movie reviews: Grindhouse
Planet Terror is awesome, don't get me wrong. But it's a completely different kind of movie than Death Proof, and it shows. It feels -- more fleshed-out, weirdly? I felt like I know more about Cherry and El Wray and Dakota and everyone else -- hell, I felt like I knew more about the Crazy Babysitter Twins than I did most of the cast of DP. Which kind of makes sense, because PT has a longer running time, but it's just. I don't know. It's odd.
It's a zombie-movie-meets-body-horror, which kind of works. It's full of cliches, and it has hot chicks (hot lesbians, even, which is a thematic staple), and the hot chicks are actually scarier than the men. (One of the coolest things, for me, is that in both movies, it's the women who are badass: Dakota's scarier than her husband, with her "little friends", and once Cherry gets her gun-leg, she's at least as awesome as El Wray, who "never miss[es]"; and if I had to choose between the sheriff and his brother the barbeque guy and the Crazy Babysitter Twins, I'd take the Crazy Babysitter Twins, no question.)
Also! ZOMBIES! Fucking ZOMBIES! It's Christmas and my birthday, are you kidding me? Nicky Katt! Fergie, being not terribly impressive but still hot despite the fact that I know she peed herself onstage, once! Tom Savini getting ripped into fucking pieces! God bless you, RobRod.
(Also funny: "Robert Rodriguez' Personal Chef: Robert Rodriguez.")
I don't know; I don't have a lot to say about PT, except that I kind of love Marley Shelton and I hope she finds a hot girlfriend in Mexico. And Cherry Darling = WIN. And possibly I was sniffling a tiny bit during the "reach up!" callback with the rope from the helicopter DON'T JUDGE ME.
(Secretly, I want to write fic where Abernathy from DP winds up in Mexico and hooks up with Dakota, because that girl can stave in a man's head with her boot, and I think Dakota would appreciate that. People, she went out a window! And kept going after Tony accidentally shot himself in the head! I grew up on the original Night of the Living Dead, in which Barbara goes catatonic in the first twenty minutes and never snaps out of it, and I realize that that's probably correct in certain situations, but, like, are you kidding me? And the remake has a completely different last ten minutes, and there's this weird anti-women vibe that wasn't present in the first one, but I've completely strayed from the original point, which is: Abernathy/Dakota YAY, and I should get on that.)
(Also again! DP is set *before* PT, if we're talking internal continuity, because that's the same hospital, that's Sheriff Block and his daughter Dr. Dakota Block -- and Sheriff Block and his son the deputy were in Kill Bill, which is making the part of my brain that keeps track of internal filmmaker continuity go 'splodey -- and there's a radio broadcast early on in PT which is dedicated to "our own late, lamented Jungle Julia". Memo to ficangel: if you don't write the "Kim, Zoe and Abernathy get to Mexico" fic, I WILL.)
Dear Eli Roth: I want you to make Thanksgiving, and I want you to do it right. now. No, for real. No, for real. (Second memo to ficangel: yes, the Pilgrim was fucking the guy/turkey's head. Seriously, Roth, you are not right.)
(Also one more time! They crammed filming that in after they finished Hostel Part Deux, so all the little majorettes are Czech kids, and they had to tell their parents they were going to get their outfits dirty, but not to worry, because the blood was fake. Man. That better be on the DVD.)
(Can I just tell you that my second thought after learning that the FOB concert in Tampa was "rescheduled" for June 15 is "thank God, Hostel Part Deux comes out June 8 and I can still see it opening day! ROCK!"? No, really. It'll probably be gore-porn, but it's not like I don't know that going in; and also, this time we're supposed to learn more about how the chain actually operates, which, for me, is fascinating. Because I'm the kind of sick freak who will knock people over to rent/see a movie if snuff films are a plot point. ANYWAY.)
Death Proof was -- oh my God, balls-out awesome. It's basically a car-chase movie crossbred with a rape-revenge film; the car-chase part is obvious, but part of the trope of the rape-revenge movie involves the victim(s) getting away and taking revenge (duh), and, if at all possible, unmanning the rapists. Which Kim, Zoe, and Abernathy do by smashing the shit out of his car. And the whole freeze-frame beating at the end? Yeah, that was popular, too. Tarentino maybe made a talkier version of both films, but it's certainly an effective one.
And I think that's why I like DP more than PT: it's talkier, yeah, but we learn more about the people as a result. Julia and her friends weren't bad, necessarily; they were bored, and content to do shots and smoke weed all night, but shit, who hasn't? That doesn't mean they should have been hunted down by a psychopath with a (probably) tiny dick and horribly murdered. And, like everyone else, I totally called that thing with Julia's leg OW OW OW OH MY GOD THAT WAS NOT ON, QT, FOR REAL.
And then! Kim and Zoe, oh my God! Tracie Thoms is hot like burning! Zoe Bell is cute as a bug! She popped up in that brush all "I'm okay!", literally popped, and I think my chest seized, hand to God. And then Kim shot Stuntman Mike! And instead of doing what most sensible people would do and saying "no, no, let's just get back to Lee", they were like, "Fuck this! We're gonna hunt him down and kill his ass." And Zoe made them wait so she could grab a pipe! And at no point did Abernathy have a problem with this! She rolled up her skirt to sensible running length and staved his head in with her fucking boot, are you fucking kidding me? They should show that in junior high to girls the way they do health films about your period! FUCKING AWESOME.
How is this whole thing fourth at the box office? HOW? I'm not maligning Will Ferrell movies, like, at all, let alone Will Ferrell movies about ice skating with Jenna Fischer, William Fichtner (HEART), and Will Arnett and Amy Poehler as incestuous siblings, but -- for real, this got beaten by, like, Firehouse Dog? SERIOUSLY? I'd see a double bill of Thanksgiving and Werewolf Women of the S.S., or maybe Machete. Or maybe anything, because OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY GO RIGHT NOW.
It's a zombie-movie-meets-body-horror, which kind of works. It's full of cliches, and it has hot chicks (hot lesbians, even, which is a thematic staple), and the hot chicks are actually scarier than the men. (One of the coolest things, for me, is that in both movies, it's the women who are badass: Dakota's scarier than her husband, with her "little friends", and once Cherry gets her gun-leg, she's at least as awesome as El Wray, who "never miss[es]"; and if I had to choose between the sheriff and his brother the barbeque guy and the Crazy Babysitter Twins, I'd take the Crazy Babysitter Twins, no question.)
Also! ZOMBIES! Fucking ZOMBIES! It's Christmas and my birthday, are you kidding me? Nicky Katt! Fergie, being not terribly impressive but still hot despite the fact that I know she peed herself onstage, once! Tom Savini getting ripped into fucking pieces! God bless you, RobRod.
(Also funny: "Robert Rodriguez' Personal Chef: Robert Rodriguez.")
I don't know; I don't have a lot to say about PT, except that I kind of love Marley Shelton and I hope she finds a hot girlfriend in Mexico. And Cherry Darling = WIN. And possibly I was sniffling a tiny bit during the "reach up!" callback with the rope from the helicopter DON'T JUDGE ME.
(Secretly, I want to write fic where Abernathy from DP winds up in Mexico and hooks up with Dakota, because that girl can stave in a man's head with her boot, and I think Dakota would appreciate that. People, she went out a window! And kept going after Tony accidentally shot himself in the head! I grew up on the original Night of the Living Dead, in which Barbara goes catatonic in the first twenty minutes and never snaps out of it, and I realize that that's probably correct in certain situations, but, like, are you kidding me? And the remake has a completely different last ten minutes, and there's this weird anti-women vibe that wasn't present in the first one, but I've completely strayed from the original point, which is: Abernathy/Dakota YAY, and I should get on that.)
(Also again! DP is set *before* PT, if we're talking internal continuity, because that's the same hospital, that's Sheriff Block and his daughter Dr. Dakota Block -- and Sheriff Block and his son the deputy were in Kill Bill, which is making the part of my brain that keeps track of internal filmmaker continuity go 'splodey -- and there's a radio broadcast early on in PT which is dedicated to "our own late, lamented Jungle Julia". Memo to ficangel: if you don't write the "Kim, Zoe and Abernathy get to Mexico" fic, I WILL.)
Dear Eli Roth: I want you to make Thanksgiving, and I want you to do it right. now. No, for real. No, for real. (Second memo to ficangel: yes, the Pilgrim was fucking the guy/turkey's head. Seriously, Roth, you are not right.)
(Also one more time! They crammed filming that in after they finished Hostel Part Deux, so all the little majorettes are Czech kids, and they had to tell their parents they were going to get their outfits dirty, but not to worry, because the blood was fake. Man. That better be on the DVD.)
(Can I just tell you that my second thought after learning that the FOB concert in Tampa was "rescheduled" for June 15 is "thank God, Hostel Part Deux comes out June 8 and I can still see it opening day! ROCK!"? No, really. It'll probably be gore-porn, but it's not like I don't know that going in; and also, this time we're supposed to learn more about how the chain actually operates, which, for me, is fascinating. Because I'm the kind of sick freak who will knock people over to rent/see a movie if snuff films are a plot point. ANYWAY.)
Death Proof was -- oh my God, balls-out awesome. It's basically a car-chase movie crossbred with a rape-revenge film; the car-chase part is obvious, but part of the trope of the rape-revenge movie involves the victim(s) getting away and taking revenge (duh), and, if at all possible, unmanning the rapists. Which Kim, Zoe, and Abernathy do by smashing the shit out of his car. And the whole freeze-frame beating at the end? Yeah, that was popular, too. Tarentino maybe made a talkier version of both films, but it's certainly an effective one.
And I think that's why I like DP more than PT: it's talkier, yeah, but we learn more about the people as a result. Julia and her friends weren't bad, necessarily; they were bored, and content to do shots and smoke weed all night, but shit, who hasn't? That doesn't mean they should have been hunted down by a psychopath with a (probably) tiny dick and horribly murdered. And, like everyone else, I totally called that thing with Julia's leg OW OW OW OH MY GOD THAT WAS NOT ON, QT, FOR REAL.
And then! Kim and Zoe, oh my God! Tracie Thoms is hot like burning! Zoe Bell is cute as a bug! She popped up in that brush all "I'm okay!", literally popped, and I think my chest seized, hand to God. And then Kim shot Stuntman Mike! And instead of doing what most sensible people would do and saying "no, no, let's just get back to Lee", they were like, "Fuck this! We're gonna hunt him down and kill his ass." And Zoe made them wait so she could grab a pipe! And at no point did Abernathy have a problem with this! She rolled up her skirt to sensible running length and staved his head in with her fucking boot, are you fucking kidding me? They should show that in junior high to girls the way they do health films about your period! FUCKING AWESOME.
How is this whole thing fourth at the box office? HOW? I'm not maligning Will Ferrell movies, like, at all, let alone Will Ferrell movies about ice skating with Jenna Fischer, William Fichtner (HEART), and Will Arnett and Amy Poehler as incestuous siblings, but -- for real, this got beaten by, like, Firehouse Dog? SERIOUSLY? I'd see a double bill of Thanksgiving and Werewolf Women of the S.S., or maybe Machete. Or maybe anything, because OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY GO RIGHT NOW.