EVERYONE WHO HEARD ABOUT THE JOHN NOTE THING READ THIS NOW.
all right. i don't like john at all. and once you finish reading this you are going to say "wow she doesn't like john.. but she is a fucking bitch" and that's okay. because i'd rather be thought of as a bitch than for someone to think i like my ex when i'm clearly in love with his best friend, my boyfriend. and i guess it's karma's way of kicking my ass.
in the beginning of the year everyone said john liked me. and i wanted john to be alone and unhappy.. and i hate sarah too. my friend [i can't bring my friends down with me. they will be left anonymous] and i were like "well maybe you can convince john you like him so he dumps sarah or sarah dumps him and then when he does that you can be like HAHA I NEVER LIKED YOU I JUST DID IT SO YOU'D BE ALONE AND DEPRESSED." and since i'm a girl i thought it was a good way to get them both back. and i love paul. we all know that. its been 8 months. yesterday was 8 months. he is my best friend. and my boyfriend. i liked paul before i liked john. paul is amazing. i talk to him everyday. and i tell him everything. we talk on the phone everyday for like 20 hours.. but i guess i had left some things out.
i decided to write john a note. telling him to get closer with paul.. and then i tried to make it sound like i liked john and i wrote "YOU BETTER NOT TELL PAUL OR I'LL KILL YOU" and i thought that would be a BIG sign "TELL PAUL TELL PAUL" honestly. i thought he'd tell paul. after i did it i felt guilty and told paul. and he told me not to do it again. and i guess i promised i wouldn't. but i forgot about that. i was blinded by my own freshman revenge. proving that everyone makes mistakes.. some of us just make bigger ones than the other.
i'd hang around people and they'd bicker about john staring at me. and talking about me. friends in my gym class. friends that came into his class with me. a specific friend who got information out of him. i knew enough information that could break up john and sarah. but i wanted to do it sneaky. i didn't want john to be happy. he didn't deserve it. he was a liar to me. i found out a lot of stuff from PAUL. and i found out a lot of things about john's relationship with sarah that i promised paul i'd never repeat. a lot of bad stuff that if sarah found out.. would crush her. but i wanted john to get all happy and think i liked him yadda yadda and then WAM slap in the face. haha jokes on you i love paul. most of my friends knew that plan. well my closest friends knew that plan. most of them told me it'd get me in trouble... so i decided to do one final one. the friday before vacation i had written it the night before and i was going to show paul at school.. but paul was absent. so i had my friend give it to him for me because i would end up laughing if i was near john. and that note was all like OHH MY GOSH HAVE MY BABIES. IM ONLY DATING PAUL CUZ OF YOU. SARAH AND HOLLY ARE RIGHT I LOVE YOU. OMG THIS HURRTSS SO BAD I NEEED YOU. I LOVEE YOU JOOOHNNN. DONT TELL PAUL OR ELSE ILL KILL YOU SO BAD. ME AND PAUL BURNED YOU A CD ITS AT PAULS HOUSE and basically it was a bunch of overexaggerated crap that no one would ever believe. and my friend [i won't tell i promise] went on my email account and emailed john. we wanted him and sarah to break up so bad. and we wanted him to get his hopes up and be depressed. i wanted to hurt him twice as bad as he hurt me. and i didn't want to tell paul my evil plan until it worked. it was the hardest thing i ever had to keep. a good sign of maturity is OWNING up to your mistakes and faults.
then after vacation i thought about how much i love paul. and how stupid that was. how i didn't need to get revenge on john and be so immature. i realized it was stupid. i was over it. i love paul and only paul and john could give him the wrong impression. i was going to tell paul about the fake notes but they completely slipped my mind.
when school started back up i didn't want john and sarah to break up. i didn't want john to think i liked him. i wanted him to show john the note and how it says "i burnt you a cd at pauls" and i was going to burn a cd that says "HAHA THIS WAS ALL A COMPLETE JOKE. YOU WIN THOUGH BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH SARAH AND YOU STAYED A LOYAL FRIEND TO PAUL!" like honestly. i wanted to see how loyal he was to paul also. but i fucked up. a lot.
when school started i'd see john walking near me and i'd walk the other way. i avoided him as much as possible so i didn't have to deal with that. because i thought he'd realize.. she doesn't like me. because i don't. at all. everyone knows how in love i am with paul.
well. i'm in bio.. and all of a sudden mcvane comes to the door with paul saying he needs a calculator. and then he told me john is giving him notes i wrote and emails. and i didn't even remember emails or anything because i didn't know [insert friend name here] had really done it. so my first reaction was to laugh.. but paul didn't think it was funny. and i told him they were fake. but he asked me WHY why would i write fake letters. i told him i thought it was funny. i couldn't tell him the real reason about sarah and john revenge and all that crap; because that just makes me sound really stupid. and it made me realize how stupid i had been. and that i need to grow up. but the fear of losing paul.. Hurt me. so bad. that saying you never know what you got until it's gone. yeah i felt that. all of a sudden i started worrying. mcvane made him leave.
i went back into my classroom and wrote paul notes. real notes. the truth in notes. i stopped working on our lab. and i started crying. it didn't matter anymore. now all john and paul's friends thought i liked john. this stupid prank that i played trying to ruin john's life ended up reversing and trying to ruin my life. karma is a bitch. and i have learned so much from this. i grabbed a tac and was so tempted to cut. because losing paul is everything. i love paul more than anything or anyone. he's irreplacable and unbelievable. he means more to me than revenge and life ruining. and john always told paul he is scared of me ruining his life. i have been nicknamed life ruiner because when someone hurts me .. i am out to ruin their life. because i want people to feel what i had to feel. but i guess the tables turned on this one. but i'm kind of glad. because it teaches me a lesson; y'know?
but as for paul's friends. i can't believe they think i like john. i think it's funny how convincing i was. but at the same time. scary. i skipped math and cried in the bathroom. talking to jordan, nicole, stacy, and so on. i talked to everyone. i ran around the school. i saw john and sarah walking and i RAN the other way. i RAN my ass away. i ran into the library to stay with felicia [name witheld] and this kid from spanish that felicia's dating. jason? and i was crying with paul and octave comes up behind me and hands me a tissue and says "nikky are you going to need this?" so i take it. and the weird thing is.. octave always catches paul and i at a bad time. really he does.
well yes. that's how it was. i scratched my arm with my nails wanting to hurt myself for what i have done. making paul not trust me. putting our relationship at risk. all for stupid revenge. it wasn't worth it. i mean i didn't even succeed. but i wouldn't give up. it took me that long to realize it wasn't going to happen. i love paul so much. and we hugged and kissed and talked afterschool before driver's ed. everything is okay. everything is okay. because as much as the facts are against me.. he knows i love him. and when i tell him this whole story he'll understand. i'm sorry. my stupid revenge wasn't worth this drama. and if you don't believe me you'd be a damn idiot, because if you know me.. this is exactly a nikky thing. *sighs* all i know is from now on.. i'm going to learn to let go of things and not try to get revenge on everyone. learn that as time goes on it gets better. and i might end up regretting things. everything happens for a reason and this was to teach me that i can't keep doing this to people.
i love you so much paul;
♥ thank you so much for everything today
for listening to me. for loving me
for telling me it's all okay
for being the most perfect boyfriend alive
I'm sorry for being so immature in that way.
i know after you all read this you'll have something mean to say. i deserve it. brat away.
i want to tell everyone that i am sorry if i got you involved in my stupid revenge. and i will not reveal your names. you do not deserve the consequences of my actions. and i don't want anyone to know that you had any association with my stupidity. that's the least i can do ♥
as for everyone else. now you know the truth.
the truth. the cold hard truth.
♥nikky raney
oh and here's an actual part i put in a note to john. i remember cuz i was talking about it online with [name withheld] hahaha.
I WANT US TO HAVE INTERRACIAL BABIES AND WE CAN TEACH THEM MY LANGUAGE AND THEY CAN BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE US THE FIRST CANADIAN FILIPINO ONE. would you honestly believe someone if they gave you a note that said that? do i seem that goofy?!
you are in charge of your own destiny. from now on i will think things through before i do them.. because as much as i get whatever i want. i need to realize that not everything is going to work out in my favor; and sometimes i need to think things through. the consequences and everything. and i need to tell paul EVERYTHING. because today was the worst day i could imagine. the weirdest part is:
paul had a bad feeling last night. he called me after we got off the phone like 2 hours later. and he was so sad. he didn't know why he was so sad. he didn't know. he had a bad feeling and he didn't know. and he said to me "nikky. no matter what happens tomorrow. love me. i don't know what's going to happen but i can sense something. just promise you'll never stop loving me" and my initial reaction was "PAUL WHAT DID YOU DO?! ARE YOU HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!?!" ... but now i know. it was me in the wrong. i had lied to john which he thought was true. which is funny because no one writes like that in notes.
i know john's going to show paul the notes and emails. and i want to read them. and laugh my ass off at them. because once paul reads them he'll realize how fake they really are. honestly. i love paul. and only paul. and john if you're reading this. i'm sorry all right? you knew i was a bitch. and you should have told john after the first fake note. so that this would have ended sooner. because now it's this big dramatic thing. and i want to make sure that EVERYONE reads this. and understands. IT WAS ALL A STUPID ATTEMPT AT REVENGE. and it backfired onto me. i have no feelings for john whatsoever. the end. and i hope all of john & paul's friends read this. bitch at me for being immature. and then get on with life. and forgive me.
seriously. no one is more mad at me than i am. and anything you say to me couldn't make me feel any worse than i made myself feel. i promised paul i wouldn't hurt myself. and i won't. because if i do it. paul will do it. i'm glad this is all over. i'm glad we can rise above this now. i'm going to have to accept. yes i did that. i did that. i did that. i tried to play a prank and it turned onto me. but it's so much better than if i had actually meant it and lost paul. because honestly; no one in the world means more to me than paul. hes my soul mate. my best friend. i make him scrap books. and picture books. i print him out silly things. i buy him cute things. i'm always with him. it wouldn't make any sense if i didn't love paul. ♥ even his family knows it. his sister thinks we're going to get married.
this was a post to get the record straight.
my hope is to walk into school tomorrow with
no one thinking i like john
And if anyone hates me.
i want you all to be mad at me and hate me for trying to ruin john's life
and making up fake notes and starting drama
hate me for starting fake drama.
i can handle that.
but know i love paul. and only paul.
my only fault was causing drama.
I'm owning up to this, and i promise tomorrow is a new month
and i plan to change. this weekend i am spending at the christian seacoast center with my bible group. so i'll get better there.
i'm sorry to everyone i may have hurt. ♥
...but at least now everyone knows the truth.
in the beginning of the year everyone said john liked me. and i wanted john to be alone and unhappy.. and i hate sarah too. my friend [i can't bring my friends down with me. they will be left anonymous] and i were like "well maybe you can convince john you like him so he dumps sarah or sarah dumps him and then when he does that you can be like HAHA I NEVER LIKED YOU I JUST DID IT SO YOU'D BE ALONE AND DEPRESSED." and since i'm a girl i thought it was a good way to get them both back. and i love paul. we all know that. its been 8 months. yesterday was 8 months. he is my best friend. and my boyfriend. i liked paul before i liked john. paul is amazing. i talk to him everyday. and i tell him everything. we talk on the phone everyday for like 20 hours.. but i guess i had left some things out.
i decided to write john a note. telling him to get closer with paul.. and then i tried to make it sound like i liked john and i wrote "YOU BETTER NOT TELL PAUL OR I'LL KILL YOU" and i thought that would be a BIG sign "TELL PAUL TELL PAUL" honestly. i thought he'd tell paul. after i did it i felt guilty and told paul. and he told me not to do it again. and i guess i promised i wouldn't. but i forgot about that. i was blinded by my own freshman revenge. proving that everyone makes mistakes.. some of us just make bigger ones than the other.
i'd hang around people and they'd bicker about john staring at me. and talking about me. friends in my gym class. friends that came into his class with me. a specific friend who got information out of him. i knew enough information that could break up john and sarah. but i wanted to do it sneaky. i didn't want john to be happy. he didn't deserve it. he was a liar to me. i found out a lot of stuff from PAUL. and i found out a lot of things about john's relationship with sarah that i promised paul i'd never repeat. a lot of bad stuff that if sarah found out.. would crush her. but i wanted john to get all happy and think i liked him yadda yadda and then WAM slap in the face. haha jokes on you i love paul. most of my friends knew that plan. well my closest friends knew that plan. most of them told me it'd get me in trouble... so i decided to do one final one. the friday before vacation i had written it the night before and i was going to show paul at school.. but paul was absent. so i had my friend give it to him for me because i would end up laughing if i was near john. and that note was all like OHH MY GOSH HAVE MY BABIES. IM ONLY DATING PAUL CUZ OF YOU. SARAH AND HOLLY ARE RIGHT I LOVE YOU. OMG THIS HURRTSS SO BAD I NEEED YOU. I LOVEE YOU JOOOHNNN. DONT TELL PAUL OR ELSE ILL KILL YOU SO BAD. ME AND PAUL BURNED YOU A CD ITS AT PAULS HOUSE and basically it was a bunch of overexaggerated crap that no one would ever believe. and my friend [i won't tell i promise] went on my email account and emailed john. we wanted him and sarah to break up so bad. and we wanted him to get his hopes up and be depressed. i wanted to hurt him twice as bad as he hurt me. and i didn't want to tell paul my evil plan until it worked. it was the hardest thing i ever had to keep. a good sign of maturity is OWNING up to your mistakes and faults.
then after vacation i thought about how much i love paul. and how stupid that was. how i didn't need to get revenge on john and be so immature. i realized it was stupid. i was over it. i love paul and only paul and john could give him the wrong impression. i was going to tell paul about the fake notes but they completely slipped my mind.
when school started back up i didn't want john and sarah to break up. i didn't want john to think i liked him. i wanted him to show john the note and how it says "i burnt you a cd at pauls" and i was going to burn a cd that says "HAHA THIS WAS ALL A COMPLETE JOKE. YOU WIN THOUGH BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH SARAH AND YOU STAYED A LOYAL FRIEND TO PAUL!" like honestly. i wanted to see how loyal he was to paul also. but i fucked up. a lot.
when school started i'd see john walking near me and i'd walk the other way. i avoided him as much as possible so i didn't have to deal with that. because i thought he'd realize.. she doesn't like me. because i don't. at all. everyone knows how in love i am with paul.
well. i'm in bio.. and all of a sudden mcvane comes to the door with paul saying he needs a calculator. and then he told me john is giving him notes i wrote and emails. and i didn't even remember emails or anything because i didn't know [insert friend name here] had really done it. so my first reaction was to laugh.. but paul didn't think it was funny. and i told him they were fake. but he asked me WHY why would i write fake letters. i told him i thought it was funny. i couldn't tell him the real reason about sarah and john revenge and all that crap; because that just makes me sound really stupid. and it made me realize how stupid i had been. and that i need to grow up. but the fear of losing paul.. Hurt me. so bad. that saying you never know what you got until it's gone. yeah i felt that. all of a sudden i started worrying. mcvane made him leave.
i went back into my classroom and wrote paul notes. real notes. the truth in notes. i stopped working on our lab. and i started crying. it didn't matter anymore. now all john and paul's friends thought i liked john. this stupid prank that i played trying to ruin john's life ended up reversing and trying to ruin my life. karma is a bitch. and i have learned so much from this. i grabbed a tac and was so tempted to cut. because losing paul is everything. i love paul more than anything or anyone. he's irreplacable and unbelievable. he means more to me than revenge and life ruining. and john always told paul he is scared of me ruining his life. i have been nicknamed life ruiner because when someone hurts me .. i am out to ruin their life. because i want people to feel what i had to feel. but i guess the tables turned on this one. but i'm kind of glad. because it teaches me a lesson; y'know?
but as for paul's friends. i can't believe they think i like john. i think it's funny how convincing i was. but at the same time. scary. i skipped math and cried in the bathroom. talking to jordan, nicole, stacy, and so on. i talked to everyone. i ran around the school. i saw john and sarah walking and i RAN the other way. i RAN my ass away. i ran into the library to stay with felicia [name witheld] and this kid from spanish that felicia's dating. jason? and i was crying with paul and octave comes up behind me and hands me a tissue and says "nikky are you going to need this?" so i take it. and the weird thing is.. octave always catches paul and i at a bad time. really he does.
well yes. that's how it was. i scratched my arm with my nails wanting to hurt myself for what i have done. making paul not trust me. putting our relationship at risk. all for stupid revenge. it wasn't worth it. i mean i didn't even succeed. but i wouldn't give up. it took me that long to realize it wasn't going to happen. i love paul so much. and we hugged and kissed and talked afterschool before driver's ed. everything is okay. everything is okay. because as much as the facts are against me.. he knows i love him. and when i tell him this whole story he'll understand. i'm sorry. my stupid revenge wasn't worth this drama. and if you don't believe me you'd be a damn idiot, because if you know me.. this is exactly a nikky thing. *sighs* all i know is from now on.. i'm going to learn to let go of things and not try to get revenge on everyone. learn that as time goes on it gets better. and i might end up regretting things. everything happens for a reason and this was to teach me that i can't keep doing this to people.
i love you so much paul;
♥ thank you so much for everything today
for listening to me. for loving me
for telling me it's all okay
for being the most perfect boyfriend alive
I'm sorry for being so immature in that way.
i know after you all read this you'll have something mean to say. i deserve it. brat away.
i want to tell everyone that i am sorry if i got you involved in my stupid revenge. and i will not reveal your names. you do not deserve the consequences of my actions. and i don't want anyone to know that you had any association with my stupidity. that's the least i can do ♥
as for everyone else. now you know the truth.
the truth. the cold hard truth.
♥nikky raney
oh and here's an actual part i put in a note to john. i remember cuz i was talking about it online with [name withheld] hahaha.
I WANT US TO HAVE INTERRACIAL BABIES AND WE CAN TEACH THEM MY LANGUAGE AND THEY CAN BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE US THE FIRST CANADIAN FILIPINO ONE. would you honestly believe someone if they gave you a note that said that? do i seem that goofy?!
you are in charge of your own destiny. from now on i will think things through before i do them.. because as much as i get whatever i want. i need to realize that not everything is going to work out in my favor; and sometimes i need to think things through. the consequences and everything. and i need to tell paul EVERYTHING. because today was the worst day i could imagine. the weirdest part is:
paul had a bad feeling last night. he called me after we got off the phone like 2 hours later. and he was so sad. he didn't know why he was so sad. he didn't know. he had a bad feeling and he didn't know. and he said to me "nikky. no matter what happens tomorrow. love me. i don't know what's going to happen but i can sense something. just promise you'll never stop loving me" and my initial reaction was "PAUL WHAT DID YOU DO?! ARE YOU HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!?!" ... but now i know. it was me in the wrong. i had lied to john which he thought was true. which is funny because no one writes like that in notes.
i know john's going to show paul the notes and emails. and i want to read them. and laugh my ass off at them. because once paul reads them he'll realize how fake they really are. honestly. i love paul. and only paul. and john if you're reading this. i'm sorry all right? you knew i was a bitch. and you should have told john after the first fake note. so that this would have ended sooner. because now it's this big dramatic thing. and i want to make sure that EVERYONE reads this. and understands. IT WAS ALL A STUPID ATTEMPT AT REVENGE. and it backfired onto me. i have no feelings for john whatsoever. the end. and i hope all of john & paul's friends read this. bitch at me for being immature. and then get on with life. and forgive me.
seriously. no one is more mad at me than i am. and anything you say to me couldn't make me feel any worse than i made myself feel. i promised paul i wouldn't hurt myself. and i won't. because if i do it. paul will do it. i'm glad this is all over. i'm glad we can rise above this now. i'm going to have to accept. yes i did that. i did that. i did that. i tried to play a prank and it turned onto me. but it's so much better than if i had actually meant it and lost paul. because honestly; no one in the world means more to me than paul. hes my soul mate. my best friend. i make him scrap books. and picture books. i print him out silly things. i buy him cute things. i'm always with him. it wouldn't make any sense if i didn't love paul. ♥ even his family knows it. his sister thinks we're going to get married.
this was a post to get the record straight.
my hope is to walk into school tomorrow with
no one thinking i like john
And if anyone hates me.
i want you all to be mad at me and hate me for trying to ruin john's life
and making up fake notes and starting drama
hate me for starting fake drama.
i can handle that.
but know i love paul. and only paul.
my only fault was causing drama.
I'm owning up to this, and i promise tomorrow is a new month
and i plan to change. this weekend i am spending at the christian seacoast center with my bible group. so i'll get better there.
i'm sorry to everyone i may have hurt. ♥
...but at least now everyone knows the truth.