(no subject)
the person of me is comprised of many fragments of concrete and sedimentation that have mysteriously or obviously gathered over the years of my existence. some of which are chemical in nature, biologically persuading me to think the way i think or to push me to make the decisions i make. some of these are simple learned abilities gifted to me from the other blood that cause me to act the way i act. some of these things have been gathered from the wilderness born scenarios of twenty first century modern american life that i have lived. these things are in my bone structure, the marrow that is maple syrup from large trees, they ooze from my fibula into my muscle mass and travel straight to my brain saying, "hey! i AM your thoughts!" but it wasn't me that put them there. they were there when i was born. nature's doing. but there is also nurture related items that i see floating obscurely around my brain making their way to my eye balls. they are the subtle travelers that the quickness of my eyes cant catch. floating thoughts that i see so well in the pitch black peripheral sight. they are all part of my stone walled pillars supporting my every move. the structure of being that is existent because i am still breathing. these ingredients are all beyond my human comprehension. i know not why i walk the way i walk. i know even less the reasons behind the way i talk the way i talk. my sharp tone, piercing my loved ones with every quick witted quip. so prompt in response, i push back on the souls that comfort me on a daily basis. and for what purpose? the fact that i seemingly cannot control the way the things i think i want to say take off from my tongue and exit my lips with such a speed that i cannot retain them once they've lifted? to get them back to home base is an impossibility. they're gone. they're in flight. soaring into the ear drums of the people around me. making plagues of darkness in tents within their receivers ear canal because of their salient shrillness. these words that are perfectly constructed in my subconscious from the biological unbalance that is my central cerebral computing artifice.
nature is striking my nervous system with hammers of golden weight stating with every connection, "we are you!" while nurture is pressing me to believe that the things i do is because of my blue collar conduits conducting stabilizing electricity into more energy for my royally fucked onslaught of verbiage. all the while, my self-experiences are screaming such bloody murder in my minds eye that causes disbelief in everything i've said thus far, that my true, unknowing waking conscious is so far fucking confused that i lose sight and attention and forget what in the world i was considering in the first place. such a waste. all that energy used and abused for the satisfaction of my backwards process of thought due to the insane combination of chemical make up, genes, and promoted way of living.
is this an excuse?
too many chefs?
too small a kitchen?
too large a house?
all succumbing to the far from perfect situation that is the combination of items that comprises my involuntary way of living.
much obliged.
nature is striking my nervous system with hammers of golden weight stating with every connection, "we are you!" while nurture is pressing me to believe that the things i do is because of my blue collar conduits conducting stabilizing electricity into more energy for my royally fucked onslaught of verbiage. all the while, my self-experiences are screaming such bloody murder in my minds eye that causes disbelief in everything i've said thus far, that my true, unknowing waking conscious is so far fucking confused that i lose sight and attention and forget what in the world i was considering in the first place. such a waste. all that energy used and abused for the satisfaction of my backwards process of thought due to the insane combination of chemical make up, genes, and promoted way of living.
is this an excuse?
too many chefs?
too small a kitchen?
too large a house?
all succumbing to the far from perfect situation that is the combination of items that comprises my involuntary way of living.
much obliged.