(no subject)

[inwiththedawn]

somedays i really do feel lucky. i love my life, i can't deny it. i just hate all these sketchy circumstances. that's why i try so hard. i'm making it all change. and one day i'll be pretty far away from all the bullshit and noise that keeps pulling me down. i don't want it to be that way forever. but i'm young and i have to learn to live my own damn life. i get so sick of everyone trying to live it for me and make my decisions. you have no idea how insane it makes me. i've never done anything for myself. its always about what everyone else wants or thinks is in my best interest. no one in my family knows me because of this. i'm like the exact opposite from my mom and sam, they can't relate to me and they have no idea how to even treat me. i'm not like them.

i love that josh's family became my surrogates. i can be myself and i'm not criticized or laughed at constantly. they're really supportive. it just makes me so unbelievably happy. its so comforting.

josh filed his fafsa. he's going to go to school to be a nurse i think. he wants to move far away too. i know we would be so much better off getting out of here with a clean slate. we're going to establish our lives together. oh i love him so dearly. i know people don't really understand. i don't think i do myself sometimes. the only way i can describe it is that i know he is my soulmate. i've never been so sure about anything. even if we fight or he pisses me off sometimes. it doesn't matter because we know each other too well and it blows over in less than a half hour. we both give in and apologize and forget about it.

i'm honestly so happy.