(no subject)
Hey,
I'm sorry I've taken so long, but sometimes I just need time for me. Time to think, you know? I knew you'd question my disappearance if you'd have noticed it, and you wouldn't have stopped until you figured me out. I couldn't risk that and I hope you understand. Being with you was so unreal. It was so strange to be around someone who wanted me for ME, not someone they hoped I could be.
I hate expectations, but I suppose you knew that already. Of course, you seem to know alot about me and you never have to ask. It frustrates me though because then I cant ask you about you. I had first wanted him for the qualities I saw in him that were exceptional. Then I started to pick him apart and fish for the bad until I had pulled it out.
I try to be strong sometimes, and convince myself that he was wrong for me, but it just doesnt make any sense to me that I had wanted him for some of the same reasons that I want you for, and you seem so... right. It's not so much lust as it's... a realization of trust. Trust... trust is big for me because of how my trust in people has been tortured; shattered long before I had met most people that I know now.
I'm not as bold as I seem. Sometimes, I want only to curl up and fade away; if only to avoid humane contact. It seems so wrong; to want to avoid human contact and to want to be with you so much. Maybe it's just one of those things that we're not supposed to know. There seems to be alot of those things. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I'm just curious.
My thought processes have been mostly on you lately. Being away had heightened my senses of awareness. Being away always forces me into being overly careful. I no longer allow myself to be torn and taken so easily, and I still wince at what I cannot control.
Yet that is out of my control.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need you around, and I hope you have an understanding as to what I'm attempting to attempt.
Always yours,
Caitlin
I'm sorry I've taken so long, but sometimes I just need time for me. Time to think, you know? I knew you'd question my disappearance if you'd have noticed it, and you wouldn't have stopped until you figured me out. I couldn't risk that and I hope you understand. Being with you was so unreal. It was so strange to be around someone who wanted me for ME, not someone they hoped I could be.
I hate expectations, but I suppose you knew that already. Of course, you seem to know alot about me and you never have to ask. It frustrates me though because then I cant ask you about you. I had first wanted him for the qualities I saw in him that were exceptional. Then I started to pick him apart and fish for the bad until I had pulled it out.
I try to be strong sometimes, and convince myself that he was wrong for me, but it just doesnt make any sense to me that I had wanted him for some of the same reasons that I want you for, and you seem so... right. It's not so much lust as it's... a realization of trust. Trust... trust is big for me because of how my trust in people has been tortured; shattered long before I had met most people that I know now.
I'm not as bold as I seem. Sometimes, I want only to curl up and fade away; if only to avoid humane contact. It seems so wrong; to want to avoid human contact and to want to be with you so much. Maybe it's just one of those things that we're not supposed to know. There seems to be alot of those things. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I'm just curious.
My thought processes have been mostly on you lately. Being away had heightened my senses of awareness. Being away always forces me into being overly careful. I no longer allow myself to be torn and taken so easily, and I still wince at what I cannot control.
Yet that is out of my control.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need you around, and I hope you have an understanding as to what I'm attempting to attempt.
Always yours,
Caitlin