"What would you rather eat, sand or shit?"

May 10, 2006 23:09

What the fuck, Lost? Why are you making me be thinky again? Asshole.

Eko's dream of Ana Lucia's death was -- you know, not a surprise, because God knows these people are getting hallucinations and prophetic dreams like they're snack food, but it's weirdly reminiscent of Locke's dream/hallucination just before Boone died. (And yes, I'm bringing it back to him, because it's been a year and it's still senseless enough to make me want to kick JJ Abrams in the goddamn knee.) Eko had a dream about Ana Lucia; Locke had a dream about Boone. Ana (and Libby) were Michael's sacrifice to the Others, which makes me think that

A) Boone was Locke's sacrifice to the island; and
B) Shannon's death was less gratuitous than it was needlessly senseless, the way most of the violence on this show is.

I still hate that Shannon's dead, but it almost -- *almost*, because it's Jaybrams, and again, severe knee-kicking -- makes more...thematic sense, really? Because the paranoia engendered in the Tailies by the Others made Ana Lucia go loopy and shoot Shannon, and while that's a tragic accident, it doesn't have the same weight that Boone and Ana Lucia's deaths do (and Libby, okay, fine). Which just makes me really, really sad for Shannon. Not that I wasn't sad for her already, and pissed off, but.

"Who's gonna take care of Libby while you're off playing Daniel Boone?" Reminding Jack of both his responsibility as a doctor *and* of Boone. Double burn!

Come on. Secretly you cheered when Eko headbutted Locke. Admit it! You totally did!

"Tell me, John, haven't *you* ever followed a dream?" Yeah, and it led into *your* plane falling off a cliff and killing someone. God, this is really a week for me to harp on Do No Harm, isn't it?

Did I get sniffly when I saw the plane? Of course I did. Have we met? This fucking show.

"Boone made it fall. Then he died. 'It was sacrifice that the island demanded.'" I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT, AND I SAID IT, and I am totally not kidding about punching JJ Abrams IN THE FACE. And Locke, even though he's a fictional character, and I should feel bad about wanting to punch a guy on crutches.

"How did Ana Lucia get your gun?" Dear Kate: if you string the guy along, and then practically make out with Hero Doctor Jack, you are totally not allowed to be all righteous and wounded and hurt baby bear cub when he sleeps with someone else. (I mean, not that she knows that *yet*, but ten bucks says that's what she does when she finds out.)

Michael...is so written off with me, I cannot express it in words, just vague pantomime and charades. If the Others made you a deal -- like, say, "get our guy away from your people, and we'll give you back your son" -- you know what you do? You go back to your people, you haul 'em outside so Henry can't overhear you, and you tell them so you can formulate a plan of some sort. You do not kill two people. I get that it's your kid, and God only knows what happened to you over there, but I can't think that Walt's gonna be really fucking happy that his dad bought his life with that of two other people. An eleven-year-old can tell you that 1 > 2 is not proper fucking math.

The father of the living dead girl! Is Claire's psychic buddy! But if we go with what he told Eko, who the fuck told him to tell Claire that if she gave up her baby terrible things would happen? I swear to God, this show needs to start answering questions it's already asked before it goes and asks *new ones*.

"I'm sorry I forgot the blankets." Of course I started crying again. Seriously, this fucking show.

Do I think the writers are pulling stuff out of thin air? A lot of the time, yes. I *do* think they have a basic storyline, and a specific story they want to tell, but they need to stop dithering around quite so much with the coincidences and how everything is connected, and get to *telling* that story, because I can totally understand why people occasionally want to beat this show to death in its sleep. And oh my God, please pretty please someone tell me figures out about Michael before the goddamn year is up, or everyone gets PUNCHED IN THE FACE.

*
Reunion shows! My favorite of all the reality show tropes on Bravo, because they like to get people liquored up and let them talk shit about each other. I'm just sad no one's ever taken a swing at someone else on the Project Runway reunions, though, you know, Season 3's coming up.

Harold is -- okay, shut up, I'll own it: I have a crush on him. I have a massive, stupid crush on him, and him in that shirt? And glasses? Not helping any. Please, please, *please* kick Tiffani's ass up one side of the Strip and down the other next week, Harold. Pretty, pretty please.

Ken's still sort of a dick, but I'd take him over Tiffani any day of the week. I'd have paid money to see him go up against Dave, though.

Goddamn, Lisa looks like Wanda Sykes. And she *sounds* like her, which is even freakier.

Seven minutes in, Chef Tom is ready to punch someone in the face. I love him *just for that*. If Tim Gunn ever looked like that, I would want to crawl under my bed and hide, because I'm pretty sure you could drop a bomb on Tim Gunn and he'd come out of it looking a little ruffled but not actually angry, but it works for Chef Tom. Mostly because everyone on this show is about a thousand times more prone to yelling than people on PR.

Man, you send Stephen home and he starts yelling with a bottle in his hand. And he gets cute, dude. The guy is way more fun when he gets the stick out of his ass. "What would you rather have in your dish, sand or shit?" I'm still not sorry he went home, though.

"...he's a really special dude." Jesus, Harold, just kiss him already. The Makeout montage? With Stephen on the bed, and Harold pulling his shirt down? God, I love the editors on this show SO MUCH.

"Why do you wanna take my thing right now?" Because that's what she does. She doesn't even get it! She doesn't even get that she's been Queen of the Hypocrites! "You're a snake. Ssssssssss" and "I'm not your bitch, bitch" were both directed at her, and I don't even know that she gets that. Also, DON'T BOGART DAVE'S SHIRT.

"The hundred grand -- it'd help my ass right now, because I'm broke." Who loves you, Dave? EVERYONE.

Stephen's just drinking out of the bottle by 20 minutes in. Doesn't even have a glass, just...drinking out of the bottle. As is Lee Anne. Same bottle, even. I think they're all drunk right now.

"Can someone help her, maybe?" I love that Gail totally does not give a shit.

Everyone loves Harold. Like, without question. And they should, because he is awesome. And pretty. And taken. Possibly by Stephen, which I would totally read now oh my God I just said that out loud.

Seriously, they are all drunk. This is awesome.

"It was a collabo." "It was mine." SHUT UP, TIFFANI. Though it's totally worth it for the cutaway to Dave's reaction. I don't actually think they make an emoticon for his facial expression.

"She doesn't know when to say when. She has no respect for anybody, I believe." This would be the part where I clap like a seal and take back half of the bad things I ever said about Brian.

You know what I love about Tiffani's montage? It's like The Daily Show editing footage of Bush to show that he's completely talking shit out of both sides of his mouth. You're a liar! You're a bald-faced liar! I can't even -- AAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH! *bangs head against monitor*

The Stephen-and-Candace fight was, like, *thirty-seven minutes*? Jesus. And then Stephen apologized! Sincerely! And Ken started laughing, and Stephen was totally about to crack the bottle over his head, and I swear to God, Harold, just take him somewhere and make out with him already.

lost, top chef

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