(no subject)
I just had a thought as i was loafing around in the kitchen, and decided i wanted to write it down in here, but then i stopped to talk to my dad about something and forgot it. i'm way too forgetful. and i think this is what happens when i forget: i desperately try to remember what the specific point was that i wanted to write down, and i ask myself "was it *this*?.. no. was it this? no." and i end up sorting thru the files of my memory, and immediately throwing each one out once i realize it's not the exact thought i was searching for, in a desperate attempt to recall my inspired stroke of genius... Which of course, just gets me more lost. All thoughts are connected. and if you let your mind wander, you're much more likely to retrieve a thought. but it's hard because it's frustrating to lose (what you think is) an important thought.
i had a dream about Uncle Bud last night (our 92 year old neighbor who died a bit over a month ago), and i was realizing i wished i could've talked to him a little before he died. but i guess that's normal. I'm starting to see more clearly that the age that we live until is more under under our control than fate. Maybe I've just been watching too many self-help infomercials, but it really is about how you take care of your body and mind. It's about your ability to live in the moment, and of your will to live, and how much positive tension there is in your life.
The idea of the past, is a bit like that of dreaming for me... because dreaming, in retrospect, is way better than being awake, especially if you can control what happens. but the thing is, you can't really control your dreams (at least not for long before you wake up), and you're not really happy in your dreams because you don't know that you're dreaming with virtually unlimited possibilities. just like *the past*, you wake from dreams, wishing you had gone to different places in your mind, and done different things. So in a sense, lucid dreaming is just like being in control of your life, and the past you leave behind - living without regret. And I can see the blurred image in my mind of myself turning that potential energy into kinetic... and i'm starting to realize simutaneously that i'm already there... i've just got to relaize is. *The future is NOW!!*... shut the fuck up. God i hate those pep-talks from motivational-type speakers, trying to get you all pumped up for highschool or college or something... Because the only kids that will get ANYTHING from those speeches are the kids who don't have a ton of obsticles to overcome in the first place, and makes those who are floundering, (such as me), feeling more and more hopeless because they know they can't see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
Okay! I just stumbled onto the thought i had earlier! It was about another dream i had last night. Just a short segment of my dream, but it's a revealing concept... So i was with my mom and there was a huge spider in this hug web in the corner of the room.. and she's like "AHHHH! we've gotta get rid of it! And she proceeds by tearing down the web, and i'm like "what are you doing? the spider is getting away now!" thinking of that after waking up, i realize this is a view i hold of my mother, taking any problem, and making it way worse, just after i realize where a problem originates, scattering it out of place again so that i can't solve it. I donno why it struck me as so significant when i thought of it like this, because it's something i already know... Sorry if that was lame, I was just excited that I remembered what my *great* thought was.
So okay, see ya! No conclusion, just a few thoughts i had.
Piece.
i had a dream about Uncle Bud last night (our 92 year old neighbor who died a bit over a month ago), and i was realizing i wished i could've talked to him a little before he died. but i guess that's normal. I'm starting to see more clearly that the age that we live until is more under under our control than fate. Maybe I've just been watching too many self-help infomercials, but it really is about how you take care of your body and mind. It's about your ability to live in the moment, and of your will to live, and how much positive tension there is in your life.
The idea of the past, is a bit like that of dreaming for me... because dreaming, in retrospect, is way better than being awake, especially if you can control what happens. but the thing is, you can't really control your dreams (at least not for long before you wake up), and you're not really happy in your dreams because you don't know that you're dreaming with virtually unlimited possibilities. just like *the past*, you wake from dreams, wishing you had gone to different places in your mind, and done different things. So in a sense, lucid dreaming is just like being in control of your life, and the past you leave behind - living without regret. And I can see the blurred image in my mind of myself turning that potential energy into kinetic... and i'm starting to realize simutaneously that i'm already there... i've just got to relaize is. *The future is NOW!!*... shut the fuck up. God i hate those pep-talks from motivational-type speakers, trying to get you all pumped up for highschool or college or something... Because the only kids that will get ANYTHING from those speeches are the kids who don't have a ton of obsticles to overcome in the first place, and makes those who are floundering, (such as me), feeling more and more hopeless because they know they can't see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
Okay! I just stumbled onto the thought i had earlier! It was about another dream i had last night. Just a short segment of my dream, but it's a revealing concept... So i was with my mom and there was a huge spider in this hug web in the corner of the room.. and she's like "AHHHH! we've gotta get rid of it! And she proceeds by tearing down the web, and i'm like "what are you doing? the spider is getting away now!" thinking of that after waking up, i realize this is a view i hold of my mother, taking any problem, and making it way worse, just after i realize where a problem originates, scattering it out of place again so that i can't solve it. I donno why it struck me as so significant when i thought of it like this, because it's something i already know... Sorry if that was lame, I was just excited that I remembered what my *great* thought was.
So okay, see ya! No conclusion, just a few thoughts i had.
Piece.