Lost: Abandoned (contains spoilers)
Okay, so. Bullet points:
* Dear Maggie Grace: I’m sorry the writers had no real idea of what to do with you, and ended up making you the victim of an accidental shooting in the middle of a tropical rain storm, not to mention dying in your lover’s arms. You’re going to be fine, and you’re a good actress, and in a few years you’ll be able to look back on this and laugh.
* Best part of the episode: No Kate. God, that was like Christmas *and* my birthday. And next week, since it’s All About the Taillies, maybe even less!
* Sabrina was…sort of a heinous bitch, wasn’t she? I’m in agreement with ficangel that a lot of her little speech to Shannon about making it on her own and hating herself if she didn’t was probably taken from personal experience, but I totally don’t believe that Adam left his daughter with *nothing*. Also, it’s kind of genius making her look like an older version of Shannon - though oh my God, Boone, Mommy Issues - but man, unless she had enough dye in there to kill a small horse, Boone? Must look a lot like his dad. Now let’s try casting *that* role.
(For the record, since writing “not to keep”, Sabrina-in-my-head has been played by Alberta Watson from 24 and La Femme Nikita, though whoever played her last night was good.)
* The French guy hitting on Shannon’s roommate and offering her the au pair job - nice continuity. See, the show’s really good at the details, but then they show me fifteen different goddamn versions of Jack/Locke/Desmond in the hatch with the guns pointing, and I’m all “cognitive dissonance!”
* I am now convinced that the dog has something to do with Boone, mostly because he led Shannon right to the grave and just took off. Either that, or that dog has the best sense of dramatic timing I’ve ever seen.
* Wait, it’s “Carlyle”? That’s bullshit! I’ve been using “Carlisle” since I saw it in the goddamned closed-captioning, and I’m sticking to it. Frigging prop guys.
* Charlie is eleven kinds of fuckwit, and if he’s not back on the horse, he’s put the saddle on and is trying to mount it. (…Okay, now imagine that with a less creepy metaphor that doesn’t imply someone banging a horse.)
Seriously, as much as it pains me to agree with Locke on *anything* anymore, I cheered - like, *out loud* - when he came back on Charlie’s little “[Claire] was gonna give her baby up, she doesn’t know how to be a mother, she should listen to me” outburst with “yeah, because that’s who should give parenting advice: A HEROIN ADDICT.” He’s already being disturbingly familiar when it comes to Aaron, and he has absolutely no right to tell Claire what to do with her child. He’s not her brother or her dad or her lover; he’s this guy she’s become friends with after a *plane crash*, and he needs to keep his goddamn mouth shut.
* Naveen Andrews is criminally underused on this show, I’ll say it now. He’s just - God, *Sayid*. He all but told Shannon he loved her; he told her he believed in her, which, for Shannon, is probably worth even more, because guys told her they loved her all the time but none of them believed in her. And he did! And they had sex, and he was so *happy*, and…now she’s dead, and I still don’t really have a read on Ana Lucia, but girl I would avoid him like the motherfucking plague and hide the guns when you get back to the caves, because from the look on Sayid’s face last night, he would kill your ass dead, like, seven times over and not feel bad ONCE.
* Okay, was anyone really worried about Sawyer dying? Anyone? You in the back? Yeah, you can leave. Well, because you’ve never seen a TV show before, that’s why.
* If Bernard dies before he can see Rose again, I will burst out crying.
* Seriously, no Kate at all! That will never, ever stop being great!
* Oh, Shannon. Man, as soon as I heard she was getting an episode, I should have started the death pool. She wanted to be a dancer! She scored an internship to Martha Graham! And her bitch of a stepmother denied her! God, I could have punched Sabrina for that *alone*, not even counting the crisp, snotty way she said “stepdaughter”.
I’m also cranky Shannon died without getting to see more of the classist nightmare that was the Rutherford/Carlisle (shut up) household, because man, stuff happened in the intervening four years - besides Creepy Quasi-Incestuous Australia Sex, anyway - to just derail the sibling train. Look at how Shannon’s *dressed*, for godsakes; that’s, like, sweatpants. I didn’t know Shannon *owned* sweatpants. I’m pretty sure that the whole job/Sabrina/money thing was the first *real* time the two of them had had a fight, usual sibling pettiness aside, and you can just see the two of them fucking *wounding* each other.
And it doesn’t help that Boone died with so much left unsaid between them, and of *course* that was weighing on her mind last night, after the whole thing with Sayid: “Look! Sex I don’t have to be vaguely horrified about for the rest of my life.” And obviously they had an actual brother/sister relationship, regardless of whatever Boone felt towards her, until Sabrina pulled the Son, You Need a Career card - which, again, *bitch*.
* Shannon died at 22; Boone, 24 (two-year age difference). Shannon’s dad died when Shannon was 18; Boone, 20. Therefore, Jack met Sarah four years ago. See, you *can* piece together age math on this show, but sometimes you need a goddamn abacus.
* My exact words when I saw Boone at the wake: “PUPPY! Oh my God, I love your hair.” Because shut up, he looked *awesome*. I hope that’s Pulse hair.
(For the record: Ian and Kristin Bell - you know, Veronica Mars - are in the American remake of the Japanese horror film Kairo, loosely translated as Pulse. Ian + Kristin + remake of Japanese horror movie = Film I Am Contractually Entitled to See at Least Twice in Theaters, Goddammit.)
* Oh, Boone. Oh, puppy. (No, I’m not entirely being ironic when I call him that. SHUT UP. *You* try having your favorite character die off because the writers have no fucking idea what to do with him and come back a year later for two scenes in a flashback, and see what *you* call him or her.)
It’s weird - a different haircut, a couple throwaway lines about being in New York, and bam! suddenly Boone’s four years younger than the last time we saw him, not to mention wearing sleeves again. And he’s so *young* - he listens to his mother, which - had he lived - I’m pretty sure he would have been cured of that; he tries to help Shannon, and he does a pretty good job of it at the wake (for real, who doesn’t have booze at a wake? The hell?). But he falls down when Shannon needs him, which, sorry to say, is a pattern for men in Shannon’s life. Not Boone’s fault, exactly - the pattern part, I mean, not the falling down part - but it doesn’t do anything to stop reinforcing negative patterns, you know?
So yes, I missed my boy. Last night’s episode had Boone *and* no Kate. If not for Shannon dying, it would have been the best episode ever that wasn’t “Hearts and Minds”.
* From a writing perspective, I cannot *fathom* writing yourself into a corner so desperately that your only recourse is to kill someone. And that’s what JJ and Friends have said the whole time, too: not “we always meant to kill them off”, but “the story ran its course”.
EXCUSE ME? You’re JJ Goddamn Abrams. I have seen you kill Lena Olin, like, forty times, and she’s STILL NOT DEAD YET. (Which is awesome, because SpyMommy rules.) You can have Sydney’s sister turned into a zombie and *live*, but you can’t have Boone *not* have a plane fall on him? You can’t have Shannon *not* accidentally get shot in the stomach?
You know what you do? You try again! You know how last night, Shannon was *doing* stuff? You know how Boone was doing stuff before *he* died? Just keep doing that! Don’t let up on that, and nine times out of ten, something will happen. Neurons will fire, the Idea Fairy will come by and loan you ten bucks - God, fucking *something*. The easiest thing in the world is to kill someone off and be done with it; the rest of us have to live with it.
And for the record: don’t say 14 is too many people in a cast, then kill one guy off, add *three new people* (check the credits) and kill off another girl. 14 - 1 + 3 - 1 = 15. Fifteen is more than fourteen! You are not doing yourself any favors! GOD!
In conclusion: I’m sorry, Rutherford-Carlisles. You both deserved better than you got. Luckily, in the words of Joss Whedon: “I believe that there is a time and a place for everything, and it’s called fanfiction.”
* Dear Maggie Grace: I’m sorry the writers had no real idea of what to do with you, and ended up making you the victim of an accidental shooting in the middle of a tropical rain storm, not to mention dying in your lover’s arms. You’re going to be fine, and you’re a good actress, and in a few years you’ll be able to look back on this and laugh.
* Best part of the episode: No Kate. God, that was like Christmas *and* my birthday. And next week, since it’s All About the Taillies, maybe even less!
* Sabrina was…sort of a heinous bitch, wasn’t she? I’m in agreement with ficangel that a lot of her little speech to Shannon about making it on her own and hating herself if she didn’t was probably taken from personal experience, but I totally don’t believe that Adam left his daughter with *nothing*. Also, it’s kind of genius making her look like an older version of Shannon - though oh my God, Boone, Mommy Issues - but man, unless she had enough dye in there to kill a small horse, Boone? Must look a lot like his dad. Now let’s try casting *that* role.
(For the record, since writing “not to keep”, Sabrina-in-my-head has been played by Alberta Watson from 24 and La Femme Nikita, though whoever played her last night was good.)
* The French guy hitting on Shannon’s roommate and offering her the au pair job - nice continuity. See, the show’s really good at the details, but then they show me fifteen different goddamn versions of Jack/Locke/Desmond in the hatch with the guns pointing, and I’m all “cognitive dissonance!”
* I am now convinced that the dog has something to do with Boone, mostly because he led Shannon right to the grave and just took off. Either that, or that dog has the best sense of dramatic timing I’ve ever seen.
* Wait, it’s “Carlyle”? That’s bullshit! I’ve been using “Carlisle” since I saw it in the goddamned closed-captioning, and I’m sticking to it. Frigging prop guys.
* Charlie is eleven kinds of fuckwit, and if he’s not back on the horse, he’s put the saddle on and is trying to mount it. (…Okay, now imagine that with a less creepy metaphor that doesn’t imply someone banging a horse.)
Seriously, as much as it pains me to agree with Locke on *anything* anymore, I cheered - like, *out loud* - when he came back on Charlie’s little “[Claire] was gonna give her baby up, she doesn’t know how to be a mother, she should listen to me” outburst with “yeah, because that’s who should give parenting advice: A HEROIN ADDICT.” He’s already being disturbingly familiar when it comes to Aaron, and he has absolutely no right to tell Claire what to do with her child. He’s not her brother or her dad or her lover; he’s this guy she’s become friends with after a *plane crash*, and he needs to keep his goddamn mouth shut.
* Naveen Andrews is criminally underused on this show, I’ll say it now. He’s just - God, *Sayid*. He all but told Shannon he loved her; he told her he believed in her, which, for Shannon, is probably worth even more, because guys told her they loved her all the time but none of them believed in her. And he did! And they had sex, and he was so *happy*, and…now she’s dead, and I still don’t really have a read on Ana Lucia, but girl I would avoid him like the motherfucking plague and hide the guns when you get back to the caves, because from the look on Sayid’s face last night, he would kill your ass dead, like, seven times over and not feel bad ONCE.
* Okay, was anyone really worried about Sawyer dying? Anyone? You in the back? Yeah, you can leave. Well, because you’ve never seen a TV show before, that’s why.
* If Bernard dies before he can see Rose again, I will burst out crying.
* Seriously, no Kate at all! That will never, ever stop being great!
* Oh, Shannon. Man, as soon as I heard she was getting an episode, I should have started the death pool. She wanted to be a dancer! She scored an internship to Martha Graham! And her bitch of a stepmother denied her! God, I could have punched Sabrina for that *alone*, not even counting the crisp, snotty way she said “stepdaughter”.
I’m also cranky Shannon died without getting to see more of the classist nightmare that was the Rutherford/Carlisle (shut up) household, because man, stuff happened in the intervening four years - besides Creepy Quasi-Incestuous Australia Sex, anyway - to just derail the sibling train. Look at how Shannon’s *dressed*, for godsakes; that’s, like, sweatpants. I didn’t know Shannon *owned* sweatpants. I’m pretty sure that the whole job/Sabrina/money thing was the first *real* time the two of them had had a fight, usual sibling pettiness aside, and you can just see the two of them fucking *wounding* each other.
And it doesn’t help that Boone died with so much left unsaid between them, and of *course* that was weighing on her mind last night, after the whole thing with Sayid: “Look! Sex I don’t have to be vaguely horrified about for the rest of my life.” And obviously they had an actual brother/sister relationship, regardless of whatever Boone felt towards her, until Sabrina pulled the Son, You Need a Career card - which, again, *bitch*.
* Shannon died at 22; Boone, 24 (two-year age difference). Shannon’s dad died when Shannon was 18; Boone, 20. Therefore, Jack met Sarah four years ago. See, you *can* piece together age math on this show, but sometimes you need a goddamn abacus.
* My exact words when I saw Boone at the wake: “PUPPY! Oh my God, I love your hair.” Because shut up, he looked *awesome*. I hope that’s Pulse hair.
(For the record: Ian and Kristin Bell - you know, Veronica Mars - are in the American remake of the Japanese horror film Kairo, loosely translated as Pulse. Ian + Kristin + remake of Japanese horror movie = Film I Am Contractually Entitled to See at Least Twice in Theaters, Goddammit.)
* Oh, Boone. Oh, puppy. (No, I’m not entirely being ironic when I call him that. SHUT UP. *You* try having your favorite character die off because the writers have no fucking idea what to do with him and come back a year later for two scenes in a flashback, and see what *you* call him or her.)
It’s weird - a different haircut, a couple throwaway lines about being in New York, and bam! suddenly Boone’s four years younger than the last time we saw him, not to mention wearing sleeves again. And he’s so *young* - he listens to his mother, which - had he lived - I’m pretty sure he would have been cured of that; he tries to help Shannon, and he does a pretty good job of it at the wake (for real, who doesn’t have booze at a wake? The hell?). But he falls down when Shannon needs him, which, sorry to say, is a pattern for men in Shannon’s life. Not Boone’s fault, exactly - the pattern part, I mean, not the falling down part - but it doesn’t do anything to stop reinforcing negative patterns, you know?
So yes, I missed my boy. Last night’s episode had Boone *and* no Kate. If not for Shannon dying, it would have been the best episode ever that wasn’t “Hearts and Minds”.
* From a writing perspective, I cannot *fathom* writing yourself into a corner so desperately that your only recourse is to kill someone. And that’s what JJ and Friends have said the whole time, too: not “we always meant to kill them off”, but “the story ran its course”.
EXCUSE ME? You’re JJ Goddamn Abrams. I have seen you kill Lena Olin, like, forty times, and she’s STILL NOT DEAD YET. (Which is awesome, because SpyMommy rules.) You can have Sydney’s sister turned into a zombie and *live*, but you can’t have Boone *not* have a plane fall on him? You can’t have Shannon *not* accidentally get shot in the stomach?
You know what you do? You try again! You know how last night, Shannon was *doing* stuff? You know how Boone was doing stuff before *he* died? Just keep doing that! Don’t let up on that, and nine times out of ten, something will happen. Neurons will fire, the Idea Fairy will come by and loan you ten bucks - God, fucking *something*. The easiest thing in the world is to kill someone off and be done with it; the rest of us have to live with it.
And for the record: don’t say 14 is too many people in a cast, then kill one guy off, add *three new people* (check the credits) and kill off another girl. 14 - 1 + 3 - 1 = 15. Fifteen is more than fourteen! You are not doing yourself any favors! GOD!
In conclusion: I’m sorry, Rutherford-Carlisles. You both deserved better than you got. Luckily, in the words of Joss Whedon: “I believe that there is a time and a place for everything, and it’s called fanfiction.”