Interview Me -- mal
The impetus:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
The offer is hereby made to all readers.
I made the request for questions of mal, and following are her questions with my answers. Before I get started I would like to point out that this set actually comprises eight questions, not five, which hardly seems fair. ;)
1. What do you find to be most fulfilling about your intimate relationships with other people?
Trust. It's hard to develop and hard to maintain. All relationships -- no matter how close, how intimate, how long-term -- involve failures of trust. However, even knowing that, the most fulfilling thing about my intimate relationships is that deep, fuck-up defying, trust that can be built between humans. That includes the trust I have that I can depend on my inimates; but, almost moreso, it means the trust they place in me. The feeling I get when someone places their trust in me and the opportunity I receive from that to live up to that trust are two of the most fulfilling things I can think of. Fucking that up hurts more than most anything. Yet, I know, even when my intimates have fucked up and betrayed my trust, that we've been able to make the relationship stronger by working with them to build that back; so, I always work hard to build it back up when I fuck it up.
2. What is the easiest thing for you about being in intimate relationships? What is the hardest?
I don't think I could pick one "the easiest" or one "the hardest". Especially the hardest. So, I will pick something that is right up there near the top of both lists: habits of being.
It's so comfortable to come home to/have lunch with/vent to/cuddle with/listen to/usw that intimate friend or lover. Part of this comfort is the trust of the relationship, but part of it quickly becomes the familiarity. People change (I wouldn't have it any other way), though, and it can be so hard to remember to give them credit/room for that change. The longer an intimate relationship lasts, the more secure and comfortable it is. But, the longer an intimate relationship lasts, the more likely it is that each person in the relationship is still remembering/expecting things from the other that are no longer even true.
Also related to habits of being, it's too easy to take things for granted. Coming home at a certain time, with a certain routine, and certain expectations can be very comforting. But developing habits of interaction can lead to stagnation. This happens a lot around sex, as well.
3. What do you think is the greatest strength of the human condition?
I am not sure what is meant by "the human condition". Or, rather, I am not sure I believe in it. Our big old brains open a whole raft of things that no other animal deals with ever. Yet, some of the things we value most can be found in all kinds of animals -- forgiveness, empathy, trust. And, again, I am loathe to pick a single thing and say 'this is the greatest'. Amongst the most powerful things that appear to be uniquely human I would list self-awareness (which is nearly cheating since it is the very definition of sentient), critical thinking, the understanding of False Belief.
I don't think I could value highly enough the ability to look at oneself and consider what one finds there. But, at the same time, without critical thinking that self-examiniation is mere navel-gazing. And, critical thinking applies out to the rest of our world, our understanding of the world, our development of our world.
But, False Belief is, I think, often overlooked. Empathy is an important part of compassion, ethics, and morality. And empathy is hard enough. What's even harder than empathy, though, is being able to understand that everyone else does not know what you know. Everyone else has not learned what you've learned. Everyone else has not grown in the way you've grown. Having empathy and compassion for the truly Other, that is truly human.
4. What do you feel is your best attribute? What do you struggle with?
I don't think I've ever really tried to rate myself in a way that would lead to a choice of best attribute. Partly, I think, it's due to generally being overly critical of myself; so I don't really tend to focus on my positive aspects. I guess I kind of feel like they're already good, so don't need work. Heh. So, I dunno what's best. I'll cheat (since you cheated and asked two questions, it's only fair!) and choose an attribute which I feel leads to both good and bad things.
I am very critical.
Turned in on myself, this leads to a fair amount of self-awareness, a lot of changing things I didn't like about myself. I am a very different person now than I was 15 years ago, and a very very very different person than I was 20 years ago. When I was somewhat younger than that, I had already started thinking pretty critically about who and how I was and made some decisions about things I definitely wanted to steer away from. I achieved that early goal. I've been successful in some of the changes I've undertaken since then, and I've missed the mark with some and am working on them. I wasn't always right in these choices, either.
Turned on work, puzzles, logistics, movies, games, human interactions, and other activities in life, this leads to a lot of things that I mostly find to be positive. I am pretty good at solving problems and I learn things quickly. I generally call this "cleverness", but I actually think it mostly has to do with critical thinking. I think I learn a lot of interesting things from just asking questions all the time; but it also makes me opinionated. I often hear things like "you've really thought about too much"; but I am not sure that I can accept that you can think about anything too much. As fruitylips has said: there is no useless knowledge, only knowledge for which you've not yet found a use.
I struggle with this criticalness all the time, though. Knowing everything at work that we're doing in dumb ways and knowing we could do them better is depressing and frustrating. And, I am often over-critical, of myself and of others. It's bad enough when it is myself I am dissecting with my lazer gaze. I am very very good at it. I know exactly all of my flaws and I know everything I've ever done wrong. It's worse when it is other people, who maybe are not in the mood to have each of their little flaws laid out bare. And, again, I am not always right. And it is really, really bad when I am depressed and/or angry and I turn this critical gaze on other people in unkind ways.
5. Given a year to do anything you wanted, what would you do? Given a lifetime, what would you do that you couldn't do in a year?
One of the things which appears to be odd about me is: I don't really have any real pursuits -- not the way people seem to mean it. The SubG has math and physics and complex grammar design. Given time to himself he _does_ study and learn and create. It seems like other people have similar things. I know people who'd throw themselves into photography, or martial arts, or programming, or writing, or a study of something. I really don't have anything like that. There are tons of things I like doing (and do) -- astronomy, saltwater aquarium keeping, writing, reading, cello playing, photography, video gaming, movie watching, museum visiting, talking, learning, strategy board gaming, knitting, sewing, origami folding -- but I have no pursuit. There is nothing I would want a year to do. I guess, if I were free of all ties, I'd like to do more traveling.
Given a lifetime, there are a number of jobs I'd like to work at but am unwilling to commit to poverty to do them. So, assuming "given a lifetime to do anything you wanted" entails 'and you don't have to worry about money at all', I'd like to have a series of low-paying but interesting jobs including but not limited to: learn American Sign Language and become a translator, tech work for charitable organizations, read to the blind, teach adult literacy, own a bookshop, learn more about and get directly involved in our political system. You get the idea.
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
The offer is hereby made to all readers.
I made the request for questions of mal, and following are her questions with my answers. Before I get started I would like to point out that this set actually comprises eight questions, not five, which hardly seems fair. ;)
1. What do you find to be most fulfilling about your intimate relationships with other people?
Trust. It's hard to develop and hard to maintain. All relationships -- no matter how close, how intimate, how long-term -- involve failures of trust. However, even knowing that, the most fulfilling thing about my intimate relationships is that deep, fuck-up defying, trust that can be built between humans. That includes the trust I have that I can depend on my inimates; but, almost moreso, it means the trust they place in me. The feeling I get when someone places their trust in me and the opportunity I receive from that to live up to that trust are two of the most fulfilling things I can think of. Fucking that up hurts more than most anything. Yet, I know, even when my intimates have fucked up and betrayed my trust, that we've been able to make the relationship stronger by working with them to build that back; so, I always work hard to build it back up when I fuck it up.
2. What is the easiest thing for you about being in intimate relationships? What is the hardest?
I don't think I could pick one "the easiest" or one "the hardest". Especially the hardest. So, I will pick something that is right up there near the top of both lists: habits of being.
It's so comfortable to come home to/have lunch with/vent to/cuddle with/listen to/usw that intimate friend or lover. Part of this comfort is the trust of the relationship, but part of it quickly becomes the familiarity. People change (I wouldn't have it any other way), though, and it can be so hard to remember to give them credit/room for that change. The longer an intimate relationship lasts, the more secure and comfortable it is. But, the longer an intimate relationship lasts, the more likely it is that each person in the relationship is still remembering/expecting things from the other that are no longer even true.
Also related to habits of being, it's too easy to take things for granted. Coming home at a certain time, with a certain routine, and certain expectations can be very comforting. But developing habits of interaction can lead to stagnation. This happens a lot around sex, as well.
3. What do you think is the greatest strength of the human condition?
I am not sure what is meant by "the human condition". Or, rather, I am not sure I believe in it. Our big old brains open a whole raft of things that no other animal deals with ever. Yet, some of the things we value most can be found in all kinds of animals -- forgiveness, empathy, trust. And, again, I am loathe to pick a single thing and say 'this is the greatest'. Amongst the most powerful things that appear to be uniquely human I would list self-awareness (which is nearly cheating since it is the very definition of sentient), critical thinking, the understanding of False Belief.
I don't think I could value highly enough the ability to look at oneself and consider what one finds there. But, at the same time, without critical thinking that self-examiniation is mere navel-gazing. And, critical thinking applies out to the rest of our world, our understanding of the world, our development of our world.
But, False Belief is, I think, often overlooked. Empathy is an important part of compassion, ethics, and morality. And empathy is hard enough. What's even harder than empathy, though, is being able to understand that everyone else does not know what you know. Everyone else has not learned what you've learned. Everyone else has not grown in the way you've grown. Having empathy and compassion for the truly Other, that is truly human.
4. What do you feel is your best attribute? What do you struggle with?
I don't think I've ever really tried to rate myself in a way that would lead to a choice of best attribute. Partly, I think, it's due to generally being overly critical of myself; so I don't really tend to focus on my positive aspects. I guess I kind of feel like they're already good, so don't need work. Heh. So, I dunno what's best. I'll cheat (since you cheated and asked two questions, it's only fair!) and choose an attribute which I feel leads to both good and bad things.
I am very critical.
Turned in on myself, this leads to a fair amount of self-awareness, a lot of changing things I didn't like about myself. I am a very different person now than I was 15 years ago, and a very very very different person than I was 20 years ago. When I was somewhat younger than that, I had already started thinking pretty critically about who and how I was and made some decisions about things I definitely wanted to steer away from. I achieved that early goal. I've been successful in some of the changes I've undertaken since then, and I've missed the mark with some and am working on them. I wasn't always right in these choices, either.
Turned on work, puzzles, logistics, movies, games, human interactions, and other activities in life, this leads to a lot of things that I mostly find to be positive. I am pretty good at solving problems and I learn things quickly. I generally call this "cleverness", but I actually think it mostly has to do with critical thinking. I think I learn a lot of interesting things from just asking questions all the time; but it also makes me opinionated. I often hear things like "you've really thought about too much"; but I am not sure that I can accept that you can think about anything too much. As fruitylips has said: there is no useless knowledge, only knowledge for which you've not yet found a use.
I struggle with this criticalness all the time, though. Knowing everything at work that we're doing in dumb ways and knowing we could do them better is depressing and frustrating. And, I am often over-critical, of myself and of others. It's bad enough when it is myself I am dissecting with my lazer gaze. I am very very good at it. I know exactly all of my flaws and I know everything I've ever done wrong. It's worse when it is other people, who maybe are not in the mood to have each of their little flaws laid out bare. And, again, I am not always right. And it is really, really bad when I am depressed and/or angry and I turn this critical gaze on other people in unkind ways.
5. Given a year to do anything you wanted, what would you do? Given a lifetime, what would you do that you couldn't do in a year?
One of the things which appears to be odd about me is: I don't really have any real pursuits -- not the way people seem to mean it. The SubG has math and physics and complex grammar design. Given time to himself he _does_ study and learn and create. It seems like other people have similar things. I know people who'd throw themselves into photography, or martial arts, or programming, or writing, or a study of something. I really don't have anything like that. There are tons of things I like doing (and do) -- astronomy, saltwater aquarium keeping, writing, reading, cello playing, photography, video gaming, movie watching, museum visiting, talking, learning, strategy board gaming, knitting, sewing, origami folding -- but I have no pursuit. There is nothing I would want a year to do. I guess, if I were free of all ties, I'd like to do more traveling.
Given a lifetime, there are a number of jobs I'd like to work at but am unwilling to commit to poverty to do them. So, assuming "given a lifetime to do anything you wanted" entails 'and you don't have to worry about money at all', I'd like to have a series of low-paying but interesting jobs including but not limited to: learn American Sign Language and become a translator, tech work for charitable organizations, read to the blind, teach adult literacy, own a bookshop, learn more about and get directly involved in our political system. You get the idea.