"This universal sadness"
The title was actually the first thing I wrote, which is a first, but I already knew what I came here for. The title is a romantic mantra, of sorts, that I've lived by for the past ten years. The notion that nothing is more powerful than pain, and that sharing yours with the world...can change it for the better. Both yours, and the world's.
I could wear a suit and tie to work everyday. It wouldn't change what I do for a living, and actually, it would make my job a lot harder.
Basically, I'm done with all the spirituality, and the brightness, and the word "love" being thrown around more loosely than "hero"...The whole positive outlook thing? Lie. Not that I wasn't feelin' it. It wasn't something that I consciously lied about, as it flew from my mouth to everyone I know (and their ferret) recently. More of a hindsight thing. Maybe I'm being a little hard on myself. It was just such a release to be able to escape myself though, if only for a short time. I fed off the positive energy of others, and consequently, established a few new relationships that I truly value. That, in itself, is not like me. It's definitely something good that's come out of all the recent chaos.
OK. Look. I'm a good person (and I don't say that about many people). I'm just not a happy one. Never have been. If I sat down with a psychiatrist, and truly shared 5 minutes of myself, he would beg to treat me on a pro bono basis. Been there. Done that. No thanks. I'll take the "full spectrum" of emotions! The state of my mental health is something I rarely think about. It's pretty much an afterthought of a thought that doesn't really exist.
I have a small group of long-established friends that know "me", and love that person, in their own way, for better or worse. /:p
I have a few new friends that I need to reintroduce myself to. And I will. But I think they already know enough of "me", to know some of the core qualities that reflect that good person I was referring to, but I could be wrong. Guess we'll see.
I could wear a suit and tie to work everyday. It wouldn't change what I do for a living, and actually, it would make my job a lot harder.
Basically, I'm done with all the spirituality, and the brightness, and the word "love" being thrown around more loosely than "hero"...The whole positive outlook thing? Lie. Not that I wasn't feelin' it. It wasn't something that I consciously lied about, as it flew from my mouth to everyone I know (and their ferret) recently. More of a hindsight thing. Maybe I'm being a little hard on myself. It was just such a release to be able to escape myself though, if only for a short time. I fed off the positive energy of others, and consequently, established a few new relationships that I truly value. That, in itself, is not like me. It's definitely something good that's come out of all the recent chaos.
OK. Look. I'm a good person (and I don't say that about many people). I'm just not a happy one. Never have been. If I sat down with a psychiatrist, and truly shared 5 minutes of myself, he would beg to treat me on a pro bono basis. Been there. Done that. No thanks. I'll take the "full spectrum" of emotions! The state of my mental health is something I rarely think about. It's pretty much an afterthought of a thought that doesn't really exist.
I have a small group of long-established friends that know "me", and love that person, in their own way, for better or worse. /:p
I have a few new friends that I need to reintroduce myself to. And I will. But I think they already know enough of "me", to know some of the core qualities that reflect that good person I was referring to, but I could be wrong. Guess we'll see.