three days
http://youtu.be/36SwnItlU4M
I leave for Paris in three days. I just got a call from the detective whose on the case for the charges I'm trying to bring against my cousin.
It's so weird how my coming out about being molested and Paris are so closely intertwined. Four years later I am going back to Paris and again involved with my past and what happened to me. The detective asked me if I would have my phone in Paris, I said no that I do have email but I would prefer to not be contact unless it was an absolute emergency. He understood and told me to enjoy my time there.
I want to cry but I don't even know what about. The struggle of life I suppose, it just goes up and down and stretched you think then fills you so full you could burt. It's wonderful, it's scary and exhausting.
There are so many things in my life right now that feel like they are shifting, things in my character, in my consciousness and in everyday life. Things that used to define my idea of who I am are changing, I'm growing into myself and there are still a lot of gaps and holes.
Some of these holes terrify me, I don't know what's going to fill them, I don't know who I am in those parts. There are things I don't know if I want and things I am sure I don't but could wind up with regardless.
I want to know what is important to me and get down to the essence of my own existence. Simply and have a concise meaning of happiness, or the balance that is an attempt at, and live by that.
Last night I was talking with someone who is very dear to me about how psychologically in your twenties you grow into if you are alone or together. If you are happy alone, want to be alone, or want to be with a special someone or need people in your life to make you feel balanced. Although I have always had lovers, and I am a social butterfly I am honestly very unsure about this subject as it pertains to me right now. I am okay with being unsure although part of me, the part from long long ago, desperately does not want to be alone. Another part of me, a newer, stronger and more jaded part feels and wants to be alone because in the end you only have yourself and in aloneness you are safe from harm.
And the best part about all of these ruminations, and sprouts in my being is that I don't have to know the answer. There is no time limit to knowing one's self until death, and then it will be off to the next adventure.
I leave for Paris in three days. I just got a call from the detective whose on the case for the charges I'm trying to bring against my cousin.
It's so weird how my coming out about being molested and Paris are so closely intertwined. Four years later I am going back to Paris and again involved with my past and what happened to me. The detective asked me if I would have my phone in Paris, I said no that I do have email but I would prefer to not be contact unless it was an absolute emergency. He understood and told me to enjoy my time there.
I want to cry but I don't even know what about. The struggle of life I suppose, it just goes up and down and stretched you think then fills you so full you could burt. It's wonderful, it's scary and exhausting.
There are so many things in my life right now that feel like they are shifting, things in my character, in my consciousness and in everyday life. Things that used to define my idea of who I am are changing, I'm growing into myself and there are still a lot of gaps and holes.
Some of these holes terrify me, I don't know what's going to fill them, I don't know who I am in those parts. There are things I don't know if I want and things I am sure I don't but could wind up with regardless.
I want to know what is important to me and get down to the essence of my own existence. Simply and have a concise meaning of happiness, or the balance that is an attempt at, and live by that.
Last night I was talking with someone who is very dear to me about how psychologically in your twenties you grow into if you are alone or together. If you are happy alone, want to be alone, or want to be with a special someone or need people in your life to make you feel balanced. Although I have always had lovers, and I am a social butterfly I am honestly very unsure about this subject as it pertains to me right now. I am okay with being unsure although part of me, the part from long long ago, desperately does not want to be alone. Another part of me, a newer, stronger and more jaded part feels and wants to be alone because in the end you only have yourself and in aloneness you are safe from harm.
And the best part about all of these ruminations, and sprouts in my being is that I don't have to know the answer. There is no time limit to knowing one's self until death, and then it will be off to the next adventure.