School Horror
so i'm sitting in mr D's room doing nothing again sitting here at lunch because the person i was to have lunch with canceld on me so that means i dont get lunch today because i'd have to go to the mall and i really don't want to go by my self i'm just not cool enough for that, and i dont have any cash on me so looks like i'm going to starve today. so i'm writting on here because the school has banded Melo fuckin school bored. whatever though i'm not in a good mood right now my head hurts i feel sick to my stomac i need food but cant get any so i'm shit out of luck yay go me. i have religion and parenting this after noon the only reason why i didnt get my mom to keep me home today was becase we're going to fishish watching the movie in parenting and it really good sad but good. i'm pissed off becase everytime i try to talk to Rob when his froends are around they give me this look as if why the fuck are you talking to him and why are you here. they piss me off its like he can't have anyother friends but them oh how i'd love to punch someof them they really piss me off and i kinda feel "invisible" for a lacvk of a better word when they are around... but whatever i guess it shouldnt hmatter but i just really need to get these things off my chest i dont know what to do anymore i scached my arm and everyone was think8ing that i slit my wrist or something and that really pissed me off i hate how people just jump to conculions like that its none of theyre damn fucking business what i do anyways. people really piss me off when they do that. and people that don't get the hint that they arent wanted maybe i'm one of thoes people maybe i'm not wanted but i just don't get the hint because i refuse to see them. ARG i'm so hungery its to late to walk to the mall now i wouldnt make it back in time. FUCK all day i've had the urge to Cry but all out ball my eyes i just have a REALLY deep feeling of saddness and i really want it to go away.i started crying in science today. i really didnt want to but i couldnt help it. oh well not like anyone cares. they just like to jump to theyre little concusions and ignore anything they dont want to understand. fuck i keep feeling invisible like i'm not needed anywhere or by anyone and fits really pissing me off. Tim comes down in a week and i dont even know anymore i really dont i dont want him to think something wrong but i'm tired of putting on a "happy face" just so people can be happy. but so people don't have to worrie about me. specialy my mother even since last year shes been over careing so it just gets more annoing then to help and it seems that if i talk to her she seems to be all like oh well you can get over it or why are you bringing this up now. or if i speek my mind she tells me not to or hay watch your mouth. well i'm getting tired of it i just want smeone to talk to and that will really listen to me and give me advise and not tell me what i already know i want a good friend i mean i have good friewnds but i go to them for help but they eather seem not intersted or to busy with the rest of theyre lives to evwen care. i mean i would drop anything for any of my friends but i cguess the care just sint there in my friends. or maybe i'm just stupid and dumb and a pathetic little girl that no one should care about because shes to pathectic. thats how i feel. i haVe now got the feeling of wanting to pass out. i really dont want to but i havent eatin all day and i wont be eating for a nother like 4 hours so this shouls be a fun afternoon. all i wanted today was to eat lunch with Rob but nope he had to do school work so yea no lunch for me. i always try to have lunch with him but he always has plans with his other friends so he can;t cancle on them. but whatever i wouldnt want him too because then i would feel bas even though i dont like his friends because to me they treat him like shit but whatever. i have the deepest feeling of saddness i mean its getting deeper and i really want to cry now i feel like shit and i'm trying to be happy but i jsut can't "find the light" oh well thats life of a teenager i guess. i hate this life again i just want simple things that arent hard but they're too hard for me i supose i think i'm going to pass out now i can feel it oh well nothing i can do about it now can i?m no not really. people are really pissing me off. right now i don't care. i eant people to leave me alone because they don't really turely care. if they did they would act like it this world doesnt want me to be apart of it to bad i;m here and i dont feel like leave just yet theres to much that i havnt done to much i need to do but one of thiose things is to be by my self let no one in i've let to many people in andi just get hurt, so i turly want to give up on the whole friends thing. it just doesnt work for me. i have a computer at home as long as i have that i'm happy i'm fine i have a whole world to live with on there..... i need help really i do i admit to it. but no one is here to help me so i give up.,!. welll i;m done this now just in time too ... class starts in 5 mins. so i'm going to go get my books sit in my spot and not talk or exnolege anyone. it works./.........ps sorry about the typing i was typing fast and on a really dumb key bored which i am not a fan of thanks.