(no subject)
I'm happy for you, I really am. I'm glad you're in a space that you're comfortable with, and that you're marrying someone who treats you the way you deserve.
I'm trying to leave all of my bullshit behind when I walk down the aisle at YOUR wedding, as your Maid of Honor.
It's an incredible honor to be in that position... you mean the world to me, and I love that I get to share this with you.
But I haven't completely let go of the fact that I went through all of this... just without the happy ending.
I, too, planned a wedding, bought a dress, picked out flower arrangements, made seating charts, bought bridesmaids gifts...
But I never got to walk down the aisle. I never got to put on that dress. I never got to send those invitations.
And while I'm incredibly thankful for the fact that I did NOT marry Tim Covey, it still makes me bitter and cynical to remember what I was promised, and to remember how it was taken away just as quickly.
I'm still paying off that god damned debt. I'm still $3K in debt over a wedding that I never had, a dress I never wore.
I'm living paycheck to paycheck because he couldn't be a man and respect me enough to tell me what he felt until it was almost too late.
But, dammit, I'm really glad I'm not divorced.
And I'm definitely becoming the anti-marriage type. I've learned the difference between reality and romance. I've come a long way, but I still have my moments. I just hope that I can put it away for 5 days while I give away my best friend.
In other, happier news... well, we've gone from 10 inches of snow to 70* weather. Missouri climate never ceases to amaze me.
"Just for the record, the weather today is partly soused with occasional bursts of despair and irritation."
I'm finally getting over whatever crud I had this weekend. By the time I got home Friday night, I felt like death. I couldn't stop shivering, and my whole body hurt.
I'd agreed, Friday night, to work a 12 hour day on Saturday. I regretted it as soon as I woke up Saturday morning.
I've been drinking nothing but orange juice and tea, eating nothing but soup. I've been taking 2 vitamin C in the morning, 2 Advil at night. I've been sleeping 12 hours every night... which is unusual for me. I feel better today than I have all weekend, but I'm still not convinced it's gone. My head still hurts, my nose is still stuffy, and my throat still feels like it's about as narrow as a straw.
Work-related news... let's see... I get to do truck Tuesday and Thursday mornings. That should be great fun =/ Pulling boxes off the truck, cutting them all open, sorting them? Yea. Excited. But, if it gets me more money and benefits, I guess I could be okay with that. Erin was telling me that Jan (the new Logistics Keyholder) might not work out, because either Dan or Dave doesn't like her much... If that's true, her position would then become mine. It would mean getting up ridiculously early to run the Logistics crew, but, it might be worth it, I guess.
I'm trying to leave all of my bullshit behind when I walk down the aisle at YOUR wedding, as your Maid of Honor.
It's an incredible honor to be in that position... you mean the world to me, and I love that I get to share this with you.
But I haven't completely let go of the fact that I went through all of this... just without the happy ending.
I, too, planned a wedding, bought a dress, picked out flower arrangements, made seating charts, bought bridesmaids gifts...
But I never got to walk down the aisle. I never got to put on that dress. I never got to send those invitations.
And while I'm incredibly thankful for the fact that I did NOT marry Tim Covey, it still makes me bitter and cynical to remember what I was promised, and to remember how it was taken away just as quickly.
I'm still paying off that god damned debt. I'm still $3K in debt over a wedding that I never had, a dress I never wore.
I'm living paycheck to paycheck because he couldn't be a man and respect me enough to tell me what he felt until it was almost too late.
But, dammit, I'm really glad I'm not divorced.
And I'm definitely becoming the anti-marriage type. I've learned the difference between reality and romance. I've come a long way, but I still have my moments. I just hope that I can put it away for 5 days while I give away my best friend.
In other, happier news... well, we've gone from 10 inches of snow to 70* weather. Missouri climate never ceases to amaze me.
"Just for the record, the weather today is partly soused with occasional bursts of despair and irritation."
I'm finally getting over whatever crud I had this weekend. By the time I got home Friday night, I felt like death. I couldn't stop shivering, and my whole body hurt.
I'd agreed, Friday night, to work a 12 hour day on Saturday. I regretted it as soon as I woke up Saturday morning.
I've been drinking nothing but orange juice and tea, eating nothing but soup. I've been taking 2 vitamin C in the morning, 2 Advil at night. I've been sleeping 12 hours every night... which is unusual for me. I feel better today than I have all weekend, but I'm still not convinced it's gone. My head still hurts, my nose is still stuffy, and my throat still feels like it's about as narrow as a straw.
Work-related news... let's see... I get to do truck Tuesday and Thursday mornings. That should be great fun =/ Pulling boxes off the truck, cutting them all open, sorting them? Yea. Excited. But, if it gets me more money and benefits, I guess I could be okay with that. Erin was telling me that Jan (the new Logistics Keyholder) might not work out, because either Dan or Dave doesn't like her much... If that's true, her position would then become mine. It would mean getting up ridiculously early to run the Logistics crew, but, it might be worth it, I guess.