(no subject)
ive been home for about a month now and i must say that this summer has severely let me down
i didnt really want to leave school in the first place but i had high hopes that this summer would be rad so i thought it would be ok. however i have returned to a place where im beginning to realize more each day that things have changed, that people have changed, that i have changed. i guess this is all apart of life. this is a tough place to be, caught in the middle of two worlds. part of me wants so badly to be back at Samford with my new friends in my new life, yet there is the other part of me that knows i would miss home when i got there. dont get me wrong there are parts of this summer which have been great, i have gotten to spend alot of time with chris, but on the other hand i havent spent nearly enough time with boston. i have gotten to spend alot of time with tracey and ive gotten to see tons of people that i have been missing. ive thought about it and this is what i believe it ultimately comes down to... i have so much love for people at home, love that has been developed and grown over a lifetime and through years and years of trials and celebration. with that love comes attachment and with that attachment you become vulnerable. so vulnerable that you hate to see what some people have made of thier lives, you become disapointed and discouraged when you feel you cant offer any help. you get hurt when friends have found replacements and you realize that your role in thier life isnt as important anymore. i think that i have so much love for people here that sometimes it hurts to be around them because i want to fix everything and make it better all the while knowing that i cant. i hate when my perfect world turns out to be not so pretty after all.
i didnt really want to leave school in the first place but i had high hopes that this summer would be rad so i thought it would be ok. however i have returned to a place where im beginning to realize more each day that things have changed, that people have changed, that i have changed. i guess this is all apart of life. this is a tough place to be, caught in the middle of two worlds. part of me wants so badly to be back at Samford with my new friends in my new life, yet there is the other part of me that knows i would miss home when i got there. dont get me wrong there are parts of this summer which have been great, i have gotten to spend alot of time with chris, but on the other hand i havent spent nearly enough time with boston. i have gotten to spend alot of time with tracey and ive gotten to see tons of people that i have been missing. ive thought about it and this is what i believe it ultimately comes down to... i have so much love for people at home, love that has been developed and grown over a lifetime and through years and years of trials and celebration. with that love comes attachment and with that attachment you become vulnerable. so vulnerable that you hate to see what some people have made of thier lives, you become disapointed and discouraged when you feel you cant offer any help. you get hurt when friends have found replacements and you realize that your role in thier life isnt as important anymore. i think that i have so much love for people here that sometimes it hurts to be around them because i want to fix everything and make it better all the while knowing that i cant. i hate when my perfect world turns out to be not so pretty after all.