(no subject)

[invisiblecola]

So. I'm in a really shit mood right now. I dont know why... I really thought i was going to cry before..? I think i'm fine, but i htink it's just one of those moods i go through sometimes when i have absolutely nothing to do btu think about whats going on with me...and right now that really isnt alot, and thats pretty depressing. Actually not really that depressing though. I'm kinda all over the place. Like, right now i know i'm fine and there's nothing to worry about, but then again, at the same time nothing is normal/right with me. Hmm. Confused. I think i've put my finger on it. Like, the pattern. I've noticed i'm really not happy unless i'm with aaron. When i think like that i think how pathetic it is to rely on a boyfriend, but then at the same time i'm just really happy that i can love someone that much. I always have doubts about us though, and i have no idea why because there is no way i'd let him go (he'd have to put karate moves on me - which i sometimes enjoy) I know he loves me, and he tells me how much all the time. i dont know, i just dont think he needs me like i need him. Maybe he shows it in different ways to me (which is weird seeing we're usually the same person).It sounds so queer and i should be slapped for sounding like some queer movie about queers. But i dont know, i'm a spaz and think weird. I need a job. I need money to run my car and save up to move out. Man how bad i wanna move out. I really cant stand it here. There's nothing here for me. Like other than seein my dad a couple of times a week. And the dog, but he'd come with me... I just want to be independent. I feel like i've grown up so much since knowing aaron. Whether it's a good thing or bad thing. I dont know if he's even had anything directly to do with him or if it's just the situations that i've been in myself cooincidently since knowing him. But i just want to move on, and having a shitty job and goin back to the video shop just seems sad since i've organised my life so much. I mean like little things that everyone else would think nothing of like getting my licence and stuff. But i think i've done alot. Hmm... i think i just needed to vent. Gay. I cant think of anything else to sook about so i guess i'll leave it at that. Please dont think any different of me. Actually, please do, wont make a difference either way. have a lovely week.
Man i am really loving this chocolate milk right now...