(no subject)
i really dont want to go through this again. the waiting. the tears.
it seem as though february to may are the months in which my loved ones decide to perish.
this morning around 8:30 my grandmother called my mother to tell her that my grandfather had pain in his chest and to get there as soon as she can to call 911. yea thats right, my grandmother wouldnt call 911 without her, dont ask me why thats just the way the woman is. well after that she called my cell phone 3 times, which i didnt hear bc i wastoo busy showering and getting ready for school. i finally call her back and she told me what was happening and that my mom was on her way there. about 10 minutes later, on my way out the door, my mom called me to tell me that she was at their house and that she called 911, they were on their way and that i shouldnt worry and just go to school. well im driving down ridge road moments later and what do i get to see but the ambulance turning onto their street around 10 i called my mom. she told me not to worry, so i didnt. well 2:30 comes around and im finally home so i call mom like i was supposed to do. it turns out my grandfather had a massive heart attack. his main arteries are majorly clogged. they were able to get one slightly open but they have to go in on monday to do a procedure to open up the other one. heres the thing, hes very weak and may be too weak for the procedure. if they dont do it he'll die, if they do do it theres a high possibility he wont make it through. the nurse also told mom that as of now it looks like it is very unlikely that he will ever go home again. the procedure tehy will do will only put a band-aid on the issue and prolong his life for a little longer. he's also suffereing from a lot of disorientation. this evening he couldnt remember who my grandmother was and they have been married for 50 some odd years, yet he could remember my mom. he's pretty much showing signs of dimentia, which doesnt really suprise me.
being the way that i am when it comes to things like this my mom doesnt think i should go see him. and honestly i dont think i could. right now as i write this i just feel numb. its an odd situation being that this is my grandfather who im usually constantly annoyed with and who we've always believed would live for ever. and now, now that he has come to a point where he wont live for ever its so surreal. granted hes 87 so its not like hes a young thing anymore and nature is finally taking its course, but its weird. and i think im now just going through the motions. i just feel so fucking numb (not to quote GS or anything). ive come to the point where i dont know how much more my heart and my emotions can take stuff like this.
jesus. last week gramps went into the hospital and this week poppop. atleast grandpa is home and doing well. now if the roles were reversed and this was grandpa dying i would have gone insane already. which makes me feel bad and guilty. i am genuinly sad about everything thats going on with poppop but if it was grandpa i would be an unconsolable wreck.
i think stacy being over today helped me greatly. and so did my loving wife, and although i would do the same for her it still means a lot to me. i believe on sunday we are taking a cultural trip to the wadsworth to get me and my mind away from everything. its a nice, free distraction. plus i was on the website today and theres a new exhibit i want to see called picasso to pop. the only thing that would put the cherry on top of the sundae would be a nice hug from a cute jazz musician...haha.
ok time to sleep.
it seem as though february to may are the months in which my loved ones decide to perish.
this morning around 8:30 my grandmother called my mother to tell her that my grandfather had pain in his chest and to get there as soon as she can to call 911. yea thats right, my grandmother wouldnt call 911 without her, dont ask me why thats just the way the woman is. well after that she called my cell phone 3 times, which i didnt hear bc i wastoo busy showering and getting ready for school. i finally call her back and she told me what was happening and that my mom was on her way there. about 10 minutes later, on my way out the door, my mom called me to tell me that she was at their house and that she called 911, they were on their way and that i shouldnt worry and just go to school. well im driving down ridge road moments later and what do i get to see but the ambulance turning onto their street around 10 i called my mom. she told me not to worry, so i didnt. well 2:30 comes around and im finally home so i call mom like i was supposed to do. it turns out my grandfather had a massive heart attack. his main arteries are majorly clogged. they were able to get one slightly open but they have to go in on monday to do a procedure to open up the other one. heres the thing, hes very weak and may be too weak for the procedure. if they dont do it he'll die, if they do do it theres a high possibility he wont make it through. the nurse also told mom that as of now it looks like it is very unlikely that he will ever go home again. the procedure tehy will do will only put a band-aid on the issue and prolong his life for a little longer. he's also suffereing from a lot of disorientation. this evening he couldnt remember who my grandmother was and they have been married for 50 some odd years, yet he could remember my mom. he's pretty much showing signs of dimentia, which doesnt really suprise me.
being the way that i am when it comes to things like this my mom doesnt think i should go see him. and honestly i dont think i could. right now as i write this i just feel numb. its an odd situation being that this is my grandfather who im usually constantly annoyed with and who we've always believed would live for ever. and now, now that he has come to a point where he wont live for ever its so surreal. granted hes 87 so its not like hes a young thing anymore and nature is finally taking its course, but its weird. and i think im now just going through the motions. i just feel so fucking numb (not to quote GS or anything). ive come to the point where i dont know how much more my heart and my emotions can take stuff like this.
jesus. last week gramps went into the hospital and this week poppop. atleast grandpa is home and doing well. now if the roles were reversed and this was grandpa dying i would have gone insane already. which makes me feel bad and guilty. i am genuinly sad about everything thats going on with poppop but if it was grandpa i would be an unconsolable wreck.
i think stacy being over today helped me greatly. and so did my loving wife, and although i would do the same for her it still means a lot to me. i believe on sunday we are taking a cultural trip to the wadsworth to get me and my mind away from everything. its a nice, free distraction. plus i was on the website today and theres a new exhibit i want to see called picasso to pop. the only thing that would put the cherry on top of the sundae would be a nice hug from a cute jazz musician...haha.
ok time to sleep.