ill think of something creative later
A lot has happened. My life is not so different in that I have no idea who I am or what I want to be, but everything else is upside down. Then again, I find myself one half of an impossible relationship, in not one but two jobs I hate, unable to put my finger on what exactly is the thing I know is missing, and I'm still reluctant to go out. I'm not really sire why I thought this would help. It used to. I enjoyed journaling. But now... Its not even the self indulgence that bothers me. Its the endless drivel drivel that I spew. I don't even like thinking it, what makes the fact that I put it into words even remotely appealing? But here I am. Working the touch screen like a mad woman hoping that I'll feel... Better? Less conflicted? I don't even know how I want to feel.
I am admitting that I like him. I want him around and I crave his attention. But I am weary. I am suspicious and doubtful. And I am aching for someone to prove me right. To confirm. And I don't know if its because I'd rather be right or if the fact that if I am wrong, I still lose. Because he isn't here.
I am admitting that I like him. I want him around and I crave his attention. But I am weary. I am suspicious and doubtful. And I am aching for someone to prove me right. To confirm. And I don't know if its because I'd rather be right or if the fact that if I am wrong, I still lose. Because he isn't here.