This year
...I left a well-paying job to go back to school.
...I found a future career that is really going to make me happy.
...I had my heart broken, big time.
...My parents decided to get divorced after 30+ years of marriage.
...I developed a real relationship with my biological family.
...I experimented with some new things.
...I missed a lot of school. :(
...I will move away from home for the first time.
I don't know who I've become in the past 6 months. I've really let go of a lot of things that I've been holding onto in my life. I've become a more relaxed person who's ready to have fun. It's a good thing but I also lost someone every important in my life. Growing hurts so much and growing up hurts even more.
All this has made me feel like I'm in the middle of a tornado. I think I've become less of an emotional person. I feel all these things but I'm to the point where I cannot let it get to me. I have to move forward and accomplish things for myself and if I'm depressed, I can't do it.
I'm so afraid of relationships. My parents were never the most compatible people but if after that long they can't make it work...I feel like no one can. I'm terrified of things falling apart from what I've experienced this year and what I've seen. I had a therapist tell me when I was 16 that I was really going to have to break the divorce pattern for myself. All the women in my biological family have been divorced, and most more than once. At 16 I rolled my eyes by now when I've been through one failed relationship and I see the instability of the real world, I'm scared.
God...my family. I've reached out and grabbed hold of what's been there all along - more people who have wanted to love me and get to know me my whole life. I don't have any anger in my heart for anyone. I've found some amazing people in the people I used to call my "biological" family. Now they're just my family. As I get to know them it's overwhelming to know that my same blood runs through their veins. That's something I've subconsciously been looking for my whole life. I feel some kind of completion in my life in that area.
Maybe it's not that I don't know who I am but I'm finally learning who I am.
...I found a future career that is really going to make me happy.
...I had my heart broken, big time.
...My parents decided to get divorced after 30+ years of marriage.
...I developed a real relationship with my biological family.
...I experimented with some new things.
...I missed a lot of school. :(
...I will move away from home for the first time.
I don't know who I've become in the past 6 months. I've really let go of a lot of things that I've been holding onto in my life. I've become a more relaxed person who's ready to have fun. It's a good thing but I also lost someone every important in my life. Growing hurts so much and growing up hurts even more.
All this has made me feel like I'm in the middle of a tornado. I think I've become less of an emotional person. I feel all these things but I'm to the point where I cannot let it get to me. I have to move forward and accomplish things for myself and if I'm depressed, I can't do it.
I'm so afraid of relationships. My parents were never the most compatible people but if after that long they can't make it work...I feel like no one can. I'm terrified of things falling apart from what I've experienced this year and what I've seen. I had a therapist tell me when I was 16 that I was really going to have to break the divorce pattern for myself. All the women in my biological family have been divorced, and most more than once. At 16 I rolled my eyes by now when I've been through one failed relationship and I see the instability of the real world, I'm scared.
God...my family. I've reached out and grabbed hold of what's been there all along - more people who have wanted to love me and get to know me my whole life. I don't have any anger in my heart for anyone. I've found some amazing people in the people I used to call my "biological" family. Now they're just my family. As I get to know them it's overwhelming to know that my same blood runs through their veins. That's something I've subconsciously been looking for my whole life. I feel some kind of completion in my life in that area.
Maybe it's not that I don't know who I am but I'm finally learning who I am.