this isnt the real me... and im still searching.
There has been a LOT going on the past few days...
SO MUCH, in fact, that i had decided the only way to get through it, would be to hush the most important part of me... my heart.
I have never felt so lost, when that part is "dead"
I found myself last night, in tears, alone on the couch,
crying out to HIM... Lord, Im sorry... Im hungry... I miss You, so much.
I miss being honest with You, with myself.
I miss telling You my every desire, and being willing to face Your response.
I hate that I feared sooo much, that it kept me from something so indescribable.
I hate that I let surface things consume my week, and overwhelm me...
My focus needs to be on You.
My heart needs to stay in Your hands,
My time needs to begin and end with You...
You are everything, and to hurry through the day and not take time to see You,
would be crazy!
You deserve my affection, regardless of what i thought Your response might have been.
You deserve my adoration and total praise, reckless abandonment, and time, regardless of what I thought i might discover.
To let fear dictate who i am... sucks!
I am sorry, i have done this, and I dont want to do it again.
Thank You, Lord for mercy, for grace, and for OVERWHELMING love,
When i look at that, it consumes me and all my worries "fade into oblivion".
To disobey You, when You said surrender every care, every thought... every part...is the worst part.
This is my sincerest apology.
I love You more than life itself, Life without You is worthless.
You have brought me here, and like a loving Father, You've taken my feelings with great care and placed them where they need to be.
I thank You so much for listening to my heart, for knowing our every need, for letting me take the step towards something great.
Even if i cant feel it all right now, there is peace inside me, as I find my way back to You... it wont take long Im sure.
When I'm there, I know you will be there with me... and every step of the way.
There is no one else i want to walk with me.
I love you.
-ange
SO MUCH, in fact, that i had decided the only way to get through it, would be to hush the most important part of me... my heart.
I have never felt so lost, when that part is "dead"
I found myself last night, in tears, alone on the couch,
crying out to HIM... Lord, Im sorry... Im hungry... I miss You, so much.
I miss being honest with You, with myself.
I miss telling You my every desire, and being willing to face Your response.
I hate that I feared sooo much, that it kept me from something so indescribable.
I hate that I let surface things consume my week, and overwhelm me...
My focus needs to be on You.
My heart needs to stay in Your hands,
My time needs to begin and end with You...
You are everything, and to hurry through the day and not take time to see You,
would be crazy!
You deserve my affection, regardless of what i thought Your response might have been.
You deserve my adoration and total praise, reckless abandonment, and time, regardless of what I thought i might discover.
To let fear dictate who i am... sucks!
I am sorry, i have done this, and I dont want to do it again.
Thank You, Lord for mercy, for grace, and for OVERWHELMING love,
When i look at that, it consumes me and all my worries "fade into oblivion".
To disobey You, when You said surrender every care, every thought... every part...is the worst part.
This is my sincerest apology.
I love You more than life itself, Life without You is worthless.
You have brought me here, and like a loving Father, You've taken my feelings with great care and placed them where they need to be.
I thank You so much for listening to my heart, for knowing our every need, for letting me take the step towards something great.
Even if i cant feel it all right now, there is peace inside me, as I find my way back to You... it wont take long Im sure.
When I'm there, I know you will be there with me... and every step of the way.
There is no one else i want to walk with me.
I love you.
-ange