(no subject)
Somtimes life just stinks. I wish all my stories had happy endings. I wish I lived happily ever after. But I am not gonna and lately none of my stories have happy endings. virtually everything in my life is screwed up right now. still in debt 1000 dollers. still no car, but I have insurence even though I take the bus everwhere. still being gonna stop smoking, drinking, watching TV, playing video games. but I haven't. No one will hug me..still.
I have decided that this is the worst way to die. Forget getting hit by a truck, chinese water torture, slowly digested, or anything else, the worst way to meet the reaper is to die from lack of love.
I haven't given up fighting yet but I am pretty close.
I need a shower. and a regular nights sleeep. I am sick of staying up till all hours of the night. I am tired of getting sleep whenever and wherever I can, an hour here two hours there. I sleep like most people work out, briefly and whenever it fits into my schedule. Most days I cry my self to sleep but the tears never come. I only have two more weeks of this shit.
I know that in the morning I will feel completely different or atleast tomarrow I will change if not tomarrow the day after by the latest. But for now , I want happy drugs. Something the dull the knife of loneliness that stabs through my heart. Real drugs too not those pansy ass Xtacy and Shit. I want drugs with copporate sounding names like zoloft, methadone,and welitonin and Prozac. Maybe I am all the those shit for brains commercials say that I am. maybe I am Acute Stress Disorder, Adjustment Disorders, Agoraphobia, Alcohol/Substance Abuse, Anorexia Nervosa, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD), Bereavement, Bipolar Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Psychotic Disorder, Bulimia Nervosa, Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder, Conversion Disorder, Cyclothymic Disorder, Delusional Disorder, Dementia of the Alzheimer's Type, Depression, Depersonalization Disorder, Dissociative Amnesia, Dissociative Fugue, Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD), Dyspareunia, Dysthymic Disorder, Gender Identity Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Hypersomnia, Hypochondriasis, Insomnia, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Kleptomania, Major Depressive Disorder, Nightmare Disorder, Narcolepsy, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Pain Disorder, Panic Attack, Panic Disorder, Pathological Gambling, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Psychotic Disorder NOS, Pyromania, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia, Schizophreniform Disorder, Shared Psychotic Disorder, Sleep Terror Disorder, Sleepwalking Disorder, Social Phobia, Somatization Disorder, Specific Phobia, Trichotillomania
On second thought reading all these disoerders makes me think it would suck to be someone with these problems. I guess I am glad that I am not messed up like that. Hey I am feeling better already.
~Dan
I have decided that this is the worst way to die. Forget getting hit by a truck, chinese water torture, slowly digested, or anything else, the worst way to meet the reaper is to die from lack of love.
I haven't given up fighting yet but I am pretty close.
I need a shower. and a regular nights sleeep. I am sick of staying up till all hours of the night. I am tired of getting sleep whenever and wherever I can, an hour here two hours there. I sleep like most people work out, briefly and whenever it fits into my schedule. Most days I cry my self to sleep but the tears never come. I only have two more weeks of this shit.
I know that in the morning I will feel completely different or atleast tomarrow I will change if not tomarrow the day after by the latest. But for now , I want happy drugs. Something the dull the knife of loneliness that stabs through my heart. Real drugs too not those pansy ass Xtacy and Shit. I want drugs with copporate sounding names like zoloft, methadone,and welitonin and Prozac. Maybe I am all the those shit for brains commercials say that I am. maybe I am Acute Stress Disorder, Adjustment Disorders, Agoraphobia, Alcohol/Substance Abuse, Anorexia Nervosa, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD), Bereavement, Bipolar Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Psychotic Disorder, Bulimia Nervosa, Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder, Conversion Disorder, Cyclothymic Disorder, Delusional Disorder, Dementia of the Alzheimer's Type, Depression, Depersonalization Disorder, Dissociative Amnesia, Dissociative Fugue, Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD), Dyspareunia, Dysthymic Disorder, Gender Identity Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Hypersomnia, Hypochondriasis, Insomnia, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Kleptomania, Major Depressive Disorder, Nightmare Disorder, Narcolepsy, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Pain Disorder, Panic Attack, Panic Disorder, Pathological Gambling, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Psychotic Disorder NOS, Pyromania, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia, Schizophreniform Disorder, Shared Psychotic Disorder, Sleep Terror Disorder, Sleepwalking Disorder, Social Phobia, Somatization Disorder, Specific Phobia, Trichotillomania
On second thought reading all these disoerders makes me think it would suck to be someone with these problems. I guess I am glad that I am not messed up like that. Hey I am feeling better already.
~Dan