoaster. I don't want to look over from the computer and see them and get angry. No, angry isn't the word to describe it. I can't think of a word for it. I can only describe: a fury so fundamental that it would burn the world were I not to bottle it up. And that frightens and depresses me. When you strip away my humor, my emotions, my humanity, is this what I am? A blast furnace of blinding, seething fury?
So it's come to this. I've fallen out of love with Kat. I've tried to somewhat dissassciate from her, but the bitterness keeps showing itself. So this way I don't hurt because I'm not in love with her anymore. Yeah I still love her, but I don't want to fly into a murderous rampage every 5 minutes now. Or cry until I can't cry anymore and THEN fly into a murderous rampage.
When he goes, will I fall back in love with her? Hard to say. I think I can, but I guess only time will tell.
Mark Collie - In Time
I can hear what you're thinking,
All your doubts and fears,
And if you look in my eyes, in time you'll find,
The reason I'm here.
And in time all things shall pass away,
In time, you may come back someday.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.
You know your days are numbered,
Count them one by one,
Like notches in the handle of an outlaw's gun.
You can outrun the devil, if you try,
But you'll never outrun the hands of time.
In time there surely, come a day
In time all things shall pass away,
In time you may come back some say.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.
Godsmack - Voodoo
Candles raise my desire
Why I'm so far away
No more meaning to my life
No more reason to stay
Freezing feeling, Breathe in--Breathe in
I'm coming back again
I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins
Never did I wanna be here again
And I don't remember why I came
Hazing clouds rain on my head
Empty thoughts fill my ears
Find my shade by the moon light
Why my thoughts aren't so clear
Demons dreaming
Breathe in--Breathe in
I'm coming back again
VooDoo, I'm not the one
who's so far away
I can hear what you're thinking.