happy
i just barely got home from work/seeing hellboy2
grabbed a few posters, and will be grabbing a few more posters tomarrow if i can. kung fu panda and speed racer are really the only good ones up there.
i feel happy. why? hmm... well i geuss most of it is cause i came across soo many people that i know from here and there all going to see hellboy2, and the rest must be from seeing hellboy2. but i think theres more too
my mind is mulling over the thoughts, but while it does that....
when i was little i realized something about me very quickly. when i wanted something, i would find ways to get it. it was odd in a way because it worked well, but funtioned completely seperate from my concious mind. sadly it also caused much of my selfishness as a child that ive spent much of my older life trying to repent for. and i really could go off on a whole spheel about how truely odd i feel about it, but theres another side i would rather get into, ive known the next more often.
now this other side, i never noticed as a child, but when i was older, i did. heres how it works: when i dont want something, i really dont care for it. which when in the presence of something i want, really doesnt take effect.
but heres the problem ive had for a while now. a problem that ive spent much of my life trying to figure a solution to fix.
i dont know what i want.
as ive grown up this has made things difficult as i have had to live life in a lesser state of mind, with no motivation exept to continue survival. and as well to go beyond survival and try to work on succeeding. all in the state of mind that really acts more like a stubborn mule.
now i sit here and find, from time to time i come across things that i do want, love for example, and because of how things are around me i end up making either of two decisions, selfishly take, or selflessly let go. this i have found, doest work. to selfishly take, i lose in selfishness, but to let it go, i lose it anyway.
i propose an idea. the inbetween. is there a way to take, yet not it be selfish? a loophole that can grant me my gift of get, but to withhold the selfish stain. granted if theres anything ive learned about this world its that you cant keep anything forever. ... .... then lets not keep it, for i find the only few things i ever want are not for me to keep. which... doesnt... work... either....
i live in a matirial world, but i dont really want matirials. i dont want certain things but i come to accept things that i need. i dont want money, but without it, i cant pay for food, or keep a good roof over my head.
the worst part is that i dont really know much about how to control it. when i find something i want, things just happen that give me the oppertunity to have it.
one of my theories is the stars. the supreme perfect probability engine of God. everything that can happen, is played out upon the stars, as well, like a mobile over a baby's crib, the slightest tap can send everything moving about. sometimes i feel as if the stars can listen to us and weave (or undo) fate, and destinies.
sometimes i think people can just slighty control the stars as they control us as well. you ask, and they can get it done. we are all one universe.
but for the most part im being very silly...
im just happy, and feeling very chatty.
even if its nensence chatty, or politically incorrect, or just things i have no clue about.
grabbed a few posters, and will be grabbing a few more posters tomarrow if i can. kung fu panda and speed racer are really the only good ones up there.
i feel happy. why? hmm... well i geuss most of it is cause i came across soo many people that i know from here and there all going to see hellboy2, and the rest must be from seeing hellboy2. but i think theres more too
my mind is mulling over the thoughts, but while it does that....
when i was little i realized something about me very quickly. when i wanted something, i would find ways to get it. it was odd in a way because it worked well, but funtioned completely seperate from my concious mind. sadly it also caused much of my selfishness as a child that ive spent much of my older life trying to repent for. and i really could go off on a whole spheel about how truely odd i feel about it, but theres another side i would rather get into, ive known the next more often.
now this other side, i never noticed as a child, but when i was older, i did. heres how it works: when i dont want something, i really dont care for it. which when in the presence of something i want, really doesnt take effect.
but heres the problem ive had for a while now. a problem that ive spent much of my life trying to figure a solution to fix.
i dont know what i want.
as ive grown up this has made things difficult as i have had to live life in a lesser state of mind, with no motivation exept to continue survival. and as well to go beyond survival and try to work on succeeding. all in the state of mind that really acts more like a stubborn mule.
now i sit here and find, from time to time i come across things that i do want, love for example, and because of how things are around me i end up making either of two decisions, selfishly take, or selflessly let go. this i have found, doest work. to selfishly take, i lose in selfishness, but to let it go, i lose it anyway.
i propose an idea. the inbetween. is there a way to take, yet not it be selfish? a loophole that can grant me my gift of get, but to withhold the selfish stain. granted if theres anything ive learned about this world its that you cant keep anything forever. ... .... then lets not keep it, for i find the only few things i ever want are not for me to keep. which... doesnt... work... either....
i live in a matirial world, but i dont really want matirials. i dont want certain things but i come to accept things that i need. i dont want money, but without it, i cant pay for food, or keep a good roof over my head.
the worst part is that i dont really know much about how to control it. when i find something i want, things just happen that give me the oppertunity to have it.
one of my theories is the stars. the supreme perfect probability engine of God. everything that can happen, is played out upon the stars, as well, like a mobile over a baby's crib, the slightest tap can send everything moving about. sometimes i feel as if the stars can listen to us and weave (or undo) fate, and destinies.
sometimes i think people can just slighty control the stars as they control us as well. you ask, and they can get it done. we are all one universe.
but for the most part im being very silly...
im just happy, and feeling very chatty.
even if its nensence chatty, or politically incorrect, or just things i have no clue about.