Fic: Driving in Hawaii is confusing, okay?
Title: Driving in Hawaii is confusing, okay?
Characters: Danny, Steve with appearances from Chin and Kono
Pairing: None, really. Well, it's about as slashy as the show, so...
Genre: Humour (I hope)
Spoilers: None
Notes: Written for leupagus's promptfest2010. Google was very much my friend when trying to work out where the hell Steve and Danny could be driving to. All mistakes are my fault, not Google's.
Disclaimer: Not even mine a little bit.
Danny looked up from the file he was reading as the car bounced along a particularly uneven section of the dirt road Steve was currently driving them down and frowned. It was a thick file and it took a couple of hours to read cover to cover. He knew this because he had already read it once the night before. So how was he able to read it again - and okay, he skimmed a few pages, but not that many - on an Island where it took no more than an hour to get from one end to the other?
Danny closed the file and looked at Steve who was very decidedly not looking at him. ‘Are we lost?’
‘No.’
Danny grinned and closed the file. ‘I only ask because you told Chin and Kono that we’d see them in about an hour and that was-’ He checked his watch ‘- about two hours ago.’
Steve thinned his lips. ‘We aren’t lost.’
Danny glanced out of the window, genuinely curious as to how Steve could know that. Once Steve got them onto the back roads, they all looked the same to Danny. Lots of dirt and trees along with some very steep falls and climbs.
‘Are you sure? Because we’re supposed to be going to Waimanalo Beach, right? And while I’ll happily admit that I don’t know these roads as well as you, one thing I have learnt in the last year is that Waimanalo Beach is, at most, thirty minutes from Honolulu.’
‘What’s your point?’
Danny blinked and sat up a little straighter. ‘Uh, my point? My point is that we’ve been in this car for nearly two hours. In Oahu nothing is two hours away. Therefore, we - but more you - are lost.’
‘We aren’t lost,’ insisted Steve. Although the way he still hadn’t looked at Danny and the fact that his shoulders were very stiff, suggested that Steve didn’t believe that anymore than Danny did.
‘How do you get lost on this island?’ wondered Danny out loud.
‘You get lost on this island all the time, Danny,’ snipped Steve.
Danny rolled his eyes. ‘No, you idiot. Not how do you get lost, but how do you get lost? You’re always telling me how well you know the Island: that there isn’t a road you haven’t travelled and that there isn’t a shortcut you don’t know.’
‘There isn’t.’ Steve’s jaw was clenched SO hard that Danny would be worried that Steve was going to break his jaw if he didn’t find the fact that Commander Steve McGarrett was well and truly lost completely hilarious.
‘Well, obviously there is because at the moment, we are lost.’ Before Steve could say anything, Danny held up a hand to stop whatever stupidity came out of Steve’s mouth. ‘What you need to do is get back to the highway, then we can work out where you are. Of course,’ he muttered to himself, ‘it’ll probably take you another hour to find the highway.’
‘I heard that.’
‘Of course you heard it. I’m sitting two feet from you. How could you not hear that?’
‘I don’t need to find the highway,’ ground out Steve, clenching his hands tight around the steering wheel.
‘So you admit that we’re lost, then?’
This time Steve did glare at him.
‘If you knew where we are, you wouldn’t have to find the highway, would you now?’
Before Steve could respond to Danny’s well reasoned argument, they came to a real road. Not the highway, admittedly, but an actual road. One not made of dirt.
‘Go right,’ said Danny, pointing so that Steve was under no illusion to the direction they should go.
So of course Steve went left.
‘Why would you even do that?’
‘Because you don’t know where we are.’
Danny threw up his hands. ‘And neither do you!’
‘I have a better idea than you,’ retorted Steve.
‘You really don’t.’
Steve did that thing where he tilted his head and raised his eyebrow in a challenge.
‘We just passed a road sign to Waialua.’
‘We did not,’ scoffed Steve, but Danny saw him glance in the rear-view mirror.
‘We so did. We’re about forty miles from where we’re supposed to be. On Oahu that’s the equivalent of being in San Francisco when you mean to be in Manhattan.’
‘Now you’re being ridiculous.’
‘Do you need me to call Chin for directions?’
Steve turned so quickly he probably got whiplash. ‘No!’
‘Really? Because I need to be back in Honolulu by three to pick up Grace.’
Steve brightened noticeably. ‘You’re getting Grace tonight?’
Danny would never stop finding it hilarious just how quickly Grace had managed to wrap Steve around her little finger. By the end of their first football game Steve had been charmed (despite all the shooting), by the end of the following week when Steve had driven Danny to pick up Grace because of his knee, Steve had been well and truly bamboozled. What he could never work out was whether or not Steve knew his daughter played him like a fiddle.
‘No. I only get to pick her up from school and quit trying to change the subject. Your top secret, government trained, SEAL ninja skills have gone on the blitz and you are hopelessly lost.’
‘we’re not lost.’
‘You said that already,’ pointed out Danny.
‘I know exactly where we are.’
‘Yeah, because we passed a road sign a couple of miles back. Before that you were clueless. How much did the government spend training you, because I want my money back? You got lost on the island you grew up on. That’s just sad.’
‘For the last time, I’m not lost.’
Danny pulled out his phone. ‘I’m calling Chin.’
‘No you are not.’ Steve made a grab for the phone but Danny just batted his hands away.
‘Eyes on the road,’ barked Danny. There were times when he was still justifiably concerned about Steve’s driving. ‘Chin, my man.’
‘What’s up, Brah?’
‘I need your help with something.’
‘Danny,’ growled Steve, low in his throat.
Danny just grinned, turned on the speaker and kept talking.
‘If, say, you needed to be in Waimanalo Beach, would you go by way of Waialua?’
‘No.’
‘Why is that?’
‘Because it’s on the other side of the island.’ Danny, and judging by the sour look on his face, Steve, could hear the smile in Chin’s voice. ‘Why do you ask?’
One of the many things that Danny liked about Chin was his willingness to mock Steve. And the way he seemed to instinctively know when those times were.
‘Because we are currently on our way to Waialua.’
‘Are you driving?’ It was a fair question, so Danny decided to let it slide.
‘No.’
As Chin started to laugh Steve glared at Danny in such a way that promised many painful deaths in his immediate future. Danny wasn’t worried.
Unsurprisingly that was when Kono’s voice piped through the phone. ‘What have you done to my cousin?’
‘Ask me where we are at the moment.’
‘Aren’t you supposed to be in Waimanalo Beach?’ Which was a fair question, since that was exactly where they were supposed to be.
Steve came to another junction and, since this time there was a sign that said Honolulu, Steve turned right and Danny shot him a triumphant grin which Steve studiously ignored.
‘Ask me where we are,’ repeated Danny.
‘Fine. Where are you?’
‘On our way back from Waialua.’
Kono paused. ‘Are you driving?’ Even Steve quirked a smirk at that one.
‘For the second time, no.’
Around her laughter Kono was able to say, ‘You got lost, boss?’ Before Steve could answer she carried on talking. ‘Uh, do you want me and Chin to go and talk to Simons?’
Steve had on his stubborn face - honestly, he’d had it on since Danny had worked out they were lost - so before Steve could subject him to another two hours of purposely driving around aimlessly, Danny butted in. ‘Yeah, Kono, that would be great. Thanks.’
‘Okay, will do.’ There was another pause and then, ‘Oh, and, uh, boss? If you need any help getting back to Honolulu, turn on your GPS.’
At Steve’s frankly alarming growl, Kono burst into a fresh round of laughter and it sounded as though Chin still hadn’t stopped laughing, himself. Danny hung up before anyone could get themselves killed.
‘Well,’ he said, settling back into his seat. ‘I guess we head for home.’
Steve glanced over at him. ‘Home?’
‘Yeah. You know, Honolulu. Capital of Hawaii. It’s where we both live. And where Grace goes to school.’
‘I know where Honolulu is, Danny.’
‘You sure about that? Because a couple of hours ago you thought you knew where Waimanalo Beach was and we know how that turned out.’
Steve shifted in his seat. ‘Yeah, well. I think some of the back roads changed. They do that sometimes.’
Danny raised an eyebrow. ‘Seriously? You’re trying to tell me that the roads on Oahu move?’ But his heart wasn’t really in it because Steve was - finally - pulling onto the highway and now they couldn’t get lost.
‘Ask Chin or Kono. They’ll back me up,’ replied Steve, defensively.
‘Believe me, I will ask them. As soon as they are back from Waimanalo Beach.’
Steve gave him the stink-eye. ‘Shut up.’
‘You shut up,’ replied Danny easily. ‘Now get me back to Honolulu before three and you can come and have shave ice’s with Grace and me before we have to drop her back at Rachel’s.’
‘Shave ice’s with Gracie? Why didn’t you say so, Danno?’
‘I did just say so.’
Steve just grinned at him as he sped up.
‘Just keep to the highway this time and don’t take any of your shortcuts.’
And now, for bed.
Characters: Danny, Steve with appearances from Chin and Kono
Pairing: None, really. Well, it's about as slashy as the show, so...
Genre: Humour (I hope)
Spoilers: None
Notes: Written for leupagus's promptfest2010. Google was very much my friend when trying to work out where the hell Steve and Danny could be driving to. All mistakes are my fault, not Google's.
Disclaimer: Not even mine a little bit.
Danny looked up from the file he was reading as the car bounced along a particularly uneven section of the dirt road Steve was currently driving them down and frowned. It was a thick file and it took a couple of hours to read cover to cover. He knew this because he had already read it once the night before. So how was he able to read it again - and okay, he skimmed a few pages, but not that many - on an Island where it took no more than an hour to get from one end to the other?
Danny closed the file and looked at Steve who was very decidedly not looking at him. ‘Are we lost?’
‘No.’
Danny grinned and closed the file. ‘I only ask because you told Chin and Kono that we’d see them in about an hour and that was-’ He checked his watch ‘- about two hours ago.’
Steve thinned his lips. ‘We aren’t lost.’
Danny glanced out of the window, genuinely curious as to how Steve could know that. Once Steve got them onto the back roads, they all looked the same to Danny. Lots of dirt and trees along with some very steep falls and climbs.
‘Are you sure? Because we’re supposed to be going to Waimanalo Beach, right? And while I’ll happily admit that I don’t know these roads as well as you, one thing I have learnt in the last year is that Waimanalo Beach is, at most, thirty minutes from Honolulu.’
‘What’s your point?’
Danny blinked and sat up a little straighter. ‘Uh, my point? My point is that we’ve been in this car for nearly two hours. In Oahu nothing is two hours away. Therefore, we - but more you - are lost.’
‘We aren’t lost,’ insisted Steve. Although the way he still hadn’t looked at Danny and the fact that his shoulders were very stiff, suggested that Steve didn’t believe that anymore than Danny did.
‘How do you get lost on this island?’ wondered Danny out loud.
‘You get lost on this island all the time, Danny,’ snipped Steve.
Danny rolled his eyes. ‘No, you idiot. Not how do you get lost, but how do you get lost? You’re always telling me how well you know the Island: that there isn’t a road you haven’t travelled and that there isn’t a shortcut you don’t know.’
‘There isn’t.’ Steve’s jaw was clenched SO hard that Danny would be worried that Steve was going to break his jaw if he didn’t find the fact that Commander Steve McGarrett was well and truly lost completely hilarious.
‘Well, obviously there is because at the moment, we are lost.’ Before Steve could say anything, Danny held up a hand to stop whatever stupidity came out of Steve’s mouth. ‘What you need to do is get back to the highway, then we can work out where you are. Of course,’ he muttered to himself, ‘it’ll probably take you another hour to find the highway.’
‘I heard that.’
‘Of course you heard it. I’m sitting two feet from you. How could you not hear that?’
‘I don’t need to find the highway,’ ground out Steve, clenching his hands tight around the steering wheel.
‘So you admit that we’re lost, then?’
This time Steve did glare at him.
‘If you knew where we are, you wouldn’t have to find the highway, would you now?’
Before Steve could respond to Danny’s well reasoned argument, they came to a real road. Not the highway, admittedly, but an actual road. One not made of dirt.
‘Go right,’ said Danny, pointing so that Steve was under no illusion to the direction they should go.
So of course Steve went left.
‘Why would you even do that?’
‘Because you don’t know where we are.’
Danny threw up his hands. ‘And neither do you!’
‘I have a better idea than you,’ retorted Steve.
‘You really don’t.’
Steve did that thing where he tilted his head and raised his eyebrow in a challenge.
‘We just passed a road sign to Waialua.’
‘We did not,’ scoffed Steve, but Danny saw him glance in the rear-view mirror.
‘We so did. We’re about forty miles from where we’re supposed to be. On Oahu that’s the equivalent of being in San Francisco when you mean to be in Manhattan.’
‘Now you’re being ridiculous.’
‘Do you need me to call Chin for directions?’
Steve turned so quickly he probably got whiplash. ‘No!’
‘Really? Because I need to be back in Honolulu by three to pick up Grace.’
Steve brightened noticeably. ‘You’re getting Grace tonight?’
Danny would never stop finding it hilarious just how quickly Grace had managed to wrap Steve around her little finger. By the end of their first football game Steve had been charmed (despite all the shooting), by the end of the following week when Steve had driven Danny to pick up Grace because of his knee, Steve had been well and truly bamboozled. What he could never work out was whether or not Steve knew his daughter played him like a fiddle.
‘No. I only get to pick her up from school and quit trying to change the subject. Your top secret, government trained, SEAL ninja skills have gone on the blitz and you are hopelessly lost.’
‘we’re not lost.’
‘You said that already,’ pointed out Danny.
‘I know exactly where we are.’
‘Yeah, because we passed a road sign a couple of miles back. Before that you were clueless. How much did the government spend training you, because I want my money back? You got lost on the island you grew up on. That’s just sad.’
‘For the last time, I’m not lost.’
Danny pulled out his phone. ‘I’m calling Chin.’
‘No you are not.’ Steve made a grab for the phone but Danny just batted his hands away.
‘Eyes on the road,’ barked Danny. There were times when he was still justifiably concerned about Steve’s driving. ‘Chin, my man.’
‘What’s up, Brah?’
‘I need your help with something.’
‘Danny,’ growled Steve, low in his throat.
Danny just grinned, turned on the speaker and kept talking.
‘If, say, you needed to be in Waimanalo Beach, would you go by way of Waialua?’
‘No.’
‘Why is that?’
‘Because it’s on the other side of the island.’ Danny, and judging by the sour look on his face, Steve, could hear the smile in Chin’s voice. ‘Why do you ask?’
One of the many things that Danny liked about Chin was his willingness to mock Steve. And the way he seemed to instinctively know when those times were.
‘Because we are currently on our way to Waialua.’
‘Are you driving?’ It was a fair question, so Danny decided to let it slide.
‘No.’
As Chin started to laugh Steve glared at Danny in such a way that promised many painful deaths in his immediate future. Danny wasn’t worried.
Unsurprisingly that was when Kono’s voice piped through the phone. ‘What have you done to my cousin?’
‘Ask me where we are at the moment.’
‘Aren’t you supposed to be in Waimanalo Beach?’ Which was a fair question, since that was exactly where they were supposed to be.
Steve came to another junction and, since this time there was a sign that said Honolulu, Steve turned right and Danny shot him a triumphant grin which Steve studiously ignored.
‘Ask me where we are,’ repeated Danny.
‘Fine. Where are you?’
‘On our way back from Waialua.’
Kono paused. ‘Are you driving?’ Even Steve quirked a smirk at that one.
‘For the second time, no.’
Around her laughter Kono was able to say, ‘You got lost, boss?’ Before Steve could answer she carried on talking. ‘Uh, do you want me and Chin to go and talk to Simons?’
Steve had on his stubborn face - honestly, he’d had it on since Danny had worked out they were lost - so before Steve could subject him to another two hours of purposely driving around aimlessly, Danny butted in. ‘Yeah, Kono, that would be great. Thanks.’
‘Okay, will do.’ There was another pause and then, ‘Oh, and, uh, boss? If you need any help getting back to Honolulu, turn on your GPS.’
At Steve’s frankly alarming growl, Kono burst into a fresh round of laughter and it sounded as though Chin still hadn’t stopped laughing, himself. Danny hung up before anyone could get themselves killed.
‘Well,’ he said, settling back into his seat. ‘I guess we head for home.’
Steve glanced over at him. ‘Home?’
‘Yeah. You know, Honolulu. Capital of Hawaii. It’s where we both live. And where Grace goes to school.’
‘I know where Honolulu is, Danny.’
‘You sure about that? Because a couple of hours ago you thought you knew where Waimanalo Beach was and we know how that turned out.’
Steve shifted in his seat. ‘Yeah, well. I think some of the back roads changed. They do that sometimes.’
Danny raised an eyebrow. ‘Seriously? You’re trying to tell me that the roads on Oahu move?’ But his heart wasn’t really in it because Steve was - finally - pulling onto the highway and now they couldn’t get lost.
‘Ask Chin or Kono. They’ll back me up,’ replied Steve, defensively.
‘Believe me, I will ask them. As soon as they are back from Waimanalo Beach.’
Steve gave him the stink-eye. ‘Shut up.’
‘You shut up,’ replied Danny easily. ‘Now get me back to Honolulu before three and you can come and have shave ice’s with Grace and me before we have to drop her back at Rachel’s.’
‘Shave ice’s with Gracie? Why didn’t you say so, Danno?’
‘I did just say so.’
Steve just grinned at him as he sped up.
‘Just keep to the highway this time and don’t take any of your shortcuts.’
And now, for bed.