It's my life
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter all characters are the property of J.K. Rowling. I also do not own this song.
Pairings: Harry/Severus, past Ron/Hermione.
Warning: Male homosexual relationships, fluff, slight angst.
AN: I thought it was time I tried a S/H story, I just hope that Severus is in character.
It’s my life.
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
“Maybe it isn’t enough anymore!” Harry shouted at Hermione, the infuriating witch standing in front of him with her hands on her hips, looking like Molly Weasley the second.
“She loves you, and I thought that you loved her back. Have you been lying to her all this time?” she shouted back an angry flush creeping up her neck towards her face and fizzy hair. “She loves you, loves you for Harry Potter, isn’t that what you wanted, for someone to love you, someone to have a family with?” Her arms flailed as she gestured with her hands to try and get her point across.
“Hermione, it’s none of our business,” Ron told her bravely from the doorway. “If Harry wants to leave then let him!”
“Of course it’s our business, Harry should at least explain to Ginny why he’s leaving her. Isn’t it cowardly to walk out on her while she’s at work?” Hermione fumed.
“Why should I explain when for the last four months she’s been sleeping around behind my back with every man she can find?!”
“I don’t want to know Harry, it doesn’t concern me whether you can satisfy your girlfriend or not. That isn’t what I was asking! I -”
“For Merlin’s sake, get out, I can’t talk to you when you’re like this! I don’t butt into your relationship with Ron.”
“Harry she needs you -”
“Do you believe Ginny’s happiness to be more important than Harry’s? After everything he has been through don’t you think he should put himself first for once?” A drawling voice came from the open doorway.
“Severus…” Harry said softly. “I thought I told you not to come.”
The dark man muttered something that sounded like ‘foolish brat’ and walked other to stand next to Harry in a united stand.
“Severus?” Hermione practically shouted, while Ron looked on curiously. “So it’s ‘Severus’ now. Is this why you’re leaving Ginny? To be with him?” She spat the last part vehemently.
“We’re just friends,” Harry said softly, grabbing more clothes from the wardrobe mostly just to keep his hands busy so that he didn’t feel too tempted to strangle the bushy-haired girl.
He heard Severus sigh before all of his things were flying towards him from all angles packing themselves into his bags.
He looked up to see that Severus wouldn’t meet his eyes most likely hurt by the way Harry had brushed off the chance of a relationship between them. Severus had been trying to bring Harry around to his way of thinking but Harry wouldn’t even think about the possibility of the two of them until he was single.
Hermione made a noise that made Harry think that she doubted the statement highly. But he really didn’t care anymore.
“Ok then, if ‘Severus’ isn’t the reason then what is?” Hermione asked rudely.
“Hermione,” Ron hissed, not believing that his girlfriend was acting this way towards their best friend.
“Why do I have to explain myself to you? The only person I should be talking to about this is Ginny. You are meant to be my best friends why can’t you just accept me the way I am?” Harry finished sadly grabbing his now packed bags.
“Harry, if you explain it to us then maybe we would be able to understand and accept it. This is so unlike you, I don’t unders -”
“You never have.” Harry stated hotly. “The whole time I have been friends with you it’s as if you thought I was somebody else. Harry Potter, best friends with Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, Auror-to-be, a respectable boy who will obviously one day marry Ginny Weasley, his best friend’s little sister and spend the rest of his life pretending to be something he’s not.”
“I can’t pretend anymore, I can’t do it to myself or Ginny,” Harry said shrinking his bags and placing them into his pocket.
“Harry, think about this rationally, wait it out a while and work on your relationship, it’ll all work out if you just try!” Hermione told him in a knowing voice.
“But I don’t want it to work out!” Harry shouted, growing angrier by the second. “I just want my life back, the one where I make decisions for myself and am able to be who I truly am. Ever since I got with Ginny she has been ordering me around, spending my money and flaunting my fame. I’m sick of it. The year I had after Hogwarts without her was wonderful. I want it to go back to that again. I want to be free, to be my own person.”
“Harry,” Hermione said in what sounded to Harry like a warning tone.
“No,” he said back. “I want to be happy. I don’t want to be resigned into living a life that I just bear. I want to love my life, smile every minute of the day because I’m happy.”
“I can’t wake up every morning for the rest of my life next to somebody who I know doesn’t love me.”
“But she does Harry,” Hermione insisted. “I know she loves you, she did before she even met you -”
“And that’s the problem. She loves the Boy-who-lived. Not me, plain old Harry. To her I’m this hero, who managed to kill someone without even lifting a finger, I was one year old for god’s sake and she expects me to carry on saving and killing people. Be an Auror so that I am continuously in the press. I saved her in her second year, and that’s all she can see, and it’s all she’ll ever see.”
“She doesn’t understand me, and she doesn’t have the time for me either. If I’ve had a bad day and just want to off load she couldn’t care less she just starts talking about something else over me like a new robe she’s seen and wants money from me to buy.”
“You should have come to us, mate,” Ron said sadly, now understanding everything his friend had had to put up with.
“When will you find time for me in your busy schedule, between becoming an Auror, your relationship with Hermione and managing to squeeze in time to see your family? There’s no space for me to fit into for a couple of hours talking.”
Ron closed his eyes tightly, he had been neglecting his friendship with his best friend, “Is that how you and Severus came about?” he asked understanding dawning.
“I can talk to him in a way I can with no other person I’ve ever met in my life. It’s as if we were meant to…” Harry stopped as if feeling he could not finish the sentence.
“Be together.” Severus finished for him.
“I love Ginny, but as a sister. Especially after the Basilisk incident, but it only seemed to confirm to her that I was a hero, unbeatable. But the worse thing was that I couldn’t tell her she was wrong. I felt like I would be letting her down. Admitting my faults would disappoint her and she would realise that all along I wasn’t what she thought I was.”
“Every time I looked at her she reminded me of my mother and really I think that’s what drew me to her in the beginning. But that made it worse, I couldn’t talk to her like as I should have been able to, I couldn’t get comfortable around her, I couldn’t talk about my deepest secrets as I didn’t want to be a failure to her.”
“But worst of all, I think I was using her as much as she was using me. I never cheated on her or anything I just… Your mum was the first person to ever really hug me, like a mother would. Subconsciously, I think I did every thing in my power to make sure I didn’t lose that.”
“Harry, I didn’t realise…” Ron said while Hermione just stood there arms crossed over her chest sending glares at Severus who was sending them back just as harshly if not worse.
Hermione snorted. “Harry, get over yourself, I for one am sick of your whining!”
Ron stood open-mouthed gaping at Hermione’s harsh words.
“Harry’s whining,” Severus said in a mock of the bushy-haired witch’s voice. “Harry never whines, he never complains about anything! His arm could be hanging out of its socket and his brain falling out of a hole in his head and he would insist that he was fine, just so that he wouldn’t make a fuss!” Severus said angrily, though there was a touch of affection for Harry lacing his voice as his eyes turned to look at the blushing man.
“He needs to learn that not everything revolves around the-boy-who-lived!” Hermione shouted sounding very much like a younger Draco Malfoy.
“Bloody hell Hermione! You sound like Malfoy, what is your problem?”
“She doesn’t sound like Draco, not anymore-”
“What are you going to tell us next Harry? That you’re friends with Malfoy now too?”
“Well, actually…”
“I don’t believe this, where has my friend gone from school, when we were the Gryffindor Trio, against the Slytherins all the way, fighting Voldemort until the end?” Hermione asked confused, while Ron just stood there shaking his head. He was beginning to find out so many things about his girlfriend that he wished he’d known about before.
“He grew up, that’s all, and maybe it’s time you did too,” Harry told her.
“Harry! Did you just-?”
“Hermione, leave him alone haven’t you said all along that he didn’t look happy, that he should do something with his life?” Ron asked his girlfriend. “Why don’t you just let him do what he wants? No one has ever told you what to do before, so why do you believe that you have the right?”
“Harry, where are you going to stay?” Ron asked concernedly.
“With Severus, I’m going to be working in the apothecary with him until I can find my dream job and decide what I’m going to do with my life.”
“Can I come and see you later maybe talk more without-” he nodded pointedly at Hermione, “her?”
Harry looked at Severus who nodded straight away; he knew how important friendship would be to Harry right now, even if Granger wouldn’t be involved in that.
“Ron, how can you not care about every bad word Harry just said about your little sister?” Hermione asked aghast.
“Because it’s all true! Fred, George and I have been talking about it for weeks; we couldn’t understand how Harry could stand it. We were trying to get up the courage to speak to Harry in case he didn’t realise what was going on.”
“I can completely understand why you are sick of her Harry.” Ron said. “Mum and Dad spoilt Ginny and they still do. She was the first girl to be born for generations. They treated her as if she was a precious gift from God, though they told us that all us children were, it was plain that Ginny was their favourite. She could do no wrong.”
“You deserve to be rid of her Harry,” Hermione stormed out of the room in a fit of rage, probably to go and warn Ginny of the situation. He looked pointedly at Severus.
“I’ll go and get the Floo ready,” he said with a nod to Ron.
“Severus is good for you Harry; he’s good to you, much better than Ginny was. I think he could make you happy.”
“I hope so, Ron. He’s been so good to me these past few months, just listening when I needed someone to talk to.”
‘And holding you when you needed a shoulder to cry on.’ Harry’s mind supplied for him.
Ron smiled at the dreamy look on Harry’s face. “Come on, you better go before Ginny turns up screeching like a banshee.”
This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud