Forgiven (HP)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing(s): Sirius/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1753
Summary: Remus and Sirius fight. Then they make up.
Warnings: BOYSEKS. NSFW.
James had never known, but he'd suspected. Remus said something to him at one point, assuming that he had figured it out, and embarrassed the both of them when it turned out that all Remus had done was confirm a suspicion James would much rather have kept as a vague sort of inkling about two of his best friends. Peter had asked Remus about it once and then had never mentioned it again. He took it as a fact, and his relationship with Sirius and Remus never seemed in any way altered. But there was no denying that Remus and Sirius' fight and eventual break-up--secret or not--had repercussions for the group.
Remus found himself living like a shadow or a ghost. He tried to stay friendly with Sirius, but sometimes it was almost unbearable. Like when Lily would say to one of them, 'you know I love you,' in that easy way that passes between friends. Remus would often respond in kind, he liked Lily in the sort of way that you liked a person who was friendly and seemed to have a stronger grip on sanity than most of the others you were used to spending time with. But Sirius refused to say, 'I love you,' to any of them. In fact, he made quite a point about it, going on and on about how those words shouldn't be bandied about lightly. This made Remus feel personally persecuted. Deep down he knew that Sirius cared for him more than anything, but his refusal to put it into words hurt Remus. He knew that actions spoke louder than words, and Sirius' actions had always shown that he loved him--who else but Sirius (and James and Peter) would risk life, limb and an infinite number of detentions to be with him on every full moon? But after the sex stopped, Remus' anxiety only heightened, especially where Sirius was concerned.
So the time passed. At first, Remus had accepted his and Sirius' separation as temporary, something stupid and stubborn that Sirius had taken into his head. But time went on, and after three months Remus realised that Sirius had been shagging someone else, and hadn't told Remus. He had long suspected that Edgar Dashwood fancied Sirius, and that Sirius did not discourage him, but he dismissed the idea that anything was going on because he could always account for Sirius. Sirius was always with him in class, or with him in the common room in the afternoons or with him in their dormitory at night. Maybe it was after Quidditch practice or suspiciously studious-sounding library trips that Sirius would meet Edgar, Remus never found out. He was only informed of the proceedings after he mentioned--purposely trying to sound obtuse--that Sirius never seemed to talk to Edgar anymore, after which Sirius deflated like a balloon and proceeded to admit to everything. Afterwards, the images of Sirius, hair falling across his face panting hard while Edgar's mouth was around his long, hard cock would enter Remus' head at random intervals during the day. Remus hated them. He would shake his head as if to clear it of the evil contained inside, but it never did any good. He couldn't rid himself of the images. Reading his homework made him think about the two of them kissing hungrily. Falling asleep while writing his Charms essay gave life to a particularly torturous dream of Sirius thrusting deep into Edgar after Edgar had licked chocolate sauce off of every inch of Sirius' naked body. Remus wondered if they used the same sauce he'd given Sirius last Christmas, before remembering that it was only a dream. He tried not to think that the nightmares were based in truth.
During the times he wasn't creating awful sexual scenarios for Sirius and Edgar in his head, Remus wasn't quite sure what to think. He knew he was in despair, and he knew he was a little bit angry. But the problem was, he had no legitimate reason to feel as betrayed as he did. Yes, he and Sirius had been together, but that was months ago, now. Sirius technically hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't told Remus about it, but it was really Sirius' business, and Sirius' decision to tell or not. So Remus spent a week or so being upset and still sort of half-startled and running into things because he was so preoccupied trying to figure out how he felt versus how he should feel, while at the same time trying to convince Sirius that he was alright with it and of course he had known all along, did Sirius think he was an idiot? This was made worse by the fact that Remus had to see Edgar in classes, and that he seemed to know things about Remus. What exactly he knew Remus was never sure, but he was at least aware that Sirius and Remus were nearly inseparable once again, and he would glare at Remus whenever Sirius wasn't looking, which made Remus feel more upset than ever.
The months slipped by and nothing got better, until one night gave way to a huge row between James and Sirius. Seeing the two of them fight, Remus felt like a child whose parents were going through a nasty divorce. And, like a child, he went to seek reassurance from his favourite parent when it was done.
He found Sirius smoking out of the dormitory window.
'I don't understand how you can stand to be around that arrogant son of a bitch,' Sirius said when Remus walked in. 'Honestly, I don't know why you put up with him!'
Remus frowned. Sirius could be angry with James all he liked, but he shouldn't expect Remus to be as well. 'My friendship with James is not any of your business,' he said slowly.
'No more so than my past relationship with Edgar is yours, to be perfectly frank!'
Remus' jaw fell open and he tried to say something, but nothing came out. When he finally regained his voice he said, 'I'm not…I mean, I'm sorry you feel that way,' he said, still astonished at the non-sequitur.
Sirius took another drag on his cigarette and impatiently blew the smoke out, looking testy, 'Look, I've apologised for that a hundred times. It was a year ago. I don't know what else I can say or do,' he finished, looking at Remus challengingly.
Remus looked at him and realised something, 'You're not sorry, are you? You're not sorry that you didn't tell me,' he accused.
Sirius looked vindicated, 'No, I'm not--it was my business--I just wish you would stop holding it over my head!' he snapped.
Remus felt the hysteria beginning to well up inside him, 'Fine, then I guess we'll agree to disagree,' he said, trying to stay calm.
'Fine,' Sirius said, in the haughty tone Remus despised so much.
'I was jealous,' Remus burst out. He saw Sirius turn, surprised,. The cigarette, still smouldering, dropped to the ground, 'I was jealous. You had him just two weeks after me--'
'Not two weeks, surely!'
'Two weeks, Sirius!' Remus said, blindingly upset. 'I was jealous. And if you think I like standing here telling you about how jealous I was--I am--then you're wrong!'
'No, I know you don't like it,' Sirius looked concerned now.
'Fine then,' Remus said.
'Fine,' Sirius whispered, as Remus turned away.
Remus stumbled toward the bathroom, determined to wash his face with cold water in a desperate effort not to cry. He was just leaning over the sink when he felt a hand touch the small of his back.
'I'm sorry,' Sirius whispered. His face was contorted with guilt.
Remus sighed and tried to say, 'That's alright Sirius,' but found Sirius' tongue down his throat before he could.
The warmth of Sirius' body, his scent felt so good against Remus that he couldn't imagine that it had been a year since he had felt it.
Remus' hands moved to the buttons on Sirius' shirt, and when he reached the last one his fingers accidentally-on-purpose knocked against Sirius' cock. Sirius made a guttural moan that excited Remus more than he had remembered. Soon Sirius had Remus pinned against the bathroom wall, their cocks grinding against each other, and Remus was wondering how he had ever gone so long without this. Just as things were starting to get really good, Sirius broke away.
Remus moaned in agitation as he watched Sirius turn the tap to the shower.
'Get in,' Sirius ordered.
Remus blinked for a moment, but just a moment. Sirius' voice made shivers run down his spine. He didn't dare disobey the instructions, so he stepped in and gasped as the hot water made its way down his body and over his throbbing cock.
'Now close your eyes,' Sirius whispered.
Remus did so and immediately felt Sirius' hand wrap around him, while Sirius' own cock dug into his back.
'Now turn around,' Sirius said, after five blissful minutes of this. Remus whimpered, but obeyed, turning to face Sirius with his eyes still closed.
Very softly, but determinedly, Sirius began to lick Remus. He started with his ears, then worked his way down to his neck and eventually to his chest. Remus let out a gasp and thrust hard into thin air when Sirius' teeth grazed his left nipple, but Sirius quickly soothed the wound with more tongue licking. He was lost in a sort of Nirvana, and nearly jumped out of his skin when Sirius reached his ass and started rimming him. Just when Remus thought he was going to lose it, Sirius stopped, continuing his ministrations on the back of Remus' knees and, tortuously, the inside of his thighs. The driving water didn't help, and by the time Sirius finally wrapped his mouth around his cock, Remus was almost crying. As he came violently into Sirius' mouth and watched the sex god before him swallow every drop before ending the encounter with a kiss, Remus felt guilty.
'I should… you… ' he left off lamely, aware that Sirius had done all the work.
'This was for you,' Sirius said, nuzzling his neck. 'An apology,' he whispered. 'Besides, it turns me on to get you off,' he said, suggestively turning off the tap.
Remus swelled with a very different sort of pleasure than he had just received.
'Good, I'm glad,' he said. 'And you are definitely forgiven,' Remus grinned, and kissed him. Sirius was his again, and that was never going to change.
Somehow I think I forgot to post this here (to my fic journal)?
Written for may_g in the HP Yule Balls 2008 gift exchange. Original post can be found here and here.
Pairing(s): Sirius/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1753
Summary: Remus and Sirius fight. Then they make up.
Warnings: BOYSEKS. NSFW.
James had never known, but he'd suspected. Remus said something to him at one point, assuming that he had figured it out, and embarrassed the both of them when it turned out that all Remus had done was confirm a suspicion James would much rather have kept as a vague sort of inkling about two of his best friends. Peter had asked Remus about it once and then had never mentioned it again. He took it as a fact, and his relationship with Sirius and Remus never seemed in any way altered. But there was no denying that Remus and Sirius' fight and eventual break-up--secret or not--had repercussions for the group.
Remus found himself living like a shadow or a ghost. He tried to stay friendly with Sirius, but sometimes it was almost unbearable. Like when Lily would say to one of them, 'you know I love you,' in that easy way that passes between friends. Remus would often respond in kind, he liked Lily in the sort of way that you liked a person who was friendly and seemed to have a stronger grip on sanity than most of the others you were used to spending time with. But Sirius refused to say, 'I love you,' to any of them. In fact, he made quite a point about it, going on and on about how those words shouldn't be bandied about lightly. This made Remus feel personally persecuted. Deep down he knew that Sirius cared for him more than anything, but his refusal to put it into words hurt Remus. He knew that actions spoke louder than words, and Sirius' actions had always shown that he loved him--who else but Sirius (and James and Peter) would risk life, limb and an infinite number of detentions to be with him on every full moon? But after the sex stopped, Remus' anxiety only heightened, especially where Sirius was concerned.
So the time passed. At first, Remus had accepted his and Sirius' separation as temporary, something stupid and stubborn that Sirius had taken into his head. But time went on, and after three months Remus realised that Sirius had been shagging someone else, and hadn't told Remus. He had long suspected that Edgar Dashwood fancied Sirius, and that Sirius did not discourage him, but he dismissed the idea that anything was going on because he could always account for Sirius. Sirius was always with him in class, or with him in the common room in the afternoons or with him in their dormitory at night. Maybe it was after Quidditch practice or suspiciously studious-sounding library trips that Sirius would meet Edgar, Remus never found out. He was only informed of the proceedings after he mentioned--purposely trying to sound obtuse--that Sirius never seemed to talk to Edgar anymore, after which Sirius deflated like a balloon and proceeded to admit to everything. Afterwards, the images of Sirius, hair falling across his face panting hard while Edgar's mouth was around his long, hard cock would enter Remus' head at random intervals during the day. Remus hated them. He would shake his head as if to clear it of the evil contained inside, but it never did any good. He couldn't rid himself of the images. Reading his homework made him think about the two of them kissing hungrily. Falling asleep while writing his Charms essay gave life to a particularly torturous dream of Sirius thrusting deep into Edgar after Edgar had licked chocolate sauce off of every inch of Sirius' naked body. Remus wondered if they used the same sauce he'd given Sirius last Christmas, before remembering that it was only a dream. He tried not to think that the nightmares were based in truth.
During the times he wasn't creating awful sexual scenarios for Sirius and Edgar in his head, Remus wasn't quite sure what to think. He knew he was in despair, and he knew he was a little bit angry. But the problem was, he had no legitimate reason to feel as betrayed as he did. Yes, he and Sirius had been together, but that was months ago, now. Sirius technically hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't told Remus about it, but it was really Sirius' business, and Sirius' decision to tell or not. So Remus spent a week or so being upset and still sort of half-startled and running into things because he was so preoccupied trying to figure out how he felt versus how he should feel, while at the same time trying to convince Sirius that he was alright with it and of course he had known all along, did Sirius think he was an idiot? This was made worse by the fact that Remus had to see Edgar in classes, and that he seemed to know things about Remus. What exactly he knew Remus was never sure, but he was at least aware that Sirius and Remus were nearly inseparable once again, and he would glare at Remus whenever Sirius wasn't looking, which made Remus feel more upset than ever.
The months slipped by and nothing got better, until one night gave way to a huge row between James and Sirius. Seeing the two of them fight, Remus felt like a child whose parents were going through a nasty divorce. And, like a child, he went to seek reassurance from his favourite parent when it was done.
He found Sirius smoking out of the dormitory window.
'I don't understand how you can stand to be around that arrogant son of a bitch,' Sirius said when Remus walked in. 'Honestly, I don't know why you put up with him!'
Remus frowned. Sirius could be angry with James all he liked, but he shouldn't expect Remus to be as well. 'My friendship with James is not any of your business,' he said slowly.
'No more so than my past relationship with Edgar is yours, to be perfectly frank!'
Remus' jaw fell open and he tried to say something, but nothing came out. When he finally regained his voice he said, 'I'm not…I mean, I'm sorry you feel that way,' he said, still astonished at the non-sequitur.
Sirius took another drag on his cigarette and impatiently blew the smoke out, looking testy, 'Look, I've apologised for that a hundred times. It was a year ago. I don't know what else I can say or do,' he finished, looking at Remus challengingly.
Remus looked at him and realised something, 'You're not sorry, are you? You're not sorry that you didn't tell me,' he accused.
Sirius looked vindicated, 'No, I'm not--it was my business--I just wish you would stop holding it over my head!' he snapped.
Remus felt the hysteria beginning to well up inside him, 'Fine, then I guess we'll agree to disagree,' he said, trying to stay calm.
'Fine,' Sirius said, in the haughty tone Remus despised so much.
'I was jealous,' Remus burst out. He saw Sirius turn, surprised,. The cigarette, still smouldering, dropped to the ground, 'I was jealous. You had him just two weeks after me--'
'Not two weeks, surely!'
'Two weeks, Sirius!' Remus said, blindingly upset. 'I was jealous. And if you think I like standing here telling you about how jealous I was--I am--then you're wrong!'
'No, I know you don't like it,' Sirius looked concerned now.
'Fine then,' Remus said.
'Fine,' Sirius whispered, as Remus turned away.
Remus stumbled toward the bathroom, determined to wash his face with cold water in a desperate effort not to cry. He was just leaning over the sink when he felt a hand touch the small of his back.
'I'm sorry,' Sirius whispered. His face was contorted with guilt.
Remus sighed and tried to say, 'That's alright Sirius,' but found Sirius' tongue down his throat before he could.
The warmth of Sirius' body, his scent felt so good against Remus that he couldn't imagine that it had been a year since he had felt it.
Remus' hands moved to the buttons on Sirius' shirt, and when he reached the last one his fingers accidentally-on-purpose knocked against Sirius' cock. Sirius made a guttural moan that excited Remus more than he had remembered. Soon Sirius had Remus pinned against the bathroom wall, their cocks grinding against each other, and Remus was wondering how he had ever gone so long without this. Just as things were starting to get really good, Sirius broke away.
Remus moaned in agitation as he watched Sirius turn the tap to the shower.
'Get in,' Sirius ordered.
Remus blinked for a moment, but just a moment. Sirius' voice made shivers run down his spine. He didn't dare disobey the instructions, so he stepped in and gasped as the hot water made its way down his body and over his throbbing cock.
'Now close your eyes,' Sirius whispered.
Remus did so and immediately felt Sirius' hand wrap around him, while Sirius' own cock dug into his back.
'Now turn around,' Sirius said, after five blissful minutes of this. Remus whimpered, but obeyed, turning to face Sirius with his eyes still closed.
Very softly, but determinedly, Sirius began to lick Remus. He started with his ears, then worked his way down to his neck and eventually to his chest. Remus let out a gasp and thrust hard into thin air when Sirius' teeth grazed his left nipple, but Sirius quickly soothed the wound with more tongue licking. He was lost in a sort of Nirvana, and nearly jumped out of his skin when Sirius reached his ass and started rimming him. Just when Remus thought he was going to lose it, Sirius stopped, continuing his ministrations on the back of Remus' knees and, tortuously, the inside of his thighs. The driving water didn't help, and by the time Sirius finally wrapped his mouth around his cock, Remus was almost crying. As he came violently into Sirius' mouth and watched the sex god before him swallow every drop before ending the encounter with a kiss, Remus felt guilty.
'I should… you… ' he left off lamely, aware that Sirius had done all the work.
'This was for you,' Sirius said, nuzzling his neck. 'An apology,' he whispered. 'Besides, it turns me on to get you off,' he said, suggestively turning off the tap.
Remus swelled with a very different sort of pleasure than he had just received.
'Good, I'm glad,' he said. 'And you are definitely forgiven,' Remus grinned, and kissed him. Sirius was his again, and that was never going to change.
Somehow I think I forgot to post this here (to my fic journal)?
Written for may_g in the HP Yule Balls 2008 gift exchange. Original post can be found here and here.