The Thing With The Guy In The Place (Ocean's 11)
Fandom: Ocean's 11
Pairing(s): Danny/Rusty
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1259
A/N: Written for Nubi-chan in the 2008 Yuletide Challenge, and archived here.
'There's no way,' Reuben said, draining his whiskey glass for the fourth time that night. 'I'm not saying he's not talented,' he said graciously, 'but my kid, the guy I found? He could sell the president the Brooklyn Bridge!'
'Well would you care to make this interesting?' Saul asked. He was still nursing second whiskey, and he felt much more clear-headed, definitely in a better place to make decisions than his friend.
'Sure, if you think you can find something suitable. What do we give them?'
'I was thinking... matrimonial head masks?' Saul said with a smile.
'Oy,' exclaimed Reuben, as he slumped over the table.
-
It was 4:15 and Rusty was hungry. He was always hungry, it was true, but today he hadn't eaten since noon, and that had only been a sandwich. And sure, there were those peanuts in the car on the way over, but those weren't really food, were they? They grew from the ground or something, which meant they were basically plants. Like lettuce or spinach, and spinach wasn't food.
He wasn't too worried about the assignment Reuben had given him, he was much more interested in his stomach. Sure, he had told him it was important, but that was Reuben for you: everything was dramatic, the end of the fucking earth. That guy needed to relax, get laid or something, or he was going to have a heart attack by the time he was sixty. Not like Rusty, he was fit as a fiddle and he knew it.
'Ooh, bacon burgers!' he said to himself, and headed in the direction of the cart across the street.
-
Daniel Ocean was enjoying a hot dog. Well, he wasn't really enjoying it, but it was serving its purpose. There were few times you looked more innocent than when you were eating a hot dog. And while Danny was anything but innocent, he liked to keep up appearances. After all, his 'innocence' is what had gotten him out of those near-dozen previous charges. Tried but never convicted, Danny grinned to himself as he watched some strawberry-blond kid come up and order a burger.
'Hey,' the guy smiled.
'Hello,' Danny raised a hand out of politeness. It was time for him to leave. He threw his crumpled-up napkin in the trash and headed toward the mansion farther on down the beach.
He rang the doorbell and a frightened-looking woman in a maid's uniform answered.
He smiled rakishly and turned on the charm, adding just a touch of sympathy for emphasis.
'My name is Drake LeFabre, antiques and other rare collectibles,' he paused. 'I don't suppose the lady of the house is in?'
-
After his burger, some ice cream and a lot of taffy, Rusty decided he should probably get cracking. After all, he wouldn't want to let Reuben down, not really. He approached the mansion he had been given the address of, and rang the bell. A suave looking man in a suit answered and Rusty briefly recognised him as the man from the food cart, but pushed past his surprise to announce, 'Trent Collingwood, antiques and other rare collectibles.'
'Well I'll be,' the man said.
'What?' Rusty asked, suspiciously.
'I'm Drake LeFabre, antiques and other rare collectibles,' the man grinned. 'And I'll bet you're about as genuine as I am.'
Rusty pulled some more taffy from his pocket and started chewing.
-
'So how do you think we can pull this off?' Rusty asked.
'I'm actually more concerned with who sent us,' Danny replied. 'I came from Saul Bloom. You?'
'Reuben Tishkoff,' Rusty replied.
'Alright, well now the only question is why,' Danny pondered aloud.
'They think they can mess with us?' said Rusty indignantly.
'Aww, it's just how old Saul gets his fun these days,' Danny laughed. 'And who cares, I mean no one got hurt, and I think we could be good partners.'
'Nah, I say we get 'em back,' said Rusty, still worked up over it.
Danny shrugged. It sounded like fun, and anything fun was fine by him. He just had to figure out a way that made Saul think it was fun too. That man had a sense of humor, but he could also bust out a gun just as easily as a laugh.
-
'So when we get them to the gay nightclub, should I have the guy rubbing against them wear body glitter or not?' Rusty asked, chewing on a candy bar.
'Well I don't want Saul to kill us, so let's try something else.'
'But I should still have that guy ask Reuben if he's a pimp because of all the gold jewellery, right?'
Danny smiled. 'I think Saul will get a laugh out of that.'
Rusty grinned. Almost a month of planning, and the matrimonial headmask stunt was going beautifully. They should be done in the next few days, and then they could bask in the glory of a job well done, and start to execute their ridiculous revenge scheme.
'We should get going, Tess will kill us if we're late to dinner again,' Danny said, grabbing his keys.
Rusty followed dutifully behind. Tess was a really good cook.
-
Tess liked him. Tess liked Rusty and that was always a good thing. Danny didn't bring back just any guy to Tess, although Rusty couldn't have known that.
That evening when they were getting ready for bed and Danny was still raving about Rusty, Tess said teasingly, 'You have a thing for this guy. I think I'm getting a little jealous.'
'What, the kid?' Danny said smiling, 'Ehh, he's alright, decent lay. But no one is as good as you.'
Tess laughed, unaware that Danny wasn't really kidding.
-
Unfortunately, the good cheer didn't last for long. In the end they didn't even have time to pull off the gay nightclub stunt on Saul and Reuben. Which--although neither of them would ever admit it--might have been a smart move, if staying alive was high on their list of priorities.
Rusty was on his way to the mansion that morning to finish up the head mask business, when he saw a cop approach Danny. Instincts kicking in, Rusty slipped behind a bush to observe.
'Daniel Ocean?' the officer said. 'You are under arrest for the illegal obtention and sale of priceless artefacts ...'
'Huh, so you caught up with me did ya? Still it was worth it,' Danny said loudly, and winked in the direction of the bush hiding Rusty. The cop started to handcuff him looking confused, but Rusty just smiled and crept quietly away. He'd be back to pick up Danny in three to five. Meanwhile the head masks were probably already off of U.S. soil, so not everything was lost.
-
After a trial in which he had confessed to being the sole planner and executor of the entire Matrimonial Headmask scheme, and after his subsequent conviction, Danny received a letter addressed to him in the New Jersey State Penitentiary.
'Whaddaya know, fan mail!' he exclaimed to the warden, who didn't even crack a smile.
'Tough crowd,' Danny muttered as he opened the envelope and read,
Thanks for everything. I'll be there to pick you up when you get out. We can have hot dogs.
-R.
P.S. Reuben says he owes us, so let's make him work for it.
Danny smiled and tucked the note away. He had an idea about just how Reuben could repay him. Rusty too, although he had different plans for just how that man could show his gratitude...
Pairing(s): Danny/Rusty
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1259
A/N: Written for Nubi-chan in the 2008 Yuletide Challenge, and archived here.
'There's no way,' Reuben said, draining his whiskey glass for the fourth time that night. 'I'm not saying he's not talented,' he said graciously, 'but my kid, the guy I found? He could sell the president the Brooklyn Bridge!'
'Well would you care to make this interesting?' Saul asked. He was still nursing second whiskey, and he felt much more clear-headed, definitely in a better place to make decisions than his friend.
'Sure, if you think you can find something suitable. What do we give them?'
'I was thinking... matrimonial head masks?' Saul said with a smile.
'Oy,' exclaimed Reuben, as he slumped over the table.
-
It was 4:15 and Rusty was hungry. He was always hungry, it was true, but today he hadn't eaten since noon, and that had only been a sandwich. And sure, there were those peanuts in the car on the way over, but those weren't really food, were they? They grew from the ground or something, which meant they were basically plants. Like lettuce or spinach, and spinach wasn't food.
He wasn't too worried about the assignment Reuben had given him, he was much more interested in his stomach. Sure, he had told him it was important, but that was Reuben for you: everything was dramatic, the end of the fucking earth. That guy needed to relax, get laid or something, or he was going to have a heart attack by the time he was sixty. Not like Rusty, he was fit as a fiddle and he knew it.
'Ooh, bacon burgers!' he said to himself, and headed in the direction of the cart across the street.
-
Daniel Ocean was enjoying a hot dog. Well, he wasn't really enjoying it, but it was serving its purpose. There were few times you looked more innocent than when you were eating a hot dog. And while Danny was anything but innocent, he liked to keep up appearances. After all, his 'innocence' is what had gotten him out of those near-dozen previous charges. Tried but never convicted, Danny grinned to himself as he watched some strawberry-blond kid come up and order a burger.
'Hey,' the guy smiled.
'Hello,' Danny raised a hand out of politeness. It was time for him to leave. He threw his crumpled-up napkin in the trash and headed toward the mansion farther on down the beach.
He rang the doorbell and a frightened-looking woman in a maid's uniform answered.
He smiled rakishly and turned on the charm, adding just a touch of sympathy for emphasis.
'My name is Drake LeFabre, antiques and other rare collectibles,' he paused. 'I don't suppose the lady of the house is in?'
-
After his burger, some ice cream and a lot of taffy, Rusty decided he should probably get cracking. After all, he wouldn't want to let Reuben down, not really. He approached the mansion he had been given the address of, and rang the bell. A suave looking man in a suit answered and Rusty briefly recognised him as the man from the food cart, but pushed past his surprise to announce, 'Trent Collingwood, antiques and other rare collectibles.'
'Well I'll be,' the man said.
'What?' Rusty asked, suspiciously.
'I'm Drake LeFabre, antiques and other rare collectibles,' the man grinned. 'And I'll bet you're about as genuine as I am.'
Rusty pulled some more taffy from his pocket and started chewing.
-
'So how do you think we can pull this off?' Rusty asked.
'I'm actually more concerned with who sent us,' Danny replied. 'I came from Saul Bloom. You?'
'Reuben Tishkoff,' Rusty replied.
'Alright, well now the only question is why,' Danny pondered aloud.
'They think they can mess with us?' said Rusty indignantly.
'Aww, it's just how old Saul gets his fun these days,' Danny laughed. 'And who cares, I mean no one got hurt, and I think we could be good partners.'
'Nah, I say we get 'em back,' said Rusty, still worked up over it.
Danny shrugged. It sounded like fun, and anything fun was fine by him. He just had to figure out a way that made Saul think it was fun too. That man had a sense of humor, but he could also bust out a gun just as easily as a laugh.
-
'So when we get them to the gay nightclub, should I have the guy rubbing against them wear body glitter or not?' Rusty asked, chewing on a candy bar.
'Well I don't want Saul to kill us, so let's try something else.'
'But I should still have that guy ask Reuben if he's a pimp because of all the gold jewellery, right?'
Danny smiled. 'I think Saul will get a laugh out of that.'
Rusty grinned. Almost a month of planning, and the matrimonial headmask stunt was going beautifully. They should be done in the next few days, and then they could bask in the glory of a job well done, and start to execute their ridiculous revenge scheme.
'We should get going, Tess will kill us if we're late to dinner again,' Danny said, grabbing his keys.
Rusty followed dutifully behind. Tess was a really good cook.
-
Tess liked him. Tess liked Rusty and that was always a good thing. Danny didn't bring back just any guy to Tess, although Rusty couldn't have known that.
That evening when they were getting ready for bed and Danny was still raving about Rusty, Tess said teasingly, 'You have a thing for this guy. I think I'm getting a little jealous.'
'What, the kid?' Danny said smiling, 'Ehh, he's alright, decent lay. But no one is as good as you.'
Tess laughed, unaware that Danny wasn't really kidding.
-
Unfortunately, the good cheer didn't last for long. In the end they didn't even have time to pull off the gay nightclub stunt on Saul and Reuben. Which--although neither of them would ever admit it--might have been a smart move, if staying alive was high on their list of priorities.
Rusty was on his way to the mansion that morning to finish up the head mask business, when he saw a cop approach Danny. Instincts kicking in, Rusty slipped behind a bush to observe.
'Daniel Ocean?' the officer said. 'You are under arrest for the illegal obtention and sale of priceless artefacts ...'
'Huh, so you caught up with me did ya? Still it was worth it,' Danny said loudly, and winked in the direction of the bush hiding Rusty. The cop started to handcuff him looking confused, but Rusty just smiled and crept quietly away. He'd be back to pick up Danny in three to five. Meanwhile the head masks were probably already off of U.S. soil, so not everything was lost.
-
After a trial in which he had confessed to being the sole planner and executor of the entire Matrimonial Headmask scheme, and after his subsequent conviction, Danny received a letter addressed to him in the New Jersey State Penitentiary.
'Whaddaya know, fan mail!' he exclaimed to the warden, who didn't even crack a smile.
'Tough crowd,' Danny muttered as he opened the envelope and read,
Thanks for everything. I'll be there to pick you up when you get out. We can have hot dogs.
-R.
P.S. Reuben says he owes us, so let's make him work for it.
Danny smiled and tucked the note away. He had an idea about just how Reuben could repay him. Rusty too, although he had different plans for just how that man could show his gratitude...