Brand New/SLR/TBS::Jesse/John,Jesse/Vinnie::NC-17::Best Friends Means

[inwe_elanesse]

Title: Best Friends Means
Author: dejectedmadness
Rating: NC-17 for sure.
Pairing: Jesse Lacey/John Nolan, Jesse Lacey/Vin Accardi
Band: Brand New and Taking Back Sunday
Warnings: Little bit of girly angst, little bit of bad characterisation. Mostly just hot mansex though.
Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Brand New or Taking Back Sunday in any way, nor do I know the lovely boys therein. I'm not making a profit. I'm pretty much just getting off to it.



[best friends means]

The basement was loud in its silence, every fret noise or thump on the bass drum indicative of the cacophony of noise that should’ve filled the emptiness. He shifted his feet and stared down at his motionless hands holding a pick and a G chord. A pop sounded as the bass came unplugged and a click afterwards as the amp turned off. Vinnie’s exhalation made no noticeable sound as he followed suit.

As uncharacteristic as it was, this wasn’t the first time in the last few weeks that they had spent their practicing hours waiting for their fourth to show up. It was, however, the first time that they had given up before he’d rushed through the door, dishevelled and breathless with apology, but it was getting on midnight, and really enough was enough.

It wasn’t sufficient that Vinnie had to keep protecting his friend from the others’ criticisms. He had to explain for him again and again, each reason less plausible than the last, and each explanation shrugged off in shorter time before they continued questioning his business again. It wasn’t enough that he had to keep them from confronting the vocalist, because then he had to find out the truth.

Vinnie had never been one to judge a person’s lifestyle or choices, and he had never put much stock in the names they called one another until he discovered Jesse’s secret. Live and let live, he figured. Anyone could do or say whatever, and it wasn’t any of his business. It wasn’t hard for him to shrug off when someone poked fun until he thought about the meaning behind the words and how much harder it would be for his friend to disregard the same jibes.

Vinnie got defensive when he had never been before. He started to make annoyed remarks when Garrett or Brian traded curses. He knew what they would think, and he let them. They could think whatever they wanted to think because as long as Vinnie wasn’t betraying Jesse, then he was safe. Jesse didn’t even realize what Vinnie was doing for him, and if Vinnie had his way he would never find out. He protected his friend when Jesse probably didn’t need protection, and defended him when Jesse didn’t know what was going on. He wouldn’t find out what was going on, because Vinnie wasn’t supposed to have found out, either.

Brian didn’t say anything when he let them out. Garrett didn’t complain when Vinnie lit up. It was just as well. Once one of them broke the silence, who knew what might be said? Vinnie shivered without his jacket and Garrett sat next to Brian on the step, away from the smoke, but the silence was thick and solid.

***

“It’s been two fucking hours! I’m not going to wait for that fucker anymore!” Garrett snatched his coat violently from the chair and strode to the door.

“He’ll be here any minute! We need the practice,” Vinnie persuaded hopelessly.

“Yeah, we need the practice. You say it, and I say it, and he fucking says it, but he’s not fucking here! This is the third time this week. If he shows up fucking call me, and I’ll be back over.”

The door slammed. Garrett spun around to the worried face of their argument. Jesse stood in the hall wringing his coat in his hands. He knew this time that he had pushed the limits, but he tried to explain it away. Did he forget this time, or was he sick? Did he fall asleep at his desk, maybe? Excuses were made and disregarded. Apologies were offered and accepted. They went back to the basement and played their stupid songs on their stupid instruments and tried to ignore the tension devouring the pauses for breath.

***

Vinnie’s pocket vibrated catching him off guard. He almost dropped his cigarette. Garrett and Brian didn’t hide their curious glances when he glimpsed the unfamiliar number on caller ID and answered.

The voice on the line was shaky and pitched higher than usual, exhibitive of the strain of not breaking down. Vinnie felt his throat close. He tried to swallow the tightness away.

“I’ll be right there.”

***

Practice tonight was going to happen if he had to drag Jesse there kicking and screaming. He wasn’t taking any shit from him this time, no excuses. He was as tired as the rest of them that he’d been late for every one in the last two weeks, even if he was the only one still with enough faith in their vocalist to give him a little leeway.

Vinnie turned left down the next street then paused at the following stop sign. He paused too long. He thanked the car behind him for not honking him into attentiveness, because surely that would have attracted the notice of the bespectacled man crossing the street a few houses down. He started slowly off the line and turned right down a side street a few houses past the one he meant to reach, turning around in someone’s driveway.

He was glad for once that his car was as cheap and standard as the rest of the vehicles on the road and not the souped up roadster he would have if his job paid him more than minimum wage. Following the two men leaving the paradigm suburban Long Island home would be a little easier for it.

Vinnie had always known where John lived. Jesse had taken the whole group there a number of times. It was no secret that they were the closest of best friends. Even before Vinnie and Jesse were really acquainted, long before Brand New, Vinnie remembered being shocked to find out that Jesse had quit Taking Back Sunday. He remembered wanting to ask Jesse why when he’d been invited to join as the last member of this new band he was starting with Brian and Garrett, two guys with whom Vinnie was acquainted from school and the Long Island independent/hardcore scene. He remembered thinking it might be tactless to dredge up something that Jesse might be purposefully forgetting.

Vinnie checked the time before turning off the engine a few houses down from John’s apartment. Practice was in an hour. What was Jesse doing? He knew that the walk would take him at least thirty minutes. If he stayed more than ten minutes or so he wouldn’t have time to get his guitar before going, and if he stayed any longer than that, Brian and Garrett would have a series of curses for him when he arrived.

Vinnie thought about his actions for a total of about a minute before deciding he didn’t care if Jesse wondered why he was looking for him at John’s house. He would tell the truth; he saw them walking this way when he went to pick Jesse up for practice and figured there would be no harm in what he did. He approached the front door.

***

The intersection Jesse had named was nowhere near where Vinnie expected. Jesse and John both lived on the other side of town and Brian somewhere in between.

“I’m stranded,” he had said. He hadn’t sounded good. He sounded about to cry or scream or tear out his hair. “I’m at a phone booth outside of a 7-Eleven,” he explained. “I don’t really know how to get home.” In fact, now that Vinnie thought about it, it hadn’t sounded much like Jesse at all. Jesse had lived in this town longer than Vinnie had, and he definitely knew his way around. With all of his brothers and sisters needing rides everywhere and him being the oldest still living at home, Jesse had gotten to be pretty adept at getting around. Granted, he was a little far to have to walk.

It was about one in the morning when Vinnie found the convenience store, the phone booth and the semi-conscious man on the curb beside both.

***

“I told you, I really can’t stay long this time. They’re so fucking pissed. I’ve been late for every practice since… well….” That was Jesse’s signature shrug, Vinnie knew, even though he couldn’t see through the window. It meant the answer was implied, and he wasn’t going to fill in the blank for the listener. Vinnie, however, wasn’t privy to the obvious reference his friend was making, nor could he see the person who clearly was.

“Just a half an hour. Come on. I swear, I’ll call you a cab right afterwards.”

“John,” he protested, “no. Seriously, we have to cut down on this. They’re getting really upset. I hate letting them down like I have been. This has to stop being so-”

“Jesse, you take everything so seriously.” The inflection in John’s voice changed into something that Vinnie had never heard in his short acquaintance with the man. “Just relax,” he hissed, voice almost a whisper.

“John, really. Stop.” Jesse’s voice had taken on a similar sound. It made his protests sound much weaker and John’s less than adequate reasoning seem very persuasive, indeed. “Oh.”

Vinnie blinked. His fist, raised to knock, had melted leaving his hand resting prone on the door as he concentrated on listening to the private conversation in the room with the slightly opened window. The conversation, Vinnie noticed with shock, contained fewer and fewer words now.

A breathy voice challenged, “Do you still want me to stop?”

“Uh!” Jesse responded forcefully. “Oh….”

***

“Jess, come on. Get up. Let’s get in the car, okay?” Jesse opened his eyes when Vinnie tugged his arm, pulling his head away from the plastic wall of the phone booth in an attempt to wake him.

“Vin?” He closed his mouth and swallowed, though his mouth sounded dry enough that his tongue stuck to his teeth. “‘S’at you?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Come on. You have to get up.”

Jesse grudgingly let Vinnie help him to his feet and into the car. He got his friend strapped in quickly enough before sparing a moment to get a bottle of water from the store.

“Here,” he thrust the bottle into Jesse’s hand. “Drink this. Come on, Jess.”

It took a good ten minutes and plenty of spillage for Jesse to respond and drink some of the water. Vinnie tried to tilt the bottom up for a little longer than Jesse agreed with, but he only ended up drinking maybe one gulp more of the liquid than he otherwise would have and then he dropped it, spilling a great quantity on his jeans.

“Open your eyes, Jesse,” Vinnie ordered, tapping his face with his open hand. Jesse’s head lolled, but he managed to prop it against the seatback in such a way that he could hold his friend’s stare for more than a few seconds. “What did you have, Jess?” Jesse closed his eyes again. Vinnie slapped him a little more forcefully. “What did you have? Answer me.”

“Whiskey, tequila, gin, vodka, beer. A lot of beer.”

“Did you take any drugs, Jesse?”

Jesse blinked at such length that Vinnie almost hit him again to keep him awake. “What?”

“Did you smoke any weed or take any other drugs? Did you take any pills? Aspirin? Tylenol? Anything?”

“No. No.” He licked his lips. “Just drinks. Drunks. I’m drunk, aren’t I, Vinnie?”

Vinnie almost wanted to smile at that. “Yeah, Jesse, you’re pretty drunk. Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

Jesse stared at Vinnie for a second and then squeezed his eyes shut and leaned forward in his seat. He rested his head against the dashboard and gripped his knees.

“Fuck, Jess! Not in my car!”

***

“Where the fuck have you been? You want us to wait for you as well as him, now? What the fuck, Vinnie?”

Vinnie threw his coat on the floor and tried to ignore Garrett’s outburst. He opened his guitar case and disentangled the strap from the neck.

“Are you going to fucking answer me?”

“No.” He set to tuning it.

Garrett gaped at him. Vinnie didn’t even have to look at him to know he was. As peaceful and fun as Garrett could be, and as ridiculous and annoying sometimes, he definitely had a penchant for the dramatic. He got angry easily and used his acting lessons to try to evoke the same emotion from others in the room. Often times it worked with Brian, but it never worked with Vinnie.

“No? What do you mean no? I think you at least owe us an explanation for being late, after all the shit we’ve put up with-”

“I owe you nothing. I’ve never been late before, and I have my own reasons. Jesse has his own reasons, and he will tell us if he so wishes. He’ll be here in a few minutes, and when he gets here I want you, for once Garrett, to just leave him the fuck alone. Can we just play, today? Please?”

Garrett and Brian exchanged a look they thought Vinnie didn’t see. Vinnie pretended it was okay.

Surely enough, only ten minutes later, Jesse was through the door carrying his guitar, breathing hard from running, Vinnie knew. Jesse glanced at Vinnie, probably noticing that he was still tuning his guitar even though Jesse was almost an hour late. He made his apologies, ready with an explanation that he didn’t have time to verbalize before Vinnie stood up.

“Can we work on Failure By Design? I keep fucking up the beginning.”

***

“He just… he’s such a fucking… I thought, Vinnie. I really thought it meant something. I thought it wasn’t just me. I thought, I thought, I thought, and I was wrong.” Jesse’s head rolled back against the seat as Vinnie mopped up the liquid from the floor of his car taking care not to pity-vomit at the aroma of chunks of what appeared to be pizza swimming in partially digested drinks.

“What happened, Jess? Talk to me,” Vinnie coerced him as he threw the last sopping napkin at the trashcan beside the store. Fuck, that was never going to come out. He sat back on his heels beside the car. Jesse’s head was resting against the dash again, and his eyes were squeezed tightly together, but he wasn’t throwing up this time. He turned his head to regard Vinnie. He was surprised to see tears forming in those bloodshot eyes.

“Fuck, Vinnie. I fucking fucked up so fucking badly. I screwed up so, so bad. So, so bad.” He closed his eyes again, this time squeezing the droplets of tears from them in the process. “I fucked up with you and Bri and Gare, and I fucked up with myself. I’m so stupid. It can’t be more than what it is. Did you know that? It never works. You can’t have everything. I can’t even have nothing. I have to have nothing and pain.”

Vinnie had a hard time following sober Jesse when he was trying to be poetic and vague. When he was drunk and the words weren’t fitting together like Jesse probably thought they were it was a hundred times more difficult, but for once Vinnie actually did know what he was talking about.

“Come on, Jesse. Lets get you home.”

***

Vinnie never had knocked on that door. He had heard enough. He didn’t need extravagant explanations or his friend to lie through his teeth to him with that guilty look on his face, the same one that Jesse got when he was making up reasons for his lateness to practice, to understand what had been going on right under his nose. The problem wasn’t in understanding what was going on between Jesse and John, but why he didn’t come forward, though even that Vinnie could reason away.

Vinnie didn’t know what to call it, voyeurism, curiosity or something else, but he took to following Jesse in his escapades before practice. Jesse was starting to get a hold on how long he would be at John’s place, but regardless, he was always at least a half an hour late. Vinnie was usually on time, though sometimes he got a little braver than was good for him.

Like today.

Vinnie parked down the road from John’s house again and sat in the car for about ten minutes just watching the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone to come out. They had just gone inside, after all. They would be busy for… a little while.

Vinnie checked the clock before turning off the engine. He had about twenty minutes before they had to be at practice. He undid his seatbelt and got out of the car.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse!”

“You shouldn’t use the Lord’s name in vain, John.” Vinnie would have thought that Jesse would be a little more vehement about that particular curse, but he was probably just too preoccupied to really care. Vinnie supposed given what they were doing, Jesse probably thought it was the lesser of evils and insignificant in comparison. His voice didn’t let on that he regretted a single thing, though.

“Oh… fuck.” Vinnie’s breath hitched in his throat at the return groan from Jesse. “Uh. Do that again.”

Vinnie swallowed hard and forced himself away from the window. He walked across the yard and then ran across the street to his car. He gripped the steering wheel for at least five minutes before turning the key, willing himself to stop hearing Jesse’s hoarse moan ringing in his ears on his way to Brian’s house.

“You’re late again.”

“Fuck off.”

“Fucking fag.”

Garrett smiled until Vinnie turned to him with a death glare. He took two steps toward him. “You had better not use that word again.”

***

“No! Please, Vinnie, don’t. I don’t want to… can you just… stay?” Jesse’s response was so abrupt that Vinnie sat back on his heels. Tears streamed down Jesse’s cheeks now and those pale blue eyes drowned in red from the alcohol he’d consumed tugged at Vinnie’s chest. Jesse squeezed his eyes shut again. He pushed his head back into the seat and clenched his hands into fists. Vinnie thought he was trying to suppress the tears to no avail. He hurried around to the driver’s side of the car, closing both doors.

“Okay. Lets go to my place and get you cleaned up.”

Vinnie turned on the shower and tested it with his hands. He took a minute to lather them with soap to get the smell of Jesse’s sick off them.

“Jess. Come on, you’re going to get in the shower.” He wanted the water to help sober Jesse as well as clean him, even though he knew his friend was far enough gone that it was a virtual impossibility for him to sober up in any less than a few hours.

Jesse followed where Vinnie pulled and tugged him but complained the whole way. “No, Vin, I can’t.” He shook his head. “I can’t.” He stumbled into the wall and his knees started to give out.

“Yes, yes you can.” Vinnie hauled Jesse back up. “Just get in there and stand there for a little while and you’ll feel a lot better.”

Jesse kept shaking his head. “I can’t,” he repeated.

“I’ll be right here, okay. Right outside the door.”

“No, Vinnie, please don’t go. Just stay.”

Vinnie sighed and helped Jesse with the buttons on his shirt. “Okay, I’ll stay here,” he acquiesced. “But you have to get in the shower. Take your pants off. I’m just going to go find you something else to wear, okay? Will you be okay for that long?”

On the ride back Vinnie learned nothing about what had happened, even if he already had a sneaking suspicion what it was. He wanted Jesse to tell him. He wanted to tell Jesse he knew what was going on, but more he wanted Jesse to come clean. He wanted his friend to trust him that much.

“Boxers, too, Jess. You’re getting in the shower.” He placed the jogging pants on the counter by the sink with the Smiths shirt that Jesse had left at Vinnie’s one time. Vinnie fully intended to turn to face the door to avert his eyes, but Jesse was having a hard time standing up from the side of the bathtub. He tried not to notice Jesse’s nudity or the considerable size of the organ hanging between his legs, but all he had been doing for weeks was spying on Jesse and thinking about the adventures he had with that particular appendage in a similar state as he was now, and Vinnie didn’t mean inebriation.

***

“So he’s sitting there all high and fucking mighty because he’s got this fucking CD signed. It doesn’t even mean anything to a fucking cock sucker like him, you know?” Vinnie glanced up at Garrett who shot him a belated look, realizing his mistake. “I mean… you know… he’s such a dick.” He shrugged and focused on his fries.

“Hey.” Vinnie glanced up to see a surprising but familiar face.

“Hey,” they all replied as Jesse took a seat.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you guys here,” he commented. Strangely, though, Vinnie couldn’t help but notice the same guilty look that Jesse got when he was lying about his whereabouts.

“You’re not kidding. We haven’t seen you in weeks, man. Where the fuck have you been?” Brian asked with a smirk, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

Jesse shrugged. “Around and about. Hey, you guys remember John, right? Well his band is playing a show tonight. He invited us all if we want to go catch it.”

“Taking Back Sunday?” Garrett exclaimed. “For sure. They working on any new material yet or is it the same stuff?”

Jesse shrugged. “I don’t really know, but it’d be cool to find out.”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun,” Brian agreed. The rest of them nodded. Jesse smiled.

“Cool. Okay, well I’ve got to pick up a couple things. How about I meet you guys at my place at seven?”

Jesse wandered off into the mall with Vinnie staring at his back until he rounded the corner out of sight.

“So what were we talking about?”

“Hey, remember Adam and Jason?” Garrett stole a fry from Brian and then a sip of Vinnie’s soda.

Brian was flipping through the CD jacket of a new album he’d bought ten minutes before. “Those are the gay guys, right?”

Brian paused in his flipping and glanced up at Vinnie like he realized he might have just said something wrong. Garrett paused, waiting for a reaction. Vinnie pretended to be people watching while he picked at the rest of his onion rings. “Yeah, they live together or something, but you know, that’s totally cool, right? So yeah, I saw them yesterday with Andrea….”

***

Vinnie finally managed to get Jesse clean and clothed and into his room after a little trouble. As he was unfolding the foam chair in the corner into a bed and making it up fit for sleeping, Jesse was laying with his face buried into Vinnie’s pillow.

“Don’t fall asleep yet, Jesse,” Vinnie cautioned. The last thing he needed was for Jesse to throw up in his bed. He wasn’t getting anything but the crappy foam foldout if Vinnie had anything to say about it.

“‘M not,” he mumbled then sat up.

Vinnie looked over at Jesse who was watching him work. It only took a moment longer before he returned to his bed and the older man sitting there.

“How are you feeling? Do you feel sick?”

Jesse shook his head and shrugged at the same time.

“Are you feeling sick?”

“No,” Jesse responded. But he still wasn’t okay.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Jesse rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Vinnie decided that he must have been mistaken. Jesse was a little better off from having taken that shower if he could manage to hold the tears at bay. “Shit, Vin,” he groaned. His voice didn’t sound any better than when he’d telephoned Vinnie to come and get him, however, and Vinnie suspected that it wouldn’t take long for the urge to cry to overwhelm his friend again. “I really fucked up this time.”

Vinnie rested a hand on Jesse’s back, hoping that it would be comforting. How was he supposed to react? “What happened, Jess? What did you fuck up?”

Jesse shook his head and sat up again. “I’m sorry, you know? I’ve been a fucking asshole to you and to the guys,” Vinnie blinked again at Jesse’s language, which was normally limited to the lesser curses but had amplified with drunkenness, “and it was for no reason, no good reason.” He shook his head and blinked, averting his eyes.

“Jesse, you know that the guys and I, we’re your friends. You can fuck up as much as you want, and we’ll still be your friends. We’ll still be here for you. It’s okay.”

Jesse smiled and blinked faster, looking down at his hands. “Yeah, you guys are the best of friends, aren’t you? The best.”

Vinnie tried to smile, but the strain in his friend’s voice was tugging at his throat and threatening to make him cry. Of all the stupid things he could do….

“Where were you tonight?” Vinnie tried. “I don’t know anyone on that side of town.”

Jesse shrugged. “I don’t either. I was with John.” His voice broke, and he shook his head, trying not to meet Vinnie’s eyes, probably hoping that he wouldn’t see the beginnings of new tears stream down his face. “He took me to a party somewhere.”

Jesse kept stopping like he didn’t want to tell Vinnie anything. But if that was the case, why would he have insisted Vinnie not take him home? He tried to urge him on, “So far that doesn’t sound like anything too dreadful.”

Jesse tried to smirk. “I just… Vin, I don’t know. I’m such an idiot. I thought that John… I thought…” he shrugged. He didn’t know what order to tell the story. He was stuck on the party when Vinnie knew he needed to tell him everything beforehand. “I thought there was more. There was more. There was a lot more. That’s why I keep missing practice.”

Vinnie tried to listen to the pieces of explanation like he didn’t know the whole tale. He furrowed his brow. “Jesse, I’m not following.”

“I was at John’s house. With John. Fuck, Vinnie! I can’t! You guys won’t want to-I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? Jesse, nothing you say will make me hate you.” Vinnie swallowed. “You’re my best friend, Jess. It’s okay.”

Jesse stared at Vinnie for a split second before his face disintegrated into tears once again. “God, Vinnie. I believed him. He told me, and I believed that it was what he said. He was my best friend. My best, best friend, and then he was more, Vinnie. He was more. I missed practice for him, and it was so good for so long. Then there was a girl, tonight. We never went out before, not since what happened, and I thought it was going to be like it was when we were alone. And then there was this fucking girl, and she was sitting on his lap and all over him, and he was kissing her, kissing her, Vinnie! I believed him. I believed him.” Jesse’s whole body shook with crying.

Empathically, Vinnie felt like his own heart was being torn out just watching his friend come to pieces like he was. “Shit, Jess, I’m so sorry.”

“He didn’t fucking care, Vinnie! He never cared! It was just fucking around, for him! I couldn’t be both! I couldn’t be that and his best friend, too! He couldn’t take me to parties to show me off! He couldn’t let people know! He couldn’t tell anyone about me ‘cause that would make him a fag, just a fucking fag, and he was too good for that.”

He gathered Jesse up and held him crying on his shoulder. He hugged him, held him, and shed a tear or two for his friend, and maybe a few more for himself.

Jesse’s whole body shook when he gasped for breath. Vinnie’s shoulder was drenched with tears and saliva. Jesse clung to him and Vinnie clung back, stroking his neck, trying vainly to ease some of his pain for what felt like an hour.

His sobs started to subside until he was just breathing heavily on Vinnie’s neck. He didn’t know if Jesse was still crying, but he didn’t let go or pull away. He couldn’t.

Jesse finally did, himself. His face shone wetly with salt water, which he took his time wiping away. Vinnie wanted to adjust his shirt or take it off entirely, but he wouldn’t do anything to draw attention to the discomfort of his own situation when Jesse was in such a state. Jesse had no need to apologize like he might if his sorrow hadn’t tangled its convoluted fingers through the fractures of his heart. Vinnie didn’t want to make him feel like he had done him a disservice.

“I’m sorry,” he said anyway. “Thank you.”

Vinnie tried to smile, but the aspiration didn’t make it as far as his lips from his brain. “I’m sorry,” he insisted. “He treated you like shit.” The words sounded insignificant applied to Jesse’s situation. Vinnie wanted to say something profound, something meaningful to take the pain away. Vinnie was never an adequate lyricist.

“Yeah,” Jesse agreed. His wavering reminded Vinnie how drunk Jesse probably still was.

“Do you feel sick?”

Jesse shook his head.

“Do you want something to eat?” once again, his intentions were falling far short of their mark.

“Vinnie?”

“Yeah, Jess.”

Jesse looked up again, meeting Vinnie’s eyes as steadily as he could. “You’re a really good friend.”

This time he did smile. “I’m sorry I don’t know what else to do to help you. I wish I could….” He didn’t know. He wished he could make everything okay again, he guessed, but he couldn’t say that.

Jesse leaned forward. Vinnie knew exactly what he meant to do, but he didn’t move. He didn’t refuse. He let Jesse kiss him.

Vinnie told himself that he thought it would be a short brotherly peck on the lips or that he would stand up as soon as Jesse had fulfilled this need, stopping anything regrettable from happening. Vinnie lied to himself every way he thought of to take up the immeasurable time between Jesse’s movement and the feeling of his lips on Vinnie’s own.

Vinnie, at least, didn’t kiss back at first. He let Jesse make the first touch of lips to lips, and even the second, but by the time his friend moved in for the third, Vinnie’s eyes were closed, and his lips parted.

It wasn’t taking advantage if he wasn’t the instigator. It was irresponsible and probably wrong, but he wasn’t the one to blame. He also wasn’t the one who provoked Jesse to slide his hand behind his head or grasp his shoulder to hold him in place. He was innocent. But he still kissed Jesse back.

Somehow Jesse managed to pull Vinnie down onto the bed and arrange them closer to one another. His hand translated from his shoulder to his side. Vinnie discovered that his arm was around Jesse’s neck. He decided that he didn’t know when the blood had pooled in his groin, but neither his boxers, nor Jesse’s jogging pants were adequate for masking the erections they both sported, especially not when they were close enough for Vinnie to feel Jesse’s pressed against his abdomen while his own was forced against Jesse, in turn.

Jesse’s hand was bolder than Vinnie’s. It slid across Vinnie’s stomach, and he gasped, releasing Jesse’s lips when he felt those fingers beg entrance at the waistband of his underwear.

Vinnie breathed hard, trying to regain coherence though his head was swimming with desire. Jesse pressed his lips to Vinnie’s cheek, then his neck. Then he stopped. His hand stayed prone on Vinnie’s abdomen for a good minute before Vinnie opened his eyes.

He leaned backward to the best of his ability. Jesse’s hand slid from him entirely and rested on the bed, heavy with lack of consciousness. He’d passed out.

Vinnie shot up off the bed, taking care not to disturb the sleeping man and stood back, staring down at Jesse. He covered his mouth with his hands and exhaled in disbelief at what had just transpired. His erection only throbbed when he recalled Jesse’s sloppy kisses and lazy wandering hands. He backed up further and turned around, closing his eyes. Without sight to guide him, his light-headedness caused him to stumble, and he fell onto the foam bed, catching his arm on the corner of his desk.

Vinnie swore and stood up again, shaking the pain out of his forearm. He stared at the bed and the sleeping body on it. He’d just been kissing him.

Vinnie rushed to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and sat on the edge of the bathtub. He wanted to be thinking about this, mulling it over in his head, deciding if this made him as gay as Garrett and Brian suspected. He just couldn’t. He couldn’t think about anything but how horny he was and what he’d very nearly almost done with his best friend.

Vinnie unbuttoned the front of his boxers and took himself in hand.

When he came it was thinking of Jesse and the grunts and groans he’d only heard through half open windows.

***

“Hey, you’re awake,” Vinnie closed his bedroom door behind himself and set the tray down on the dresser at the end of the bed. Jesse rolled onto his back and groaned. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a bus,” he commented.

Vinnie smiled and held out a hand with two aspirin and a glass of water. Jesse swallowed them gratefully and drank half the glass of water in three seconds flat. “I brought you some coffee, too.” Jesse groaned. “Are you hungry?”

Jesse shook his head and finished the water without even sitting up fully.

“You’re not going to be sick are you?”

He fell back down and covered his face with his arm. “No. My whole body hurts, and my head, but I’m not going to puke.”

“At least you got it all out of your system while you were drunk.”

He rolled onto his side. “Oh, shit, Vin. I’m sorry. Did I ruin anything?”

Vinnie glanced up from his own coffee moving only his eyes in a glare to convey his displeasure. “My car smells pretty bad, and a few stops between here and the 7-Eleven bear reminiscence of your inebriation, but I’m otherwise unharmed.”

Jesse cringed. “I’m really sorry. I’ll pay to have it cleaned, or I’ll do it myself, or something. Man, I’m so sorry.”

Vinnie shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Need some more water?” Jesse shook his head.

Vinnie took a seat on the bed. Jesse tried to prop himself into a sitting position, but it was clear his head thought it a bad idea.

“Do you remember anything?” Vinnie inquired innocently.

Jesse shrugged, looking sufficiently chagrined. “I remember the party and getting really fucking wasted. I remember calling you. Everything else is a blank.” He cleared his throat. “What… what did happen?”

Vinnie sipped his drink. He had thought about what he would tell Jesse when he woke up while he was out buying the coffee. He didn’t expect Jesse to remember anything, or if he did, he didn’t expect Jesse to admit to the things he regretted. But he wanted the man to be clear with him. “You were in a pretty bad way. After you threw up you got a little better. You weren’t real clear on what happened, but you were… upset.” Jesse’s face was red, though with humiliation or panic, Vinnie couldn’t have known. “You wouldn’t let me take you home. I guess you didn’t want to be alone. You cleaned up, and I gave you something to wear, and I asked you to tell me what happened.”

Jesse swallowed. Vinnie paused, wondering again if he should let Jesse know that his secret was out. He didn’t remember. It would do him no harm to let him think that there was nothing else to the story.

“You told me about John and the girl at the party, and you told me why you’ve been missing practice.”

The room fell silent. Vinnie stared into his drink for a long second before he dared meet Jesse’s eyes. The singer’s face was one of horror. He looked faintly sick.

“Oh God,” Jesse gasped. “Vin, I….” What could he say?

“Jess… there’s nothing… it’s…” he cursed his inadequacy. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jesse breathed hard, that look of dejection still marring his features. “I just… I couldn’t.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Jesse. You’re my best friend. Did you really think I could hate you for loving someone?”

Jesse exhaled a quick short burst in a humourless laugh. “I… I don’t know, Vinnie. Plenty of people would. I just couldn’t… I couldn’t.”

“Jess, you’re the same guy, no matter what sex you’re attracted to. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Jesse swallowed again, and exhaled slowly, trying to get a grip. “You’re not… freaked out or… anything?”

Vinnie grinned. “Jesse, you could come to me and tell me what guys you would fuck or give me details on blow jobs and it would be fine. I’m not freaked out. I just wish you would have told me.”

He smiled. Jesse nodded at Vinnie, then exhaled with relief. “I… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was just… I was so scared that you and Bri and Gare would be so freaked out.”

Vinnie laughed. “Brian and Garrett are so cool about this…” he shook his head. “They’re convinced I’m gay because I went off on Garrett for calling me a fag. All they’ve been doing for weeks is saying ‘because there’s nothing wrong with that’ and looking at me sideways in case I randomly decide to come out one day. You should tell them. They might be a little shocked, but Jess, they are your friends. They won’t care.”

Jesse shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know. Maybe. They think you’re gay?” Vinnie nodded. “Why don’t you tell them differently?”

Why didn’t he? He could easily just say, “Guys, I’m not like that.” Why hadn’t he? He supposed part of the reason was to keep them from saying the things that had set him off in the first place, to protect Jesse, or so he had told himself. After last night, though, he realized that maybe he just didn’t know what the truth was.

“I don’t know,” he confessed.

***

A week later, Jesse was still making practice on time. Garrett and Brian almost forgot all about his habitual tardiness and everything was back to normal, excepting the fact that Jesse and Vinnie had been spending every spare moment together when Vinnie wasn’t in school.

Jesse had been taking his falling out with John a lot better than Vinnie had expected. He was wary of telling details to Vinnie regardless of how many times Vinnie insisted that it wasn’t weird to listen to him. It did seem to Vinnie, though, that the friendship Jesse had with John had not transferred into the relationship they began to develop. It seemed more abrupt than suggested any sort of emotional connection on John’s part. One day they were just sitting and talking and the next they were ripping each other’s clothes off. The friendship and sex were mutually exclusive. There was no ground for a healthy relationship. Vinnie expressed his thoughts to Jesse, and he even took that well.

“We still did stuff together,” he explained. “Most of the time. It was just recently… he started wanting me to come over just to fool around. He only did it when I had somewhere to be afterwards. We stopped seeing each other under different circumstances.”

Jesse admitted that he felt trapped with John. He didn’t want to lose his best friend, but neither did he like where everything seemed to be going. It was hard to take a stand against the other man and say what he wanted because John would just try to convince him otherwise. John was very persuasive, apparently.

One day, about a week later, Jesse was late for practice again. Vinnie felt something drop in his stomach for every moment that went by when Jesse didn’t show up. He tried for casualness, but Vinnie wasn’t very good at hiding his concern. It made him sick to think what his friend’s absence might mean.

Jesse showed up after a half an hour. The appearance was shocking. His eye was starting to swell, and his nose was trickling blood. Brian jumped up from his drums to get him some ice. Vinnie was at his side in seconds, helping him sit down.

“I’m fine,” he insisted. “I’m okay.” He wiped the blood from his upper lip and placed the icepack against his face, letting Vinnie help him sit down. They sat in silence as Jesse caught his breath.

***

“I’ve been a jackass to all of you. I’m sorry I’ve been so unreliable. I wish I could go back and just…” he shook his head. “I… I need to tell you something.”

Vinnie’s eyes widened, and Jesse glanced at him with a nod.

It was hard for Jesse to find the right words. He started speaking three or four times before stopping entirely and shaking his head. He shared a glance with Vinnie, who smiled encouragingly. Jesse took the ice away from his eye with a sigh.

“Guys… I’ve been seeing someone,” he said finally. “I couldn’t tell you… because it’s… I-I’ve been… sleeping with John. I’m… I’m gay.” He dropped his eyes finally. He turned the icepack over in his hands to distract himself, avoiding seeing the shocked looks offered by Garrett and Brian.

It was a minute before anyone spoke, and of course, the first one was Garrett. “You! You knew!” he pointed at Vinnie. “It wasn’t you, was it?”

Vinnie raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t picking up Kelly from the airport when I left practice a couple weeks ago, that’s for sure.” He knew that wasn’t what Garrett meant. All of his pro-homosexuality comments and scolding his friends for homophobic ones were being assessed.

“A couple weeks ago I had an argument with John. Vinnie came to get me because I was too wasted to stand up.” He put the ice back on his eye. “I told him everything.”

Garrett turned on Jesse. “You didn’t tell us everything! Dude, we’re your friends too, you know!”

“Friends that call each other fags and cock suckers?” Vinnie reminded him. “Would you put yourself into a position to be ridiculed by your best friends over something like that?”

Garrett shut his mouth.

“You knew before that, then,” Brian guessed. Vinnie didn’t respond. “We thought it was you. You were just protecting him.”

Vinnie sat down on his amp. “I don’t have to be some omniscient being to know that derogatory terms hurt people. I don’t like getting called a fag any more than Jesse would.” Brian and Garrett both shut their mouths.

It was silent for a long time after that. Neither of the other two knew what to say, and it was getting awkward for Jesse to be sitting there. He must have felt it, too, because he stood up.

“I’m just going to go.” He looked like he wanted to apologize, but for what? Vinnie stood to follow.

“I’ll take you home.”

***

Outside of the initial explanation that he’d run into John, hence the black eye, the car was silent as Vinnie drove. He left the cold pack on Brian’s table before they walked out the front door. It hadn’t gone over as well as they had both expected. It turned into a big accusation, and somehow, Vinnie was at the centre. He was only trying to help.

Jesse put the window down a little way, since the car still smelled vaguely of vomit. He touched his eye gingerly as it swelled up.

Vinnie turned the wrong way down a side street and Jesse sat up straighter. He stopped in the parking lot of the junior high near Jesse’s house.

“I followed you,” Vinnie confessed. Jesse just stared at him. “After maybe two weeks of you missing practice, I came to pick you up about an hour early, and John was there. I watched him cross the street, get you, and walk with you to his place. I followed you.” Jesse’s mouth opened like he wanted to say something, but Vinnie cut him off. “I didn’t know what was going on. I just followed you thinking I would yell at you for dicking around with him while we waited for you to show up for practice. I went to knock on the door, but I heard you guys inside. You were telling him that it had to stop because we were all pissed that you never made practice on time. Then he… persuaded you to stay.”

Jesse waited for Vinnie to continue, but he was finished. The car was deafening with the blood roaring in Vinnie’s ears. He waited to get reamed out. “You knew. You let me tell you and you already knew.” Jesse’s voice was soft though not angry.

“I wanted you to be honest with me,” Vinnie agreed. “You had to be drunk out of your head for you to even think of telling me what was going on.”

Vinnie felt Jesse’s eyes on him as he stared blankly out the windshield. He wasn’t getting yelled at. He supposed if he did, he would have plenty to say back. He wasn’t angry with Jesse. He just wanted his friend to trust him the same way he trusted Jesse.

***

Vinnie picked at his fries and stared at his drink, but he wasn’t sitting at the table in the food court with Brian. He was somewhere else.

“What else happened that night?”

Jesse was at that somewhere else with him, but it wasn’t as nice as he would have liked it to be.

Vinnie’s eyebrows knit together in thought. He turned to stare at Jesse. “What?”

“When I was drunk.”

Vinnie shifted in his seat and changed the direction of his stare. He glanced toward the music store into which Garrett and Jesse had disappeared.

Things were better. Brian and Garrett had apparently shown up at Jesse’s house and sat down with him to have a conversation. Vinnie hadn’t been there for it. No one told him about it until the next day when they all arrived in Brian’s basement laughing and happy again. It wasn’t awkward and there was so residual hostility between anyone for not mentioning this or that through the course of their friendship.

They were all making an effort to accept Jesse and get used to this new facet of his personality. Before Jesse had suggested they find a CD he’d been looking for, Garrett had been sitting at the table with him pointing out every other man that went by to ask whether Jesse would do him. Vinnie chewed his fries paying little attention.

They’d made out. That was what happened. Vinnie decided he didn’t know how straight he was. He would have had sex with his best friend if Jesse hadn’t lost consciousness. That was what happened that night.

“I don’t-”

“You just cursed me for lying to you, Vinnie. Don’t make a hypocrite out of yourself.”

Brian snapped his fingers in front of Vinnie’s face. He blinked and looked at the drummer. “Are you okay?”

Vinnie shrugged. “I’m just eating lunch.” It wasn’t a lie. Sometimes Vinnie liked to play with the truth to hide things. Sometimes he lied. It made him hard for people to predict. Brian was adept at reading everyone.

Jesse’s eyes were sad. They always were. The light outside the window shone off his face, bathing his skin in pale whiteness. Vinnie stared into his light blue eyes, hardly noticing the gross swelling of skin or the bruises or the dried blood in Jesse’s nose.

‘You kissed me.’

‘We made out.’

‘I took advantage of you.’

‘I liked it.’

‘I really liked it.’

“Vinnie. You should tell him.”

Vinnie stared at Brian as though he had three heads. “What?”

Brian glanced at the store where Vinnie’s gaze had just been fixed for ten minutes or so. “Tell him.”

“…Nothing.”

***

“So Garrett walks up to the guy and is like, ‘excuse me, my friend finds you attractive, and I thought I’d help him out,’” he laughed and shook his head. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life!”

Vinnie cracked a small smile and put a new disc in the CD player. “Sounds like Garrett.”

Jesse smirked. “Yeah.”

“So did you ask him out?”

Jesse shook his head. “He was this close to throwing us out of the store altogether. I’m never taking Gare anywhere again.”

Vinnie returned to his previous spot next to Jesse on the bed and flopped into a laying position. “Hey, Vin?” He looked at Jesse and raised his eyebrows in response. “Is something wrong?”

Vinnie shrugged. “No. I‘m okay.”

“You’ve been really quiet.”

“I’m having a quiet day,” he remarked.

Jesse didn’t buy it. “You haven’t said two words since the mall.”

Vinnie shrugged. What would he say? He couldn’t think about anything other than Jesse. Brian obviously knew what was going on in his head, no matter what he did to put him off it. He’d laughed at his friend when he suggested that he was hiding something, but the emptiness of it echoed in his own ears and only served to convince Brian that he was denying what was obvious. Okay, so he was denying it, but only to others. He knew what he was thinking and feeling He would admit it to himself.

“I don’t want to force you to talk about something you’re not comfortable talking about, but you and I have this honesty thing, now, Vin. I’m not going to go off on you, whatever it is.”

Whatever it is.
Vinnie looked at Jesse, noticing as much as he had the last few days the small features of which he’d never before taken note. His lips, for example, were thin and formed a straight line on his face. They weren’t round; they didn’t have any real shape. They were simply flat like those of a boy in a cartoon drawing. His forehead was strong, which was a nice way of saying that it was overhanging. Vinnie thought it made him look like he was always brooding, though he admitted that might be because he usually was. His pale blue eyes were strained with concern, trying to read Vinnie’s carefully blank expression without success. It obviously bothered him that he couldn’t tell what Vinnie was thinking. Vinnie could almost see all the horrible possibilities, each more dire than the last, as they flitted at an insurmountable speed behind his eyes. His guesses probably didn’t come anywhere near reality.

Whatever it is, he’d said.

Vinnie kissed him.

Jesse didn’t move. He was shocked to stillness. Vinnie didn’t blame him.

Vinnie kissed him, again.

He pulled away from Jesse and stared at him. Jesse was staring, too. Vinnie moved to stand. This was a bad idea. This was a mistake. Jesse grabbed his arm, pulled him down, and finally kissed back.

Jesse didn’t taste sour like he had that night a few weeks ago. He wasn’t sloppy, this time. He wasn’t crying, either, which really helped. Vinnie breathed deeply and opened his mouth.

***

Vinnie didn’t want to force Jesse into anything. It hadn’t been long since John and Jesse had… terminated their acquaintance. Vinnie knew that there was a large possibility that Jesse wasn’t ready to wear his heart on his sleeve for a close friend, yet. Hell, Vinnie wouldn’t have been at all shocked if Jesse had refused him only on the grounds of their friendship. It was tough to lose a friend, and it was tough to lose a lover. For Jesse to lose both at once must have almost annihilated what comfort level he might have maintained regarding what they were doing now, but he wasn’t pushing Vinnie away. In fact, as far as the guitarist could tell, pushing him away was far from Jesse’s mind.

His hands on Jesse’s shoulders tried to pull the other man closer, though the space between them was already limited to the material thickness of the pants they both wore. Jesse’s fingers grappled for purchase against Vinnie’s clothes, but he couldn’t seem to get a grip to satisfy until they slid under his shirt.

Their mouths were clumsy but eager. Vinnie’s teeth knocked against Jesse’s in his ferocity. Jesse pushed and steered him backwards until Vinnie was pinned beneath him on the bed. Vinnie’s only memory of being as turned on as he was with Jesse’s fingers on his fly and his tongue in his mouth was one from weeks ago when only one of them was sober enough to remain conscious through the excitement.

Jesse broke through the barrier between them. Vinnie kicked his jeans to the floor, barely managing disentangle them from his legs before he was shocked to stillness by the release of his very hard penis. He broke the kiss to gasp for air when Jesse took him in hand, pressing his heels into the mattress in hopes that it would steady his floating head.

Overtaken by the desire to not be the only person in such a vulnerable position, Vinnie managed to regain his senses enough to grope at Jesse’s own crotch, pressed against his thigh in arousal. Jesse kicked his pants to the floor a moment later, and the two men praised the idea that rid them of that, the thickest barrier between them.

“Oh!” Vinnie moaned when Jesse pressed his hips downward. His hand found the curve of Jesse’s ass and the band of his underwear, which he quickly navigated past.

Jesse abandoned Vinnie’s mouth and attacked Vinnie’s throat with lips and teeth and tongue. He stroked Vinnie, pacing himself in such a way that they could have time to enjoy more of each other without belying his own intense urge to see Vinnie come undone.

Being the instigator, however, Vinnie was discontent with his submissiveness. Seconds after he made the decision to change that, Jesse was on his back, his shirt gone, and Vinnie was biting and sucking his way down the flesh of his torso.

Long weeks ago, Vinnie remembered not understanding how he felt about the telltale sounds Jesse made that he heard leaking from John’s open window. The heat in his stomach had not been discomfort but arousal, which he realized now when he drew Jesse’s stiff nipple between his lips and circled the bud with his tongue. He wanted to hear him make those sounds again, for him.

Jesse arched up into Vinnie’s exploring fingers, brushing and tickling their way to his shorts. His breathing reminded Vinnie of himself after tearing up and down flights of stairs away from the guys in play. He wasn’t playing now, or if he was, the game was far more enjoyable.

“Fuck, Vinnie,” Jesse whispered, pressing his erection against Vinnie’s leg between his thighs when he forsook the one nipple in favour of the next. Vinnie smiled into Jesse’s skin, a curse was a sound almost as good as those he held in he highest regard, and pinched the skin between his teeth with greater force. At last Vinnie’s reward dragged itself from Jesse’s lips, clawing its path past hoarse vocal chords. Fortunately for Jesse, Vinnie realized that he was not sated by one moan alone. The sound only fed his desire. He would hear it again.

Jesse’s stomach was thin, showing the ribs of his chest, but also toned with a faint dusting of hair leading downward from his navel. Vinnie knew all this from seeing his friend in swimming trunks, though. It wasn’t the sight he craved.

He relented his abuse of Jesse’s nipples and traced patterns on his skin with the tip of is tongue, dotting the ends of sentences with wet kisses or the careful scrape of teeth. He moaned himself when his tongue passed the courser hair near Jesse’s boxers. Down here he could start to smell and taste the man beneath him. His heart accelerated to a fantastic pace when he hooked his fingers over the elastic waistband.

Vinnie didn’t waste time waxing poetic about the size and shape of Jesse’s cock. He could barely acknowledge the magnitude of what he had already decided he was going to do before he fell upon him.

Jesse flailed against the bed with nothing to grip. Vinnie achieved his second accomplishment of the evening in the hoarse and needy whine that peeled from his throat. It didn’t occur to him that he should particularly like or dislike the taste and smell. He couldn’t give thought to anything but that Jesse was under him and crying out in appreciation for the things Vinnie was doing to him.

As enjoyable as it was for Vinnie to listen to Jesse having a good time, he couldn’t deny himself for much longer. He gripped himself through the hole in his underwear, sliding droplets of semen across his head. Even with his weaker hand, Vinnie would have no trouble in reaching climax in a matter of moments.

It became apparent that Jesse was having a difficult time restraining himself. Vinnie doubled his effort. He sucked so hard that his cheeks hollowed out and pulled Jesse in so deep that he had to fight his gag reflex. What he couldn’t fit between his lips, he covered with his stroking hand.

“Oh!” Jesse exclaimed. “Fucking… shit, Vinnie!” Jesse groaned whipping his head to one side and the next. Vinnie felt his balls tightening. He exhaled hard through his nose what would have been a moan had Jesse’s cock not been inhibiting his ability to make noise.

The hum-that-would-have-been was the last inch that pushed Jesse off the cliff. The sound that screamed from his mouth was what did Vinnie in.

Hurriedly he struggled to drink down the ejaculate that streamed in pulses from Jesse’s penis as he rode his own orgasm to completion. It spattered on the bed sheets and over his fingers, but Vinnie was too busy with his eyes rolled back in his head to notice.

When it became clear that he could expect nothing else to come out of Jesse’s cock, he let it drop from his lips, limp and sated, back to his belly. He didn’t move for at least a full minute. Finally, he wiped his hand on the sheets and let his weak legs collapse, splaying him, boneless and weak, in a heap beside Jesse.

They breathed synchronously for a few moments. Vinnie was the last to catch his breath. He opened his eyes to find Jesse looking at him. His pupils were still dilated with pleasure, his mouth still slack.

Vinnie stared into Jesse’s eyes as long as he could until he had to blink or let his eyes water to the point of crying. Jesse probably wouldn’t take that very well.

“You didn’t tell me,” Jesse accused.

“I didn’t know.”

“You do now.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Now.”

Jesse blinked furiously several times in a row. Vinnie thought it might have been a nervous twitch, or an attempt not to cry, though he hoped it wasn’t the latter.

“What does this mean?”

Vinnie opened and closed his mouth without answering the question. He liked it. That meant… well it meant… it meant that Vinnie was bisexual, he supposed, or that he was Jesse-sexual. He wanted it to happen again. He guessed that meant it wasn’t a mistake or a one-time self-discovery adventure. He wanted it to happen again with Jesse. “I like you.”

“Well, Vinnie, I like you, too, but that doesn’t mean-”

“I’m attracted to you. I think I always have been.” He’d thought it was close friendship. He had mistaken his unnatural interest in his friend for admiration and respect. He thought maybe it was some need to feel accepted, an urge he never had in adolescence, even with people he respected and admired. “I don’t want… I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable doing.”

“It’s a little late for second guessing myself, I think, Vinnie.”

Jesse’s face was devoid of emotion. How could he tell whether he was making a huge mistake by telling him what this was all about when it was possible that Jesse’s mind had already been made up? What did Jesse want? Maybe Jesse wanted Vinnie to disregard what was right, what Jesse might or might not want, and just be honest.

“I want you,” he tried, simply.

Jesse’s face didn’t soften or crack. Vinnie still had no idea what the right answer was, if there was a right answer. “As a lover, as a friend, as a boyfriend? As someone you fool around with when the mood strikes?”

Vinnie sampled a weak and uncertain smile. “As all of the above.”

Jesse didn’t say anything. He didn’t smile or nod or shake his head or frown or even blink rapidly again. ‘Don’t hide from me,’ Vinnie thought. ‘Tell me if this was all the wrong thing to say.’

A moment later a grin and a kiss made it clear that it wasn’t.

***

“So are you going to talk to him, or what? He’s been staring your way for like twenty minutes!”

“I think he’s looking at you, Garrett,” Brian commented.

“You’ve been pointing at him and flailing your arms for twenty minutes, of course he’s staring at us!” Vinnie exclaimed.

Garrett groaned and dropped his hands to the table. “Oh, like hell. He totally wants you! Go talk to him!”

Jesse smiled and shook his head, sipping on the beer he bought earlier, after he got off stage. Vinnie stirred the lime in his coke with a straw, then took a sip, trying not to smirk into his beverage.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Jesse declined.

Garrett’s jaw dropped. “What? Why the hell not? Man, seriously, I’ve been scoping out this place and that guy totally wants you! I have fantastic gaydar; he’s a complete fag. Just go for it!”

Jesse shifted in his seat, glancing up at Vinnie who pretended not to notice. “I’m not going to because I’m seeing someone, Garrett,” he informed him calmly. Vinnie couldn’t help his face turning a shade of bright red. He hoped Garrett was colour-blind.

When the reaction was expected from the loudest of the group, Vinnie was taken off guard when the quietest whooped and squawked loudly, leaping around in the booth to face Vinnie who was sitting mortified beside him.

“Oh! You! Ah!” he cried. “Oh my God, guys! That’s so fucking great!”

Vinnie tried to shrink under his friends’ eyes but only managed to draw more attention to himself by pulling his hat lower over his eyes.

“What?” Garrett shouted. “What?” His eyes grew wide and he sat up straighter. “You? Fuck off!” he refuted. “I thought you were just protecting him!”

Vinnie shrugged and looked across the table at Jesse. “I don’t like being called a fag either” was all he said. Jesse’s playful grin only served to bring a smile to Vinnie’s own face in return.

“How fucking long has this been going on? Why am I always the last fucking person to know anything that is fucking happening around here?”

“Last night,” Vinnie offered as a means of shutting him up.

“Last night?”

Unbeknownst to Vinnie, a satisfied smile slid onto his lips. Garrett’s wide eyes got even bigger at this news, but his mouth closed. “Wow,” he articulated. “You mean… last night… you guys-”

“Garrett,” Brian scolded.

Jesse grinned stupidly back at Vinnie, then leaned across the table. Vinnie eagerly met him halfway.

After a moment Brian stood up. “Uh, we’re just going to… go… dance.”

“Dance?” Garrett retorted incredulously.

“Yes, dance.” He pulled his friend’s arm, leaving the kissing couple to their privacy.

“Did you see that?” Garrett murmured admiringly as they walked away. “They might as well be fucking on the table right now. They don’t even care what anyone thinks!”

It was a full song later that Jesse returned to his seat. Vinnie rounded the table to slide into the booth next to his lover. Lover; he liked the sound of that.

“You’re not going to stop kissing me like that, are you?” Vinnie complained.

Jesse leered. “If I keep kissing you like that, we might need to go back to your place.”

Vinnie raised his eyebrow mischievously. “I’ll get my coat.”