(no subject)
What will I be doing on Halloween, you ask? Working. As usual. Oh well, I wasn't looking forward to anything in particular, anyway.
I went to talk to the school counselor today. It was strange, being back in that situation. She asked me if I'd ever been in therapy before, and all I could do was laugh. If only she knew. It was good, though, to lay all of my shit out there, and just say "ok, now analyze." And really, everything I knew was just reinstated. I got no new information. She reassured me that I'm a good, rational person, and that I should trust that. I don't know why I've been doubting myself and my brain so much lately. It's more than lately, though, it's been since... probably the beginning of the summer? End of Spring? I don't know what started it, but I want it to fucking GO AWAY. I am NOT this insecure, afraid person, and I'm determined to rectify this. Anyway, my point is that we've made a plan for 4 sessions. She said that she doesn't see a need for anything long term, and that it's really just a non-issue. Yay!
I'm enjoying the weather... to an extent. I like wearing a jacket and breaking out the scarves... but... I'm missing my flip flops and my flats. Wearing socks is not a happy thing in my world. Although, my pirate boots will be happy to see places other than the inside of my closet. The cold makes me happy... even frisky, if you'd venture that far (I'm not sure that I would). I have a lot more energy when I'm not sweating my balls off in the August heat.
The cold makes me lonely, though. Don't ask, it's weird. I'm surrounding myself with amazing people this winter, so that I don't have to feel lonely. Even in the company of others, I still feel lonely. I've had this discussion with Joe before, and I really wish I could remember what was said. I think I remember him saying that it was just the nature of humans to be inherently lonely. To never truly fill that void. At least, in his experience and observation. I guess he's right, in a way. Can I do it, though? Can I really overcome it? Am I doomed to feel this way forever? Is it a matter of being comfortable enough with myself to not need anyone? Even if I don't need someone, though, lack of socialization is horrible for your mental and physical health. That's proven. I don't know, I just know that I'm lonely, and I don't want to be. Simple as that.
Above all, though, I've been pretty comfortable lately. I'm doing well in all of my classes, and I'm going to class on a regular basis. Work is picking up, so I don't have TIME to stand around and be pissed about anything.
I'm ready for Holiday to start. It's a good time of year, and even if the customers are bitchy, at least I'm busy, and I've always got something to do. Plus, this season won't be my first, hahaha. I knew what I was doing last year, but I wasn't nearly as comfortable and settled in as I am now. Now, I have the power. Now, I'm the one people come to, when they have a problem. Even my General Manager calls me to ask questions. It's a good feeling, to be on top. Apparently, when they were making the schedule for last week, I was third in line to get hours. The first two were the full-timers. Tehe, and then I was immediately after them =) I love that Dan appreciates me... if he didn't, I'm pretty sure I'd quit.
In other exciting news... or not so exciting, I guess... Christmas is right around the corner, and I haven't started on anything yet. Ugh. I haven't been inspired to create anything. I really need to get a move on, if I'm going to cover everyone on my list. I have to go to the art supply store and buy a TON of stuff, and hopefully it won't be ridiculously expensive.
Reminder to self: Call USF for transcripts, and freaking go to David's Bridal already and pick out a damned dress. I've been putting off both of these things for way too long, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a sign. Or maybe I'm just being lazy ^_^
I went to talk to the school counselor today. It was strange, being back in that situation. She asked me if I'd ever been in therapy before, and all I could do was laugh. If only she knew. It was good, though, to lay all of my shit out there, and just say "ok, now analyze." And really, everything I knew was just reinstated. I got no new information. She reassured me that I'm a good, rational person, and that I should trust that. I don't know why I've been doubting myself and my brain so much lately. It's more than lately, though, it's been since... probably the beginning of the summer? End of Spring? I don't know what started it, but I want it to fucking GO AWAY. I am NOT this insecure, afraid person, and I'm determined to rectify this. Anyway, my point is that we've made a plan for 4 sessions. She said that she doesn't see a need for anything long term, and that it's really just a non-issue. Yay!
I'm enjoying the weather... to an extent. I like wearing a jacket and breaking out the scarves... but... I'm missing my flip flops and my flats. Wearing socks is not a happy thing in my world. Although, my pirate boots will be happy to see places other than the inside of my closet. The cold makes me happy... even frisky, if you'd venture that far (I'm not sure that I would). I have a lot more energy when I'm not sweating my balls off in the August heat.
The cold makes me lonely, though. Don't ask, it's weird. I'm surrounding myself with amazing people this winter, so that I don't have to feel lonely. Even in the company of others, I still feel lonely. I've had this discussion with Joe before, and I really wish I could remember what was said. I think I remember him saying that it was just the nature of humans to be inherently lonely. To never truly fill that void. At least, in his experience and observation. I guess he's right, in a way. Can I do it, though? Can I really overcome it? Am I doomed to feel this way forever? Is it a matter of being comfortable enough with myself to not need anyone? Even if I don't need someone, though, lack of socialization is horrible for your mental and physical health. That's proven. I don't know, I just know that I'm lonely, and I don't want to be. Simple as that.
Above all, though, I've been pretty comfortable lately. I'm doing well in all of my classes, and I'm going to class on a regular basis. Work is picking up, so I don't have TIME to stand around and be pissed about anything.
I'm ready for Holiday to start. It's a good time of year, and even if the customers are bitchy, at least I'm busy, and I've always got something to do. Plus, this season won't be my first, hahaha. I knew what I was doing last year, but I wasn't nearly as comfortable and settled in as I am now. Now, I have the power. Now, I'm the one people come to, when they have a problem. Even my General Manager calls me to ask questions. It's a good feeling, to be on top. Apparently, when they were making the schedule for last week, I was third in line to get hours. The first two were the full-timers. Tehe, and then I was immediately after them =) I love that Dan appreciates me... if he didn't, I'm pretty sure I'd quit.
In other exciting news... or not so exciting, I guess... Christmas is right around the corner, and I haven't started on anything yet. Ugh. I haven't been inspired to create anything. I really need to get a move on, if I'm going to cover everyone on my list. I have to go to the art supply store and buy a TON of stuff, and hopefully it won't be ridiculously expensive.
Reminder to self: Call USF for transcripts, and freaking go to David's Bridal already and pick out a damned dress. I've been putting off both of these things for way too long, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a sign. Or maybe I'm just being lazy ^_^