Taking Back Sunday Chapter 15 (THE END)
[Title] Taking Back Sunday
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] NC-17 because I am incapable of writing anything besides that and PG-13. R? What’s that.
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing] Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
Jesse is the obsessive Morrissey fan who would know of this, which he (Moz) was quoted as saying about reuniting with The Smiths, “I would rather eat my own testicles than re-form The Smiths, and that’s saying something for a vegetarian.” Close to the end of this chapter, Jesse says something in that vein, and I thought it was terribly appropriate. However, this quote, from what I can tell, occurred later than this story takes place. Oh well; it’s my story, so I say it’s a-ok.
I would just like to take the opportunity with this, the last installment of Taking Back Sunday, to thank everyone who has followed the story throughout the year, or thereabouts, that I have spent working on it. Your support means everything. Thank you to those who have read a chapter, thank you to those who have read every chapter. Thanks for the comments, and thanks even if you didn’t comment. If you are reading this at all, thank you. Thanks especially to my lovely beta dimmingdivine, (whose betaed version of this chapter got lost in email for the last 4 months. Stoopid intArW3bs pwning my story.) I could not have done this without you, and to Gabe, whose insistence that she would quit the band if I didn’t get my ass in gear and finish up this bastard sometime soon. I hope you enjoy it.
I also want to reassure you that this will not be the last you see of me. I have one nine-chapter story to post, already completely written and mostly betaed after this one is completed, and hands full of short stories ready and waiting. I just didn’t want to post other things while this was still unfinished. I figured I would forget about it if I did that.
Anyway, that’s my bit. Thanks again to everyone. As always, comments are love. <3
“Are you okay?”
Shrug.
Jesse rolled to face Brian in the dark. It had been two weeks since he had unofficially moved into Jesse’s for the better part of the week, Garrett’s for the rest of the week, and John’s for a day or two here and there. Brian looked worn through. He had to be tired, but Jesse could tell by the rhythm of his breathing that he was far from sleeping.
“I miss my mom.”
If that wasn’t the cutest thing Jesse’d ever heard from his lover, he didn’t know what was. He grinned, although Brian couldn’t see him through the darkness.
“Why don’t you go over and visit? She asked you to.”
“I don’t want to have to defend myself anymore. Justifying leaving home, even just to myself, it’s been hard.” Brian reached out for Jesse. “I mean, being able to be with you openly, that’s the best thing I could ever ask for. It’s just that leaving home is really hard. I still don’t have a job.”
“Yeah, but I’m helping you look tomorrow, right? We’ll find you something.”
Brian shrugged. “I just miss being a kid a little, you know? I feel like I suddenly have to grow up, and no one notified me. No one told me it was going to be so sudden or so tough.”
Jesse brushed Brian’s too-long bangs out of his face and leaned in to kiss him. “Why don’t you go talk to your mom? I’m sure she probably misses you, too. It’ll be good for you.”
Brian nodded. His forehead touched Jesse’s. “I think I’ll go tomorrow after the job hunt.”
***
“How’s he doing?”
Jesse pushed potatoes around on his plate. “He’s depressed.” John frowned.
“I’ve noticed, too.”
“It’s hard for him. Maybe it’s just me, but Brian strikes me as the kid whose family never had any problems, you know? Mom and dad and little boy, New York suburbs, white picket fence.”
“By all rights, he should be the most well rounded kid….”
“He is! He’s never even seen his dad sleeping on the sofa. His family is fucking perfect, and now suddenly he’s tearing it apart. He’s never imagined ever having to run away from home for any reason.” The potatoes stared back at him emotionlessly. Jesse pressed little fork-ridges into the mound gently until the whole pile was covered in rows of peaks and valleys.
“Hey,” John said softly. He glanced toward his mom and dad in the living room, close enough to hear their conversation without too much trouble. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for this.”
Jesse sighed. “I know.” With a shake of his head, he dropped his fork back down onto the table. “I just don’t know what we’re going to do.”
“What do you mean? This is working out alright.”
“For now, maybe. But is Brian going to want to feel like a playing card, shuffled around through different houses for the rest of his high school life?”
John didn’t look surprised to hear it. Jesse wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t surprised. After all, John was the one who’d said this was like putting a band-aid over a severed arm. “Well maybe tonight’ll go a lot better than you think.”
Jesse grunted noncommittally.
“Did you have any luck looking for jobs today?”
“The Gap looked interested.”
John snorted. “Sorry.” But he was right. Brian would stick out like a punk in a prep store at that place. “Do… do they sell anything in black?”
Jesse rolled his eyes and threw a half-eaten carrot-stick across the table at him.
“Boys….” Mrs. Nolan raised a warning eyebrow to prompt their bashful apologies.
“Don’t worry.” John whispered as Jesse shoved a fork full of potatoes in his mouth. “We’ll figure something out.”
***
“Oh, God, Jesse,” Brian gasped, arching his back. Jesse tongued his pert nipples and pressed his hips down against Brian’s. He was hard, pressed firmly against Jesse’s thigh, and moaning like a whore.
Jesse kissed him. “Hey,” he whispered. “I know I’m good, but it’s only nine. Even Cody’s still awake.”
“You expect me to remember not to make noise when you’re doing that to me?”
Jesse bit his lip and grinned. “Give it the good college try,” he insisted and licked slowly across his lover’s lower lip.
Jesse descended again. Brian’s lower torso donned a beautiful pattern of flowers drawn in Jesse’s saliva five minutes later, and when Jesse’s mouth locked on the skin just beneath his belly button, he punctuated it with the imprint of teeth and a delicious bruise.
“Jesse, please,” Brian whimpered. Jesse knew beyond any doubt that as hard as their ordeal had been, and as painful, he would endure ten thousand times more to always have Brian on his back like this. He’d never seen anything more honest, and he had never felt anything more real.
He tugged his boxers down and discarded them with Brian’s white night-shirt. Jesse didn’t tease like he could have. Tonight wasn’t about making Brian work for it. He slid his lips over him.
“Oh fuck, Jesse!” Brian bit off urgently. Jesse reached up for him. He stared up from waist-level, all doe-eyes and feigned innocence. Brian smirked back at him because only the devil himself could have lips so tempting. His mocking gaze ignited Jesse’s eyes with hell-fire, and he sucked and swallowed like he could consume every last flaming inch of him. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
When he felt Brian’s touch on his hand, nudging him gently from his eager ministrations, Jesse gave up the captive nipple and entwined their fingers, closed their hands together in intricate knots that he hoped could last for eternity. “Jesse,” Brian whispered. “I love you.”
All at once, Jesse’s façade crumbled. His lust’s roaring and insistent voice fell silent to the whispered threat of his heart. It would explode in his chest if Jesse tried to love him any more than he did now.
“Jesse… Jesse… let’s… do it.”
Internal combustion: Jesse’s heart was done for.
“I want you to have all of me.”
Jesse pulled his lips away slowly. Brian urged him closer, pulled him flat against his chest.
“I love you, Jess. I just… I want to share this with you, you know?”
Jesse beamed at him and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Yeah. Yeah… I definitely… yeah. Yes. Let’s.”
They were virgins, the both of them, and neither really knew what to do, but an adventurous couple, neither was really averse to trying to figure it out.
Brian knew that they’d need lubricant, as well as condoms, both of which Jesse had from his hopeful and still limited experience with previous girlfriends. He dug the unopened boxes out from under his bed and tore them in his haste.
Brian knew the theory better than he, so he listened to his friend’s instructions and tried to follow them, judging by Brian’s face how far to go. When, as soon as Jesse slid his well-lubed finger inside, he furrowed his brow, he didn’t stop. That face was because Brian was getting used to feeling something enter through the exit door. He also trusted Brian to tell him when it was too much, when it hurt, or when he needed to pick up the pace.
Brian directed his movements, and his face softened to complacence. He was getting used to the sensation. “It’s not so bad,” he commented a moment or two after they’d begun.
“You’re…” Jesse blushed.
“What?”
“You’re really tight.”
Brian grinned and shifted his hips on the bed while Jesse worked his finger inside. “Mm.” He said abruptly a moment later.
“What?” He couldn’t tell what the look on Brian’s face meant. Was that his ‘this isn’t so bad’ face? Was it ‘ok, this kind of hurts, but I’ll endure?’ Jesse couldn’t tell. He wanted to stop moving his finger, but he didn’t, he just slowed down a bit.
Brian’s exhalation was heavy. “Hmm? Oh, nothing. It’s just… starting to feel… pretty good.”
Jesse smiled and resumed.
When Brian instructed him to add a second finger, Jesse took the time to add some more lube. He put twice as much as he had the first time, for good measure, and worked his fingers back in. Brian sighed.
“It feels so full,” he whispered.
“Does it hurt?”
Brian’s face twisted slightly. “No, not really. It just feels weird.”
“Bri, we don’t have to do this-”
“No, I want to. It’s ok, Jess. It doesn’t hurt.”
“I’m… a lot bigger, Brian, than two fingers.”
Brown eyes bored into him. “Jesse. I want this. Please. It gets better. The reason you’ve got your fingers in there is to stretch me so I can fit you inside.”
Jesse pressed his lips into a thin line.
“It’ll be fine, Jess. Please.”
Brian knew more about this than he did, Jesse supposed. He relented with a sceptical look.
In a moment or two, when it was loose enough for Jesse to move his fingers with relative ease, Brian’s breathing had picked up significantly, but he didn’t look to be enjoying himself any more than before. Jesse was starting to have serious doubts about this whole idea, but he did have to admit that his boyfriend lying naked against his bedroom sheets like this was… appetizing to say the least. Jesse was, of course, still hard, and he still hadn’t forgotten about his need to get off. He shifted onto his knees.
“Oh! Oh my god!”
“What? Brian? What? Are you ok?”
Brian’s voice shook. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Oh my god that felt… what did you do? Jess, don’t stop.”
In his shock, Jesse failed to notice the renewed life in his lover’s previously softening cock. It was, once again, hard and dark, infused with blood: not a marker of a job done badly.
Jesse didn’t know what he’d done to make Brian react that way, but he tried getting on his knees again.
“Oh fuck!”
“Shhh!”
Brian couldn’t even look ashamed of his outburst. Jesse almost couldn’t bring himself to care either as he sought for the bump that he felt this time inside of his lover, the one that he’d brushed so gently before that, like a switch flicked or a button pushed, made him eager and ready.
“Whatever… whatever that is Jess, please do it again.”
Jesse noticed that he was loose now, significantly more so than before, and his legs, which were previously struggling to stay spread, were now parted as far as Brian could manage, and he didn’t even seem to realize it. Of course, past trying to stifle his own moans, Brian didn’t seem capable of a high number of thought processes. Jesse liked him like this.
“Jesse? Put another one in,” he directed. He hesitated. Was Brian really in the state of mind to be making that call? “Jess?” He decided he didn’t care. Well, he did; he didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend, but Brian did know better than he what to do. He slipped the other two out and then replaced them with all three.
“Uh,” groaned the boy on his back. It didn’t exactly look like a moan of distaste to Jesse.
Brian’s eyes drifted closed, the pretty dark lashes grazing his reddened cheeks, and he shifted on the bed. Breathless, Brian looked so appetizing. Jesse wished he could devour him whole. All at once he realized just how much he wanted him. Jesse felt his crotch throb with renewed vigour at the tantalizing feast spread before him. As he flexed his fingers and thought about how that tight heat would feel around him, Jesse started to feel excited, more excited, anyway. He hoped that he wouldn’t cream himself in an instant, and that he would last long enough to get his lover off. Already his fingers and his arm, they were tiring. He hoped the rest of him wouldn’t follow suit.
“Jess?”
He replied with a kiss, leaning over him.
Brian smiled into his lips. “How’s it look? I mean… do you think it’s… enough?”
“I… I don’t know.” He thought this was Brian’s call. Jesse’s nerves rose in him again.
“I think… I think three fingers are prolly okay, Jess. Do you think so?”
Hesitantly, Jesse’s mouth flapped without a sound escaping. “I don’t know. Are you sure?”
Brian laughed. “I have no idea, Jesse. I think… I think maybe we should try and then if we have to stop, we can.” Jesse stared into Brian’s eyes. He looked kind of dazed, kind of dopey.
“Are you sure?”
Brian leant up for a quick peck on the lips. “It’ll be okay. If I need to stop, I’ll tell you.” He smiled again, then, and kissed him more thoroughly. With Brian’s tongue in his mouth, Jesse couldn’t think of a single reason why this wasn’t a good idea.
Hand retracted, condom adorned, Jesse smoothed his hands down Brian’s thighs while they shifted into position. With the head of him positioned against Brian’s backside, Jesse felt a rush of exhilaration. Brian nodded at him, then, and it began.
Jesse pushed forward slowly, almost too slowly, and he felt Brian’s body shifting to slide over him. Too breathless to speak, Jesse just waited, then, trying to maintain his composure with the pressure and heat of Brian’s tight body squeezing him relentlessly.
“Ok,” Brian whispered. With a nod, he pushed again, a little at first, and the pressure around his dick grew exponentially as Brian engulfed him more and more with each moment. Jesse’s lungs were at capacity by the time their bodies were flush, Jesse buried completely in his lover. Lovers. That was what they were now, truly. The thought made Jesse smile a little. Brian’s lips flickered to do the same, but he didn’t hold it. He was panting too hard.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah. Fuck… Jesse you’re big, huh?”
Jesse breathed a chuckle. “Thanks, I guess.”
“I just… it feels like I’m splitting at the seams.”
“Are you sure you’re alr-”
“Yeah, yeah! I just mean… I feel like you’re… like I’m so full of you. I don’t know. You’re the poet, not me.” Brian laughed a little, but it was mostly air and no sound. “I’ll be ready in a minute. It just takes some getting used to.”
Jesse smirked and bent just slightly to press his lips to Brian’s. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Brian was ready before long, and he instructed Jesse, “Just take it slow, okay?” before settling back.
Finding a rhythm was hard. Jesse had never done anything like this before, but already he was tired from the repetitive thrusting motion. He wheezed and shifted to try to find some way to minimize the effort. Brian was touching him everywhere. Jesse guessed that lying on his back probably got pretty boring when he wasn’t doing anything else. He felt fingertips over his nipples and stroking down his stomach to ghost across the dust of hair below his navel. Jesse felt blood surge into his erection, reinforcing it and providing him enough of an energy boost to continue.
As Brian’s backside loosened to accommodate Jesse’s considerable girth, it became possible to adjust his speed, as well as his angle, and to make it easier for him, Jesse shifted closer.
“Oh Jesse! Shit, just like that!” Brian burst out suddenly. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”
Jesse moaned with Brian. It definitely turned him on to hear Brian getting off on what he was doing to him. He kept on, as directed, just as he was, and it was easy to relate Brian’s moans with the bump within him that Jesse felt brush past the end of his penis. He began to try to direct his movements to hit it every time.
Jesse couldn’t have perfect aim, but clearly he was close enough, judging from the way Brian began to squirm and fist the sheets. “Oh fuck, Jesse!” he muttered every so often, and, “Shit, this feels so good!”
It wasn’t much longer before Jesse felt like he was getting close. He gritted his teeth and held off as well as he could, but between thrusts and sloppy kisses, Jesse managed to wrap his fist around Brian’s leaking cock.
“Oh my God! Jesse!” Brian’s voice got a little loud, but as soon as his eyes shot open in realization and he blushed, he managed to quiet himself and say, “Jesse, Jesse, I’m close.”
He nodded fervently. “Yeah,” he whispered, “me too.”
Brian’s hands were everywhere, like he couldn’t decide whether to touch Jesse’s nipples or maybe to dig his fingers into the mattress. Finally he settled on gripping his biceps. Jesse liked that because it meant that he could tell how close Brian was by the way his fingers pressed into his flesh, not that he wouldn’t have been able to tell by the expressions that flitted as fast as hummingbird wings across his face.
“Oh God,” Brian whispered, and Jesse felt his whole body tighten around him until he thought he wouldn’t be able to hold back any longer, and that was when Brian gasped, his fingernails raking paths down the backs of his arms, and warned, “I’m coming! Oh fuck, Jesse, I’m gonna come right now!”
His face twisted, his mouth opened, and then Jesse felt the splash of semen across his hand and on his belly. Jesse couldn’t even speak, but he exhaled hard and that was it for him, too. He exploded with hardly a grunt and felt the familiar wave of ecstasy course over him, through every vein as he rode out his orgasm.
Silence but for gasps followed for moments thereafter. Brian pulled Jesse down to lie against him, to rest. He stroked his hair while Jesse panted and kissed his chest. When he was finally able to breathe without wheezing, he pulled out, tied the condom and tucked it into his wastepaper basket in a handful of tissues to disguise it from his mother or any other of his household who might try to snoop. Donning only boxers, they crawled under the blankets together.
Jesse was the first to speak. “I love you.”
Brian responded with a kiss, “I love you, too.”
Like that, legs tangled together, curled up with each other, Jesse watched Brian face turn serene as he fell asleep. With a final kiss to his forehead, Jesse did the same.
***
The morning came much too quickly. Even more unexpected than the onslaught of daylight was the knock on Jesse’s bedroom door. The boys tumbled out of bed in a hurry to appear as though they’d slept separately. Brian pulled a pillow down from Jesse’s mattress to the floor as he stood to answer his caller.
“Mom?” he tried to look sleepy and not as panicked and terrified as her knock had made him. “What time is it?”
“Early, baby. I’m sorry, but Brian’s mother is here.” She frowned.
Brian sat up donning a puzzled expression. “My mom?”
“Mm hmm. I’ll fix some coffee downstairs for you.”
Even for a weekday, it was too early. The sun hadn’t even come up yet, although there was enough light outside that Jesse supposed it was close enough, but only if this was important- a foolish thought, it could be nothing but. Downstairs, Jesse’s mother had turned the lights on in the kitchen and there were two steaming mugs of delicious caffeine sitting at Brian and Jesse’s places at the table. Sure enough, there was Mrs. Lane, sitting in Jesse’s father’s seat at the table with Jesse’s mom rubbing sleep out of her eyes near the window, watching for the sunrise.
“Mom?”
Her smile was weak, Jesse realized, and her appearance haggard. She looked unlikely to have slept at all. In fact, she was dressed in wrinkled clothing, likely from the previous night, and her makeup was a little smeared. Had she been crying?
“Is everything okay?”
“Oh yes, Brian, everything is fine.”
“What are you doing here?”
She shifted on her chair, her rings clinking on the porcelain of the coffee mug steaming before her. It didn’t look like she’d drunk any of it, yet. “Well, honey, your father and I have been disagreeing lately.” She cleared her throat; from her petite frame it seemed dainty. “I wish I knew how to begin from the beginning.”
Brian glanced at Jesse, then Jesse’s mother who was not paying attention in the slightest, before returning his attention back to his mother.
“I’m afraid I overreacted, sweetheart.” She shook her head. “I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t realize, really, Brian… I didn’t realize how your father would take it.” She looked carefully at Mrs. Lacey. Jesse recognized abruptly that she was attempting to be discreet. “I should never have… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I…” she sighed and lifted a hand to her face, wiping her eye, which had yet to show signs of moisture. Her fingers trembled. “Brian, I don’t care; to be perfectly honest.” She glanced again at Jesse’s mom.
Jesse cleared his throat loudly. “Mom? I think I just heard Cody call you.”
Mrs. Lacey faced the group at the table in clear confusion. The house had been utterly silent all along. Quickly, though, realization dawned on her that she was intruding and she jumped a little. “Look at me, dallying around here! I ought to be getting the kids ready for school. If you’ll excuse me….”
“Um,” Jesse spoke up as soon as she was gone, “did you want a few minutes alone?”
“No, no dear. This concerns you as much as it does Brian. Please stay.” She patted him on the hand. “My point is I don’t mind if you are… if you… prefer the company of men. I don’t mind, Brian. And I am quite fond of you, Jesse. I really am. I just… Brian….” She beamed at him, and now Jesse saw the glimmer of a tear. She reached across the table to take his hand in hers. “Brian… you’re my baby. My baby boy. I just want what’s best for you.”
“What about Dad?”
Mrs. Lane swallowed. “Well… your father’s never been what we’d call open-minded.”
“Mom…” Brian shook his head. “I don’t want this anymore than you do. Living at Jesse and John and Garrett’s houses, and having to find a job, and trying to just get through school… but Mom, I can’t live somewhere that people are going to stop me from being what I am.”
She nodded. “I agree, honey. I do. I support you one hundred percent.”
Brian snorted and then shook his head. “Mom… I don’t get it.”
Mrs. Lane sat up straight. “I told your father… I told your father that… either he lets you come home- and I mean not just letting you come home, but letting you be, just…” she nodded. Her meaning was clear enough. “Either he learns to deal with you being gay… or I’m moving out.”
Brian’s eyes grew wide. “What? Mom!”
“Brian,” she gripped his fingers tightly, “I mean it. I mean it. You are too important to me, honey, for me to let you go off like that. You’re too young to be left on your own, and I want to take care of you a little longer.” She smiled softly at him. “Your dad said he’d try. He’d try to be understanding.”
Brian’s mouth gaped. “You told dad you’d leave him for me? Mom-”
“I know that it isn’t going to be easy. Your father still doesn’t really know how to come to terms with all of this, but if we work together on it, as a family…. Brian, I just really want you to come home. Please say you will.”
“And what about Jesse? Dad can’t throw a fit if Jesse’s around.”
“He knows that. Jesse can still come over anytime you want, and your father will behave himself.” She smiled again at Jesse. “I do like you, Jesse. I don’t think I could deny my son your company.” Then to both of them, “You care about each other very much. I can see that. So as long as you’re happy,” she shrugged and patted them both on the hands. Brian and Jesse shared a small smile. “Will you come, then?” She looked hopeful. When Jesse looked at Brian next, he was nodding.
“Yeah,” it was said with relief, a sigh against the hardships that had befallen him in his attempt to be completely independent. “Yeah, I’ll come home.”
***
It was fortunate for them that Mrs. Lane had no plans to warn Jesse’s mother about their illicit relationship. She did express her concern, though, that they felt it necessary to keep it a secret and urged them to consider telling Mr. and Mrs. Lacey. Jesse had no plans to do any such thing.
Later that day, after school, Jesse helped Brian with his things, moving all but his drums back out of Jesse’s place and into his old room. The drums, he decided, would stay there until he was sure that this wasn’t just temporary, his return home. “Besides,” he added, “I play them more when I’m with you than when I’m alone anyway.”
Jesse stuck around with Brian despite his slight discomfort until late that evening, well after dinner, but finally managed to convince Brian to let him go home. “Nothing’s going to happen when I’m out of your sight for a few hours.” Brian was hardly convinced but agreed that it was unfair, and perhaps he should attempt to spend a short time with his parents. Ultimately, he let Jesse go home.
Home, however, was not where he headed. He could barely wait long enough for Michelle to come to the door to dash through it and up the stairs to John’s room. Flinging the door open, though, he was confronted with somewhat of a surprise.
John leapt up from the bed, his shirt discarded on the chair and jeans unbuttoned. His face was flushed, and he was breathing hard. Jesse assumed the wide eyes were because of the unexpected interruption, but the rest? Well, Jesse blamed the half-naked boy reclining smugly against John’s pillows.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse! Do you ever knock?”
Still in the process of blinking away his confusion, Jesse didn’t even acknowledge the question and barely responded to John’s ushering him into the room and closing of his bedroom door.
“Close your mouth, kid, it’s not a spectacle,” chirped the boy from the sheets. His pants were undone as well, but he seemed in no hurry to rectify it.
“John? John!” Jesse turned, head whipping around like a lost boy searching for his mother. “John!”
“Yes, Jesse, yes, what?”
“John!” He gestured frantically toward the bed. “What the hell is this?”
John tried to glare, but his beat red face diminished the effect somewhat. “What the hell does it look like?”
His mouth opened and closed. “It looks like you’re fooling around with fucking Adam Whatshisname!”
“Lazzara.”
“Speak when you’re spoken to, kid,” Jesse shot back angrily. Facing John again: “What is this?”
John sighed and tried his best to take Jesse aside. He led him by the arm as far as his closet, but the room was only so big. “Jess, please don’t make a big deal about this.”
“Who’s making a big deal? I’m not making a big deal. I just want to know why the hell you’re giving that freak the time of day, let alone a hand job!”
“Jesse, can you just watch your damn mouth for two fucking seconds and let me explain?”
Jesse made a vague gesture to indicate that John should proceed, and he did. “Adam’s got third period with me. We got paired together for an assignment in that class-”
“What, sex ed?”
John’s intense gaze of annoyance was slightly more successful, then, because Jesse shut his mouth again.
“We’ve been working together for a few weeks and… I got to know him. He’s actually a pretty cool guy.”
“Thanks!” from Adam, still reclining on the bed.
“He wears black nail polish and pants tighter than your sister’s.”
John shrugged. “I think he’s kind of cute.” Jesse could barely refrain from letting his tongue fall out he was gaping so widely. “We’ve been sort of seeing each other.” Jesse still didn’t speak. “Look,” he finally said, “I got over Brian, right? I gave him a chance; why can’t you give Adam the benefit of the doubt?”
Jesse glanced over his shoulder at the boy on the bed. Adam winked at him, waved with his fingers and blew him a kiss. Jesse turned back to John. “Because I’d rather eat my own testicles.”
At long last, Jesse managed to inform his friend of the good luck that had befallen Brian and the new alteration to their arrangement. Meanwhile, Adam entertained himself by writing with a sharpie up and down his arms. Jesse’s eyes grew wide with emphasis and he stared pointedly at John until he blushed.
Before Jesse turned to leave, John lowered his voice to mutter, “Look, I just want you to give him a chance, alright? Can you do that for me?” Jesse raised an eyebrow. “I invited him to band practice next week. I taught him a few songs and he wants to jam.”
“He plays?”
“Well, yeah kind of. He’s a vocalist mostly.”
Jesse didn’t wonder why that wasn’t a surprise. “You didn’t let him think we’d consider having him in the band, though, right?”
John hesitated, eyes shifting. Jesse’s eyebrow climbed higher as his friend shifted on his feet sheepishly.
“John. That kid joins our band, I’m gonna quit.”
Jesse left shortly thereafter, agreeing to give the guy a shot, but with his heart set against it, Jesse knew there was a small chance, if any, that he would change his opinion of Adam. He fucking hated that kid.
In the end, he left John to his own devices and vanished off home to his empty bed. He couldn’t be sad, though, even sleeping beneath his sheets alone. At least life was back to normal, for the most part, for everyone.
He thought of Brian, at home, lying in bed, maybe staring into the darkness and thinking of Jesse just as Jesse was of him. It wouldn’t be easy for him. His parents would clearly always disagree over Brian’s choice of lifestyle; no one enjoys living under the rules of an ultimatum. But at least he had his childhood back, for a little while. At least he didn’t have to grow up before his time, or not entirely. It would be hard not to retain some amount of disillusionment from this endeavour. But now it was certain that there were still a couple more years of fun left before he had to be an adult. Jesse was glad for that.
He thought of John, of their friendship and how much it had changed, just over a matter of weeks. Jesse knew it could never be the way it was before with him and John. He wasn’t in the habit of casually sleeping with friends who happened to be in love with him; it would be hard to get past that. Besides, now that Adam was a factor, Jesse knew that it was inevitable that he’d be seeing less of his childhood pal. He knew it was as unfair to Adam as John had been to Brian, but some dislikes were just too strong, and Jesse had despised him long before John had ever swapped spit with him.
He thought of Garrett, of Shaun, of Mike, of the new friends he’d made and for whom he would have to fit a place in his life, and of the old ones who seemed so distant, such a part of an old life that Jesse didn’t know if they would fit in the new one. It was almost sad to consider that he was abandoning as well as gaining friends, but Jesse couldn’t lament having met Garrett and Mike, and he couldn’t regret the events that led to the disruption of his other friendships. It was a matter of time, after all, before he had to grow up. It might as well be now.
Jesse rolled over onto his side to stare at the gleaming red lights of his digital clock. It read 11:23. He stared at it for what seemed an eternity before 11:24, and he closed his eyes. Tomorrow was a brand new day, and it was waiting for him, as was his love, his friends, and everything from A to Z that would graduate Jesse from the boy he was a few months ago to the man he would become. With luck he would be a good one, but if recent events told Jesse anything it was that he could never know himself, nor anyone else, fully, and only time and circumstances would tell.
[Author] dejectedmadness
[Rating] NC-17 because I am incapable of writing anything besides that and PG-13. R? What’s that.
[Disclaimer] I am posting fanFICTION. Neither the characters nor the ideas belong to me, just the plot specific to this story. No profit is being made off of this fiction, it is being written solely for my entertainment and for the entertainment of others as warped as I am. Don't sue.
[Band/Pairing] Brand New/Straylight Run, Jesse Lacey/Brian Lane, Jesse Lacey/John Nolan
[Summary] Jesse makes a new friend about whom John is not particularly fond for reasons as yet only speculated upon.
[X-Posted] rockinthebed, slashypunkboys, _brand_new_love, lacey_loves_jno
[Author’s Notes] This isn’t intended to be particularly AU, although it is a high school fic, and it has some anachronistic tendencies.
Jesse is the obsessive Morrissey fan who would know of this, which he (Moz) was quoted as saying about reuniting with The Smiths, “I would rather eat my own testicles than re-form The Smiths, and that’s saying something for a vegetarian.” Close to the end of this chapter, Jesse says something in that vein, and I thought it was terribly appropriate. However, this quote, from what I can tell, occurred later than this story takes place. Oh well; it’s my story, so I say it’s a-ok.
I would just like to take the opportunity with this, the last installment of Taking Back Sunday, to thank everyone who has followed the story throughout the year, or thereabouts, that I have spent working on it. Your support means everything. Thank you to those who have read a chapter, thank you to those who have read every chapter. Thanks for the comments, and thanks even if you didn’t comment. If you are reading this at all, thank you. Thanks especially to my lovely beta dimmingdivine, (whose betaed version of this chapter got lost in email for the last 4 months. Stoopid intArW3bs pwning my story.) I could not have done this without you, and to Gabe, whose insistence that she would quit the band if I didn’t get my ass in gear and finish up this bastard sometime soon. I hope you enjoy it.
I also want to reassure you that this will not be the last you see of me. I have one nine-chapter story to post, already completely written and mostly betaed after this one is completed, and hands full of short stories ready and waiting. I just didn’t want to post other things while this was still unfinished. I figured I would forget about it if I did that.
Anyway, that’s my bit. Thanks again to everyone. As always, comments are love. <3
“Are you okay?”
Shrug.
Jesse rolled to face Brian in the dark. It had been two weeks since he had unofficially moved into Jesse’s for the better part of the week, Garrett’s for the rest of the week, and John’s for a day or two here and there. Brian looked worn through. He had to be tired, but Jesse could tell by the rhythm of his breathing that he was far from sleeping.
“I miss my mom.”
If that wasn’t the cutest thing Jesse’d ever heard from his lover, he didn’t know what was. He grinned, although Brian couldn’t see him through the darkness.
“Why don’t you go over and visit? She asked you to.”
“I don’t want to have to defend myself anymore. Justifying leaving home, even just to myself, it’s been hard.” Brian reached out for Jesse. “I mean, being able to be with you openly, that’s the best thing I could ever ask for. It’s just that leaving home is really hard. I still don’t have a job.”
“Yeah, but I’m helping you look tomorrow, right? We’ll find you something.”
Brian shrugged. “I just miss being a kid a little, you know? I feel like I suddenly have to grow up, and no one notified me. No one told me it was going to be so sudden or so tough.”
Jesse brushed Brian’s too-long bangs out of his face and leaned in to kiss him. “Why don’t you go talk to your mom? I’m sure she probably misses you, too. It’ll be good for you.”
Brian nodded. His forehead touched Jesse’s. “I think I’ll go tomorrow after the job hunt.”
***
“How’s he doing?”
Jesse pushed potatoes around on his plate. “He’s depressed.” John frowned.
“I’ve noticed, too.”
“It’s hard for him. Maybe it’s just me, but Brian strikes me as the kid whose family never had any problems, you know? Mom and dad and little boy, New York suburbs, white picket fence.”
“By all rights, he should be the most well rounded kid….”
“He is! He’s never even seen his dad sleeping on the sofa. His family is fucking perfect, and now suddenly he’s tearing it apart. He’s never imagined ever having to run away from home for any reason.” The potatoes stared back at him emotionlessly. Jesse pressed little fork-ridges into the mound gently until the whole pile was covered in rows of peaks and valleys.
“Hey,” John said softly. He glanced toward his mom and dad in the living room, close enough to hear their conversation without too much trouble. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for this.”
Jesse sighed. “I know.” With a shake of his head, he dropped his fork back down onto the table. “I just don’t know what we’re going to do.”
“What do you mean? This is working out alright.”
“For now, maybe. But is Brian going to want to feel like a playing card, shuffled around through different houses for the rest of his high school life?”
John didn’t look surprised to hear it. Jesse wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t surprised. After all, John was the one who’d said this was like putting a band-aid over a severed arm. “Well maybe tonight’ll go a lot better than you think.”
Jesse grunted noncommittally.
“Did you have any luck looking for jobs today?”
“The Gap looked interested.”
John snorted. “Sorry.” But he was right. Brian would stick out like a punk in a prep store at that place. “Do… do they sell anything in black?”
Jesse rolled his eyes and threw a half-eaten carrot-stick across the table at him.
“Boys….” Mrs. Nolan raised a warning eyebrow to prompt their bashful apologies.
“Don’t worry.” John whispered as Jesse shoved a fork full of potatoes in his mouth. “We’ll figure something out.”
***
“Oh, God, Jesse,” Brian gasped, arching his back. Jesse tongued his pert nipples and pressed his hips down against Brian’s. He was hard, pressed firmly against Jesse’s thigh, and moaning like a whore.
Jesse kissed him. “Hey,” he whispered. “I know I’m good, but it’s only nine. Even Cody’s still awake.”
“You expect me to remember not to make noise when you’re doing that to me?”
Jesse bit his lip and grinned. “Give it the good college try,” he insisted and licked slowly across his lover’s lower lip.
Jesse descended again. Brian’s lower torso donned a beautiful pattern of flowers drawn in Jesse’s saliva five minutes later, and when Jesse’s mouth locked on the skin just beneath his belly button, he punctuated it with the imprint of teeth and a delicious bruise.
“Jesse, please,” Brian whimpered. Jesse knew beyond any doubt that as hard as their ordeal had been, and as painful, he would endure ten thousand times more to always have Brian on his back like this. He’d never seen anything more honest, and he had never felt anything more real.
He tugged his boxers down and discarded them with Brian’s white night-shirt. Jesse didn’t tease like he could have. Tonight wasn’t about making Brian work for it. He slid his lips over him.
“Oh fuck, Jesse!” Brian bit off urgently. Jesse reached up for him. He stared up from waist-level, all doe-eyes and feigned innocence. Brian smirked back at him because only the devil himself could have lips so tempting. His mocking gaze ignited Jesse’s eyes with hell-fire, and he sucked and swallowed like he could consume every last flaming inch of him. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
When he felt Brian’s touch on his hand, nudging him gently from his eager ministrations, Jesse gave up the captive nipple and entwined their fingers, closed their hands together in intricate knots that he hoped could last for eternity. “Jesse,” Brian whispered. “I love you.”
All at once, Jesse’s façade crumbled. His lust’s roaring and insistent voice fell silent to the whispered threat of his heart. It would explode in his chest if Jesse tried to love him any more than he did now.
“Jesse… Jesse… let’s… do it.”
Internal combustion: Jesse’s heart was done for.
“I want you to have all of me.”
Jesse pulled his lips away slowly. Brian urged him closer, pulled him flat against his chest.
“I love you, Jess. I just… I want to share this with you, you know?”
Jesse beamed at him and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “Yeah. Yeah… I definitely… yeah. Yes. Let’s.”
They were virgins, the both of them, and neither really knew what to do, but an adventurous couple, neither was really averse to trying to figure it out.
Brian knew that they’d need lubricant, as well as condoms, both of which Jesse had from his hopeful and still limited experience with previous girlfriends. He dug the unopened boxes out from under his bed and tore them in his haste.
Brian knew the theory better than he, so he listened to his friend’s instructions and tried to follow them, judging by Brian’s face how far to go. When, as soon as Jesse slid his well-lubed finger inside, he furrowed his brow, he didn’t stop. That face was because Brian was getting used to feeling something enter through the exit door. He also trusted Brian to tell him when it was too much, when it hurt, or when he needed to pick up the pace.
Brian directed his movements, and his face softened to complacence. He was getting used to the sensation. “It’s not so bad,” he commented a moment or two after they’d begun.
“You’re…” Jesse blushed.
“What?”
“You’re really tight.”
Brian grinned and shifted his hips on the bed while Jesse worked his finger inside. “Mm.” He said abruptly a moment later.
“What?” He couldn’t tell what the look on Brian’s face meant. Was that his ‘this isn’t so bad’ face? Was it ‘ok, this kind of hurts, but I’ll endure?’ Jesse couldn’t tell. He wanted to stop moving his finger, but he didn’t, he just slowed down a bit.
Brian’s exhalation was heavy. “Hmm? Oh, nothing. It’s just… starting to feel… pretty good.”
Jesse smiled and resumed.
When Brian instructed him to add a second finger, Jesse took the time to add some more lube. He put twice as much as he had the first time, for good measure, and worked his fingers back in. Brian sighed.
“It feels so full,” he whispered.
“Does it hurt?”
Brian’s face twisted slightly. “No, not really. It just feels weird.”
“Bri, we don’t have to do this-”
“No, I want to. It’s ok, Jess. It doesn’t hurt.”
“I’m… a lot bigger, Brian, than two fingers.”
Brown eyes bored into him. “Jesse. I want this. Please. It gets better. The reason you’ve got your fingers in there is to stretch me so I can fit you inside.”
Jesse pressed his lips into a thin line.
“It’ll be fine, Jess. Please.”
Brian knew more about this than he did, Jesse supposed. He relented with a sceptical look.
In a moment or two, when it was loose enough for Jesse to move his fingers with relative ease, Brian’s breathing had picked up significantly, but he didn’t look to be enjoying himself any more than before. Jesse was starting to have serious doubts about this whole idea, but he did have to admit that his boyfriend lying naked against his bedroom sheets like this was… appetizing to say the least. Jesse was, of course, still hard, and he still hadn’t forgotten about his need to get off. He shifted onto his knees.
“Oh! Oh my god!”
“What? Brian? What? Are you ok?”
Brian’s voice shook. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Oh my god that felt… what did you do? Jess, don’t stop.”
In his shock, Jesse failed to notice the renewed life in his lover’s previously softening cock. It was, once again, hard and dark, infused with blood: not a marker of a job done badly.
Jesse didn’t know what he’d done to make Brian react that way, but he tried getting on his knees again.
“Oh fuck!”
“Shhh!”
Brian couldn’t even look ashamed of his outburst. Jesse almost couldn’t bring himself to care either as he sought for the bump that he felt this time inside of his lover, the one that he’d brushed so gently before that, like a switch flicked or a button pushed, made him eager and ready.
“Whatever… whatever that is Jess, please do it again.”
Jesse noticed that he was loose now, significantly more so than before, and his legs, which were previously struggling to stay spread, were now parted as far as Brian could manage, and he didn’t even seem to realize it. Of course, past trying to stifle his own moans, Brian didn’t seem capable of a high number of thought processes. Jesse liked him like this.
“Jesse? Put another one in,” he directed. He hesitated. Was Brian really in the state of mind to be making that call? “Jess?” He decided he didn’t care. Well, he did; he didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend, but Brian did know better than he what to do. He slipped the other two out and then replaced them with all three.
“Uh,” groaned the boy on his back. It didn’t exactly look like a moan of distaste to Jesse.
Brian’s eyes drifted closed, the pretty dark lashes grazing his reddened cheeks, and he shifted on the bed. Breathless, Brian looked so appetizing. Jesse wished he could devour him whole. All at once he realized just how much he wanted him. Jesse felt his crotch throb with renewed vigour at the tantalizing feast spread before him. As he flexed his fingers and thought about how that tight heat would feel around him, Jesse started to feel excited, more excited, anyway. He hoped that he wouldn’t cream himself in an instant, and that he would last long enough to get his lover off. Already his fingers and his arm, they were tiring. He hoped the rest of him wouldn’t follow suit.
“Jess?”
He replied with a kiss, leaning over him.
Brian smiled into his lips. “How’s it look? I mean… do you think it’s… enough?”
“I… I don’t know.” He thought this was Brian’s call. Jesse’s nerves rose in him again.
“I think… I think three fingers are prolly okay, Jess. Do you think so?”
Hesitantly, Jesse’s mouth flapped without a sound escaping. “I don’t know. Are you sure?”
Brian laughed. “I have no idea, Jesse. I think… I think maybe we should try and then if we have to stop, we can.” Jesse stared into Brian’s eyes. He looked kind of dazed, kind of dopey.
“Are you sure?”
Brian leant up for a quick peck on the lips. “It’ll be okay. If I need to stop, I’ll tell you.” He smiled again, then, and kissed him more thoroughly. With Brian’s tongue in his mouth, Jesse couldn’t think of a single reason why this wasn’t a good idea.
Hand retracted, condom adorned, Jesse smoothed his hands down Brian’s thighs while they shifted into position. With the head of him positioned against Brian’s backside, Jesse felt a rush of exhilaration. Brian nodded at him, then, and it began.
Jesse pushed forward slowly, almost too slowly, and he felt Brian’s body shifting to slide over him. Too breathless to speak, Jesse just waited, then, trying to maintain his composure with the pressure and heat of Brian’s tight body squeezing him relentlessly.
“Ok,” Brian whispered. With a nod, he pushed again, a little at first, and the pressure around his dick grew exponentially as Brian engulfed him more and more with each moment. Jesse’s lungs were at capacity by the time their bodies were flush, Jesse buried completely in his lover. Lovers. That was what they were now, truly. The thought made Jesse smile a little. Brian’s lips flickered to do the same, but he didn’t hold it. He was panting too hard.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah. Fuck… Jesse you’re big, huh?”
Jesse breathed a chuckle. “Thanks, I guess.”
“I just… it feels like I’m splitting at the seams.”
“Are you sure you’re alr-”
“Yeah, yeah! I just mean… I feel like you’re… like I’m so full of you. I don’t know. You’re the poet, not me.” Brian laughed a little, but it was mostly air and no sound. “I’ll be ready in a minute. It just takes some getting used to.”
Jesse smirked and bent just slightly to press his lips to Brian’s. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Brian was ready before long, and he instructed Jesse, “Just take it slow, okay?” before settling back.
Finding a rhythm was hard. Jesse had never done anything like this before, but already he was tired from the repetitive thrusting motion. He wheezed and shifted to try to find some way to minimize the effort. Brian was touching him everywhere. Jesse guessed that lying on his back probably got pretty boring when he wasn’t doing anything else. He felt fingertips over his nipples and stroking down his stomach to ghost across the dust of hair below his navel. Jesse felt blood surge into his erection, reinforcing it and providing him enough of an energy boost to continue.
As Brian’s backside loosened to accommodate Jesse’s considerable girth, it became possible to adjust his speed, as well as his angle, and to make it easier for him, Jesse shifted closer.
“Oh Jesse! Shit, just like that!” Brian burst out suddenly. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”
Jesse moaned with Brian. It definitely turned him on to hear Brian getting off on what he was doing to him. He kept on, as directed, just as he was, and it was easy to relate Brian’s moans with the bump within him that Jesse felt brush past the end of his penis. He began to try to direct his movements to hit it every time.
Jesse couldn’t have perfect aim, but clearly he was close enough, judging from the way Brian began to squirm and fist the sheets. “Oh fuck, Jesse!” he muttered every so often, and, “Shit, this feels so good!”
It wasn’t much longer before Jesse felt like he was getting close. He gritted his teeth and held off as well as he could, but between thrusts and sloppy kisses, Jesse managed to wrap his fist around Brian’s leaking cock.
“Oh my God! Jesse!” Brian’s voice got a little loud, but as soon as his eyes shot open in realization and he blushed, he managed to quiet himself and say, “Jesse, Jesse, I’m close.”
He nodded fervently. “Yeah,” he whispered, “me too.”
Brian’s hands were everywhere, like he couldn’t decide whether to touch Jesse’s nipples or maybe to dig his fingers into the mattress. Finally he settled on gripping his biceps. Jesse liked that because it meant that he could tell how close Brian was by the way his fingers pressed into his flesh, not that he wouldn’t have been able to tell by the expressions that flitted as fast as hummingbird wings across his face.
“Oh God,” Brian whispered, and Jesse felt his whole body tighten around him until he thought he wouldn’t be able to hold back any longer, and that was when Brian gasped, his fingernails raking paths down the backs of his arms, and warned, “I’m coming! Oh fuck, Jesse, I’m gonna come right now!”
His face twisted, his mouth opened, and then Jesse felt the splash of semen across his hand and on his belly. Jesse couldn’t even speak, but he exhaled hard and that was it for him, too. He exploded with hardly a grunt and felt the familiar wave of ecstasy course over him, through every vein as he rode out his orgasm.
Silence but for gasps followed for moments thereafter. Brian pulled Jesse down to lie against him, to rest. He stroked his hair while Jesse panted and kissed his chest. When he was finally able to breathe without wheezing, he pulled out, tied the condom and tucked it into his wastepaper basket in a handful of tissues to disguise it from his mother or any other of his household who might try to snoop. Donning only boxers, they crawled under the blankets together.
Jesse was the first to speak. “I love you.”
Brian responded with a kiss, “I love you, too.”
Like that, legs tangled together, curled up with each other, Jesse watched Brian face turn serene as he fell asleep. With a final kiss to his forehead, Jesse did the same.
***
The morning came much too quickly. Even more unexpected than the onslaught of daylight was the knock on Jesse’s bedroom door. The boys tumbled out of bed in a hurry to appear as though they’d slept separately. Brian pulled a pillow down from Jesse’s mattress to the floor as he stood to answer his caller.
“Mom?” he tried to look sleepy and not as panicked and terrified as her knock had made him. “What time is it?”
“Early, baby. I’m sorry, but Brian’s mother is here.” She frowned.
Brian sat up donning a puzzled expression. “My mom?”
“Mm hmm. I’ll fix some coffee downstairs for you.”
Even for a weekday, it was too early. The sun hadn’t even come up yet, although there was enough light outside that Jesse supposed it was close enough, but only if this was important- a foolish thought, it could be nothing but. Downstairs, Jesse’s mother had turned the lights on in the kitchen and there were two steaming mugs of delicious caffeine sitting at Brian and Jesse’s places at the table. Sure enough, there was Mrs. Lane, sitting in Jesse’s father’s seat at the table with Jesse’s mom rubbing sleep out of her eyes near the window, watching for the sunrise.
“Mom?”
Her smile was weak, Jesse realized, and her appearance haggard. She looked unlikely to have slept at all. In fact, she was dressed in wrinkled clothing, likely from the previous night, and her makeup was a little smeared. Had she been crying?
“Is everything okay?”
“Oh yes, Brian, everything is fine.”
“What are you doing here?”
She shifted on her chair, her rings clinking on the porcelain of the coffee mug steaming before her. It didn’t look like she’d drunk any of it, yet. “Well, honey, your father and I have been disagreeing lately.” She cleared her throat; from her petite frame it seemed dainty. “I wish I knew how to begin from the beginning.”
Brian glanced at Jesse, then Jesse’s mother who was not paying attention in the slightest, before returning his attention back to his mother.
“I’m afraid I overreacted, sweetheart.” She shook her head. “I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t realize, really, Brian… I didn’t realize how your father would take it.” She looked carefully at Mrs. Lacey. Jesse recognized abruptly that she was attempting to be discreet. “I should never have… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I…” she sighed and lifted a hand to her face, wiping her eye, which had yet to show signs of moisture. Her fingers trembled. “Brian, I don’t care; to be perfectly honest.” She glanced again at Jesse’s mom.
Jesse cleared his throat loudly. “Mom? I think I just heard Cody call you.”
Mrs. Lacey faced the group at the table in clear confusion. The house had been utterly silent all along. Quickly, though, realization dawned on her that she was intruding and she jumped a little. “Look at me, dallying around here! I ought to be getting the kids ready for school. If you’ll excuse me….”
“Um,” Jesse spoke up as soon as she was gone, “did you want a few minutes alone?”
“No, no dear. This concerns you as much as it does Brian. Please stay.” She patted him on the hand. “My point is I don’t mind if you are… if you… prefer the company of men. I don’t mind, Brian. And I am quite fond of you, Jesse. I really am. I just… Brian….” She beamed at him, and now Jesse saw the glimmer of a tear. She reached across the table to take his hand in hers. “Brian… you’re my baby. My baby boy. I just want what’s best for you.”
“What about Dad?”
Mrs. Lane swallowed. “Well… your father’s never been what we’d call open-minded.”
“Mom…” Brian shook his head. “I don’t want this anymore than you do. Living at Jesse and John and Garrett’s houses, and having to find a job, and trying to just get through school… but Mom, I can’t live somewhere that people are going to stop me from being what I am.”
She nodded. “I agree, honey. I do. I support you one hundred percent.”
Brian snorted and then shook his head. “Mom… I don’t get it.”
Mrs. Lane sat up straight. “I told your father… I told your father that… either he lets you come home- and I mean not just letting you come home, but letting you be, just…” she nodded. Her meaning was clear enough. “Either he learns to deal with you being gay… or I’m moving out.”
Brian’s eyes grew wide. “What? Mom!”
“Brian,” she gripped his fingers tightly, “I mean it. I mean it. You are too important to me, honey, for me to let you go off like that. You’re too young to be left on your own, and I want to take care of you a little longer.” She smiled softly at him. “Your dad said he’d try. He’d try to be understanding.”
Brian’s mouth gaped. “You told dad you’d leave him for me? Mom-”
“I know that it isn’t going to be easy. Your father still doesn’t really know how to come to terms with all of this, but if we work together on it, as a family…. Brian, I just really want you to come home. Please say you will.”
“And what about Jesse? Dad can’t throw a fit if Jesse’s around.”
“He knows that. Jesse can still come over anytime you want, and your father will behave himself.” She smiled again at Jesse. “I do like you, Jesse. I don’t think I could deny my son your company.” Then to both of them, “You care about each other very much. I can see that. So as long as you’re happy,” she shrugged and patted them both on the hands. Brian and Jesse shared a small smile. “Will you come, then?” She looked hopeful. When Jesse looked at Brian next, he was nodding.
“Yeah,” it was said with relief, a sigh against the hardships that had befallen him in his attempt to be completely independent. “Yeah, I’ll come home.”
***
It was fortunate for them that Mrs. Lane had no plans to warn Jesse’s mother about their illicit relationship. She did express her concern, though, that they felt it necessary to keep it a secret and urged them to consider telling Mr. and Mrs. Lacey. Jesse had no plans to do any such thing.
Later that day, after school, Jesse helped Brian with his things, moving all but his drums back out of Jesse’s place and into his old room. The drums, he decided, would stay there until he was sure that this wasn’t just temporary, his return home. “Besides,” he added, “I play them more when I’m with you than when I’m alone anyway.”
Jesse stuck around with Brian despite his slight discomfort until late that evening, well after dinner, but finally managed to convince Brian to let him go home. “Nothing’s going to happen when I’m out of your sight for a few hours.” Brian was hardly convinced but agreed that it was unfair, and perhaps he should attempt to spend a short time with his parents. Ultimately, he let Jesse go home.
Home, however, was not where he headed. He could barely wait long enough for Michelle to come to the door to dash through it and up the stairs to John’s room. Flinging the door open, though, he was confronted with somewhat of a surprise.
John leapt up from the bed, his shirt discarded on the chair and jeans unbuttoned. His face was flushed, and he was breathing hard. Jesse assumed the wide eyes were because of the unexpected interruption, but the rest? Well, Jesse blamed the half-naked boy reclining smugly against John’s pillows.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse! Do you ever knock?”
Still in the process of blinking away his confusion, Jesse didn’t even acknowledge the question and barely responded to John’s ushering him into the room and closing of his bedroom door.
“Close your mouth, kid, it’s not a spectacle,” chirped the boy from the sheets. His pants were undone as well, but he seemed in no hurry to rectify it.
“John? John!” Jesse turned, head whipping around like a lost boy searching for his mother. “John!”
“Yes, Jesse, yes, what?”
“John!” He gestured frantically toward the bed. “What the hell is this?”
John tried to glare, but his beat red face diminished the effect somewhat. “What the hell does it look like?”
His mouth opened and closed. “It looks like you’re fooling around with fucking Adam Whatshisname!”
“Lazzara.”
“Speak when you’re spoken to, kid,” Jesse shot back angrily. Facing John again: “What is this?”
John sighed and tried his best to take Jesse aside. He led him by the arm as far as his closet, but the room was only so big. “Jess, please don’t make a big deal about this.”
“Who’s making a big deal? I’m not making a big deal. I just want to know why the hell you’re giving that freak the time of day, let alone a hand job!”
“Jesse, can you just watch your damn mouth for two fucking seconds and let me explain?”
Jesse made a vague gesture to indicate that John should proceed, and he did. “Adam’s got third period with me. We got paired together for an assignment in that class-”
“What, sex ed?”
John’s intense gaze of annoyance was slightly more successful, then, because Jesse shut his mouth again.
“We’ve been working together for a few weeks and… I got to know him. He’s actually a pretty cool guy.”
“Thanks!” from Adam, still reclining on the bed.
“He wears black nail polish and pants tighter than your sister’s.”
John shrugged. “I think he’s kind of cute.” Jesse could barely refrain from letting his tongue fall out he was gaping so widely. “We’ve been sort of seeing each other.” Jesse still didn’t speak. “Look,” he finally said, “I got over Brian, right? I gave him a chance; why can’t you give Adam the benefit of the doubt?”
Jesse glanced over his shoulder at the boy on the bed. Adam winked at him, waved with his fingers and blew him a kiss. Jesse turned back to John. “Because I’d rather eat my own testicles.”
At long last, Jesse managed to inform his friend of the good luck that had befallen Brian and the new alteration to their arrangement. Meanwhile, Adam entertained himself by writing with a sharpie up and down his arms. Jesse’s eyes grew wide with emphasis and he stared pointedly at John until he blushed.
Before Jesse turned to leave, John lowered his voice to mutter, “Look, I just want you to give him a chance, alright? Can you do that for me?” Jesse raised an eyebrow. “I invited him to band practice next week. I taught him a few songs and he wants to jam.”
“He plays?”
“Well, yeah kind of. He’s a vocalist mostly.”
Jesse didn’t wonder why that wasn’t a surprise. “You didn’t let him think we’d consider having him in the band, though, right?”
John hesitated, eyes shifting. Jesse’s eyebrow climbed higher as his friend shifted on his feet sheepishly.
“John. That kid joins our band, I’m gonna quit.”
Jesse left shortly thereafter, agreeing to give the guy a shot, but with his heart set against it, Jesse knew there was a small chance, if any, that he would change his opinion of Adam. He fucking hated that kid.
In the end, he left John to his own devices and vanished off home to his empty bed. He couldn’t be sad, though, even sleeping beneath his sheets alone. At least life was back to normal, for the most part, for everyone.
He thought of Brian, at home, lying in bed, maybe staring into the darkness and thinking of Jesse just as Jesse was of him. It wouldn’t be easy for him. His parents would clearly always disagree over Brian’s choice of lifestyle; no one enjoys living under the rules of an ultimatum. But at least he had his childhood back, for a little while. At least he didn’t have to grow up before his time, or not entirely. It would be hard not to retain some amount of disillusionment from this endeavour. But now it was certain that there were still a couple more years of fun left before he had to be an adult. Jesse was glad for that.
He thought of John, of their friendship and how much it had changed, just over a matter of weeks. Jesse knew it could never be the way it was before with him and John. He wasn’t in the habit of casually sleeping with friends who happened to be in love with him; it would be hard to get past that. Besides, now that Adam was a factor, Jesse knew that it was inevitable that he’d be seeing less of his childhood pal. He knew it was as unfair to Adam as John had been to Brian, but some dislikes were just too strong, and Jesse had despised him long before John had ever swapped spit with him.
He thought of Garrett, of Shaun, of Mike, of the new friends he’d made and for whom he would have to fit a place in his life, and of the old ones who seemed so distant, such a part of an old life that Jesse didn’t know if they would fit in the new one. It was almost sad to consider that he was abandoning as well as gaining friends, but Jesse couldn’t lament having met Garrett and Mike, and he couldn’t regret the events that led to the disruption of his other friendships. It was a matter of time, after all, before he had to grow up. It might as well be now.
Jesse rolled over onto his side to stare at the gleaming red lights of his digital clock. It read 11:23. He stared at it for what seemed an eternity before 11:24, and he closed his eyes. Tomorrow was a brand new day, and it was waiting for him, as was his love, his friends, and everything from A to Z that would graduate Jesse from the boy he was a few months ago to the man he would become. With luck he would be a good one, but if recent events told Jesse anything it was that he could never know himself, nor anyone else, fully, and only time and circumstances would tell.